Talk about Inopportune Locations

Disclaimer: Don't own. Don't sue. Thank you. Anda Faith helped me with this chapter by the way.

Galbatorix took a deep breath and began to read.

Hey peoples, my friend Murtag Ridher dicided to help me write this chapter, since she luffs Murty and I love Ery, so here it is.

"NO!" Murtagh screamed.

"Why is there an h in rider?" Galbatorix asked, sounding mildly interested.

Roran looked hesitantly at him.

"Well?" Galbatorix asked.

"Um, because it's like he's riding her, and she's riding him?" Roran said.

"It's sad, we all know," Angela said.

The king of Alagaësia started reading again, looking slightly cowed.

A/N: Hi, this is Murtagh Ridher, not Eragon Ridher…I'm relly sowy, hun, but I told ya to put mor of me in here! Ya been fcuseing to much on u. And peple! Stop flaming and haking into her acount! Ya'll r idots! Hope ya enjoy this chappie – I detakate it to u Eragon Ridher.

"Why is everything misspelled?" Galbatorix asked.

"I knew he wouldn't last a minute in this book," Murtagh mumbled. "He always yells at me for not using proper grammar when speaking the Ancient Language."

"It's important, boy! Do you want to blow yourself up?" Galbatorix asked.

Amowiel wok up not noing where she was. Her long red hair was faned out round her and her her black eyeflashed futterd open. "Murtagh?" her beautiful voice called, trikling form her plumb red lips. She sat up an looke daround. Her sroundings were very dark and creepy.
"Once again, the authoress fails to use any adjectives to describe places in Urû'baen besides dark and creepy," Arya remarked. Galbatorix looked coolly at the elf. He wasn't the type to put up with interruptions. Everyone decided to shut up and not say anything.
Did my fathr put me down her? She wondered as her emerald eyes fleked with black survayd the drak and creepy room.

"Father?" Galbatorix asked.

"She's your daughter, apparently, as is the other abomination Amowiel," Angela said.

"And you mated with the atrocious older sister I never had," Arya added.

"Did I say you could speak?" Galbatorix roared.

"Well, she is a princess," Eragon remarked.

"Um, I have some authority here," Orrin put in. "We are both kings of rival countries, and she's a princess as the Shadeslayer said, and we need to have at some diplomatic semblance, at least until we're finished."

Galbatorix ignored him and began reading over him.

Amowiel tryed her harest to contact Magdeleniana but she could't feel her. Magdeleniana…

"Who's Magdeleniana?" Galbatorix asked.

"Her dragon," Angela replied. The witch seemed to be the only person in the room who was allowed to say anything. "The third dragon specifically."

"But the third dragon is male," Galbatorix protested.

"This girl's name is Eragon Ridher," Angela said. "Doesn't tell you everything?"

Galbatorix raised his eyebrows at the severe lack of logic and kept reading.

Suddnly the door opend and a very hawt guy was thrwon in. "Murtagh?" Amowiel askted in a smexy voice. Spite of looking like he wa strotured, he was stil dam hawt!
"Murtagh, I really do have to ask you how you and Eragon manage to do that," Roran put in.

Eragon glared at him.

"We're just good like that," Murtagh said with a shrug.

Katrina leaned over Murtagh, Trianna, and Orik to whisper something in Roran's ear. The three people in question rolled their eyes.

"It's bloody unnatural, it is," Orik mumbled. Nobody was sure if he was referring to Roran and Katrina's conversation or to Eragon and Murtagh's constant perfection in the fan fic.

"SHUT UP!" Galbatorix yelled. "I am king and expect to be treated as such."

"We're rebels you know," Nasuada said.

Galbatorix screamed at her wordlessly.

"He seemed so calm last chapter," Katrina remarked to Trianna.

"They always did say he was a bit crazy," Orik remarked.

Galbatorix heard none of this. He was still howling wordlessly at Nasuada, who had currently run for shelter behind Murtagh's chair. Said man didn't seem to mind.

