Tamarindo - thank you so much for your constant comments. Its really nice to know that someone is enjoying this. I really loved writing this alot, so its always nice to hear feedback. So thank you again. Hope you like the next chapter.

Thanks to anyone else who is reading also. much love.

Claire xoxo

Peyton hated saturday afternoons - especially since her and Brooke hadn't been talking - it used to be their day, they would go shopping go the movies - when it was just the two of them. She sighed and looked up at her clock - Nathan would be coming over in a few hours at least that was something for her to look forward to.

She grabbed her sketch book from her desk and jumped on her bed and lay down - she opened her book to a half drawn sketch of Nathan in her room sitting on her bed opposite her - she started it last night while he was sleeping - she woke up suddenly inspired a feeling that she hadn't had for months - something that hadn't happened for months.

She didn't understand what was happening - she felt like she should be confused by her feelings - how had they changed so surprisingly to her - or had it always been that way and she was only realising just now what she had always wanted. With all this she began to confuse herself not with her feelings just with her thoughts far too many in her head to comprehend.

She heard her cell phone ring - jumping off her bed and looking at the caller ID. Brooke She answered immediately.

"Hey. You okay?"

"Peyton. I need you to come meet me."

Peyton almost blacked out as Brooke started to speak to her just trying to take her words in - when she hung up she instantly put on her shoes and headed out her room down her stairs and ready to leave her front door. She stopped noticing an envelope through her letterbox - she snatched it out - and for some reason without even looking at the writing she knew who it was from.

Lucas.

She pushed it in her bag and to the back of her mind for the time being knowing she had to deal with something else first.

As Lucas drove away from Peyton's house he was fighting every feeling inside of him to run in there and tell her how he felt - but he stopped himself - he stopped himself for her. Because even though that moment in the hall had been possibly one of the hardest for him to endure it also gave Lucas a revelation. He saw her face as he looked at her - a smile.

Where the hell did you get that smile I haven't seen one of them in a while

He saw her eyes brighten as he talked to her - he saw her want to kiss him - he saw her want to have him near here. And he saw any feelings that she may have had for him fade away. And it was all he's own doing - he didn't deserve the love that Peyton had kept for him for so long - he had done nothing to be worthy of it. Nathan had been there for her - been a good friend, like Lucas knew he should have been - but because he was too scared. Scared of the feelings Peyton gave him - he turned away from her - telling himself excuse after excuse never really believing any of them.

I seen it all before, but something has changed - I used to be an open heart - what have you done to me?

All he knew for sure was that he couldn't stay there - he couldn't watch as they re-built whatever it was that they once had - he knew it was weak and that in running away perhaps he was taking an easy way out. But for him it was the only choice - because the pain he felt about her was too much. And the anger he felt at Nathan was something that he didn't want to feel but couldn't control and he knew if he stayed there - that anger would come out.

It could have been anyone - but it wasn't you and it wasn't him - it was me who felt like a fool right then

All he could do is take the memories he had of her with him - all the memories that they had shared and keep them with him - and try and find some way to move on from the feelings he had right now.

He hated that he had left just leaving her a letter but somethings were to hard to say and some things he just wasn't able to say to her face - again Lucas was afraid.

"A life lived in fear is a life half lived - wise words for someone so stupid"

Haley was right about one thing - he had been stupid - and so blind and so many other things that he couldn't take back - not now.

Nathan sat on the end of he's bed - he had tried calling Peyton first - then going to see her but she wasn't there, he had tried everything to take he's mind off the letter anything to not think about it. He hated it that he wanted to read it - he hated that she had written it. He thought he had this all settled in he's mind. But he realised that maybe these were things that Haley needed to say - that Haley needed to settle in her mind. He looked over to the letter on he's desk and walked towards it slowly - then back again to he's bed.

I don't need to read it There was no need to everything that he wanted to say had been said, why did he need to hear what she had to say? He didn't care what she had to say... but he did. Of course he cared - he couldn't not care about her.

Letting go of all of the questions he moved from the bed again ripping the envelope and pulling out the letter.

"Dear Nathan,

I wasn't going to do this. I was just going to leave like you told me to, like you said you wanted me to - with no word. But sometimes there are things that need to said - I guess before you can be able to move on.

