Though the crew called the spaceship Villains' Revenge, Bill personally called it the Coffin. Mostly that was because he enjoyed the morbid sound to it. Also, because he thought that spaceships made great void coffins. Expensive, decadent, pointless deathtraps. He couldn't get enough of them! If one ever flew into the Chaos Dimension, he loved popping them open like a broken joint!
Now the Coffin floated before the ever-shifting Rubik's Cube Brain of the Tumblrverse. All of those internet binging nerds and people with no life would have never suspected where so much knowledge was stored. In the center of a space within the nebula, where all other matter was repelled, the massive, colorful cube sat suspended and twisting. It held secrets from throughout Tumblr, collecting and analyzing all of the data.
Bill had convinced the rest of the Vigilantes that by coming here he could discover the location of the Quill of Inspiration. However, the truth was that even though the knowledge was in there it would destroy anyone who attempted to gain it. The Cube understood the great danger the Quill posed to the Realms, and guarded it in its own way. That was fine for Bill, because his purposes in being here were other than just the Quill. He could easily gain a map that would eventually lead him to the Quill by poking around in the Cube's memory banks, but more importantly, Bill was here to gain his powers back and guard his thoughts against Darkstalker.
He planned on betraying this fellow Vigilantes with the Quill and getting back at the Tscheapwhetzar for taking him out of Gravity Falls, superseding his spell with the Axolotl, and pressganging him into this insane war. He would repay Aizen for double crossing him. He would finally get his revenge on the Pines. Sure, he could try and reach Alex Hirsch, but that day would be something to wait for. It was better now to achieve his immediate goals than over extend himself. He was a long game player, and he knew to savor his victories.
But how Pine Tree managed to undermine me and bring about my defeat… I still haven't figured that out! My eyebats should have caught him, but somehow he escaped! How 8 Ball and Teeth could have allowed that to happen either! No, I can't dwell on that failure, I just need to secure the Quill!
Easy peasy, blood squeezy.
"Alright party people, and Juan," Bill said loudly. "I am going to scadoodle it over to the Rubick's Cube and infiltrate it. That is where we will get the information about the Quill's location!"
"I still don't understand why the Tscheapwhetzar didn't send us here first if the information is that easy accessible," Juan replied hotly.
"And this is why you don't belong with the party people kid," Bill said. "It's probably also why you'll never get laid, either!"
"Just answer the question, triangle," Revolver spat.
"Careful Ricky, or you'll find yourself on the same list as Juan," Bill warned. "How many times to have to say it before it pierces your thick skull, kid? The information in the Cube is very, very heavily guarded. It's dangerous for anyone other than a master of the mind to enter."
"Then I should accompany you," Darkstalker's voice came over the intercom, as he was patched in to the conversation from the hanger bay. "I am very good at breaking into the mind."
"Stalky," Bill said patiently, wagging a finger, even though the dragon couldn't see him. "You only recently acquired the power to read human and some other minds through the Hemalurgic spike in your ear. You are good at breaking into dragon minds, but you are not a master of the mind in general. I however am. By going in alone, we only risk me, which should make Juan happy. If I die, then he takes over. If I succeed, we are that much closer to the Quill!"
The dragon rumbled. Bill prided himself on the solid logic of his argument. Huon had already agreed with it, and Bill was certain that the Steel Inquisitor was ambivalent either way. Ricky Revolver was as thick as thieves with Juan, which made sense on many levels. But that stupid gun slinger overestimated himself greatly. He would learn that the hard way some day.
"I understand," Darkstalker said reluctantly. "Are you sure that we can breathe air out there?"
"Yes and no," Juan sighed. "Weren't you paying attention earlier, during the planning session?"
"I lost interest when Bill started talking about how he was going to do everything," the dragon admitted dully. "Seriously! What is the good of my being here, if I can barely contribute beyond a handful of simple spells and carrying Deadpool's head!?"
"You need to pay better attention," Juan said testily. "This spot is an anomaly in the nebula where nothing really resides, other than the Cube, but instead of creating a vacuum, basically anything goes here. Even breathing in nothing."
"Then I definitely need to try that out," Darkstalker said with mock enthusiasm.
"Yes, and I really need to get into the Cube and find us what we need," Bill cut in, tipping his hat to everyone. "Ollie out!"