At last Galbatorix started reading again, and Nasuada eventually moved back to her spot.
Amowiel rushed ot his side, an put a pale hand on his face. "Murtagh, waht happend?" Amowiel asked, runnin herh ands over his torn clithes (A/N: soo hawt!).

"I feel so violated," Murtagh mumbled.

"You didn't object to her hiding behind you, and yet you object to this insignificant whore?" Galbatorix asked.

Murtagh opened his mouth to retort, but Galbatorix cut him off and began reading again. Jesus, he's rude.

Murtagh opens his mouth to speek but noting came out. Worid, Amowiel gently leaned down and kissed him, hoping mabey tha twould make him speek. "Amowiel," he moaned inot the kiss. "Galbrattleaxe, he nos about us! He mad me tell him – he nos my ture name… and he nos ar plan ofe scape!"

"When did she switch to present tense?" Trianna asked.

"I may be a mind reader, sorceress, but even I cannot look into her mind as she is not real," Galbatorix growled.

Trianna backed down.

"Well, she was just asking a question," Eragon remarked.

"An impertinent one," Galbatorix said coolly, "And I think the more pressing question is why she mutilated my name so horribly!" His voice got quite loud by the end.

"I've been called everything from Nausea to Anunada to Nadudi," Nasuada put in.

"Yes, but you're a rebel leader. I'm a king," Galbatorix said. Everyone exchanged covert glances. The empire's ruler had a king complex as well as a rude one, or so it seemed.

Amowiel gasped cutely, her plup red lips forming an 'O'. "Is taht why he locked us don here?" she asked, her emerald eyes speckled w/ black widend.
"Yes, and he's dugged me – I ca't do magik… could u heal me?" Murtagh asked, his ruf hand cressing her pale face.
Amowiel shvered dlighfuly at his touch and touched every one of his wunds of trochure. They loked painful, she mutered, "Wise hell." And he was all better, his tanned skin looking very hawt again.
"Well, Roran and your majesty, it looks like we still have hope!" Orik put in sarcastically. "He stopped looking hawt for one second."

Galbatorix hit the poor dwarf over the head with the book and then hit Orrin over the head with it for good measure.

"Why is it always me?" Orrin asked Nasuada as Galbatorix opened back up to the appropriate page.

The Varden's leader shrugged as Galbatorix began to read again.
"I luv you, Amowiel," Murtagh siad pasonately.

"I luve u to, Murtagh." And they kissed pasonately, his long-fingered hands (A/N: U no waht they say abot guys w/ long fingers!) (Here, Murtagh made a strangled noise, Eragon said, "Now you know how I felt when she made the feet comment," and Galbatorix hit them both very hard over the head with the book before continuing with, tangiling in her long silky red hair. He roled over ont op of her as she torn the shirt form is bodi.

(A/N: Sine I am not as good at riting sex scenes, as Eragon Ridher, Sh's writing it for me.)

"Oh, yes," Arya said sarcastically. "It takes a great deal of skill to plagiarize a romance novel."

"Arya, how do you know so much about romance novels?" Nasuada asked.

"I know," Trianna added. "I mean, you don't like pink, yet…"

"Aren't you going to interrupt?" Arya asked Galbatorix.

"Actually, I'm rather enjoying this," the king remarked. "I would call this one step in the right direction towards payback."

Arya took a deep breath and said, "I read a few of those novels when I had free time at the Varden. That's all. Besides, these scenes scream romance novel."

"Since we are done with this, I must continue," Galbatorix said. His eyes bulged as he looked at the pages. "Oh, lords, Murtagh, what would your father say? Well, actually, he'd probably congratulate you, but this is still more than should be written. I mean, take this one section for example."
Thus, the group came to understand what Murtagh meant when he was said that he was tortured.

By the time Galbatorix was done, Murtagh was glowering on the floor underneath his chair.

