Shepard approached the taxi stand and quickly she spotted Joker leaning on one of the taxis, waiting for her.
"Not as fancy as our other ride, but it'll do," he told her.
"So, you think you can manage not being at the helm for this one?"
"It's nice to kick back and be jetted around for a change"
They got in the taxi, and shortly after the automatic doors closed, muting the background noise from the outside, a loud rumble from Shepard's stomach surprised them both.
"Whoa!" he exclaimed; "That thing is gonna eat us both if we don't feed it."
She laughed; "Yeah... there's that." She counted with her fingers whilst mumbling...
"I guess it's been two, maybe even three days without food."
"You're kidding, right?"
"Nope. Well, unless you count the wine from a couple of nights ago and the coffee this morning as food." She threw him a suggestive look; "I guess someone's been keeping me busy."
"I'm not having that, because here's the thing - if you get a sugar drop and faint, I can't carry you. So! I'm sure Anderson won't mind if we swing by someplace and get you something to eat first." He gave the address to the taxi's navigation system.
"There's this sushi place everybody's been talking about. I hear it's nearly impossible to get in, but I figured with you being..." he put on a deep voice; "...the Great Commander Shepard, they'll roll out the red carpet just for you."
She laughed at his antics; "Yeah... but sushi though?"
"Not a fan?" he asked her.
"Don't get me wrong; as delicious as cold, uncooked, stinky fish sounds, especially at this time in the morning... seriously, do they have to put those yucky seaweed sheets on everything?"
He answered her; "Well, I'm sure they tried regular paper first, but as good for fiber as it may be, I bet they found it to be rather chewy - cardboardy even. Where do you wanna go? We can turn this around."
"No, it's fine; we're nearly there. There's another place I know of, not too far from the place you mentioned. And I'm sure you'd like it. Walked past it many times and the smell always killed me. It's a burger joint." Her mouth watered at the memory.
"Nooooooo!" he exclaimed, his eyes widening in anticipation.
"Yup, that's right," she nodded, as they both said in unison: "Honest-to-god dead cow!"
As he leaned back in his seat, Joker thought; 'She remembers.'
"You know, Shepard? I'm starting to believe that you actually paid attention to all the silly mumbling I did over the years." He looked up at a hypothetical sky; "Why do I have the feeling some of those might come back to bite me in the ass?"
She looked at him with a mischievous grin; "Well, I don't know if your words will bite you in the ass or not, but I certainly wouldn't mind a taste. I don't believe I've had the pleasure yet."
He laughed; "Not with you famished like that, you're not! Because," he lifted himself slightly off the seat and grabbed his butt with both hands; "I need these, you know, for sitting."
The taxi reached their destination and the automatic doors opened. They hoped out.
He let out a whistle of appreciation; "Fancy!" He said as he looked up at the sushi restaurant; "Are you sure you don't want to try it out?"
She walked to his side and hugged his waist. He draped an arm over her shoulder.
"Alright!" she told him; "Let me reconsider it; cold fish versus..." she brushed her lips on his neck; "red... hot... meat."
Soaking the moment, he pressed her against him, then they both looked at each other; "Nah!" they said in unison, shaking their heads.
"And besides," he added; "there's a line. After getting the "no waiting in line, VIP treatment" this morning, I don't think I can go back to that. May I say - with all due respect, babe - you have god-awful taste in music."
She snapped her head around to level him with a suspicious stare; "You've been snooping around my play lists? What else did you do while up there alone? Raid the panty drawer?"
He laughed, unfazed; "I would have, if I could have found it!" He shrugged.
They started walking in the direction of the burger place. As they strolled past, they were spotted by a group of three men at the end of the line for the sushi restaurant.
"Look at that!" one of the men said excitedly to the other two; "Is that the Commander Shepard?"
"If she's not, then I'd say she could easily pass for her and get herself plenty of freebies around here," the second man replied, jokingly.
"I'll say; it's definitely her, and I can think of one freebie I'd like to give her. What is she doing with that cripple?"
As the couple walk past them, the man that first recognized her leans closer to Joker and tells him under his breath;
"Isn't that too much of a woman for a frail guy like yourself to handle?"
Joker spun to face his antagonist, the fury on his face beyond description. He swung his fist, putting all the weight he could muster behind it. He aimed for the guy's face, and at that moment, everything slowed down for Shepard.
She pulled out her gun, placing it on the man's chest only about a split second before Joker's fist made contact. She fired a low-impact concussion round point blank.
