"Yesh, ma'am," came Jasper's deep, soft drawl from the other side of the door.
As she opened the door, Esme glanced up, noting the splintering of the frame that she had caused in her earlier haste. "Looks like it's my turn to do some repair work around the house for a change."
"I'll take care of that, Momma. It's nothing fer ya ta concern yerself with."
Turning away from the door, the matriarch found her son standing stiffly at the foot of his bed with his hands neatly clasped before him. To her surprise, the youth had gone to the trouble of getting dressed in a pair of black jeans and a dark royal blue buttoned-down shirt. A black waistcoat and socks completed the Major's ensemble, but his characteristic boots were nowhere to be seen. A thought suddenly troubled Esme.
"Were you planning on going out, Jazz?"
"No, ma'am, least not fer a long stretch if I reckon right."
"Then why?" She motioned toward him with her hand to indicate his state of dress.
"It would have been disrespectful to remain as I was. A soldier is expected to dress proper fer ah court-martial," he replied clearly, and gave an abbreviated nod.
Esme glanced down to hide a smile. She could always count on Jasper to revert to protocol when stressed, but the fact that he had apparently chosen to dress in black and blue for his expected chastisement stuck her as amusing.
Moving to close the door, she cleared her throat and corralled her run away emotions before turning back to her soldier.
"Major, there is no need to stand on such formality. It's just me — no court."
Retaining his ridged posture, Jasper sighed to himself.
"Then I take it Carlisle is too angry ta properly deal with me himself. Can't says that I blame him none, and aint all that surprised."
In a swift, smooth motion, the soldier boy unbuckled his belt and slipped it from around his waist before presenting it to his mother.
"Where would ya like me, ma'am?"
"Oh no, baby, you misunderstand. I'm not here to reprimand you," she assured while gently pushing the belt wielding hand away. "I'm here to talk."
"Momma, with all due respect, I don't see that there's much ta be said. I admit that I went out there with some pretty evil plans for Bradley. He roughed Alice up, and I wanted satisfaction fer my wife. Bustin' up that truck seemed the mildest thing I could do given how I was feelin'. Can't say I'm proud of what I've done, but I'm not ashamed, and I don't regret it, neither."
"Sweetheart." Esme plucked the belt from his hand and tossed it on the bed before reaching up to brush a strand of hair out of his eyes. "I'm not here to talk about what you've done wrong. I need for you to tell me what mistakes I've made with you."
Jasper's brow furrowed as he pulled away from her touch.
"I... I don't understand."
Grasping his hand gently, Esme led Jasper to the bed where she took a seat before patting the space next to her. The little brunette winced when the youth grunted softly as his rump touched the mattress. She had hoped that the pain would have lessened by now, but apparently she had been just as harsh as she feared. Drawing a calming breath, the matriarch turned to face her son.
"I know that I did something to upset you, honey. I could feel it."
"I didn't mean too..."
"It wasn't anything that you did," she quickly corrected his assumption. "This is just something that I know. Call it a mother's intuition. The entire process felt wrong to me, and I don't know what made me think it would be a good idea to take that belt to you."
"That would be because I earned it, ma'am," he interrupted while giving his mother a cocky grin. "There was no harm in that."
"No, you didn't earn that sort of treatment, Jazz. No one ever deserves something like that."
"Momma, you listen to me." Jasper caught Esme's hand and held it gently. "What I did to you is something that I am deeply ashamed of. You say that punishing me felt wrong from the start. Well, I felt the same from the moment I took advantage of you. I kept thinking, or more like hoping, that if I gave it enough time, the feeling would just up and go away, but it didn't. Instead it continued to grow and made me feel worse. Having you take a strip out of my hide was the first thing that felt right. I knew better than to pull that crap on you. All you did was reinforce that fact. You needed to do that for your peace of mind, and I needed to have it done for mine."
Maintaining his hold on his mother's hand, Jasper lowered his head and focused on a fleck of dirt soiling the knee of his jeans.
"I did you wrong, Momma. I don't want you to be beating yourself up for knocking me back in line when I needed it. You only did what you had to do and nothing more. I respect you for that."
"But I know that I must have done something wrong, and Carlisle has confirmed my suspicion."
Jasper closed his eyes while giving a frustrated huff. "He shouldn't have said anything."
"Yes, he should have — or you should have." Esme said as she brushed the back of her free hand against his cheek. "When I hurt you, I need to know. I love you, Jasper. You are my heart, baby. I want nothing but good things for you. I know that I can't protect you from everything, not that you would want me to, but I can see to it that I don't cause you needless suffering."
