Author's Note
ACZelda: Dare-a-Thons take a while to write! To not be late, I split this into two parts. The next time I do a Dare-a-Thon, would you prefer it if I publish it late, separate it into two parts and publish the first part on time, or shorten it all together to get it published on time? Leave your answer in a review!
*Everyone is wearing party hats*
ACZelda: HAPPY LEGEND OF ZELDA 31ST ANNIVERSARY! Today, as promised, we will have a Dare-a-Thon!
Link: But it's everyone's Birthday!
ACZelda: Technically. But even then, it's only your Birthday *Points at Link*, your Birthday *Points at Zelda*, your Birthday *Points at Ganon*, your Birthday *Points at Octorocks*, and you guys' Birthdays. *Points at a group of monsters, including Tektites and Leevers* Also, I brought my dogs for fun. *Points at two dogs* Meet Draco and Skippy!
Draco: *A large border collie with fluffy but thick fur, floppy ears, and a green collar* *Groans and lays down under a table*
Skippy: *A normal-sized border collie with pointy ears, one with a small chunk gone from the tip, less fluffy fur, and a red collar* *Dashing happily around the room, occasionally nudging someone's arm up to beg for attention, and baking at the monsters and villains*
Link: Awwww, they're adorable! *Pets Draco, turns into a wolf, and plays with Skippy*
Mimi: Why did you bring your dogs?
ACZelda: To celebrate the occasion? I dunno, I just felt like it. Also, we have a new co-host!
Grimm: Hi!
ACZelda: Anyway, our first dare is for... *Facepalm* I should have used this in the Valentine's Day special! Sorry. Zelda! Go kiss Zant.
Zelda: Forgive me, Link. *Kisses Zant's mask*
Zant: No fair! You were supposed to kiss ME, not the mask!
Mimi: XD
ACZelda: That works. Fi, follow Link everywhere and calculate the percentage of everything he does.
Fi: I shall do what you requested, not-master. Master, please forgive me. I calculate a 100% probability that your level of irritation shall rise exceedingly high.
Mimi: That's good to know.
Link: *Standing there*
Fi: I calculate a 90% probability that you are supposed to do more than just stand there.
Mimi: True.
ACZelda: Fi's right. Go do a bunch of random stuff.
Link: Fine. *Drinks a bottle of red potion*
Fi: I calculate a 5% probability that you will choke on your potion and a 100% probability that it will heal any cuts you had. I also calculate a 60% probability that you dislike the taste and a 40% probability that you are used to it by now.
Link: *Walking back and forth*
Fi: I calculate a 6% probability that you will trip and fall.
Link: *Running*
Fi: I calculate a 8% probability that you will trip. I also calculate a 0.00001% probability that your blood flow will be cut off by the clothes you are wearing. I also sense an increase in irritation. I calculate that your annoyance levels shall rise to a very high point in exactly 5 minutes.
Link: *Trips* AAAH!
Fi: I calculate a 1% probability that you will get a concussion and a 0.0000000000000002% probability that you will die from it. I also calculate a 70% probability that you are about to kill me and a 30% probability that you will attempt to make me stop talking in some way other than death. Your level of irritation is at the highest it has ever been. If you chose the first, more likely option, I calculate a 1% probability that I will survive.
Link: *Tackles Fi*
Fi: Not-master, may I have permission to end the dare before master ends my life?
ACZelda: Please, save yourself! I don't want to watch my favorite companion die again!
Linebeck: What about me?
ACZelda: You're my second favorite character.
Linebeck: Yay!
ACZelda: By the way, happy birthday Luchux! Luchux is one of our most active reviewers and has a birthday on the 24th.
Mimi: HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY! (๑◡๑)
ACZelda: Now, everyone, go beat up Tetra from Luchux's fanfic. She's evil.
*Another Tetra walks in*
Everyone *Tackles her*
Good Tetra: This is weird...
Evil Tetra: AAAAAAAAAH!
Mimi: Yup, very weird.
ACZelda: Next, Link. You're Ghirahim's slave. Zelda, film it.
Zelda: Okay!
Ghirahim: Yay!
Link: Oh, *beep.*
ACZelda: Language, Link!
Mimi: *Holding popcorn to ACZelda* I GOT SOME POPCORN READY!
ACZelda: I'm fine, I already ate two buckets of it during this weekend. You can eat it all.
Mimi: YAY!
Ghirahim: *Drops a pile of weapons in front of Link* Polish my swords.
Link: Why do you have so many swords and where do you even keep all of them?!
Ghirahim: Don't ask questions, slave.
Link: *Grumbles and starts polishing the swords*
ACZelda: Zelda, later I'll teach you what YouTube is. I think some people will be interested in seeing this. Anyway, while they do that, Zelda. Become a pirate.
Tetra: Um... I already am a pirate.
ACZelda: Still, something's missing. Oh! Here. *Tosses an eye patch to her*
Mimi: *Deep breath* IT'S SKYBOUND ALL OVER AGAIN! (AN: Reference to Ninjago Skybound season when Jay gets an eyepatch)
ACZelda: Ganondorf, go skip in circles.
Ganondorf: *Starts skipping, then trips a few seconds later* I never skipped before in my life!
Mimi: XD Epic failure!
ACZelda: Too bad! Hmm, I think you can do two dares at once. Ganondorf, moo as loud as you can while you skip.
Ganondorf: What?
ACZelda: Moo like a cow.
Ganondorf: Why does everyone love humiliating me... MOOOOOOOO! *Trips again*
Link: Finished polishing!
Ghirahim: Great! Now I have a few other tasks for you...
