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kono sekai no hate made yamai no you ni
Until this world ends, it's like a disease
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By the time Yuuri and Lieven got to the stables, Wolfram and his men were just about to head out. Kostya had told Wolfram about the confrontation with Yuuri earlier, and Wolfram had been tempted to leave immediately to avoid another one when Yuuri realized where he was. But that would have been cowardly. In the end, he'd continued preparations as if it was any other morning, deciding that if he left before Yuuri found him this way, it wouldn't be running – it would simply be bad timing.

Unfortunately, his timing hadn't been quite bad enough. The supplies were packed and most of the soldiers were mounted when Yuuri and Lieven burst into the stables. Wolfram winced. This could get embarrassing.

"Wolfram, where do you think you're going?" Yuuri may have been trying to sound powerful and commanding, but mostly he sounded petulant.

"Training," Wolfram answered succinctly. Now that this seemed inevitable, he really wanted this over with.

Lieven had made his way to Wolfram's horse and grabbed the reigns. "We never finished that conversation at breakfast. You should at least hear us out before you leave."

Wolfram shook his head. "I doubt there's anything more that you can say that hasn't been said."

"You were barely able to walk yesterday when you got back!" Lieven retorted. "You can't pretend that it's all better this morning."

"It's fine. I have a medic, and I'll trust his assessment over yours, thank you," Wolfram said, stiffly.

Lieven and Yuuri both turned accusing eyes on Kostya. He nodded seriously, trying not to appear overly intimidated. "Von Bielefeld-kaka's heath is adequate for today's excursion, Heika, Kaka."

"That doesn't mean much," Yuuri protested. "I mean, look around – you're all being worked until you fall!"

There were uncomfortable shuffling and muttering from Wolfram's men. Wolfram sighed.

"I offered this before and I will offer it again. These exercises are purely voluntary. Anyone who wishes to stay behind and train with other squads is permitted to do so without any censure or penalties. Otherwise, I will gladly accept your continued cooperation and assistance."

"Yes sir!" The men chorused together enthusiastically. Wolfram looked pointedly at Yuuri.

"I ask nothing that I will not offer myself. Does that satisfy you, Yuuri?"

"What? No!" Yuuri exclaimed. "Have you been listening to a single thing we've said? Working yourself sick doesn't make anything okay, and nothing makes it okay for you to work yourself sick! I had no idea things were this bad when I was gone. You must have known it was wrong if you felt you needed to hide it from me."

Wolfram shook his head. "You don't understand. You're not from here, so I wouldn't expect you to." There were soft murmurs of agreement from his troops. Wolfram shot them a glare and they quieted down. "Service isn't a burden, it's a privilege. Our lives are not sorely our own, therefore our pain is not solely our own. Whatever we can bear we will. This is our role and our place." This time, there was a short, sharp cry, almost a bark that rose out of the throats of every one of Wolfram's men. It echoed throughout the stables, then died. Wolfram sat on his horse, back erect, every inch the proud prince Yuuri had met almost three years ago.

"I… don't care," Yuuri said slowly. "I don't care about service and roles and pride. I care about you, and you're hurting yourself. Nothing could possibly be worth this." He looked desperately at Lieven. "Right?"

Lieven shifted nervously, dropping Wolfram's reigns. "I… I dunno, Heika. I've never served in the army, so this is kinda alien to me, but… I think Wolfram might be right, here."

Yuuri shook his head. "No, that's not the point." He turned his full attention back to Wolfram. "Even if you're right, you're going about it the wrong way, I'm sure of it. You don't have to do everything by yourself. Please, Wolfram, don't… don't go."

As Yuuri spoke, Wolfram's face hardened. At Yuuri's soft request, Wolfram answered, in a harsh voice, "Is that an order, Heika?"

Yuuri wanted to say 'yes'. It would keep Wolfram here, and they could talk about this. If it was really that important, maybe Yuuri could help. All he needed to do was use his power as Maou, as Wolfram's king, and order him to stay.

But. But then what? Would Yuuri do that every time Wolfram disagreed with him? Yuuri wanted to think that that was ridiculous, that he'd never abuse his powers that way, and yet. Here he was. And here Wolfram was, watching him with cold eyes, expecting Yuuri to act like a tyrant, without even trying to understand Wolfram's point of view. And why not? Hadn't that been how Yuuri had acted since he arrived in Shin Makoku, refusing to listen to Wolfram, dismissing him as the bratty little brother even though he had almost five times the life experience Yuuri had.