With that, he crashed through the ship's bridge and flew towards the shifting structure.
Bill zoomed towards a door that appeared in the Cube's moving color panels. The problem with this place was it was like a prison where the door constantly shifted its position and often what you saw wasn't even the real door. In this case, this wasn't a real door, but that was fine. This Cube was built on a certain foundation of logic, and if there was one thing Bill was good at, it was breaking the rules. He had become even more adept at it after spending time with the Tscheapwhetzar. That guy thrived on bending rules and breaking them to gain absolute power. If Bill didn't want to get back at him, they might have made quite the team!
To no one in particular, Bill said, "When you create a fake door, you create a door that lacks a defined purpose. Sure, you've given it one, but it is a lie, and most things in the universe want to live a truth, rather than a lie. But, it gets even better when you realize that most things, even fake doors can't abide the full truth, because that terrifies them! Ha!"
Bill pushed himself through the door, and it started glowing with blue flames. "So, what you must do to manipulate anything to become or do what you want is to feed it an even greater lie that it desperately wants to be the truth, because that new truth is the opposite of the truth they should embrace! Every single thing in creation exists along this one rule, and the only way to escape it is to embrace the weird completely, because there truth and lies run together become simply fun! That is the highest form of existence that anyone can attain!
"Ford, you fool! You gave up everything for the lie of family! I feel for that once, but now I am free. I will return one day to turn that lie on its head and destroy you! Through every dimension of space and time! Hahaha!"
It worked! He told the door that it really was the front door, and that its purpose in dissuading intruders was to let one in to die, to scare away further ones. It was a lie that pleased the door, because it wanted so desperately to be the front door, and not just a fake door to frustrate those who sought entrance. Just like that, Bill was allowed in.
"It is true that I face death inside here, but when you've gone through it once before, the experience is kind of underwhelming," Bill proclaimed as he glided further in the Cube.
The inside of the cube was like Escher's Relativity, but it continuously shifted and changed with the Cube's outer movements. The entire inside was a giant, processing brain, but that information could only be reached from certain points. This complex maze was another good reason why both the Tscheapwhetzar and Aizen had no come here. Too risky. But not for him!
Bill stood back for a moment to admire the chaos of the setting, but also its purpose. He also waited for the Cube's antibodies to find him. Soon, flying brains came flying towards him. Some were alight with purple fire, others had claws growing out of them, while others he knew hide their true forms underneath the gray and pink flesh. He laughed maniacally.
"For a giant brain, this place doesn't get very creative beyond the decor!" Bill pointed at the door he had just entered through, and the brains attacked it, sensing the foreign power residing in it.
Attacking the door, activated the outside defenses, and a brilliant flash of light streamed inside and fried all of the brains to ash. Bill had flown back to avoid getting roasted. The light coalesced and became a massive knight dressed in what Bill recognized as Shardplate. Ever since Brandon Sanderson had released his third Stormlight book, this magical armor had become even more popular.
The annoying thing was how the armor protected the wearer from any magical attack, which would make it difficult for Bill to get the glowing knight. The good thing however, was that he didn't need to fight the knight. Only escape from it. Bill zoomed up a rotating staircase.
More brains started popping up, trying to locate him, and he kept himself in the open. He couldn't really hide in a place like this, so why even bother? As he flew around he spotted what he was looking for: more brains! These newer, rainbow colored brains traveled in lines like ants, or blood, bringing computed information to hubs within the Cube.
"Found you, my little sweet horrors," Bill cackled. He swooped down on one of the brains and touched it with blue flames, corrupting it.
More defense brains appeared and even the knight followed. Bill squinted his eye at it; the knight was following further in than he expected. Was it because it could sense his overwhelming, suppressed power? Bill just needed to cause enough ruckus to make a good get away with what he needed. He shoved the corrupted, now blue brain into the long line others, sending them flying like bowling pins. He even added the sound effect to humor himself.
The antibody brains swooped in on their companions and in the ensuing chaos, Bill slipped away with another brain tucked under his arm.
"You will be my little guide in here, brainy," Bill said happily. "Oh, I'm betting you are wondering how I know about you. It's quite simple, much like the dues ex bibliotexta in Atlantis, there are those who have been privileged to see a little bit of the Cube and have written about it. Isn't that just so convenient!?"
