Dear readers. It it my birthday, and I know, I was supposed to be the one getting gifts, but I wanted to give you this instead. Here it is, to celebrate both my birthday and Rukia's – the final chapter of To Have her Back. As our birthdays, it comes in a combo too, this one and the epilogue. It was a long journey until here, and I am glad for all of you that gave me so many lovely reviews, motivating me to never give up and actually finish my stories. I would not have been able to do it alone, without your support – you have no idea how many reviews put me instantly in writing mode - so you have my everlasting gratitude. I hope you enjoy reading, as much as I enjoyed writing it. And last, but not least – I wish you all a great, great, wonderful new year, full of blessings and everything needed for your happiness.

Wynn

"Rukia," he interrupted her. "I remember."

..

.

'He… remembers? He… remembers… HE REMEMBERS? OH-MY-GOD HE REMEMBERS! OMG OMG OMG' was the mantra in Rukia's mind as the girl brought both her hands to her mouth involuntarily, eyes wide as saucers as she looked at him with absolute horror.

Her heart was hammering in her chest, her belly was as cold as ice and she felt dizzy, as if she would faint at any minute. Rukia was sure she could die that very instant. Hell, she would gladly welcome it.

Her overall embarrassment and shock were so great that no word would come out of her mouth because no word would even dare to cross her mind in shape of a proper thought. It was like her head refused to think and acknowledge it, as a survival instinct.

The girl sat straight in the bench, hands still covering her mouth and her eyes set on her feet on the floor of the wagon, not daring to look anywhere else. She would rather die than meet his eyes now.

So… that man sitting by her side was not the same Byakuya that she spent all those days with, but the cold brother that existed before all this… and yet… not long ago, they were sharing the same bed. In which, yesterday, they were… he was… oh God.

Does he really remember it all? Spending time together as husband and wife, sleeping in the same bed? Their kisses? Those moments of... more than kissing? Oh God, what is he thinking about those?

If he remembers her reactions too... then he must remember that she kissed him back, that she didn't refuse him as she should, that she played along, and yesterday, if he had not stopped it, they would have… oh Gosh oh Gosh!

Could she die of asphyxiation if she held her breath for long enough?

#####

The trip back home seemed impossibly, excruciatingly slow. Rukia shifted and turned, almost imperceptively, in the bench. She wanted to talk to him, ask him so many things, she needed to know what he was thinking. A thousand ways of asking crossed her mind, but she did not dare to voice any. She was too afraid of the answers or reactions she might get. The truth was Rukia did not know who was that man by her side, what was he thinking, what to expect from him. And so she sat there, unmoving like a statue, in silence, pretending the landscape out there was that interesting.

Byakuya did not seem to mind her decision. Not that she dared to look at him much to be sure.

After about an hour of hyperventilating and nearly fainting from the shock and struggling with the many memories and their consequences, Rukia decided that if he did not wish to talk, it was better that way – apparently they were back to their mutual silent treatment, and the reality was that she had more important matters to deal with now. Sighing discreetly, she tried to calm down and start to focus on what she had to do.

Rukia had already decided that, when this day came, she would gather all her courage and do what was right – leave the Kuchiki family.

Now Byakuya was already well enough, healthy and no longer vulnerable to those who could benefit from his memory loss, so he did not need her. And now he also knew what she had done – how she betrayed his trust and acted inappropriately, and ended up playing along too much and falling in love with him, and that was just…

It would be comprehensible and expected if he did not want her to stay there any longer, after such embarrassing moments and improper behavior on her part. Their "sibling" relationship was pretty much ruined. Any possible relationship was pretty much ruined. Not to mention that, on her side… images of that day in the forest kept coming back to mind. It was strange, but what she felt for him – that kind of love, and the true wish to have a family and devote herself – was different from any crush she ever had before. She was sure she would never be able to see him as a brother again, and it would be painful to live with all those memories now that he was back to his old self, when her best option was to have things going back to normal, to see him every day pretending nothing happened.

So when the carriage arrived at the Kuchiki mansion and the servant opened the door for them, Rukia stood up fast and hurriedly whispered a breathy "I'm sorry" without turning to him, so he would not see the tears that fell on the garden's ground.