Reaching out again, she tipped his head up until their eyes met. "Don't ever be afraid to talk to me, or tell me when I've done something wrong. Now, please, baby, tell me what I did to upset you."
"Momma." The southerner bit the tip of his tongue and snorted out a breath before quickly looking away from his mother's questioning gaze. "It's nothing. Really. It was just some silly shit."
Cupping her hand against his cheek, Esme forced Jasper to look at her.
"If it bothered you, it isn't silly."
"It is."
"Please, Jasper, tell me. Help me to be a better mother to you and your siblings."
"Christ on a pogo stick, Momma, you couldn't be any better. Look at everything you put up with. Most would have tossed in the towel, but not you. You already go beyond what anyone should, and what do you get in return? My bullshit, and yet you're still willing to be here for me. What more can I ask?"
"There is always room for improvement. I hardly feel as wonderful as you're trying to make me out to be, honey. Frankly, right now I feel like a downright failure."
"You have never failed anyone, least of all me."
Jasper brought his mother's hand to his lips and kissed it gently before releasing his grip. As she drew away, he leaned his elbows on his knees and cradled his head in his hands. "I don't want you to feel that way. That's the reason that Papa should have never said anything to you. I thought that I could trust him, but I should have just kept my big mouth shut. Y'all don't keep secrets from each other anyway."
"What is it, Jazz? What did you tell Carlisle?"
Glancing up, he looked at his mother through a glistering haze of withheld tears.
"Momma, do you forgive me? Can you find it in your heart to forgive me for tricking you, lying to you, and just being an all around horrible son?"
"You are no such thing. You are a wonderfully caring person who it gives me great pleasure to call my son. Of course I forgive you, Jazz, but we're not dealing with what happened last night. That will be for you and your father to discuss."
"This isn't about last night; I'm talking about yesterday afternoon. About all that happened at school and after." The youth swallowed at the hard lump forming in his throat. "And I'm talking about the pure hell that I put you through by making you believe that I was afraid of you."
Esme touched her soldier's hand, but he flinched away as if her fingers burned him.
"Yes, Jasper. You have already been forgiven for all of those things. I know that yesterday was exceptionally difficult for..."
"No," he barked in slightly elevated voice. "Do not make excuses for me. I should have never acted the way that I did. I'm not asking for sympathy. That's not what I need, Momma. I fucked up. I've got that. I just want to know that I'm forgiven."
"You have been."
"But you never told me that. I know that I shouldn't have to hear it, but when you turned away from me..."
"When did I turn away?" Esme interrupted as her eyes widened in disbelief that she could have done such a thing.
"After you put me to bed. I..." Jasper stopped and scrubbed his hands over his face. "I wanted you to stay with me. I... God, I can't believe that I'm saying this." The boy looked to the petite woman sitting still and silent at his side. Inhaling deeply, he swallowed hard then mumbled so low that the words were difficult for even Esme's sensitive hearing to decipher. "I needed to be held and reassured that things were okay between us." In a stronger tone, he quickly continued. "I hate feeling this way. I really shouldn't. I used to be tougher than ... Oh, crap, Momma. I just needed to know that you still love me."
Rubbing a hand over his hunched shoulders, Esme cooed softly. "Baby, I could never stop loving you."
"I know that in my head, but when you left I felt..." Jasper shook his head and turned away.
The matriarch could guess at what her son was reluctant to say. Esme knew that Jasper was trying to protect her feelings by doing his best to withhold his own. She had been right. She had wounded him deeply, but her brave soldier continued to place her well being before his own.
"You felt unloved or unwanted," she stated in a quiet tone meant to encourage him to continue.
"I felt abandoned," came his whispered reply. "I reached out to you at the moment you walked away. I know that you weren't dismissing me, but..."
"It still seemed like I was," Esme finished the statement as a tear trickled down her cheek.
Jasper glanced back at her, his black eyes glistening in the subdued light that filtered through the shaded window.
"I know better. I shouldn't have let myself feel like that; not after all that you've done for me. You've treated me far more fairly than I would have in your place. You did your best to keep me out of trouble with Carlisle, even though I've done a great job of digging myself in after the fact. I shouldn't ... I couldn't ask for more. You have always gone above and beyond for Alice and me, and now I'm ashamed for seeming so ungrateful."
"You don't sound ungrateful. You're just being honest, and you're right. You should have never felt abandoned. That's my oversight, baby. I should have made sure that you knew that you had my forgiveness. I shouldn't have left until I knew that you felt safe and loved."
Jasper shook his head. "You shouldn't have to do that. I didn't grow up being coddled after I was punished fer messing crap up. I was taught 'what's done, is done'. Ya jest pick yerself up and move on. I jest... I jest don't know what's wrong with me."