I know when I came back I was very silent with my feelings, I guess in someways I didn't feel like I had the right to be forthcoming with how I felt after putting you through so much pain.

There's nothing I can say to change that, I wish there was I really do, because if you believe anything from me believe this, the last thing I ever want is too see you pain - and the thought that I caused so much for you is something that I don't think I will ever forgive myself for.

Its makes me so sad to think of how far apart we are right now, not just by miles but in every way, for someone who I once couldn't imagine my life without now seems like a stranger. I know you think that me leaving now is what I really wanted but the truth is, its not - I'm doing it because as I looked around Tree Hill and saw everyone I realised that I just don't fit there anymore - everything there just reminds me of you and the thought of being there and not having you in my life, you being someone I'd just walk past the corridor in school and not even speaks to is something that I know that I don't have the strength to do, so maybe in some ways I am taking the weak way out. But it really was the only way for me to be able to try and move in.

No matter what anyone says to me - no matter how many times people tell me that I will get over this and move on, you will always be my biggest regret Nathan Scott - because I know I could have made different choices, better choices and we wouldn't be where we are today.

I'm returning something to you that you gave me once - I'm giving it back because what it symbolises I guess doesn't mean that anymore.

Do one thing for me though Nathan - talk to your brother.

Always

Haley

Nathan looked in the envelop, the bracelet he had given her sitting in the there. Staring up at him. Their entire relationship bought down to a letter and broken memories.

Nathan lay back on he's bed still clutching onto the letter - he didn't know what to think at all, any thought that came into he's head quickly left again leaving nothing but confusion behind. In all of this he realised that he had been so selfish, all along he had said that Haley had been. But so had he, because he had never once considered he feelings in all of this, how she must be feeling about them not being together anymore - how hard it must of been for her.

And suddenly Nathan realised he had things that he wished he had said but didn't good things about the two of them - it hadn't all been bad - in fact the large part of it had been good, just tarnished by the bad memories.

He sighed heavily - thinking of Haley's regrets knowing that she wouldn't be the only one having regrets - that he too would be carrying he's own with him.

The phone rang startling him slightly - he thought about not answering but the ringing persisted and he gave in.

"Can I speak to a Mr Scott please?"

"This is Nathan Scott"

"Is your father there?"

"No. I'm he's son. Can I help?"

"It's your Mother."

Peyton pushed through the hospital doors running as fast as she could - trying to figure out where she had to be - so many signs showing you where to go only confusing her even more - as she reached the front desk she tried to look around to find someone - anyone to ask after her friend to see where her friend was, as she turned she saw Brooke through a door lying on a bed in a room on her own - she was staring into space, Peyton rushed into the room - Brooke never turned to look at her just carried on looking out the window.

"You know I've been sitting here looking at all these people arriving and leaving - there's so many emotions. So many happy people meeting up with family - so many people leaving alone. I wonder who I'll be."

"Brooke what happened?"

"What do you think happened? I did. I messed it up just like I do everything in my life."

Peyton moved closer to Brooke's bed, she sat down on the side and grasped hold of her hand taking it into hers and squeezing it slightly.

"I lost the baby."

Peyton's eyes finally meet Brooke's as she turns to face her "Its such a stupid phrase isn't it? I lost it. I never understood that - you don't lose it - its just gone – forever."

"I'm so sorry."

"Me too. I actually thought maybe this would be something that I could get right - something that I could do right, I was even gonna take your advice and tell Lucas. I got all brave this morning and was heading over to see him, when... it just went away."

Peyton watches her friend holding back everything that she has been through - and she doesn't know what to say. What is there to say to her- nothing can make it right nothing can make it better, there are no words to make the pain go away. Peyton remembers what Brooke had done for her when her Mum had died she would come to Peyton's room and hold her hand and just sit there with her. Its all Peyton knew that she could do - because anything else would just be words it would be lost in the air.

I wake up, it's a bad dream, no one on my side, I was fighting but I just feel too tired to be fighting, guess I'm not the fighting kind

"There's nothing that I can do or say. But I'm here - and no matter what you won't be walking out of here alone."