#####

With a weight in her heart that she was trying to ignore, Rukia closed the door of her bedroom and immediately started to pack. It didn't take long – what could she possibly consider hers, when she owed him everything she had and was? She hadn't brought much when she was found at the academy and brought to live in this big silent house, so she shouldn't take much with her either. A tiny small suitcase with a few personal items and some clothing was all she carried when she closed that same bedroom door behind her for the last time.

And then she was at the corridor, step by step saying goodbye to this place she had learned to call home in the past fifty years. Each step she took was like a knife in her heart. She had no idea where to go. The barracks from her division crossed her mind, but she was unsure if they were an option – she did join the Gotei 13 for being a Kuchiki in the first place. Now she would no longer be a member of the noble family, and perhaps… perhaps having offended such a powerful family would remove any possibilities of keeping her job as a shinigami, no matter what she could offer as such – which wasn't much, if she was honest with herself. It was not as if they would be losing a shinigami of considerable power, like a captain.

Sure, she should talk to her captain… with Renji too. But… what could she possibly say? Which explanation could she give that would not be revealing too much? For now – the girl sighed – for now… she didn't really want to explain anything to anyone. The Rukongai seemed like a better idea, or the only one. She just wanted to disappear, to be alone, to sort out her feelings, her life. At least this time she could take care of herself - she thought bravely as dreadful memories of the Rukongai came to her mind. She was not the same. Things would not be as scary as they were in the past.

Those thoughts were supposed to soothe the cold feeling in her belly as she crossed the corridors, in farewell to the place that, in spite of its coldness, was the closest thing she ever had to a home, but they did not help much. She would not miss the family, with whom she never really came to bond as such. As for its owner… Rukia gulped and forced that train of thought out of her mind. She knew well that if she dared to look too much into that hole in her chest, she would crumble and cry. She could not afford to be that weak.

So taking a big breath, she looked at the door at the end of the entrance hall and decided to cross it. And she did.

That was it.

It was over.

The day was clear outside. A cloudy, whitish one. A soft breeze touched her cheek and she wished she could enjoy it a little more if her chest did not hurt so much. That was it, that was the world outside, waiting for her. And he was not a part of it any longer.

With a few fast steps, she crossed the garden until the gates.

She turned a bit to look at the sakura trees for the last time.

Then she sighed again and started walking to the gates.

At her first step, though, she felt a pull on her wrist that kept her from moving.

Rukia looked back but before she could process the sight, she heard the familiar voice saying:

"Where do you think you are going? I did not give you my permission to leave."

She looked up to his eyes, and they were completely unreadable, as was the tone of his voice. He stood some steps away from her in his usual stoic posture. His words confused her. She did not dare to say a word, her face becoming as pale as a ghost.

"Release your luggage there and follow me," he ordered, turning around, his scarf swinging with the movement.

She did not dare to disobey – putting her suitcase on the floor, she followed him a half step behind, as customary, dreading every step. Would he reproach her before she goes? Would he punish her, dishonor her, before she takes her way… would he kill her? Does he hate her enough for that?

Byakuya guided them to a parlor situated in their wing of the mansion.

As she entered the room, he said:

"Close the door behind you."

Fear filled her gut, spreading to her whole little body, but she did as instructed.

"So you were leaving without further notice?" he questioned, and she noticed the disapproval in his voice.

"Byakuya-sama, I… by no means meant any offense with it. I-I thought it would be preferable. I know that I… that you… I mean… I know that no words would be enough to apologize for my behavior. I… betrayed your trust, what I did is unforgivable and I can no longer… I mean, I know that my presence in this house is… no longer appropriate… if it ever was."

She closed her eyes in fear of what was to come.

"Rukia."

The girl, who couldn't bear to face him until now, raised her eyes. It was the second time he used her name after all those days, and another reminder that it was no longer the sweet Byakuya that had been referring to her using her sister's name.

"You are under the impression that you fooled me with your behavior, or took advantage of me for mistaking you for Hisana." It sounded like a statement, more than a question.

At hearing those words, her shame grew stronger and the girl looked at the floor again.

"I must tell you that I do remember everything, from my past and present, including the days at the shore."

