Unexpected Confessions

He started at my voice, for someone so young he seemed to be very patient and consider everything carefully before speaking. It seemed that the werewolf temper would come and go, cycling between wisdom and instinct. Whatever he was looking for he must have found because he decided to speak

"Are you taking her to him?" The intensity of his hatred for Edward was staggering. I couldn't believe he felt that passionately about someone he didn't even know, and I had the feeling it had nothing to do with my brother being a vampire. His jealousy was at war with his intense curiosity.

"Not exactly" I was stalling. Trying to explain how we were going to run but eventually face the music and go back to my family. He expectantly raised an eyebrow. I guess he wasn't going to let it go, I had really hoped he would. "I am taking her away until she has enough control that she won't need to be monitored, then we will return to the family or she will be free to go her own way." I would follow her if she left, I would not abandon her to the cold desolation of eternity alone. I would leave my family if she found herself unable to cope with seeing them again.

She must have slipped off to hunt again because it was totally silent besides Jacob's breathing and heart rate. I prayed she went hunting as she had promised and would be gone long enough for me to speak with Jacob and get him out of here.

"He will be pissed off right? I mean he left so that she would be safe and human and all that bull. Won't he kill you when he finds out what you have done? I mean now he is stuck with her for all eternity."

I bit back a growl; it rumbled deep in my chest, too low for him to hear. I had the intense urge to defend her from these blatant lies.

"He will not be "stuck" with her, he will be extremely lucky to have her for his own. Besides I am a very good fighter; I can hold my own against my brother. It isn't an issue anyway. It would have eventually happened one way or another. Laurent poisoning her just made me act quicker; I was planning on turning her anyway. He didn't want to do it himself but he will be overjoyed to have her back and for all eternity" All I have to do is be unselfish enough to let her go when she wishes to return to him. "He left to protect her from danger."

"Protect her how, it doesn't seem to of worked out very well. I mean she was bitten by two vampires since he left. She was only bitten once the whole time they were together. I really hate to admit this but I honestly wonder if she wasn't better off with him, at least then there was good with the bad. I have tried to pick up the pieces and I love her like crazy but I don't think it would have ever been enough. He just damaged her too badly; she wouldn't trust herself enough to truly let me in. Though sometimes I think she wanted to. She spend lots of time with me but I think she was really looking for him."

"What do you mean, looking for him?" I didn't make the connection.

"She wanted to do all this stuff, ride motorcycles, cliff diving, talking to those guys in Port Angeles. It seemed innocent at first, but one time after she had fallen on the bike, she was calling for your brother. I think something about the danger connected her to him. I never told her I knew, if it made her happy I was happy but I think he seriously fucked her up; even if he did have good intentions.

"He tried to convince her that she could have a normal happy human life, that she could have grown, been married, had children and lived into a ripe old age, died a natural death and gone to heaven. He didn't want her to suffer eternal damnation. It is really had for him; he believes he has no soul. I have felt his love for her; He must have a soul to have a soul mate."

"I think he is right, he had no soul; and he destroyed hers."

I could feel his worry, he truly was furious at the idea of her being anywhere near Edward ever again. I wondered how long he had felt this for her. Edward would be very angry with me and probably hate me forever but I decided not to tell the pup that, we would show a united front.

"He will be angry I acted against his wishes but he will get over it when he sees her again. He is miserable without her and he will be so happy to be reunited with her and forever, that the bitterness of her being changed will not be as important. They will be together until the end of time."

I acknowledged the bitterness in my voice. I guess the swift ending of my relationship with Alice left me feeling inadequate and unsure of all I had believed to be true. She and I were meant to be always together. It wasn't supposed to end this way, it shouldn't have ended at all. My place was no longer sure without Alice. I had been living for Alice. Her family and friends were my family and friends. If there was no Alice, was I still Jasper. She and I had always been perfectly synchronized, but sometime in the last few months we fell out of sync, arguing all the time. She didn't love me anymore. I was the monster that had caused her to lose her best friend; all because I had lost control and tried to kill Bella. She could forgive me for my lack of control but not taking her friend from her.

I had been so confidant of returning Bella to the family and righting all of my recent wrongs but not I wasn't sure I could do it, the beast within was overjoyed with Bella's presence. It considered her a true mate. Alice would never measure up to my demonic standards but someone like Bella would be a fine addition to my bed. I would try to ignore that voice. I had been doing so well, but it was easier to ignore the little devil when I had an argument against him. Killing people is wrong, no matter how good their blood is. Swaying the voice with why we couldn't have Bella would be more difficult. It had never believed in my love for Alice but was totally supporting Bella, when she had made love to me, both the man and the demon were growling with want and purring in contentment as we had lain together afterwards. Dark Jasper said screw the wife that left you, your weak brother and Dagda family, he encouraged me to take my Arazil mate and run forever. He reminded me that I had the important vampire claims, we were from the same clan (bloodline) and I was her sire. I had already mated with her, if I would just accept it I would have all the real claims that my kind recognize. Arazil live above human laws and don't recognize human bonding ceremonies, everything is sealed with venom in our line. Nothing else matters. She was mine in every way that mattered; how could I allow the weak Dagda to take her from me. I tried desperately to shut him up, I had been stifling his influence for so long and I had thought I was winning but I think he was simply letting it go so he could pounce and catch me unaware. I was my own worst enemy. I tried to listen to Good Jasper. He said do what you know is right; ignore your base nature, be a good friend to her, act like a real man and take her back to her true love. Be good, if not for yourself or your family, do it for her.