"How ar we gona get out of here?" Amowiel asked, basking in the aftra glow of their luv, curled up long side her hawttie, Murtagh. "I ca't reach Magdeleniana, can u reach Thorn?"
"They musth ave druged u to then," he said, h olding her close. "Thoug hnot as muc has me. You had enough power to heal me."
"But taht was teh last o fit," Amowiel said sadly, her full cribson lips pouting. "Mabey I'll gain some strenth and get us out. Unless…" she slly glance at the door and puleda way from Murtaghs embrase.

"Her magic ran out?" Trianna asked in a shocked voice. "Will the wonders of Mary Suedom never cease?"
"If you all stop interrupting me and respect me as your king, that will be a wonder," Galbatorix growled.

"Guard?" she asked sexi;y. The gard cam to the smal bard window of the woulden door.
"Yes, milady," the gard asked, he was kind of pathetically enranced by her beuty. "What would a lil miss like u be doin down here? Ya look like royalty."
"Oh," Amowiel giggled cutely. "Actuly I got lost in the castle and loked my selt in here, do u mind lettin me out?"
The gard nodded and she heard the clamging of the keys aginst each other as he shoved then inot the lock. "Ere ou are miss."
Amowiel steped out and nodded her head in his direction. "Thank you, gard, u are diesmissed."

"Never mind," Trianna said. "She just had to use seduction tactics to get out of there, didn't she?"

"Yes, she did. Now let me finish this and turn it over to my next reader," Galbatorix hissed. Trianna was thrown back against her chair before Eragon yelled, "Cut it out."

Galbatorix let Trianna drop as though on a whim and began again after saying, "One more time."

The gard bowned and walked away. Amowiel turned to Murtagh, who remained still. She moshuned for him to follow her, wich he did. "That was good thought," Murtagh said, creeping through the dark and creepy dungons with her. His hand gasping hers. (A/N: soo cute!)
"Now, wej ust have ot find Magdeleniana and Thorn and get out fo her," Amowiel said smarty. "Do u no where tehy ar?"
"Galbrattleaxe never sed, but I wuld gess the cortyard. The gards wouldn't take me anyware near there. Do u think he's kept tehm prisoner there?" Murtagh asked.
Amowiel nodded, filcking a tendirl of red hair over he rsholder. "You ar so smark, Murtagh!" she said, kissing him on the lips.
They rushed to the cortyard and kicked all the gards asses cause tehy mad a good team. And soon they were flying off to Surda to find Amowiel's sister, Eselena and Murtagh's brother, Eragon…

(A/N: I get to start riging again! Eragon Ridher)

Estelena looked up at the Surdan sky. It's deep blue color set off her black-blonde hair to perfection, and it mached her eyes really great too.

"Doesn't she have purple eyes?" Nasuada asked before ducking under her chair to avoid Trianna's punishment.

"Honestly, you throw a few books at somebody and pin one person against a chair?" Galbatorix mumbled.

"And kill all the dragon riders, and enslave people, and kill anyone who does anything even slightly wrong," Arya added under her breath.

"You are so on my list, elf!" Galbatorix yelled. God, he's bipolar.

He sat down and began to read.

Then she saw a strange sight. Tow dragons were in the sky. One was bright red and the other was smaller and brighgt green. The read dragon had two people on it.

Meanwhile, on Thorn's back…

Murtag and Amowiel had gotten tird of waitn to land so they had started going at it. Her's what they were doing.

I AM A RESPECTIBLE CREATURE! Thorn shouted. THERE ARE CERTAIN THINGS THAT SHOULD NOT BE DONE ON MY BACK! Galbatorix went on reading as though nothing had happened.

Don't worry, Saphira comforted. Her nickname for me is Sapphy Brighty.

At least nothing of that particular nature has been done on your back, Thorn said.

Yet, Saphira said cynically.

Finally! Solembum exclaimed. Somebody is getting cynical. It had to happen.

The werecat then stopped his enthusiasm and went back to his normal habits.

Galbatorix finally finished the terrifying and unrealistic lemon and continued with the more appropriate part of the story.

Anyway, Amowiel and Murtag landed looking slightly flushed and rather tousled.

Estelena looked at them and asked, "Whacha doin'?"

Amowiel laughed and said, "None of yo9ur beeswax," with a wink.