Yuuri bowed his head. "No. I'm not going to order you to do anything. I… I trust you, Wolfram." He looked up and met Wolfram's surprised eyes. "I want you to take care of yourself, but I'm not going to take away your freedom to keep you safe from yourself. I just hope you can talk to me about this and… other stuff."

Wolfram's surprised look faded away into a more familiar, fond expression. "Talk, talk, talk… that's such a wimpy way of dealing with things. When I can show you what we've achieved… I'll talk with you then." Wolfram smiled and it transformed his entire face. "Until then, just… wish me luck." Without waiting for a response, Wolfram kicked his horse into action, leading his troops to their training.

"Luck Wolfram," Yuuri whispered as he watched Wolfram leave.

Lieven came up beside Yuuri, watching with him as the last of Wolfram's men left the stables. "Do you know what you need, Heika? A stiff drink."

Yuuri laughed harshly. "I'm underage."

Lieven clasped a hand on his shoulder. "Fine then. I'll get a stiff drink and you can watch. C'mon, I'll listen to your story – no one gets that sad without wanting to tell someone."

"Fine." Yuuri allowed Lieven to lead him from the stables. "But only on one condition."

"Hmm?"

"You have to call me 'Yuuri'."

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"…sounds like it's been rough."

"I guess." It hadn't really seemed that important at the time. Wolfram's health had declined so gradually that Yuuri hadn't really been worried enough to do anything about it until Gisela had pointed it out to him. He'd been more worried about Wolfram's attitude, which was actually more understandable. And at least partly, Yuuri's own fault. He hadn't told Lieven about his new habit of… well… smelling Wolfram whenever they had a moment alone. It was as embarrassing as it was involuntary, and Yuuri felt awkward enough sharing his fear that Wolfram was withdrawing in anticipation of his inevitable departure for Grantz.

The only reason Yuuri felt comfortable sharing this much with Lieven was that Lieven had listened without any sign of judging Yuuri or Wolfram. Also, Lieven had a right to know about Wolfram's behaviour considering that he might have indirectly been the cause of some of it.

For the sake of privacy, they'd retired to Lieven's chamber, where Lieven hadn't actually had a stiff drink, it being just after breakfast. Lieven had listened to Yuuri's story without a word until Yuuri had finished. When Yuuri was done, he felt slightly better and waited for Lieven's reaction.

Unfortunately, it looked like all Lieven had to offer was sympathy. He didn't seem to have any more ideas than Yuuri did.

They sat together in comfortable silence, both their thoughts revolving around the same topic and neither coming to any sort of conclusion.

"Hey, Lieven," Yuuri said abruptly. "What you said back there, about Wolfram being right when he said all that stuff…"

"Ah, sorry." Lieven rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "I didn't mean to undermine our plan that way, It kinda just slipped out."

Yuuri shook his head. "No, it's not that. It's just… what did you mean? What did he mean? I just don't get it."

Lieven was quiet for a while before speaking again. "Now, you have to keep in mind that I was never in the army. When I turned 16, I chose to go into politics instead, which is a much more… selfish and insular field. But I can tell what makes a good military leader. When Wolfram spoke of the privilege of service, shared pain… I don't really understand those things, but I could tell that he believed in them and so did his men. That's part of what makes someone a good leader, finding something that everyone following you can hold on to. I don't know if it's just Wolfram's troop or the army in general, but that's what they believe in. You can't just… take that away from someone. As soon as he invoked those terms, the argument was over – you could have gotten what you wanted but you couldn't have won."

Yuuri nodded. He didn't know any the exact details any more than Lieven did, but the larger picture was clearer. Lieven continued.

"When he said you wouldn't understand… that wasn't something to make you look bad or anything, I don't think. Wolfram doesn't do stuff like that. I think he was just explaining to his men why you were there, telling him to stay behind. 'Cause going against the belief system would have been bad, but being ignorant is expected. After all, it's what makes him and his men special and separate." Lieven paused pensively. "He was actually kinda protecting you from his troop's distain. At least, I think that was what was happening."

Yuuri remembered Wolfram's smile before he left. It wasn't really Wolfram's smile at all. It was Conrad's – the one that said 'I've got this, trust me'. Wolfram had never asked Yuuri to trust him; he'd never had to, his actions had always been beyond reproach. But now, apparently, Yuuri's lack of faith was forcing him to ask for Yuuri's trust. And Yuuri had given it, but only reluctantly. Yuuri groaned and let his head fall on the table. "Wolfram's working himself sick and I'm just making it worse, making him protect me." He looked up at Lieven's surprised face. "Lieven how do I fix this?"