'Ok, now would be a great time to die'.

"That is not the impression I have, though," he observed.

Rukia looked at him, in silence. Did she hear him right? He did not think that she fooled him or took advantage of his memory loss? Ok, maybe she did not "take advantage" of him like others would because she did have his well-being at heart, but… she did indulge in it way too much. Surely he noticed by the way she stopped refusing his advances? He did not think her behavior was a little… over the line? Inappropriate? Unless… unless… for him to say such words… perhaps he noticed the reasons why she did it… why she let things get to where they did… oh God, isn't it even worse? Now he knows what a fool she is.

"You were not the only one pretending, or keeping secrets," he revealed, interrupting her train of thoughts.

Rukia looked at him, confused.

"What do you m-?"

"I did not recover my memories today," he informed her.

As the words sank in, the confusion in her eyes started to become horror.

"Oh gosh… you mean… yesterday… when we were in b-" she did not dare to voice it. "I knew there was something wrong... oh my God!" she covered her mouth in shame, horrified that he recovered his memories in such an intimate and awkward moment… horrified at the scene and the mess she put herself into for drinking a little too much and acting on her feelings way too much the previous night. "I'm… I'm… so sorry. Oh God." she covered her face with her hands in shame.

"It was not then either."

The girl frowned, looking at him again, before her eyes searched for the floor, confused.

"But… but then…"

"I had already recovered them during the dinner."

"W-What?" Rukia looked at him with wide eyes in disbelief.

"I believe some apologies are due on my part, for playing along and keeping you in the dark, but I am not really sorry for that."

Rukia just remained gaping, unable to form any words for a moment. But then… he knew? He was back to himself the whole time? The whole romantic dinner under the stars and all? Everything he said that night… the way he acted.. and he was back to himself? Did she hear it right?

"So you… knew? But then...why? When? When did you recover them, then?"

"Well…"

-FLASHBACK-

"The time we shared together was nothing less than a dream…"Byakuya heard the dying woman saying, and a strange feeling took over his chest and he just knew he had to leave, as soon as possible.

As the world passed through him in high speed, a voice kept echoing in his mind:

"A dream...A dream... A dream..." the woman's voice started to mix with another voice... one he remembered too well, from long ago...

"I am very sorry I couldn't return Byakuya-sama's love. I am sorry. Being with Byakuya-sama for the past five years was like a dream… like a dream…"

A powerful headache hit him and he brought both hands to his head, stopping his great speed. His shunpo steps had taken him to the top of a mountain nearby where he was all alone.

The strong wind was shaking his garments and he sat on the ground, losing his balance with the headache.

Hisana... images of her hand on his, just like the scene he just saw... the immense pain of losing her... her burial... her memorial... and suddenly way too many memories struck him and he kept looking at the valley down below in shock for a long, long time.

#####

Byakuya had no idea how long he remained there, eyes fixed on the horizon. The first stars were already appearing in the night sky when he came back to his senses, and to himself. He remembered that he was still awaited at home, where the servants, at his orders, had prepared a fancy, special dinner for him and his "wife", in which he was supposed to help her admit her feelings for him and restore their "marriage".

Except said "wife" was actually Rukia, and now he understood the extremely complicated situation they were into. He had compelled her into a very awkward position with his memory loss, mistaking her for Hisana and expecting her to act as such. It was a shameful behavior for which, in truth, there was no one to blame. One thing did not escape him, though. He noticed the unique opportunity he had in his hands. Byakuya brought to mind and analyzed carefully everything that had happened in the past few days between them.

And after some pondering, he decided that his original plan was not such a bad idea after all.

-END OF FLASHBACK-

She just couldn't believe it. So he knew… all along? Flashes of the dinner last night crossed her mind, and it seemed impossible. Him complimenting her on her looks, offering his arm… asking what she had enjoyed most about their time together… why would he ask that? In such... tone? And… the kiss?

"Gosh… why? Why did you pretend…" she knew she had no right to complain, given what she did, but she still couldn't help feeling like a fool, and questioning his reasons. Was it a twisted way to punish her, knowing of her feelings for him? To expose her and make her look like a fool?

