The premiere of series 4 in the UK is quickly approaching and as we get more teasers of the Edith/Gregson story my teeth are grinding down to nubs. It is wrong...just wrong, wrong, wrong! Aurgh!

JF, don't make me fly over there and knock some sense into your head! I WANT MY ANTHONY BACK! I think we all do.

Okay, rant over. I do hope you all like this chapter. I sure had fun writing it; well, except for the sad parts...which I guess was most of the chapter...hmmmm...really must give him some happy soon;-)

The day had finally arrived for Anthony and Emma to board their ship to England. Anthony was glad to be returning; he missed his country and his estate. Locksley wasn't as large or grand as some of his friends' estates but he'd grown up in that house and it was home. As he contemplated his childhood there he glanced at Emma, hoping she would find it as comfortable as he did in spite of his misunderstandings with his family. He was rooted to the place, he knew; the last year…over a year really, had proven that to him. It meant he might encounter a certain family and that unsettled him somewhat, especially one particular member of that family; he hoped he would be up to the meetings when they came.

Emma was enthralled by all the noise and celebration as they left the dock. Anthony wished he felt the same excitement. But he supposed that kind of exhilaration was for the young. With a wry smile, he considered how very old the little girl sometimes made him feel. People commented to him about how sweet his daughter was. At first he tried to explain but finally just accepted their compliments without comment. Two or three asked after his granddaughter, which elicited giggles from Emma. Anthony was not quite so amused.

The passing went smoothly although Anthony did wonder why anyone would go into service as a nanny or nursemaid. Keeping up with Emma wore him out and consequently every evening was an early one for him. He regretted not finding a suitable governess to make the crossing with them but time had been short in New York and the few who applied weren't to his or Emma's liking. So he looked after her as best he could and was grateful that the child was self sufficient in many ways. Finally they docked at South Hampton and spent the night at an inn there. The next morning, they caught a train to London, where Anthony planned to spend a few days with his sister. He hoped she might help him with finding a suitable woman to look after Emma.

Agatha Chetwood was a tall woman with eyes every bit as blue as Anthony's. A few years older than him, her hair was more gray than blonde and age was beginning to show in her features. Her husband, Miles, was only a fraction taller than she and had hair as white as snow. His light eyes were never distinctly blue or green but always some shade in between and almost always twinkled. Both the Chetwoods were enchanted by Emma.

Agatha agreed to help Anthony find a governess. She had not been blessed with children but had many friends who had and surely one of them would know of someone looking for a position, she assured her younger brother. "In the meantime," she told him over dinner, "the two of you can stay here and one of my maids can look after Emma."

"Thank you" Anthony replied with a smile. "I do appreciate your help. I'm quite lost with all of this."

Miles looked at his brother-in-law kindly. "Actually Anthony, I think you've been quite lost for some time…since the war perhaps…or longer. I thought you'd found yourself with that young lady…Edith…but then you bolted. Honestly Anthony, why did you ask her to marry you if you didn't intend to go through with it?"

"Miles!" Agatha hissed. "Leave him alone. I'm sure he had his reasons. And I'm equally sure he did not intend for things to play out as they did."

Anthony sighed and looked from one to the other. "No, I did not. And yes, I was lost…quite lost… you saw how hard it was for me when they let me out of the hospital… with my arm and all. When I first saw Edith again, I had no intention of…of…." His heart hammering in his chest, momentarily Anthony closed his eyes to gather his emotions. "She kept coming around you see… and…" he couldn't finish.

Angry with her husband for upsetting her brother, Agatha glared at Miles. "See what you've done?"

"Look here dear fellow," Miles said soothingly, "I didn't mean to dredge up old wounds. It's just; well…you seemed happier before that day; nervous but happy."

"I was…both," Anthony confessed. "I … I just couldn't get past the fact of our ages. I'm just too old and even if I thought that didn't matter, combined with my arm and ….everything else; well, it was just too much. The closer we got to the day, the more I felt it. I care for her too much to do that to her."

Miles frowned. "You're still bothered by the dreams then?"

Looking down, not wanting to meet their eyes, Anthony nodded. "Yes, I am. Not as frequently but…just as bad."

Agatha reached across and patted her brother's arm. "Oh Anthony, I thought the doctors said they would go away."

"Yes, well…they really don't know much about these things…how to treat them. For many, the dreams do go away. But after seeing some of the things I saw and then the bullet that destroyed my arm and … "

"And the way the Germans treated you?" she asked softly.

"Yes," Anthony nodded again. "It's better; it really is but …well, you can see why I couldn't expect Edith to…to manage all of that. I couldn't do that to her; she's too young and has such a beautiful spirit. I just couldn't…" He blinked, fighting the sudden dampness in his eyes. "Surely you can see…"

Agatha rubbed his forearm and smiled sadly. "I see why you thought it wouldn't be fair to her. But apparently she cared a great deal for you, perhaps loved you even. The Crawley's are a sturdy bunch, Anthony. I'm sure Lady Edith would have managed quite well. And if she has any of her mother in her, she would have done it willingly and with grace."

Finally Anthony looked into his sister's eyes. "I know. She said as much to me. But…."

"Oh damn you, Anthony; damn you and your overly active sense of chivalry and unselfishness. You deserve some happiness in this life too, you know!"

Miles, upon seeing Anthony's shocked expression at Agatha's outburst, cleared his throat. "She's right, old chap. You're too decent for your own good. But what is done, is done. And you have more immediate concerns with that adorable little urchin you've brought back."

Anthony was grateful that the conversation turned back to Emma and the help he would need with her. Still, his mind wouldn't let go of the dinner conversation and that night, he awoke again in terror. Once he'd calmed down, he shook his head. "Good thing no one was here to see me like that," he mumbled, the sound of his own voice steadying him further. He'd spoken in a general sense but his mind was picturing Edith and the horror he was certain would be on her face if she saw him like this.