Chapter Eleven(Pedobears after Scootaloo)
Downfall
Bullets immediately began spraying everywhere, Cold and friends doing JUDO FLIPS to avoid getting hit. The EA commander's Jackhammer thundered, spraying Dragon's Cum shots everywhere, the flaming jizz pellets arcing off the steel floor. Blackburner's cock-mounted M60 returned fire, jizz mixed with the bullets, while he simultaneously fired with his G36 and Desert Eagle. Kirlia ran like a bitch to the catwalks to do some sniping, and Cole threw the G18 on the floor and whipped out the Snake Match 1911, the heavy .45 rounds flying slow as fuck through the air. The EA commander tossed up a shield made of dollars, blocking all forms of attack. The ceiling opened, Cerberus troops and rEApers fast-roping in from choppers. The rEApers cocks flopped about, distracting the gay Cerberus troops enough to make their shots mostly inaccurate.
Dropping down Cole reloaded the Snake Match, a rEAper's corpse flopping over the table Cole was behind, his body riddled with bullet holes plugged with cum. Cole stood up, watching a squad of Cerberus dumbasses firing their Mattocks wildly. Kirlia sniped them all like bitches, her skills improved.
"Stop sucking each other's cocks and kill these assholes already!" the EA commander shouted, dropping his money shield, his Jackhammer reloaded. Cole saw that this Jachammer had been customized with a giant muzzle brake, expanded drums, and a 6X scope(because logic). He fired, and instead of buckshot or slugs entire wads of coins came flying out, dispersing in a wide arc, the silver discs embedding in the walls and floor. Blackburn became enraged at the sight of the dumbshit setup the EA commander had on his shotgun, decrying the injustice to Jackhammers everywhere. He reloaded his dick-M60 and opened fire, his G36 and Deagle blasting as well, creating a cacophony of jizz and death.
"You arrogant fools! Battlefront 3 will be released, and EA will rule over all gaming!" the EA commander yelled. "Osaka, Orin! Deal with the sniper cunt!" the EA commander shouted into his radio, the otaku weebs storming in through the door, a flood of Pedobear semen trailing in their wake, splattering across the floor and sealing the door shut behind them.
"Fucking nasty creatures" Osaka commented, drawing a magical weeaboo katana while Orin opted for an axe. Kirlia, unimpressed, open fire with her Viper sniper, sending the weebs running for cover. Orin made the terrible mistake of taking cover where Blackburn was reloading. Cole watched as Blackburn slapped her with his M60 dick, yelling "CHEESE GRATER!" as she died like a bitch. He ate her corpse and instantly shit it out, throwing the carcass into the frenzy and watching as the rEApers descended on it like vultures, raping Orin's dead body before eating it, feeding their infinite jizz sacks and keeping her soul conscious so that she would forced to live in the rEApers' balls for all eternity.
"GODDAMNIT!" Osaka yelled, flying through the air with her magical anime powers and landing on the catwalk where Kirlia was quckscoping Cerberus troops like prepubescent faggot children. Kirlia drew her Predator, pistol-whipping Osaka like 50 Cent, forcing Osaka to retreat. Back on the ground Cole dropped a good half dozen Cerberus troops with his Mattock, the cock goons desperate to fist each other's assholes one last time before they died. A Cerberus trooper with a shock dildo rounded the corner while Cole was reloading, surprising him. Cole dropped the Mattock, reaching for the Snake Match, but he knew it was too late.
Before the Cerberus shock rapist could violate his asshole, however, he screamed in terror as Blackburn ate him alive whilst simultaneously fisting his ass with the cheese grater with the knives taped to it, Jerry Sandusky's semen on the blades liquefying the Cerberus soldier as Blackburn ate him. Cole thanked Blackburn and popped up, taking aim with the Snake Match 1911. The sights fell on the EA commander, the .45 thundering dramatically as it sent rounds downrange. The bullets, however, deflected off the commander's money shield, which temporarily popped up to intercept the bullets.
"Damn, we got to find a way to kill this cocksucker" Cole said, reloading the Snake Match. Blackburn had run off to kill more rEApers whilst fantasizing about masturbating to the charred corpses of Vietnamese child soldiers. He ran straight for the EA commander, slapping his bastard Jackhammer out of his hands with a swing of his M60 cock, eating the Jackhammer and shitting out a Jackhammer MK3A1 unmodified in its pure, sacred form.
"Holy Money!" the EA commander yelled, ducking for cover as Blackburn started yelling "NAM NAM NAM NAM!" as he opened fire with the MK3A1, the buckshot shredding Cerberus troops and rEApers. The doors to the room burst open as a group of Pedobears charged in, their cocks immediately raping and killing several unlucky Cerberus troops. The rEApers wanted no part of this and began gunning down the Pedobears, though a few unfortunate souls were raped to death by the Pedobears massive swinging dicks.
"Fucking chaos. BLACK! KIRLY! SOUND OFF!" Col3 shouted, shooting down a few Pedobears charging for him. The Snake Match was utter beast, reverse-raping the Pedobear rapists, who died like bitches in pools of blood and jizz.