Hearing her boy's drawl come through cause Esme's heart to ache. She recognized it as a sign of the heavy toll the emotional upheaval was taking on him, and needed to do something to ease his suffering.
"Honey, there isn't a thing wrong with you," she assured, while rubbing his forearm lightly. "That may have been the way that you were raised, but that's not the way that this family functions. You've learned to expect reassurance. That's not a bad thing. On the contrary, it's a wonderful thing. Do you know why?"
Glancing at her steadily for a few seconds, he swallowed back the venom that choked him and shook his head.
"Because it means that you've settled in and know that you're part of this family. You know how your siblings are treated and want to be treated the same. There's nothing wrong in that at all. It's how things should be."
Esme carded her fingers through his hair and felt him lean into her touch as he finally began to relax.
"It was me, Jasper. I was the one who was wrong here, not you, and I'm going to need your forgiveness. I should have stayed to make sure that you were alright. I was too caught up in my fear of failing to notice how I was actually failing you.
I thought that my presence was making things harder on you emotionally since I couldn't control my self-doubt and didn't want it to infect you. I'm sorry, sweetie. I really thought that what I was doing was in your best interest, but obviously I was wrong. While I can't take my blunder back, I can promise that I won't let that ever happen again. Can you forgive me?"
Jasper continued to watch her thoughtfully for several long seconds before lowering his gaze.
"That's the silliest question I ever did hear, Momma. As if I could ever stay upset with you. You're my momma. In my eyes, you're damn near perfect. Almost as perfect as Alice."
She tipped her head enough to catch his eye.
"So, we're still friends?" she inquired.
A light smile formed on his lips as he gave a little snort.
"Always."
"Then would it be alright for me to make another request of you?"
Jasper lifted his head, his face a mask of serious concern. "You can ask anything of me, Momma. If it's within my power, you know I'll do it. What is it? What can I do for you?"
"Can I have a hug? I could really use one right now."
With a smile and a shake of his head, Jasper scooted closer and enveloped Esme in his strong arms. Laying his cheek on the top of her head, he blew out a quiet sigh.
"I should have just asked you to stay with me," he murmured while hugging her tight. "That would have saved us a lot of grief."
"You shouldn't have to ask. I'm just not very good at this disciplinary game. I think we're all better off if I leave this part of parenting up to your father."
"I think you do a damn fine job. One little rough patch doesn't discredit your ability to keep our buck wild behinds in order. My stubborn ass learned a powerful lesson."
Drawing away slightly, she looked up into the youth's face.
"You might want to curb your language around Carlisle," she warned before sighing deeply. "And I don't know, Jasper. You left the house and went where I specifically told you not to go. That doesn't sound like the actions of a young man who learned his lesson."
"I didn't hurt him. I wanted to. I wanted to hurt him really bad for having the audacity to put his hands on Alice. That desire is pure instinct, Momma. It doesn't respond very well to reason. It knows what needs doing and makes it happen, but you know what? Somewhere in the back of my head, I knew how upset you would become if I injured Bradley DeYoung."
The soldier drew an easy breath, then went on.
"I knew that you would already be disappointed in me for leaving the house against orders. I didn't want to deepen that emotion. I'll admit that a few other factors came into play which made following through with what I wanted to do seem wrong, but you are the main reason that child is alive today. The outcome may not have been ideal, but it beats the alternative, and I think it proves that you make one fine disciplinarian. Don't you think or let anyone tell you otherwise."
Studying his earnest expression for a few moments, Esme suddenly glanced down while heaving a huge sigh.
"I guess I need the ideal outcome for my own peace of mind."
"That there is a mighty elusive thing. Even Papa has a mess of trouble trying to reach that goal. He generally just has to settle for adequate outcomes. As long as nobody dies, we can consider it a good day." He graced his mother with with a sly smirk that caused her to grin. "Now that's more like it. A pretty lady should always be sportin' a smile."
"How do you do that?"
"Do what?" he asked with a quirk of a brow.
"I was hoping to make you feel better, but you turned the tables on me and lifted my spirits instead."
"It's a gift." Jasper smiled before pulling her back into a powerful yet tender embrace. "If it helps," he whispered at her ear. "You have made me feel a great deal less anxious. Just knowing that things are still good with us makes facing Carlisle a little less disheartening. I can handle one of you angry at me, but both is much harder to take."
"Carlisle isn't angry, sweetheart. He's disappointed and probably a little hurt. He has a nearly unshakable faith in your character, so it hurts him when you do something that makes him feel as if he should question the level of trust he so freely put in you."