Lieven blinked, rather unused to seeing a moping Maou. "I… I have no idea, Heika."

"You promised to call me 'Yuuri'," Yuuri complained. "Everyone always forgets that…"

"Yuuri-heika…" Yuuri glared. Lieven coughed a little. "…Yuuri. I really have no idea what to do about Wolfram. Have you talked to him about this directly?"

"No," Yuuri answered, letting his head loll. "I see him at most once or twice a day, always on his way in or out. He never has any time for anyone. Except Greta."

Lieven hesitated, then patted Yuuri on his head. "She's worried too. Not just about Wolfram, either. You know, she thinks this is her fault."

"What?" Yuuri sat up. "That's ridiculous! Wolfram adores her!"

Lieven chuckled. "That's what I said. But she's convinced that he's doing this for her in some way."

Yuuri frowned. It was… possible. He didn't see how what Wolfram was doing could possibly be for Greta's sake, but if he was that would explain why he was willing to go all out. Even so… "That's probably just Greta feeling guilty. I should really spend more time with her now that Wolfram's gone more often…"

Lieven nodded. "She's been keeping pretty busy with the preparations for the festival, but after that… She's a strong child. She'll adapt eventually, but having a steady other father's presence would be really helpful."

Yuuri shot Lieven a curious look. "How do you know so much about Greta all of a sudden?"

"Ah, well…" Lieven looked embarrassed. "I wasn't originally supposed to be the heir to Grantz. So when I went into politics, my grandfather had to find something for me to do. I have a lot of experience with children, mostly working with orphans and refugees from the war. Greta's clearly been… hurt in the past. But she's stronger for it. All she needs is affection and stability and she'll flourish. Like she has been over these past few years, with you and Wolfram."

"And Anissina and Gwendal and everyone…" Yuuri added. Sometimes they were more of a family for her than he could be. "I guess this is a pretty good place to be if you're cute and innocent."

Lieven laughed. "Well, you'd know." Yuuri looked mildly affronted, which only made Lieven laugh harder. "Hey, wanna get in the way of the party no one will let you help with? I'll get us out of any trouble, promise."

Yuuri grinned. Lieven was obviously a bad influence. "Sure, let's."

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Yuuri toweled off his hair as he returned to his room after his bath. He'd had a pretty good day, overall. Lieven's idea of getting out of trouble had involved standing behind Yuuri and hissing 'apologize' in Yuuri's ear. Strangely enough, it worked every time. It had been fun. Yuuri couldn't remember the last time he'd had a day off and a friend to enjoy it with.

Wolfram had sent a message with one of the kohi that indicated he'd be back soon. Greta, after both Cheri-sama and Anissina had required her help, had been worked to the point of exhaustion and had been barely able to keep her eyes open during supper. She had fallen asleep immediately once Yuuri put her to bed. So Wolfram would come directly here tonight.

Unless he was sleeping in his old room again. Yuuri hoped not; Wolfram was really warm, and he was slightly chilled by the night air after the bath.

His conversation with Lieven had made Yuuri sure of one thing. He didn't understand Wolfram at all. He didn't understand his motivations or his reasons or his explanations. Yuuri had to keep constantly reminding himself that Wolfram wasn't just another guy his age – he was a fully trained soldier and noble with over 80 years of experience… just living. Yuuri barely had 18.

Yuuri had never really had the patience to figure Wolfram out. There was never any good reason to – Wolfram was… not unimportant, exactly, just… kinda there. Like furniture. You never really asked yourself why that chair squeaked or that table rocked. You just worked around it. And if it bothered you enough, you threw it out and bought a new one.

Yuuri frowned. That comparison had gone somewhere he wasn't entirely comfortable with.

Ah well, putting that aside, Yuuri had a plan. Wolfram was never in much of a mood for conversation when he got back from training, but Yuuri had asked the cooks to prepare a choice selection of light snack-sized portions of food. With Wolfram's recent appetite, he'd probably be willing to eat a bit before sleeping. It wasn't so much a bribe as it was…

Okay. It was a bribe. And Yuuri'd even throw in an apology, even though he still kinda thought he was right. It wouldn't be the first time he'd apologized to Wolfram without meaning it. It was, after all, the Japanese thing to do.

Yuuri was interrupted from his thoughts by the door opening and closing. Wolfram looked drained, but not half-dead like he had last night. Yuuri smiled. "Hungry, Wolf?"