"'NAM!" Cole heard Blackburn yell, but there was no sound from Kirlia. Darting up Cole ran for the catwalks, watching in horror as a dozen Pedobears thundered up it, drawn to the scent of Kirlia like bugs to a fire. Cole fired wildly, killing a couple with a few lucky shots. He followed the rapist bears up the catwalk, firing as fast as he could.
"Get these fuckers away from me!" Kirlia yelled, prompting Cole to dual wield the Snake Match and the ManToy 1911s, a rain of .45s sailing into the crowd of Pedobears like they were 1st graders at Sandy Hook. As Cole ran out of ammo he watched as a sole surviving Pedobear reached Kirlia, pouncing on her, its dick slapping against her leg hard enough to bruise it.
"NO!" Cole shouted in desperation, running up the Pedobear as Kirlia struggled with it. Cole drew out a KABAR knife, burying it to the hilt in the bear's throat. "Fucking die you piece of shit" Cole growled as he sawed the knife through the bear's neck, the blade ripping free in a shower of blood, Cole biting the creature's ear off in a frenzy and spitting on its corpse as it fell to the ground. A quick check confirmed that Kirlia was OK, and Cole pulled her to her feet.
"I love you!" Kirlia shouted, aggressively kissing Cole on the lips. Their moment was interrupted by Osaka landing on the catwalk, twirling her katana. The EA assassin crouched low, raising the sword.
"Let's finish this!" Osaka shouted, beckoning for the duo to attack her. Cole and Kirlia looked at each other, raising their guns in tandem and preparing to shoot Osaka. Foreseeing this Osaka leaped into the air, bounding over the lovestruck pair. Cole rounded to face her and had his guns smacked from his grasp. While he recoiled Osaka spun her sword around and thrust it forward to stab Kirlia, who ducked forward. Taking a page from MGS3's CQC system Kirlia reached out, smacking the katana from Osaka's hands. The blade tumbled forward grip-first and Kirlia snatched it up mid-air, driving it forward into Osaka's chest in one deft move. The assassin's legs went out from under her as the blade struck her spine. Still alive Kirlia ripped her komono off, throwing her paralyzed body into the crowd of Pedobears below, Osaka disappearing beneath a wave of brown fur and black cocks, her screams becoming gurgling as she drowned in jizz. She was so young, so vulnerable, that the last of the Pedobears cummed to death while fucking her.
"All that's left is the EA commander. Let's get him, love" Cole declared picking up his 1911s. The two dropped down to the floor, finding that all the Cerberus troops and rEApers were dead, Blackburn masturbating over their corpses, stealing their wallets as he did so.
"It's over, asshole!" Cold bellowed, finding that the EA commander was still standing. The trio leveled their guns, stepping forward to kill the mad asshole.
"It's never over! I have one more trick up my sleeve!" the EA commander yelled, the floor beneath his feet suddenly raising into the air, revealing a secret compartment in the floor that contained a massive dollar-sign-shaped bipedal vehicle. "Behold, cuntbags! Money Gear! This magnificent device was grown in an artificial womb, fed by all the millions of dollars we earned from dumbfucks buying Battlefield Premium and Madden! Isn't it beautiful? Your own stupidity gave birth to the machine that will see EA RISE to above ALL OTHER publishers and developers! We will SWALLOW them WHOLE! ALL games will be developed by studios under OUR rule and published by US EXCLUSIVELY on an EA GAMING MACHINE! There will no longer be Sony, Microsoft, Naughty Dog, FromSoftware, or Bethesda! THERE WILL ONLY BE EA!" the EA commander thundered, hopping up into the pilot's seat at the top of the bipedal dollar was no canopy, leaving him completely exposed, save for his magical money shield.
"Suck my dick!" Cole yelled, the team scattering. Cole went right with Kirlia while Blackburn devolved into guttural speech about Vietnam and orphans. There was a square pillar on the right side of the room, obscuring view of a little alcove. Cole and Kirly traipsed down it cautiously, rounding the corner of the alcove and finding something they didn't expect to see.
"Kirly, look! The PURE UNCUT COCAINE!" Cole said; the magnificent bricks of powder were stacked up on a pallet, a beautiful tower of white. Cole's collection of dirty heroin needles were also there, stashed in a bucket. At the mention of the PUC Blackburn appeared, tunneling up through the steel floor like a gopher. He tore into the PURE UNCUT COCAINE, immediately dumping a good third of it on his face. His arms turned into M60's and his dick-mounted M60 became a triple-barrel. He yelled "'NAM BABY!" and tunneled back into the floor. Cole took note of a crate next to the PUC and he opened it up, finding glory within. "It's... It's the MW3 M16A4!" the uber-leet boss said, picking it up. Finding ammo in the crate he grabbed a magazine, slapping it into place and racking the charging handle, readying the weapon. The weapon instilled confidence, and he felt like he was right at home(or the Pulse nightclub).