"And that's not really an improvement on anger," Jasper stated while lowering his head onto her shoulder.
Esme ran her fingers through the boy's hair to soothe him.
"Everything will be alright, baby. You know that Carlisle is quick to forgive."
"When he understands," Jasper agreed, then amended his statement. "But I don't think Papa is going to understand this time. Within hours of having my tail lit up, I went against your order and took off with a mind to do something that is the ultimate in wrong according to Papa's rules. Had I killed that kid, it wouldn't have been an accident. Papa can understand and forgive accidents, but I doubt he's as lenient when it comes to malicious revenge."
"You might be surprised. There was that issue that Rosalie had when she was newly born to this life. Besides, you were defending Alice. You were trying to eliminate the possibility of a future threat." The matriarch sighed before easing her son back so she could see his expression. The worry on his face shattered her heart as much as the tinges of fear and regret she felt coming from him. "Carlisle does understand that, but he worries about you too much to let this behavior go without recompense. He knows how hard you are on yourself when you make a mistake, so how much worse do you think that would become if you acted with premeditated intent? That's not something your father is willing to risk finding out."
"I don't want to, either," he confided in a whispered response. "I don't want to revert to what I was."
"You won't, honey. You're a different person now, and you should know that Carlisle recognizes those changes in you. He praised your restraint. Walking away from that hunt had to be incredibly difficult, but you did it, and that fact has made your father very proud."
"He shouldn't be proud of that since I shouldn't have been there in the first place. If I had only listened to you..."
Esme shushed Jasper as he began to castigate himself. "What did you tell me about your human view of naughty behavior and punishment? What's done, is done, correct?"
The southerner nodded.
"You can't change what happened, Jazz, and there's no point in you ruminating over it. What you can do is take precautions to see that it doesn't happen again, and that's going to start with accepting the consequences that Carlisle deems fitting."
"He'll get no arguments from me. He can flay my hide clean off, and he won't hear a peep of protest. Whatever he decides I deserve, I'll accept." Jasper gave a sharp nod, then frowned in confusion at the bitter look of sorrow in his mother's eyes. "Why...?"
"Carlisle has come to a decision. It wasn't an easy one by any means, but as hard as it was for him to make, it will be twice as difficult for you to accept. I'm worried, Jasper. I'm worried for the both of you."
"There's no need in worrying about me, Momma. I'm even tougher than I look," the soldier quipped with a cocky grin that was meant to put the woman at ease, but her expression didn't alter.
"I don't want to see either of you get hurt."
"I don't see how my tail can come out of this without being on fire, but Papa wouldn't do me harm."
"Sweetheart, just promise me one thing."
"Anything, Momma."
"Promise that if things turn sour, you will think of me the same way you did last night when you turned away from the temptation to kill that young man. Whatever helps you maintain control, I want you to do it."
Jasper's gazed turned to one of confusion, but he nodded.
"Yes, ma'am. You have my word. I'll conduct myself the best way I know how."
His mother's mournful expression boggled the Major's mind. This was hardly his first rodeo, and he had always tried to remain respectful and submissive to Carlisle whenever he found himself on the receiving end of the patriarch's discipline. There had been a few hiccups here and there, but ultimately he always respected his leader's authority. Esme knew that, but she still showed so much trepidation that Jasper found himself growing more nervous by the second.
Regulating his breathing to calm himself, the youth reached into his pocket for his phone — his electronic security blanket and link to Alice. As his fingers brushed the empty space, he groaned quietly.
"What's wrong, baby?"
"I was going to text Alice and make sure that she's doing alright. I don't like her being in trouble at school like this. She has never had to serve detention before. Sitting in that empty room by herself is going to make her batshi... She's going to have a hard time quietly sitting there. If she had to pull detention, I would have rather be at her side so I could keep her calm."
"And you would rather have her here by your side to offer the same support," Esme said with a smile as she produced her own phone and handed it to her son. "Here. Use mine. It's near lunchtime so you can probably call and talk to her for a few minutes. You can be a tonic for each other, but don't stay on too long. We wouldn't want to upset your father any more than he already is. I don't recall him restricting your phone privileges, but since he still has yours confiscated, we can make a reasonable assumption that he doesn't want you on it."
"You don't have to do this, Momma."
"I know that I don't, Jazz. I'm doing it because I want to, and because I think talking to Alice might do you some good."
Jasper took the phone and gave his mother a smile of gratitude, then stood with her as she rose from the bed.
"Carlisle and I are going out for a short hunt. Will you be alright?"