Brooked nodded and moved her other hand to grip onto Peyton's "Peyton... I wish I could take it all back..."

"It doesn't matter anymore."

Peyton shakes her head and moves herself to sit next to Brooke on the bed, leaning against her softly. And it doesn't matter anymore, anything that they had going on all suddenly seemed irrelevant to Peyton - because this is what it came down to - being there when you need someone, being there through everything no matter how big or small - making sure that you keep all the people in your life that somehow make things that bit easier to handle when life gets hard and holding onto it - and as Brooke let out all her sadness all what she had been holding onto Peyton knew that sometimes to get back to where you once were you need a crash back to reality even if sometimes it can be the hardest thing to understand.

When Nathan arrived at the hospital - he realised that nothing was never going to be easy, that there would always be things trying to pull him down, struggles along the way - but why did they always seem to come from the people who were meant to be protecting him - why were they not protecting him now - he's Dad when Nathan called him to tell him to get to the hospital replied with "I'm busy" and he's mum was the one who was here.

Did he need this? Did he need even more troubles to be put upon him - one after the other - each seeming to magnify more and more as they went on.

He turned down the corridor to get to the room - ready to go back and hear the rest of he's Mum's excuses for her behavior - when he was stopped by seeing Peyton standing before him, she saw him straight away - a little surprised but mostly relieved to see him standing there - she didn't hesitate for a second rushing to be near him and in he's arms to feel that safeness again.

Lucas pulled over to the side of the road - deciding to have a rest from he's journey, he stepped out the car and sighed and looked across the view in front of him - everything was beautiful and calm there was hardly anyone on the road and the trees falling over the lake looked beautiful as the moonlight hit the water.

He thought about Peyton and her reading he's letter - he wondered if she had seen it yet - what her reaction would be...

Why do I have to fly over every town up and down the line?

I'll die in the clouds above and you that I defend, I do not love.

Flashback

Lucas watched as Haley packs away her last few things and he looks down at the empty piece of paper that has been staring back at him for the last hour - words never fail him - he always knows exactly what to say but now there is too much confusion in he's mind and nothing seems to make any sense - maybe sometimes that is the best way - without even thinking he starts to write.

Dear Peyton,

By the time you get this I won't be here anymore. I'm leaving in the morning and I needed to say goodbye - I know that you'll be mad for me not coming to see you, but somethings are too hard to say face to face and I guess I'm being weak - because I know that I don't have the strength to say goodbye to you.

I would see you and you'd tell me to stay - that you'd need the reasons for me leaving and I couldn't give you those reasons and I know that I'd stay just because you'd tell me too - just to stop you from having any kind of sadness - because the pain of having caused you so much already is killing me and to actually see it again from something else I am doing - I just can't.

So I am taking the weak persons way out and writing you this - I just needed you to know - that having you in my life, being around you was the times that I felt the happiest I ever felt - in the moments when you let me into your world and into your heart you let me be a part of you - they were the best and where I am going now I'll take you with me - because you left something with me - something that I can't shift something that has been there all along. I hope that you get and become everything that you deserve Peyton - I know that you will your too special not to stand out in this world.

I'll be seeing you,

Lucas

He memorised every word as soon as he wrote it - meaning every word of them. He was so angry with himself for leaving in such a way - only he's Mum knwoing, but there was no choice he had no choice - he kept saying it too himself over and over again hoping he would believe it - but the anger stayed soon turning into tears.

I wake up, it's a bad dream no one on my side - I was fighting but I just feel too tired to be fighting, guess I'm not the fighting kind - Wouldn't mind it if you were by my side but you're long gone, yeah you're long gone now.

Turning and kicking the tyre, unleashing all the anger he felt at himself for being so stupid again - something he got right everytime was doing the wrong thing. Kicking and kicking violently until turning and leaning and sliding to the ground.

Where do we go? I don't even know - my strange old face and I'm thinking about those days

He buried he's head in he's hands knowing it was too late to ever go back - to return to what was left there - and finding any strength he had left he pulled himself up off the ground and sat back in the car, this was it now - now he was gone, everyone else could move on.

Songs

The Feeling - Anyone

Keane - Bad Dream