They two sisters then hugged.

"I can't believe I"ve never met you before,!" Amowiel exclaimed.

"I know," Estelena said.

"Well, I do remember you from when you were a baby a lil," Amowiel said.

"Aw, was I cute?" Estelena asked.

"Yup," Amowiel said. "Then you and mom disappeared, and now were' reunited. I'm soooooo excited!"
"Me too!" Estelena exlaimced. "Ohen-Briam and I are going to Ellesméra tomorrow. Ya wann come with us?"
"Sure, sis," Amowiel added.

"Count me in," Murtag added pepplily.

"Peppily?" the red rider echoed. "Is that even a word? And since when am I this cheerful?"

"You have a point," Eragon said.

"I am almost done this chapter. Let us stop discussing an out-of-character behavior on the part of my servant and finish this illiterate trash," Galbatorix put in.

With that the three people wne tupstair s to go to sleep. (A/N: DON'T even think threesome. HO sick do you think I am?)

"Sick," everyone, including Galbatorix, put in.

Anyhoo, here are the review responses from chapter nine. (I'm not sresponding to chapter ten cause that fucking whorey pervert hacked it and put in slash (Ew) Fukc you while you burn in hell, you sick perv. I hate your guts. How dare you hack my story, and how the fucdk did you get my password? I feucking changed it! Fukcer!)

Kitty ad Amythest: You DIE!
Random Little Writer: It is soooooooooo not the wrot. Itto. My OCS are sooooooooo not worse than Arya. Raeynne's a wimp. Why do flaws make her goo?
QueenOfTheUnknown: What kinda good reason is there for rejecting Gon-Gon? And Nasuaa sucks. She is tooooo a prude. At least ya've gote sense about Trianna. Angela is to scary. What about the doad thing? Sies, Eragon and Murtag baerely knew Nadauad and Arya, so get over it! Oriin is his name? Kay. I'll be he is a perv. I know there's more to life than sex. IT's all that happens in this fic. The dragons are fine. WTF about Galby? He wouldn't make a better ruler.

"Yes, I would," Galbatorix said.

Everyone looked at each other in sad agreement.

ILUVERAGON: Thnks s much. I'm glad you agree. Finallysomeone with a brain.

Izumi-chan: Asphalt? What's that? WTF did you just say?

Cornelia Claire Chase: Stup accusing me of being a bad blone.

Leyla: I'm glad you like that, but Murtag/Nasuda? Ew!

Jenna: Thanks!

Julia: Ooh. That is cool.

Amy: Yays. Somebody appreciates them.

"Yes, plagiarism must be so hard," Angela mumbled.

CaramelBoost: I don have a disturibn mind. STFU.

Stripysockz: It does not! Nothing's wrong with lemons, and mine are good. S there. Amowiel and Estlena don's have stupid names. Estelena just killed off a perv.

Darth Vyper: No, I know for ltter words other than fuck. See! Than is a for letter word. WTF did you just say?

Lady Exile: IT's sture. I AMO NOT EMO

BobMcBobinton: STFU.

Nyx: I do too deserve to live. Nobody deserves to die, cept you.

Za Webmaster Authoress: Those seesions are fine. Thy'reiportant to the relatioships. STFU.

Fredsonetrueluv: I know what you mean. It was har to write.

PenguiN SlipperS: I wasn't of her own free will. He trick ed her. I dunno why your reading this either. Fuck off.

With that Galbatorix passed the book onto Roran, who mumbled something suspiciously like, "Not again."

That's the end of chapter 11. Sorry it took so long to update. The basic story is that my school does something called Gym Meet every year. It lasts for about three weeks (at leas the practices and performances do), and it runs your life during that time. Last weekend was Gym Meet, so I didn't have much time. Now that they're in Ellesméra, I should have somewhere to run with. Thank you to Anda Faith for helping me out of my writer's block.

Spiritual Bob: Thanks.

Buzz-buzz-buzz-bumble-bee: Yay! Cookies to you!

Cheesey Goodness: Hope you liked it.