Wolfram mustered enough energy to glare. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Yuuri sighed. Wolfram was still upset. And an upset Wolfram was a sensitive Wolfram. "Nothing. I just thought you'd like a snack before bed."

Wolfram ran his hand through his hair, a nervous habit that Yuuri had always thought was pretty cute. Even when he'd do it just before declaring Yuuri a wimp. He looked about to snap something else when his stomach grumbled, making him jump. Yuuri bit back a laugh.

Wolfram's glare was tinged with embarrassment now, but it still remained on his face. Yuuri sighed again. This was probably not the best time to laugh. "I… I'm sorry about earlier today. I talked with Lieven a bit and he explained some stuff to me. I would appreciate it if we could talk about it while you eat?"

Now Wolfram mostly just looked embarrassed. "That's… thanks for thinking of me, Yuuri, and thanks for the food, but talking about what we argued about this morning… that's impossible."

Yuuri nodded and gestured towards the food invitingly. Wolfram barely hesitated before seating himself and starting to eat. Yuuri grabbed a sliced rolled-up something and munched on it as he sat next to Wolfram. "Well, if you're not willing to talk about that, can I ask about other stuff?"

"Of course," Wolfram answered between bites. "What do you want to ask?"

"I just want to know more about you. I had no idea that you were considered a majutsu specialist until recently when Conrad told me about your work during the war."

Wolfram frowned. "The first time we encountered Adelbert, he commented on how my only redeeming quality was my high level of maryoku. Honestly, if you paid any attention–"

"He said…" Yuuri pursed his lips in thought, trusting in his Wolfram-obsessed memories to provide the answer. "He actually said that your life would have been easier if you didn't have such strong maryoku. That sounds more like a compliment than anything else…" He trailed off. Wolfram was staring at him, food forgotten, with wide eyes and a slight blush. Yuuri suddenly realized how close they were, how intimate this position was. If he'd wanted to, he could have leaned forwards, just a little, and kissed Wolfram full on the lips. He'd probably taste sweet with all the deserts he'd been eating…

"Aha…" Yuuri laughed nervously. "I didn't mean anything by that, I just think Adelbert doesn't think as badly of you as you think he does."

"Yuuri." Wolfram's voice was filled with gentle wonder, the voice that he used when Yuuri did something really right. "That was years ago…"

"Right!" Yuuri declared brightly. "So I know all that, and about Tatianna-san and everything…" Wolfram's blush got worse. Yuuri paused, then leaned closer to Wolfram, nudging him with his elbow. "…or do I? I mean, I know she was your first kiss, but… Wolfram, how far have you gotten?"

"Tha-that's completely inappropriate, Yuuri!" Wolfram's face was flaming. "How could you even ask something like that?"

Yuuri laughed. "C'mon, Wolfram! You said I could ask about other stuff."

All Wolfram could do for a long moment was gape wordlessly. Finally, he managed a half-hearted huff and started shoveling food down his throat as fast as he could. Yuuri grinned at him, amused and somehow curious.

"Well. Let's list things out. Have you kissed anybody?"

"Yes, you already know about that," Wolfram answered, refusing to look Yuuri in the eye.

"Touching?"

"Obviously, it would follow." Wolfram rolled his eyes. "Clearly you haven't had a great deal of experience in this area."

"We're not talking about me right now… third base?"

Wolfram actually stopped eating and turned to Yuuri curiously. "What does that stupid game have to do with anything?"

"It's a metaphor," Yuuri said smugly, thinking of Murata and his intellectual snobbery. "Third base is like… you know, touching under clothes."

"Yuuri!"

"What? Is that a yes or a no?"

"…yes. Now are you done yet?"

"Is that as far as you got?"

"…no."

"Well, then…"

Wolfram considered his options. If he refused to tell Yuuri, there was really no way he'd find out on his own. Well, he could possibly find out about Margaret von Radford if he asked the right questions of the right people, but this was Yuuri. The risks of him being subtle and sneaky were slim to none.

On the other hand, the thought of lying to Yuuri, or even omitting the truth did not sit well with Wolfram. He'd never talked about his previous romantic history for the same reason he never talked about his education or athletic history. It never came up and never seemed relevant. Well… it had come up. And now Wolfram needed to make a decision.

"Two people."

"Huh?"

This was harder than Wolfram expected. He felt himself burn with embarrassment. Any adult male his age in Shin Makoku would have been expected to have some experience with sex. Wolfram hadn't been promiscuous by any stretch of the imagination, indeed, he'd had something of a reputation as a hard catch, but Yuuri was obviously completely naïve and any answer would make Wolfram's possessive attitude and knee-jerk jealousy seem hypocritical. But now that he'd started, the best thing to do was to follow through with complete honesty. "I've… I've been with two people."