As the man was propelled backwards, she reached out with her other arm to catch Joker and moved forward with his momentum, putting one leg in front of her to use as shock-absorber in order to cushion the impact of her arm to his sternum.
Everything speeded up back to normal.
Once his movement slowed down enough for her to retrieve the arm holding Joker's weight, she spun around and caught him using her body.
"Fuck's sake, Shepard!" he snapped at her.
She straightened herself up.
"Why did you have to go and do that?"
"There's no chance in hell I'll let you smash your hand to pieces all because of a dickhead's comment."
"Do you think I care about that right now? I - am - going - to kill that guy..." he growled, trying to push her out of his way.
She grabbed him by the shoulders.
"I'm afraid I can't let you do that. Not when you do such a fine job with your hands."
He wasn't mad at her, not really, but he was still riding on the anger caused by the unsavory incident.
"Fuck the job!" he spat at her; "I can't believe you're bringing this up."
Shepard looked at him, gave him a smirk and shook her head softly; "That wasn't the job I meant, smart guy." She told him with a wicked smirk on her lips.
She spun the gun on her hand and stopped it with the handle pointing at him. She glanced behind her at the man lying on the floor;
"You wanna get him? Use this, not those delicious hands of yours. It's already set for concussion rounds only."
After a deep breath, Joker dropped his head, then immediately lifted it up to look at her from beneath the rim of his cap. He smiled, biting his lip, then wrapped an arm around her waist to pull her to him.
"Even though I'm still mad at you for not letting me kick the shit out of that guy..." he rested his lips on her forehead; "That was sweet." He whispered.
But before things got too mushy, he added; "And how come you can move like a freaking ninja, and yet, you can't dance!? What's up with that?"
"Maybe, I never had the right dance partner," she shrugged.
"If I can make the Normandy dance..." he said as he nudged her backwards, catching her in his arms in an old-fashioned dance pose, "I think I can easily do the same with you. And you come with far fewer buttons."
She caressed his beard; "And by the spirits... you do know how to push them," she purred, brushing his lips with hers.
He returned her up to her upright position; "So!" he said, grabbing her hand, as an invitation to resume their walking; "Is that all I have to do to blackmail you - just threaten my own hand with a hammer?"
She laughed; "Well... there's also your tongue..."
He chuckled; "Now, that sounds a bit more painful."
She whispered to his ear; "Your lips... your Admiral Winky..."
He giggled; "I think I'll stick to my hands, thanks! Wait!" He snapped his neck to look at her; "Where did you hear that?"
She smiled; "Aah... Mr. Moreau, how would you like to know that?"
"Why do women keep asking me that?" he frowned.
"Women?" she asked him, suddenly unimpressed by his comment.
"Aah... how would you like to know that, Ms. Shepard? See how you like them apples!"
She smiled, recognizing he had just checkmated her; "You'll never let me win one, will you?"
"Nope!"
"Last word. Once in a while."
"You knew what you were getting yourself into when you decided to go out and seduce me..."
She let out on incredulous chuckle; "Oh! I seduced you!?" she asked him skeptically.
"Did you not?"
"Wait!" she said, thinking of the actual meaning of the word; "I lost track. That word works both ways, doesn't it?"
"Not in my head, it doesn't," he giggled mischievously.
"Oh ...but I do have it from good authority that you did 'consider' it," she air quoted him. "That has to count for something..."
"Well, yeah, but considering, is not seducing! Seducing would be me, wiggling my butt at you to entice you to come and get some. I don't remember doing that," he shrugged, mercilessly teasing her.
"I don't recall wiggling my butt at you, either - if that's what you're implying - but it's a shame that you didn't do that for me. I would had called you on it and bitten those buns of yours faster than you could have screamed medi-gel," she said, planting a smacker on his cheek.
"I would had done that - and much more 'seducing' - if I'd known there was a chance in hell it would've worked!" he confessed.
She maneuvered herself in front of him and placed her arms around his neck; "Like to play it safe, uh?"
Now she got him against the ropes; "Well, it's a good thing that at least one of us is a natural-born risk taker, then, isn't it?"
He leaned closer to her, his lips almost touching hers...
"You have no idea how much I regret not taking that chance earlier," he said in a throaty voice.
His mind drifted to the time lost, the Reapers bearing down on them, the Earth battle looming ominously. " All that time...wasted," he whispered regretfully as he brushed his lips on hers.
