Chapter Eleven

Resting on Jason's back Sam's mind wandered as they made their way through the back roads. After the excitement of bar room fight had worn off they found a small general store to purchase some supplies. The only phone in the store had limited range, they would never be able to contact home with it. Buying a backpack Sam loaded up with food, sleeping bags, some toiletries, basic things they would need to survive the Brazil country side. Sam always purchased a bottle of tequila, figured they could have a couple of drinks, the alcohol would help them sleep.

Wrapping her arms around Jason's waist Sam tried her best to forget what happened this morning in the hotel. Caught up in the moment, having him so close to her, she unable to fight her inner desires to seek him out. Sleeping next to Jason, feeling his arms coiled her waist, the steady up and down of his chest as he inhaled and exhaled made her feel so safe and protected. His presences allowed her to rest, it gave her sanctuary.

Growing up Sam had never felt safe. On the run with her father, they never stayed in one place for to long. Six months here, seven months there, Sam could not remember the number of schools she attended. After the five or sixth time they moved her father stopped enrolling her in school. She could remember looking through teen magazines and being so jealous of the girls on the pages. They were going to school dances, double dating with friends, football games on Friday nights, a room with pink walls and posters of hunks. Those things she wanted for her own children. Sam wanted to have a home, a place where she could be a mom and keep her offspring safe. Unfortunately she wouldn't have to worry about that, Sam would never have children. The most she could hope for was being a great aunt.

Finding a clearing up the road Jason decided it was time to pull over, eat, and sleep. With Sam resting behind him, arms wrapped loosely around his waist, he could have rode for another couple of hours, but he knew she was not comfortable so the trip was shortened.

Climbing off Sam moaned. Grabbing the small of her back she laughed. "I must be getting old. In the past I could participate in a old fashion bar room fight and not feel even a twinge, now I need a spa treatment."

"Your face looks good too."

Laughing Sam threw the back pack at him. "You are in charge of gathering firewood. I am going to scout a place to sleep. We need to be far enough away from the road, yet deep enough into the woods to provide some camouflage."

"I really hate camping." Turning Jason made his way into the woods.

Grinning Sam went in the opposite direction in search of a sleeping spot. She knew Jason hated all of this which made this situation all the more funny. Jason always had a problem relaxing and enjoying the moment. As an enforcer, he knew someone was always gunning for him, thus he was always on. So getting to watch him actually rest was always a treat.

Locating a small clearing about 20 yards from the road Sam decided to make camp. Unrolling the sleeping bags, she placed them a good distances between each other. She didn't need another morning like she had this morning. Keeping space between them was the key to her keeping her sanity and protecting her heart.

"Ok think I found enough wood to keep the firing going through the night."

"Excellent Ranger Rick, you can stack the wood between the sleeping bags." watching him look around Sam grinned. "I am sure you have seen a tepee, stack the wood like that."

"I know how to stack the wood smart ass."

"Well excuse me, was only trying to help."

Ignoring his surly temperament Sam continued preparing the area to sleep. "It would be great if we could find some type of stream, the bottle water is going to run out quickly. We are not going to come across many stores that will sell clean water."

After finishing their modest dinner Jason adjusted his sleeping pack, perching himself against a tree. Watching the flames flickering and hearing the crackling as the wood split and burned Jason felt very relaxed. Eyes hooded Jason watched Sam. Studying the map they had purchased, her long black hair curtained her shoulders and neck. He knew she had questions to ask him, part of him dreaded yet looked forward to defending his actions, he needed her to understand.

"Who would have thought that beanie weenies could taste so good." After cleaning her spoon Sam reclined, laying on her side she watched the same fire that Jason was concentrating on. "So you have no idea who would abducted us?"

"Not a clue. It makes no sense. Kidnapping then shipping us to Brazil, if it was my enemies why didn't they just kill us."

"Us? Don't group me into your drama. I was an innocent bystander caught in the crossfire."