Once more Bill used his power to influence a brain and then commanded it, "You will take me to a port where I can access the information hidden in this brain!"
The brain happily zoomed along and Bill followed it. He decided to add some extra chaos to the situation to distract the defenses, and started sending stairways crashing in the wrong direction, and doors closing and opening like fluttering wings. As more brains came along, the twisting insides of the Cube came together to form a massive, geometrically impossible snake to slithers through the passageways looking for Bill.
You think that it would have a better inside defense system," Bill commented. "But I think pride is something that not even logic can overcome, right brainy?"
The brain brought him to a mold in a hallway, made just for brains. There were lots of similar molds all over the walls. This was where the brains deposited the information they were done processing and retrieved more data to compute. Whatever a brain couldn't handle was processed as best as could be, and then shared with other brains through the molds in order to figure out any conundrum. It was a true hive mind, not be confused with a high mind.
Bill seized the corrupted brain and rammed it into the mold. By touching the brain, he could see the information it had access to. He knew not to take the exact location to the Quill of Inspiration, so he sought out a creative mind that had made a silly map to figure out its location. He greedily took it and downloaded it into his own mind. He then projected the image of the map from his eye on the wall.
"Excellent! That's one item off the shopping list," he laughed. "Now for the rest!
He quickly located a way of downloading a shield to protect his mind. Ford had been silly and had gotten a metal plate imbedded in his skull. Wonderfully painful, but exceptionally crude. Thhis way was better. He had tried the same with Dipper, but lacked the computer power necessary to do so in an instant. However, Bill was learning more and more how metal could be very effective in certain circumstances. By keeping his eye on Huon, he had observed that great powers lay in metals.
Once he had his shield against Darkstalker, he did some modifications. The dragon had already poked around in his thoughts a little bit, and he wanted to make sure that only certain thoughts made it to the dragon, so he wasn't tipped off about anything strange. Bill was also pleased to see that this shield should protect him from mental Allomancy that Huon possessed.
"Another item down! What a treasure trove of information and wealth this Cube is!"
Finally, he came to what he wanted, how to kill Aizen and the Tscheapwhetzar. Here, he was a little more disappointed. Aizen was basically a god, and it would take god powers to kill him. Bill's own powers at max would have been equal to Aizen's, but he grudgingly had to admit that Aizen was smarter and quicker than him. He couldn't beat the Soul reaper in a fair fight. He needed the Quill.
As for the Tscheapwhetzar, killing an old member of the Accursed was similar in that you had to rival their powers, and then their bodies were human. Once you cracked the barrier of magic, their soft, fleshy bodies were as easy to snap as a twig's! However, this last Tscheapwhetzar, the World Eater, he had passed beyond simple boundaries long ago. Killing him would require at least the trauma of a thousand fatal attacks all at once, not just one massive, killing blow. A thousand of them!
Unless… Unless Bill had access to Accursed power, too! The power of the devil himself, made incarnate in the minds and imaginations of men and women. He had given them this power thousands of years ago! This was something new. It appeared possible to take that kind of power. In fact, there was certain pattern, a kind of process to it! The Cube was only beginning to realize this… But why?
Bill felt a chill and managed to duck just in time. A Shardblade swung into his possessed brain, destroying it. Had that Blade connected with him, it would have severed his demon body. That was the miraculous power of the Shardblades, the ability to destroy souls. Bill flung himself backwards and soared on out. The giant snake blocked him at the side!
Trapped between hammer and anvil, Bill considered his options. The knight did not speak to him, but instead flew right for him. It was then that Bill noticed his moment to survive the day. Right before the knight's Blade collided with him, Bill flattened himself along the floor. The knight of magical, killing light soared over him and slammed into the snake's mouth. There was a giant explosion, which threw Bill the other way down the hall.
He spun and finally managed to right himself. Looking back, he saw that the knight was gone, as was the head and significant portion of the snake's body. Bill laughed and flew away, towards the outer side of the Cube. More brains pursued him as he went, but he outstripped them all. There was more that he could have pulled out, but he had what he needed for the moment. The map would satiate his comrades, and the information he now had he could put to use later.
Everything is coming together," Bill told himself, confidently. "Now, to decipher the map and get the Quill before Aizen does!"