Betrayal
Chapter 11
The little family quickly settled into life at home. Matthew slept in a bassinette in his parents' room and luckily for them he was a good sleeper right from the start. Most nights he slept for three hours at a time and since Jenny was not nursing Jethro could take his turn feeding while Jenny slept. During the day Matthew ate about every three or four hours and slept about the same amount of time. When they had been home for three days Ducky came by to see how things were going. He held his namesake and pronounced him the perfect baby.
"When do you expect you might be ready for some company and do you want them all at once or one at a time?"
Jenny and Jethro had already talked about that very question so Jethro had a ready answer.
"We would like to invite everyone over on Saturday for brunch."
"Are you sure you're ready for that?" he asked, looking at Jenny.
"Yes, Noemi will do all the preparation and I'd like to have everyone at one time and get it over with. That sounds terrible and I don't mean it like that but I don't want to tell the story over and over again."
"Of course. I didn't think of that. Well, I know they are not on call this weekend so I'll pass the word. Eleven o'clock then?"
"Yes, that's perfect. Please tell them no gifts. We have everything we need."
"I'll tell them."
When Saturday morning came around Jenny almost decided to cancel the brunch. She was anxious about seeing Jethro's team after everything that had happened and she dreaded telling them about her cancer. She hated the pitying looks she got from people who knew and she didn't want to see that from the team. Plus, she just hated talking about it. She and Jethro were doing a good job of ignoring the elephant in the room and this morning she was going to draw attention to that elephant in a big way. She was sitting on the side of the bed staring into space when Jethro walked out of the bathroom.
"What's the matter, Jen?"
"I don't know if I can do this today."
"You mean have everyone here or tell them about the cancer?"
"Both."
"How about we just show them Matthew and let them carry on about him and then after we eat and it's almost time for them to go I'll tell them the rest. You could even be up here by then and not have to deal with it."
Jenny thought about that and it sounded very appealing at first but then she decided she was not a coward and she would face everyone and accept their concerns and sympathy. After all she cared about these people and she knew they cared about her. They loved Jethro and he loved them and she needed to be with him when he told them what was happening. After all, they would be a big support to Jethro and to her going forward.
"No, I think I'd rather be there with you when you tell them."
"Good. It'll be fine, Jen. They love you and they will be very supportive of us."
The brunch went off very well with Noemi's help and Ducky there to support Jenny and Jethro. Of course Matthew was the star of the show and everyone took their turn holding him even Tim and Tony. Abby was ecstatic about the Gibblett and Ziva was just happy to see Jenny and Jethro back together. After everyone had eaten and Noemi took Matthew upstairs, Jethro gathered the group in the living room and asked them all to be seated. Jenny sat in a chair near the fireplace and Jethro stood beside her. No one had any idea what was coming of course but Ziva had a feeling it wasn't going to be good news. Something in Jenny's eyes and they way Jethro looked at her seemed very much counter to the happy news of baby Matthew.
Jethro didn't waste a lot of time on preliminaries; he pretty much got right to the point and when he finished talking there wasn't a dry eye in the room including his. No one said anything for a long time. There was a lot of staring at the floor and uneasy glances at each other but no one dared look at Jethro or Jenny. Except Ducky of course. He watched Jethro holding Jenny's hand and talking about his wife's illness and he marveled at his friend's ability to keep himself together. It hadn't been that long ago that Jethro had been given this terrible news but he seemed to have gathered himself fairly quickly.
Ziva was the first to move. She went to Jenny and leaned down to hug her. She whispered something in Jenny's ear and the two women shared a smile. Then she hugged Jethro and kissed him on the cheek. Fearing the scene would deteriorate quickly, Ducky got his glass and proposed a toast.
"I know you all have been given some sad news however, I believe we have much to celebrate today. We have a sweet, baby boy upstairs who has brought tremendous joy to this house. We have two people who have rediscovered their immense love for one another and we have today to enjoy each other. None of us are guaranteed tomorrow and we must not dwell on the grim news but celebrate the life and love that fills this house today. Please, let's drink to Matthew and his parents and their happiness today."
Everyone found their drinks and raised them in a toast as Ducky suggested. Jenny stood up and embraced first Ducky then each member of the team.
"Thank you all for coming and for your love and support. Ducky is right, we have much to celebrate and be thankful for. Each of you are special to Jethro and I and we will count on your love and support in the coming months."