"Been with…" Yuuri made a pensive face. "Been with how?"

Wolfram wondered if he was making this as difficult as possible on purpose. "Sex, Yuuri. I've had sex with two people." His face could probably melt metal.

Yuuri blinked, then attempted to rival Wolfram for the title of reddest face. "Wha… really?"

No, I made that up. Ha ha. "Yes really." Wolfram kept his voice clipped and emotionless. He could get through this. "You can verify my… liaison with Margaret von Radford after the death of her husband in the war." Marge had been widowed and grieving and Wolfram had been pretty and curious. They'd helped each other out, Wolfram had provided comfort and Marge had been an instructive and thoughtful first lover. "She remarried a few years after that and I see her on occasion. There is nothing between us."

Yuuri gaped, trying to take it all in. "So… you've been with a woman before?"

"Yes," Wolfram answered. And then, in the spirit of full honesty, added, "And a man. But that's all, just the two."

Yuuri looked like his brain had broken. "Was he a lord too?"

"No." Wolfram shook his head. "He was… nothing. A low-ranked soldier." He looked earnestly at Yuuri. "I've never told anyone else about this, Yuuri… if it gets out…"

"I promise I'll keep it secret," Yuuri swore avidly. He wanted, no, needed to hear more. "What was he… I mean, was it…"

"He was a spy, kind of like Yozak." Yuuri frowned, disturbed, and Wolfram waved in frantic denial. "He wasn't like Yozak, his job was like Yozak's. Honestly, Yuuri, I have some taste!" Wolfram sighed. "Anyways, he was only at the castle a week or so at a time and months would go by without me seeing him. We were friends of a sort first. He was the only one willing to talk with me about what was actually going on. He'd even tell me about Conrad… not that I cared especially, just that no one else would say anything to me about him. As for what it was like…

"It was an accident."

"What?"

"It was an accident," Wolfram repeated. "I don't think he even intended to do anything. I was still fairly young and he was… not. In a way, it was my fault. He came back wounded one day and I went to talk with him, but he fell asleep during our conversation. I didn't want to leave, so I stayed by his bed and eventually fell asleep too. I guess when he woke up he didn't know where he was or who I was, just that there was someone in bed with him. So he… started touching me."

Yuuri's face clouded over. "Wolfram, did this guy…"

"No!" Wolfram denied immediately. "As soon as he figured out what was happening, he stopped and apologized, but I… didn't want to stop." Wolfram looked half-dreamy, half-shamed. "He… I liked him and it felt good and I wanted… anyways, I kissed him and asked him not to stop. We didn't get too far then, but he stayed in the castle for a few weeks recovering and in that time we… we became secret lovers, I suppose. He came back a few more times and we reconnected then, but eventually he was deployed with a different unit and reported to a different commander. I haven't seen him in decades. I haven't even thought of him in years."

"Wow," was all Yuuri could manage at first. He knew that Wolfram was over 80, and he knew that, looking like he did, the chance of him being… untouched were pretty slim. But there was a difference between knowing something and knowing it. "You've… wow."

Wolfram looked at the remaining food. He'd lost his appetite. "Yes… I think I'll get ready for bed now."

It didn't take him long, he just changed and washed his face quickly. No more lengthy nighttime rituals for him. Yuuri crawled into bed and watched Wolfram absently, thoughts and questions wizzing through his head. One in particular that kept popping up…

"Did you bottom?"

"What?" Wolfram poked his head out of his peach nightdress. "Did I what?"

"Bottom." When Wolfram's confused expression didn't change, Yuuri explained. "When you and your soldier were… having… you-know. Were you on top or bottom?"

"It depended." Wolfram shrugged. "After all, what's the point in taking a male lover if you don't experience both sides?"

This made no sense to Yuuri. "But I mean… one of you must have been… you know, the 'guy' in the relationship, right?"

"We were both guys," Wolfram said impatiently, getting into bed beside Yuuri. "Anyhow, fair is fair Yuuri. How far have you gotten?"

Well, this one night a few months ago, Shinou possessed you and stuck his freaking tongue down my throat. Your tongue, I guess actually… "I've…" Yuuri grinned. "I got engaged!"

Wolfram's face blanked, all the embarrassed life draining out of it, leaving a pale expressionless mask. "That doesn't really mean much."