Sharing a look and a kiss with Kirlia Cole said "let's get this fucker", the two charging back out into the main area, finding that Blackburn was already engaged with the EA commander. He was flying through the air, high on coke and sulfur from the gunfire. His M60's thundered without end, and Cold figured he must have extended mags on them. His shots peppered the Money Gear, the money shield up around the EA commander in full power, preventing any bullets from hitting him. The Money Gear was outfitted with standard weaponry; machine guns, missile pods, etc. What was not standard, however, were the pods on its legs that shot rolls of coins which exploded like grenades, ending coins everywhere like shrapnel. Quarters skimmed across the floor and punched through the steel walls, nearly hitting Cole and Kirlia. The Money Gear turned away from them and they opened fire, Cole's aim straight and true, his skill with the MW3 M16A4 unparalleled. It was the perfect setup, with Rapid Fire and an ACOG on it, the higher ROF allowing him to get rounds out quicker and the ACOG putting them right where he wanted them.
It still did shit for damage.
Dropping the empty magazine Cole reloaded, having a brief hallucination of Kindergarteners cowering before him before he returned to reality, finding the Money Gear turning to face him and Kirlia. They ducked down the alcove as the walker opened fire, its machine guns spraying hundreds of bullets a second. Kirlia reloaded her Viper while they waited for the EA commander to lose interest.
"If we survive this we're taking a vacation. To a resort. For three months" Kirlia declared firmly, Cole nodding in agreement. He was tired of this insane bullshit, and if another of the CMC ever dropped into his room again he'd probably just shoot her, so as to prevent another sequel.
A pause in the shooting alowed Cole and Kirlia to peek back out, finding the Money Gear stomping around to face Blackburn, who had dressed up like the BF3 Support and had taken to covering himself in C4. A turban grew on his head as he rushed out, yelling "FOR AMERICA!" as he blew himself up, destroying the Money Gear's right leg.
"BLACKBURN! Wait, why do I care about his gross-ass?" Kirlia said. Cole shrugged, looking unfazed by Blackburn's death.
"He'll come back before the end. I ain't worried. But look, he disabled the Money Gear! Let's get the EA commander, quick!" Cole said, running forward. The EA commander had fallen out of the pilot seat and was groaning in pain on the floor. Cole reached him and kicked away any guns he had near him. "Time to die, asshole!"
"Wait! Don't kill me! I can help you!" the EA commander pleaded.
"You'll help me kill you? Awesome!" Cole said, readying his Man-Toy 1911.
"No! I can help you get Scootaloo back to Equestria, and you two back to the real world! You remember that gold-plated door with the diamond knob in the Hub? You probably missed it, it wasn't very noticeable. Well, that door is a dual-link; it leads to both the real-world AND Equestria. That's why those pods the CMC launched landed in your world each time(and in your room each time because of shitty story-telling). I have the key to that door. Let me live and I'll give you the key! Here, take it!" the EA commander stated, handing Cole an emerald key with a ruby fob. Pretty subtle.
"Ballin'. TIME TO DIE!" Cole yelled.
"WAIT WAIT!" the EA commander shouted, and Cole shot him in the face. "HUURK... Blaaaaagghh..." and the EA commander died like a bitch.
It was finally over.
"Come on, Kirly; let's free Scootaloo and get out of here" Cole said. They approached the glass case on a stand that the little filly was encased in, and to their surprise they found she was lying about, looking bored.
"About time! I haven't seen you in, like, nine chapters!" Scootaloo declared, hopping down from the pedestal as Cole freed her. The group headed for the exit, Blackburn materializing from thin air as they neared the door. He had returned to normal, his M60 dick gone(replaced with a regular dick, presumably), and he had his arm wrapped around Tali'Zorah's waist.
"YEAAAH!" Blackburn yelled, flopping his cock out, Tali immediately shoving it into the face port on her helmet and sucking him off. "Let's go."
Now whole again, the group headed for the exit, finding that the door lead back into the Hub. Here Cole tried the key on the golden door and it opened, revealing a dual portal to both Earth and Equestria. Cole turned to Scootaloo, kneeling down before her. "Well it looks like this is it, Scoots. Time for you to go back" Cole said.
"Well, alright... It's weird; well, this whole ordeal has been weird, but I think I'm gonna miss you all" Scootaloo stated, looking up at the strange team of humans. Cole, with like 30 guns hanging from him. Kirlia, with Pedobear blood covering her, her black hair a mess. Blackburn... Covered in jizz with a Quarian qausi-minority blowing him.
"Who says this is the last time you'll see us? We'll probably be able to travel between our worlds via this dual-entrance door. Just imagine the possibilities! How much we'll be able to learn! How many cloppers, like me, whose dreams and fantasies will finally come true!" Cole exclaimed.
"Uh, yeah, sure. Anyway, maybe I'll see you again. Uh, later" Scootaloo said, stepping through the door into Equestria.
"Want to get drunk?" Blackburn said, turning to face his friends, Tali still clamped on his waist.
"I'm too young to drink" Kirlia said.
"Technically you're too young to FUCK but you still banged Cole!" Blackburn yelled, making Cole and Kirlia look at each other.
"That's true. Screw it, let's get drunk! And then we'll fuck!" Kirlia declared, throwing her arms around Cole's neck and kissing him.
"Shiggy!" Cole shouted, throwing a thumbs up as the group stepped through the door, a whole different realm of possibilities before them.