One night about a week later Jenny walked into the bathroom as Jethro was at the sink wearing only a towel and brushing his teeth. He stopped and looked at her reflection behind him in the mirror. He recognized that look in her eyes and when he saw her robe hit the floor he smiled and quickly rinsed his mouth and put down his toothbrush. Jenny wrapped her arms around him pressing her bare flesh against his back. Jethro took a step back and Jenny loosened his towel and let it drop to the floor. Jenny's hands were roaming up and down his sides and Jethro turned in her arms.
"I want you Jethro."
"Okay but I don't think we can really have sex yet. Right?"
"No, we can't have intercourse yet but we could certainly do other things. I seem to remember you're pretty good at "other things".
"Hmmm, let me see if I can come up with anything you'll like."
"Don't tease me, Jethro."
Jethro led her to the bed and carefully laid her down. They had not been intimate for so long that Jethro was afraid he wouldn't last past a passionate kiss. He knew he'd need to careful not to hurt her so he took his time and spent a lot of time kissing and touching and letting Jenny return the favor for him. Even though it was not the intimacy they might have wanted it was satisfying and fulfilling simply because there was so much love and tenderness involved. Having Jenny touching him and loving him brought Jethro to a climax that he had not expected and he fell beside her exhausted.
"I have missed that so damn much. You're sure it's okay? I mean I didn't hurt you?"
Jenny laughed. He sounded so like a worried little boy and he certainly had not just been doing little boy things to her.
"You didn't hurt me. The doctor said I could have all the sex I in a few weeks. Until then we'll have to make do with "other things"."
Jethro rolled over so he could look at her. The surprised look on his face was priceless.
"You asked Dr. Rodgers about us having sex?"
"Yes, Jethro. He is a doctor after all. I knew I was going to want to be with you pretty damn quickly so I wanted to know when I could expect to be able to have sex. I don't want to waste any of the precious time I have left with you."
"And you're sure it won't hurt anything? "
"You mean like make the cancer worse? Hell, Jethro I'm dying. If I die a little early because I've enjoyed too much sex with my husband do you think I'll care?"
Jethro looked stunned for a second then he laughed and Jenny joined in. They laughed until they cried then they fell asleep in each other's arms. From that night on they shared some form of intimacy pretty much whenever the mood struck them which turned out to be pretty often. Once that part of their relationship had been rekindled, their touching, kissing and general physical contact returned to where it had been early in their relationship. Jethro had always loved being in close contact with Jenny and the fact that she wanted to be physically close to him most of the time certainly wasn't a hardship. He liked holding hands and having her touching him and she felt the same way.
The next three months were good ones for the Gibbs family. Matthew was flourishing; growing and developing right on track. Every check up was perfect and he was a happy, lovable baby. He looked more like his father every day. Jenny felt good most of the time. For those first months she was able to navigate the stairs without much problem so she was not confined to the upstairs. It seemed that her body was relieved to be no longer supporting the baby and was able to mount a small recovery of sorts. Some days Jethro could almost forget his wife was slowly dying.
Jenny spent most of her time with Matthew. She talked to him, sang to him and generally did everything she could to imprint herself into his memory banks. Jethro had found a box of books that had been Kelly's and Jenny read them all to Matthew while a state-of-the-art recorder captured her voice for Matthew to have in the years to come. Jethro had been back to the attic and taken Kelly's baby bed down and he spent a couple of hours a day in his basement cleaning, sanding and refinishing it. When it was all ready he loaded it in a borrowed pickup and took it to the townhouse in Georgetown. Once it was assembled in the nursery he led Jenny in to see it.
"Jethro, it's beautiful! You and Jack built this?"
"Yep. It's been in the attic all this time but it's all ready for our little one when he's ready."
"I love it. Thank you for bringing it over."
"Had to. He'll be ready for it before we know it. I remember when we first put Kelly in here. She looked so tiny but before long she was standing up demanding to get out."
Jenny looked wistfully at the bed and wondered if she'd ever see Matthew standing up in it, demanding to be taken out. Jethro sensed what she was thinking and wrapped his arms around her from behind. He didn't say anything because there just wasn't anything he could say that would help. Besides, he was thinking the same thing.
When the weather allowed and Jenny felt like it they took Matthew out for walks. On one of those walks on a balmy March afternoon Jenny brought up the subject of where Jethro and Matthew would live after she was gone.
"I haven't thought about it much."
"You want to know my thoughts on the subject?"
"Of course."
"I want you to sell the townhouse and move back to your house with Matthew. Raise him there. You belong there Jethro, not in the townhouse."
"Are you sure?"
"Absolutely. I know you don't really love living in Georgetown and Matthew will need a yard to play in and you need the basement."