Not one to be discouraged by setbacks, Shepard told him; "We better make up for it, then. There's a lot of catching up to do." Her breath spread inside his mouth; "You still want that burger?" she asked, making his mouth water, but not for food.
"No way."
Unable to resist her closeness a moment longer, he kissed her, making them both lose their sense of decorum pretty fast.
Without separating their mouths, she whispered; "Normandy?"
"I'd have you right here if I could."
"Well..." she shrugged; "...I did tell you, you can ask me for anything. Let me see what I can do," she answered him breaking their kiss.
She grabbed his hand and led him up the waiting line leading to the sushi restaurant. They walked down the steps. A man at the end of the line, holding a pad, intercepted them.
"Sir, Ma'am? This is a reservation-only establishment."
Shepard stepped closer to the guy; "You see this face? This is the face of someone that doesn't give a crap and unless you wanna end up like one of your patrons up there - in serious need of a rib cage reconstruction - I would suggest you to step aside."
The guy straightened up, crossing his arms with his pad over his chest; "I'm afraid I've heard it all before, ma'am, and threats don't work on me, either."
Meanwhile, a small commotion stirred amongst the line of people waiting to get in.
Shepard laughed menacingly; "Yeah, same here, pal, like I'd be intimidated by a doorman!" she finished, pushing the man aside forcefully.
Someone close to the door summoned the poor doorman's attention as he was desperately signaling to the waiters and security to stop the duo from entering.
"Yes! Yes!" he finally barked impatiently at the waiting patron.
"You know who that is, don't you?"
"No, and I don't care. If they're not on the list, they're not going in," the man said, lifting his nose imperiously. "Now, would you be so kind as to return to your place? You'll be called up shortly."
"That's Commander Shepard," the girl said as she was walking back to her spot on the line; "asshole!"
The man's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates, suddenly realizing why the rude guest looked so familiar. He swiftly turned around and desperately started signaling everybody to cease and desist in their attempts to obstruct them.
As Joker was being led across the restaurant by the hand, by Shepard, the thought of her commandeering a table for them to go at it did cross his mind briefly.
She dodged the waiters, and soon they reached the back where the restrooms were. She let Joker's hand go, and opened the ladies room door.
"Alright, chit-chat is over, ladies. Out! Spectre's authority. Everyone out! Come on! MOVE!" she screamed.
Joker had to jump out of the way to avoid being trampled by the panicky women rushing out of the door. Shepard bent down to verify all of the cubicles were empty. One wasn't. She knocked, hard on the door three times.
"You got two seconds before I drag you out of there, with or without your panties around your ankles."
Joker let out a chuckle, enjoying the scene almost as much as the sex he was about to have, and he had at least half a dozen naughty different scenarios played out in his head already.
They heard the woman shuffle, then they saw her getting out of there like a bat out of hell. She must have gone only a few steps when she bumped full force into the wide chest of a security man sent to investigate the commotion.
"Excuse me, what do you think you're..." he stopped himself when he saw who he was dealing with; "Commander Shepard!"
"That's right," she answered him with a mischievous smile while leaning out by the door frame. She grabbed Joker's hand as she added; "This won't take long." She winked at the man.
She softly led Joker in, not that he needed to be coaxed – he was raring to go.
"Make yourself useful, and don't let anyone in," she ordered him the security guard.
"You got it, ma'am," the man responded, closing the door for them.
As he observed her kicking off her boots and pants, Joker said; "May I just say..." with a finger up in the air; "Wow!" he exclaimed.
"Glad it works for ya," she answered him, sitting on the black marble countertop by the sink.
Then he noticed a rather large, for a girl, pair of under pants bunching by her combat ones.
"Are those mine?" he asked, slightly baffled, getting in between her legs; "They're either mine or they're granny-pants. Either way!" he shrugged unconcernedly, then continued;
"It's really not fair that you have this free pass as a Spectre, and give me this... Oh, I don't know! It has to be, like, every guy's porn fantasy. And what can I do to repay you? You're into roses? Chocolate? I know you like hamsters... I can get you another one of those."
She softly wrapped one leg around his hip, pulling him closer to her; "Is that, like, a trick question?"
He shook his head with a smile.
"Well, if you put your pants down, I can point you exactly what I'm into" she leaned close to his mouth; "inch by delicious inch of it."
"God damn it, babe! Do you know how turned on I am?"
"It's a gift!" she winked at him playfully.
He chuckled; "You were definitely right though... this won't take long."