Link: *Groans*
ACZelda: Ghirahim, don't give him TOO many things to do. We have a lot of dares for him! Ganondorf too! Give Tingle a piggy back ride.
Ganondorf: Fine... *Picks up Tingle*
Tingle: I have a bad feeling about this.
*A few minutes later*
Ganondorf: DONE! *Drops Tingle*
Tingle: AAAAAAH! WHY WON'T MY BALLOON INFLATE!
*Splat*
ACZelda: Is he alive?
Mimi: I hope not
ACZelda: WHO CARES! NEXT DARE! Ruto! Follow me.
Ruto: Okay...
ACZelda: *Walks into the kitchen to see Skippy on top of the same table that Draco was under, eating everything on it* SKIPPY! BAD DOG! GET OFF!
Skippy: *Runs*
ACZelda: Anyway, *Shoves Ruto into the oven* REVENGE FOR ALL THE WATER DUNGEONS! Speaking of which, is Link done yet? He has a few water dungeon dares to do... *Walks back to the main room*
Link: *Washing a giant pile of red capes* HOW. DOES. GHIRAHIM. MANAGE. TO. FIND. SO. MUCH. FOR. ME. TO. DO?!
ACZelda: I guess it will be a while before he's done. While that, the Golden Goddesses have a dare! They have to... smite everyone... including me. This is going to hurt.
Golden Goddesses: *Evil grins*
*Seconds later*
*The entire place is destroyed*
ACZelda: *Appears* Ouch, I was right. That did hurt.
Mimi: *Appears* OWIEEEEEEEEEE! I couldn't even reach for a pencil to say my last words!
Other hosts: *Also appear*
Din: NO FAIR! I KILLED YOU!
ACZelda: You can't kill someone from the real world if you're in the fictional world. *Snaps fingers, fixing the place and bringing everyone back to life* Link, you're no longer Ghirahim's slave.
Link: YES! FINALLY!
Ghirahim: NOOOOOOOOO!
ACZelda: Link, dance Ballet.
Link: Fine. *Does multiple spin attacks*
Mimi: SUPER SMASH BROS!
ACZelda: That doesn't count. No sword. And this wasn't included in the dare, but wear a tutu. *Snaps fingers*
Link: Fine... *Tries and fails to do the dance*
ACZelda: *Clapping* Congratulations! It takes skill to fail so miserably!
Link: *Embarrassed*
Mimi: Don't worry, she says that to me too. By the way, ACZELDA IS A BAD SENSEI! XP
ACZelda: Long story involving me trying to teach her how to make an origami flying boat that I designed when I was very little, then accidentally tearing my own boat apart and utterly failing to teach her. And Mimi failing in a way I did not think possible. It was still the first time you beat me in an origami boat race! The poor S.S. Linebeck has been lost forever in the creek in front of my house… I shouldn't have named it after a boat that sank.
Linebeck: What was the name of the boat that beat the one named after mine?
ACZelda: It was named after me. The Failed Sensei.
Linebeck: ...Humiliating.
ACZelda: Yeah! Now, on to the next dare! Ganondorf, use Link's back as a drum.
Ganondorf: Gladly.
*Minutes later*
Link: OW! MY BACK! THE PAIN!
ACZelda: Ganondorf, you did it that hard on purpose, didn't you?
Ganondorf: What? No! Why would I EVER do that?
ACZelda: *Sarcasm* I dunno, maybe it has something to do with you two being mortal enemies?
Mimi: Yup
ACZelda: Anyway, Link. You have a few dares to do. *Opens up portals to every water dungeon and the Shadow Temple, all filled with cuccos*
Mimi: Why are water dungeons all hard to beat…
ACZelda: I have no clue.
*A few hours later*
Link: *Jumps out of the first portal, breathing heavily, covered in scratches and feathers, and with Morpha stuck through his sword* I'm… done…
ACZelda: Great! You have a few more to do...
Link: *Starts cursing and crying*
ACZelda: LINK! WHERE DID YOU EVEN LEARN THOSE SWEAR WORDS?
Link: *Wipes away tear* I guess giving us the ability to speak English gave us the knowledge of every word. *Jumps into the next portal, lands on a cucco (), and runs through the temple screaming
ACZelda: This will take a while. *Pulls out the first LoZ game and a blank map*
To be continued in part two!
Ending
(This would be weird on any day except today, so here it is! Be sure to read it! If you do at least your first dare, you might appreciate LoZ more, even if you think you love LoZ more than everyone else.)
ACZelda: And we're almost done! Two things left. First, *summons a giant, Triforce-shaped cake* we can't celebrate an anniversary without some cake!
Link: YAAAY! *Takes a large slice from the Triforce of Courage*
ACZelda: Each Triforce piece is a different type of cake. We have one more dare to do-
Cast: *Groans*
ACZelda: Shut up, it's for the readers. *Looks through the cracked Fourth Wall directly at you* Go play through the first dungeon of the first LoZ, or at least watch a playthrough of it on YouTube. After you're done with that, watch the Switch Presentation trailer of BotW. It will remind you of how far this wonderful series has come over the 31 years!
Also, *Shows hand with a drawn on Triforce* here's a fun idea! Draw a blank Triforce on your hand. Don't be afraid to show the world that you love this series! You might make a friend. If it gets faded, redraw it. On March 1st, fill in one piece. On March 2nd, fill in another. On March 3rd, fill in the last piece. With the full Triforce, the wish you all have of BotW being released shall be granted!
HAPPY LEGEND OF ZELDA ANNIVERSARY, EVERYONE!
*Dashes towards the cake as curtains close*
ACZelda: *Muffled shouting from behind the curtains* Why are you still here?! Go play LoZ! Today isn't complete without doing that!