"Sam when was the last time you were innocent of anything?"

Chuckling she shook her head "I told you I'm a new person. I follow the rules, go to bed by 10pm, pay my taxes."

"How is that working out for you?"

Shrugging Sam continued to stare into the camp fire. 'I have a beautiful home. Supporting myself, helping others, Alexis is very proud of all I have accomplished. The pace of my life has slowed way down, so I guess you could say that it has worked out well for me." Poking the glowing logs fueling the fire a silence settled onto them.

"So what is Jake like?"

"Very stubborn, seems to have inherited my fearless gene, he is always into something. Climbing trees, riding his bike at break neck speeds. He loves his older brother, Jake is Cam's shadow."

"He sounds wonderful. I am sure you are really proud of him."

"I am. I only hope that I am doing right with him."

"Jason you are a wonderful father, Jake is lucky to have you. The changes you have made, ensuring that he is happy and safe, what kid wouldn't love a parent for that."

"Yes that is all true, but sometime I feel like I'm lying to him."

Head cocked to one side Sam studied him. "Why do you say that?"

"Because I am not being 100 percent honest with myself. I'm afraid he will be able to pick up on that. How do I tell my son that I miss the man I use to be."

"Well when the time arrives I am sure that you will honest and upfront like you have always been. He will respect that Jason, I am sure."

"How do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Always know exactly what I need to hear."

"I tell you what I would want to hear. We are very similar you and I, so it's easy for me to give you support and advice, because I have thought about the same things you have."

Nodding Jason smiled.

After a few more minutes of silence Sam finally asked the question that has plagued her. Staring at him she murmured "Why did you lie to me Jason?"

Sighing Jason closed his eyes. "I have struggled with finding the answer to that question Sam. First learning that you could not have a child because of me, I believed telling you that Liz was pregnant with my child would just destroy you. I had already hurt you enough, I didn't want to inflict anymore pain on you. Second, I was struggling with my own decision to give Jake up. Liz doubted my ability to keep him safe, I had to respect her choice. I knew you have always believed in me and trusted that I could keep any child safe. But letting you know that Jake was mine, I was scared you could talk me out of my decision."

Nodding Sam could only stare. "Thank you for telling me. I have wondered about that for years, I didn't understand why you stopped trusting me."

"It wasn't you I didn't trust, it was me. Doubting my own actions and choices. I was lost and very confused."

"Did you really believe Amelia Joffey? That I was only with you for the money?"

"No I didn't believe that part of her story. How many times did I offer you money, three, four times, and you never took it, so I knew Amelia was clueless about who you were. But you marrying all those men for money that took me back. Your actions caused Amelia to seek you out and hurt you." sitting up he watched her face "Why didn't you tell me Sam?"

"I have no excuse for why I did what I did. I had to take care of Danny, marrying wealth men was the only option I saw at the time. I am not proud of it, I didn't tell you because I was a coward Jason, I didn't want you to look at me with different eyes."

Sighing he shook his head "Do you remember when I told you, I knew who you were, no matter what others thought or said, I knew you."

"Yes."

"Why did you stop believing that?"

"I stopped believing when I felt you slipping away from me. I knew you had closed a part of you off to me, I was scared you would learn about my past then turn off completely." tearing up she choked on the lump that was lodged in her throat "The only person on this earth I trusted, the one that accepted me for me. I was terrified you would leave me. I was afraid you would take your love back and I would be alone again. Your love made me a better person. Your support changed my heart. The security that I found within our relationship was gone" Wiping the tears from her cheek, Sam saw that Jason had gotten up and was moving towards her. "Stop! I don't need you anymore, I can take care of myself. I am the only person I can relay on." Rolling to her side, giving Jason her back she stared into the dark forest, she just wanted to go home.

Stopping Jason obeyed her request leaving her be. After all these years he desire to take away her pain was still present. Closing his eyes Jason forced himself to relax. Starting tomorrow he knew what he had to do, he was going to heal her heart...