"Do you remember what I said… after our kiss?" he inquired.

Rukia couldn't believe he brought that up, and so nonchalantly on top of that. Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment at remembering the mind-blowing kiss. And it was really him! And he kissed her, knowing it was her! OMG-OMG-OMG Why?

Then the girl remembered he had just asked a question and tried to remember the words he was referring to, after their kiss.

'I love you. I always have, ever since I first laid my eyes on you… and I always will.'

No, surely she had it wrong. Could he possibly mean that he actually… meant it? For… her?

Byakuya could see the confusion in her face, forehead frowning and frowning again in disbelief. He decided to clarify:

"I meant every word." After a pause, he continued. "I have harbored those feelings for a long time, deeming them inappropriate and unreciprocated. However, this incident, unfortunate as it may have seemed, created the perfect opportunity and made me realize I was possibly wrong, so I took the opportunity to ascertain it, and I do not regret it."

Rukia was unable to formulate any words, processing it all in her mind, so she merely watched as he reached for his pocket, retrieving a little box.

"Rukia, I also meant it when I asked you that question yesterday."

'Question?'

"Which is what took me a moment today before I came for you, only to find you gone," he added with a hint of disapproval at her hushed escape from the house.

Rukia saw him kneeling, then taking her hand and kissing it – and it felt so strange now that she knew it was really him, with all his memories back, kissing her hand, that she almost wondered if she was still sleeping and that was a dream.

"I will ask you again, what I did yesterday. Will you marry me?"

She was so surprised that it took her a while to react to his words.

"I…" she started, her cheeks red as a tomato. "Byakuya-sama… " she felt unable to continue with her speech and it took her a while to gather some courage for doing so: "if you truly remember it all, as you mentioned, then it is pointless to deny what you noticed on your own. You were there, as much as I was." And after another paused, she answered: "It would… make me the happiest woman in the world, to be your wife," she answered with a half-smile, still extremely embarrassed.

Rukia felt her eyes getting wet, but tried to hide it. Byakuya gently put the ring he had brought with him on her finger, covering it with a kiss, but before she could really appreciate it, he stood up, intense grey eyes over her. She found herself incapable of looking away.

That was it. She knew what was coming. They had both admitted their feelings. And with that same intense gaze that always made her feel so vulnerable, he approached her very slowly.

But this time, he knew it was her. And she knew it was him. This time she knew he was not a "Byakuya-from-the-past" that did not remember her, but really him, with all his memories of her. It gave her chills. It would be both of them this time, with all their idiosyncrasies, all their conflict, all their past, their awkwardness, and Rukia doubted if it could be the same as the moments they had shared before, in that universe so far away, back in the summer house. This was their world, it was real.

All worry vanished, though, at the first contact of his lips softly covering hers. It was sweet, so sweet and slow and delicate that it was almost painful. Rukia felt that for an instant she was not really in that plane, but in an alternate reality, where there was no surroundings, no gravity, no ground. She felt tears in her eyes, but this time she would not brush them away.

He touched her face tenderly, and breathed her breath, not entirely breaking the kiss, but savoring every second of it, both equally lost in that universe that for a moment was only and uniquely theirs. It was, in a way, their first kiss, even though it felt completely familiar. She discovered she was trembling. Both hearts were filled with inexplicable joy and peacefulness, despite the exhilaration of the moment, and a hint of relief that could be translated into one word: finally.

And then, as if in the silence of the room they had the unspoken agreement that yes, things were still perfect as they expected them to be, he pulled her body closer to him and kissed her more deeply.

Suddenly the kiss was all-too-familiar, like the one he had given her the night before, like the one in the forest. Because again they had started to communicate in that strange way that involved no words, and yet, they knew exactly what the other was saying, as if they could feel the other's heart. She knew she was his, and that there, in his arms, was exactly where she belonged. And she knew he was hers, just as much as he knew she was his. And it was simple, so simple and easy and crystal clear as a new life born in this world, as anything that was simple and pure and right.

And when they broke the kiss – both trying to disguise the smile that came from the happiness they felt – she heard him saying what she had already felt in that kiss.

"I love you… Rukia."

And she was sure hearing her proper name had never sounded that sweet.

..

.