"Yes, ma'am. I'll be fine now," he reassured with a glance the phone in his hand. "Go enjoy yourselves. You shouldn't have to stay cooped up all day with me."
"Do not leave this house, Jasper Monroe Whitlock Cullen. Am I making myself clear this time?"
"Crystal. I'm just going to stay in my room and read. I feel safe in saying that Papa doesn't want me watching movies, playing video games, or anything like that. I'll keep my nose clean, and I swear that you won't hear a peep out of me.
Now go on and git. Y'all deserve ta have a little fun. Besides, I know that it isn't the four-legged deer that Papa is on the prowl for. He had a different menu in mind before Chief Swan showed up. I don't want my screw up ruining your whole day. Shoot, you might be able to get him back to a happier place so he won't be so hard on my disobedient behind."
Jasper gave his mother a devilish grin, causing her to slap his shoulder playfully.
"Behave, Major. We won't be long."
"Hm. Never took Papa for the bump and go jackrabbit type. Minute man?"
"Jasper!"
A peal of laughter rose from the boy, making his mother smile despite her embarrassment. After all that they had been through, the sound was music to the matriarch's ears.
"Mind yourself, young man and call your wife. I'm sure she's worried and could use some reassurance."
"Yes, ma'am. That is a command with which I'm only too happy to comply."
Giving Esme a final hug and quick kiss on the cheek, Jasper walked her her out and closed the door softly behind her. Leaning with his back against the smooth, cool wood, he shut his eyes as he listened to his mother's descending footsteps. The hushed sounds of muttering voices preceded the opening and closing of the front door, and then he was finally alone.
Releasing a held breath, the empathic soldier dropped his guard and allowed his emotions to rush from him in a torrent. The loneliness he felt from being out of touch with his mate, the confusion brought on my his mother's cryptic words, the fear of just punishment, and the annoyance with himself — they all burst forth and filled the empty house with a crushing wave of negativity.
No longer required to keep his motions bottled up, the boy felt a sense of peace as the anxiety, regret, and anger bubbled forth to dissipate into the ether.
With the suffocating weight lifting, Jasper found room for a new emotion. Opening his eyes, he glanced at the phone in his hand and felt the first twinge of hope in days. Esme had forgiven him. Even after the manipulation and deception, his mother forgave and loved him. There was only one more hurtle to cross. Once he faced his father and endured his punishment this entire thing would be put behind them, allowing him to move on. That dim light at the end of the tunnel was starting to look brighter, and Jasper couldn't be more pleased.
Crossing back to his bed, he flopped down and hugged Alice's pillow while quickly punching her number into his mother's phone.
"Jazzy? Oh, thank God, it's you."
"What's wrong, Alice," he asked, immediately finding himself back on guard.
"You need to ask Daddy for permission to hunt. He'll give it to you. He's out hunting now to help him remain calm, and you need to do the same. You can't afford to lose your temper this evening. You need to keep in mind that I'm always safe with you at my side and Daddy would never hurt me."
"Hummingbird, what does any of this have to do with the price of tea in China?"
"I saw Daddy come to a decision on our punishments." There was a pause that sent all of Jasper's warning bells ringing before his mate continued in a hushed tone. "He's going to punish us together."
As they stepped out of the tree line that surrounded their property, Carlisle and Esme were hit with a wave of icy fury. Looking towards the house, they spotted the tall, slender form of their empathic son hulking in the doorway.
"I thought everything was alright with Jasper when we left," Carlisle softly stated. "What could have happened?"
Esme forced herself to breathe through the projected anger as she pondered her husband's question. The moment she was stuck with a sense of dread involving her phone and a call to Alice, their son's bellow echoed in her ears.
"What in the hell are you thinking, Carlisle?! Is this some sort of death wish? Are you completely oblivious to the danger you were putting yourself in? Do you really want to make Esme a widow and saddle me with that sort of guilt? God damn you, Carlisle! What the fuck? Have you lost your fucking mind?"
"Looks like the cat is out of the bag. Maybe that anger management course isn't such a bad idea after all," the doctor whispered to his mate as he gave her hand a reassuring squeeze before releasing it to step away and face his irate son alone.
AN: At least Jasper will have some time to mentally prepare himself now... if Carlisle can get him calm. It seems that Carlisle and I have more faith in Jazz's restraint than he does. I wasn't expecting him to blow up yet, so this will be interesting. I would not want to be in the Papa's shoes, but he's a smart old man; he'll handle whatever comes his way.
Thanks for keeping me going, guys. The reviews and all mean more than you could ever know.
Now I have a mess of stuff to type up for Dark Justice, and I really need to check in on Little Carlisle and Ele, so until next time...