Lu: Wrong but funny? That pretty much sums it up. Thanks.

A phan: Thanks.

Kitty and Amethyst: Yeah, Rock Not War did an awesome job.

QueenOfTheUnknown: Thanks. That was a spur-of-the-moment thing.

C.T. Eleczko: Thanks so much. Do you still feel sorry for Galby?

Azulcat: Thanks. I hope you liked Galby's part.

Ketaki Song: Yes, that would be good if they got to Eragon Ridher. I hope you thought this chapter had humor too.

Blaze blue ocean dragon: Quite possibly. You can never tell with Angela. You'll see what happens to Galby.

Random Little Writer: Her fit wasn't as funny as the last one, but I always love doing her review responses.

CelticWater: Thanks. I see what you mean about Eragon. He is rather annoying, isn't he?

Prettybella: I don't know if I can do anymore readers. We'll see though.

GiantWoodenMallet: Thanks. I don't think Solembum can talk in his human form though, or else I would have tried that.

Beowulf-Cryptic: LOL. ADHD, huh? I think my cousin has that. You'll see what'll happen with Galby. It won't be pretty.

WWMTgirl: And he has no idea what he's in for.

JzHill: Yeah, they got it bad. I'll check out that story. I love parodies of that fic.

Stripysockz: Oh, things are already getting ugly. I'm glad you liked that part. I think the reactions are what make the fic. Of course, I need good stuff for them to react to, and that's why the hackers are great helpers. My brain needs to stop abusing itself sometimes.

Invaderem: Their reactions to slash are just too fun.

ANGEL-OF-DEATH6: Quite sadly, yes. She is real. I hope you liked Galby reading. You'll see what'll happen at the end.

Darth Vyper: Yeah, it gets random around here. Glad you liked the hack. It wasn't mine, but you know.

Rock Not War: Thanks. It was awesome. I think Eragon and Murtagh react the best to slash. I hope you liked the Galby chapter. Sorry about Eragon Ridher's cussing fit. I can't control her.

Smelybel: She had a small one. I hope you liked it. Of course it's not over.

If.life.means.nothing.then.die: Thanks. What old times?
Fredsonetrueluv: Yeah, I wish I could bring Ajihad and Brom in. Particularly Ajihad. Imagine that with the Murtagh/Nasuada bits. Don't worry. This story is making sadists everywhere.

Whispering Lillies: I'm glad you think so, and I hope you liked this chapter.

Adrianrod Svit-Kona Sama: Thanks. Sorry about the delay.

Cornelia Claire Chase: Thanks. I do love ding dong moments. LOL. I loved the song rewrite.

Drownedinlight: Somebody hacked My Immortal and killed Ebony by turning her into a prep. It was pretty funny. Um, what's Omake? Sorry, but I don't know.

QueenMab: Well, you've gotta scary funny people. How else would we be able to be friends with Turly if she weren't so funny?

MissMonkey91: Yeah, Rock Not War is pretty funny. Thanks.

Anda Faith: It doesn't have to be slash. Thanks for you help with this one.

DaggerPen: LOL. I hear you about the patience thing. I'm glad you liked that part. Yeah, Murtagh and Nasuada have to learn about subtlety.

CaramelBoost: Thanks. I'm glad you think this is funny. Do you want the truth about Eragon Ridher's story? She has not plot. I think you already knew that, but I like to say it. It makes it both easy and hard to write. Someone wrote a story with this concept in the LotR fandom, I asked her if I could do that for Eragon, she said yes, and Voila.

Mecha Scorpion: Well, this chapter was my own work, plus somebody writing like Eragon Ridher. I hope you liked this chapter. By the way, Galbatorix came to collect Murtagh, and he decided to stay and see what so horrifying about the Sue story. Sorry if you found his appearance bizarre and out of place.

Dark S3cret: LOL. I hope you liked this chapter. Sorry about the wait.

Elf-princess-girl: Glad you like Arya's hissy fits. They're fun.

Za Webmaster Authoress: Yay for pure and uncorrupted. Woot!