Much to my shame, Dark Jasper was winning, because while Good Jasper protested he really wanted the same thing. I vowed to keep to the plan, take her away, then to the family. I deviated a little; I would step aside when I had to. I would keep her for now and enjoy what time she allowed me to spend with her.

By joining Carlisle; I had joined the house of Dagda. I had willingly joined the tame vampires and given up my wild ways, I wanted to be able to stay with Alice and that way the only way to do it. I choose human laws over my instinct. I had promised myself to love Alice and only Alice as long as we lived. I wouldn't die. She had divorced me but I couldn't accept that. Does that mean that Alice is no longer my mate, that I am free to take another. In Dagda laws they only have one mate, the soul mate. Everything else is just companionship, a paramour. Did I count as her soul mate meaning she could never truly mate with another or did I simply distract her while she waited for her real mate? I was terribly confused. I chose her and follow her laws but being away from it I found myself drifting back to my darker ways. I wanted the mate, I wanted. She was hunting in the woods. I could stop thinking about her no matter how hard I tried. Alice wasn't even in the back of my mind as she had been for decades.

In my clan, we traditionally have a mate and then lovers, an eternity is a long time and infidelity is often a problem among our kind. We accepted this about ourselves and have moved on. It was perfectly fine to have a mate and a harem of lovers; with both male and female vampires. We do recognize the true mate like the Dagda but we often use sex to form alliances, negotiate peacefully, and show affection. Sex is not on a pedestal as it was in the other line. It really didn't mean much unless it was with your mate.

I was completely absurd, Bella meant more to me than just sex but I couldn't admit what Dark Jasper wanted me to, if I didn't admit that the vampire in me had taken her for a mate it wouldn't be true. Right?

I just had to keep telling myself that I wasn't in love with her. All it was is a combination of loneliness, fear, and lust. That is all. Edward truly loved her and I was taking her to him. I was insane with jealousy just thinking about them together, I could believe I was being so possessive of her, it was almost obsessive. I would make myself crawl back to Alice and ask for forgiveness, it was the only way to reunite with the family and make us whole again.

I would blame all my craziness on Bella being my first fledgling, with all the time I spent as a soldier for Maria, training the newborns; I had never taken the final step and transformed someone. She was the first vampire I had sired, my fledgling Bella. She was simply on loan to me until my brother returned. She would go back to my brother happily, that is where we all wanted her to be. I could make myself believe that.

Jacob was staring at me like I was insane and I had no idea why. His emotions were all over the place. I finally turned to face him and realized not only had I been pacing around with my head in outer space but I had been muttering out loud. He had heard every part of my little rant. He turned his head back to the ceiling and it was still quite.

What a pair we made. He was perfectly still, watching the ceiling and listening for any sounds of her return and I was storming around like an idiot ranting about my unrequited love. He loved her just as my brother did and in that moment despite my general like for the pup he became a rival. Part of me wanted to quickly eliminate him as a threat but I didn't wish to harm Bella, and killing her friend would make her unhappy. He was watching me again and had decided to end my useless ranting with a question.

"So, you are in love with her too?"I scoffed at his question. If I did love her; it would be much more than simple love. Dark Jasper says "Just admit it." He seemed to read my mind. "It seems a lot like you imprinted on her. I mean the first time you really acknowledged her your whole world shifted. They say imprinting is like that. Once you meet your imprint nothing else matters to you and nothing ever will again; except making them happy and being there for them, in whatever way they need you to be. I know you are her lover, I can smell her on you but to our imprints we can also be brother, protectors and friends, whatever they need."

I think he was trying to make me feel better about stealing the innocence of my brother's girl. I didn't actually feel bad but he wasn't an empathic and didn't know that.

"She will be my brother's wife. Besides I am married… well actually we are divorced but I will be married again to Alice soon."

"It seems to me that you are trying to convince yourself more than me. Alice seems like a human love, while Bella seems like fate. The same thing happened to Sam. He really loved Leah, and she loved him but he couldn't stop fate. Fate picked Emily for him and he imprinted. He tried to ignore it but it was too strong. Emily needed him more than Leah did and he was powerless to refuse her. He hurt Leah, Emily and himself more by trying to deny it than by accepting it and move on with his real true love."

I nodded in understanding. He was trying to save us from pain and heartache. The kind I am sure he will be feeling himself as soon as Bella is gone from his life. He is quite smug though, thinking that I am stealing my brother's girl. I rejected the imprint idea, I would ignore it and it would go away, she was my brother's girl but even as I remind myself of this; Dark Jasper whispers "No, she is my girl, my Bella."