"I would have to have some work done over there. You know, to get it in shape."
"Yes you certainly will need to do that. Do you still have those plans we drew up years ago?"
"Yes, in the basement somewhere. I'd forgotten about those."
"Why don't you call Carl and have him come back and talk to you about it?"
"I will. That's a good idea Jen."
"I have one every now and then. My good idea right now is to go home and have you build us a fire. I'm getting a little cold."
A contractor was hired, plans revised and updated and work on the renovation of Jethro's house began the first week of April. Jenny designed the nursery and since she was still feeling pretty good she went over to the house with Jethro two or three times to see how things were coming along. By the end of the month most of the construction work was complete and Jenny was well enough to spend several hours at the house choosing paint colors, fixtures and finishes. Jethro was introduced to the joys and dangers of online shopping as Jenny ordered window coverings and bedroom and dining room furniture. When it came to choosing new living room furniture Jethro insisted he needed to sit on any couch or chair they were buying so that was put off for a while.
By the time May rolled around Jenny was beginning to experience more fatigue and more days when she didn't feel much like getting out of bed. She fought against that and forced herself to get up and spend time with Matthew every day. She needed help on the stairs now but she still went down for meals and to visit with Noemi or spend time with Jethro. Matthew had a sleeping place in the living room so he was with his mom most of every day. Jenny began a journal for him and wrote in it every day. She continued to read stories to him on the recorder and she also recorded stories for him for when he was older.
At Jenny's insistence Jethro spent a few hours most days at his house either working in the yard or doing something with the remodeling. She had worked very hard to convince him that in order for him to maintain his sanity he needed some time for himself. And she needed the same. Ducky was a frequent visitor and Ziva was as well. She and Jenny spent several hours a week talking together and Jenny always felt better when Ziva had visited.
The house was officially finished the third week of May and the Jethro took Jenny and Matthew over to see how wonderful it looked. He was very pleased with everything but the idea of living there with Matthew and without Jenny was difficult for him to contemplate. Still, Jenny insisted she wanted to see the house.
"Jethro, I want to see where our son is going to grow up. I want to picture him there."
"Okay."
They went over on a Sunday afternoon. The weather was perfect and a few flowers were actually blooming in the yard. The grass had been cut and the place looked wonderful from the outside. Jenny could hardly wait to see the inside. Years ago she and Jethro had talked about moving there and that was why they had drawn up remodeling plans. Now those plans had finally been implemented and Jenny was anxious to see the finished product. It was a bittersweet moment when she walked in the front door and saw her vision for the old place come to life in an almost new house.
"Oh my goodness, Jethro it looks just like we envisioned it all those years ago."
"Yeah, it turned out great didn't it?"
"Yes, it's beautiful."
The dark paneling had been painted a much lighter color and the trim was now a fresh, creamy white. The floors had been refinished and the living room and dining room were now one big family room. The kitchen had been gutted and completely redone with new cabinets and appliances and a fabulous, granite topped eating bar. There were new ceiling fans in every room and new windows in the living room. The whole downstairs was new.
"Come on, let's go up."
Jethro let Jenny go first and he followed with Matthew in his arms. There were three bedrooms upstairs and Jenny checked the extra room first. It was still pretty bare at this point with only an old bed and dresser. That would be a guest room for when Mike visited or if Noemi needed to stay over. Jenny and Jethro had already decided Noemi would stay on to help with Matthew if she wanted to. Jethro certainly hoped she would. The nursery was next. Jethro had painted the walls the same color as the room in the townhouse. There was a mural on one wall that a friend of Abby's had painted. It featured a coral reef with sailboats above. Jethro liked it very much.
"Oh my gosh, I love that mural. Abby's friend did that?"
"Yeah, isn't it great?"
"It's perfect. The room looks great Jethro."
Of course the baby bed wasn't there and Jethro was going to build cabinets and shelves himself so the room was essentially bare but Jenny pictured how it would look with a little boy's toys strewn about. Jethro showed her where he intended to put built-in cabinets and shelves for clothes, books and toys and where the bed would go.
"I like it. It'll be perfect for him."
Jenny checked the bathroom across the hall that Matthew would use then went to see the master bedroom. It wasn't as large as the one they had at the townhouse which had a sitting area but it was still a large bedroom. There was an ensuite bathroom that had been updated to include a walk-in shower and double sinks in a new countertop. Jethro had balked at the idea of needing two sinks but Jenny insisted and he didn't want to argue with her so now he had two sinks. He knew she didn't think about the fact that it would only remind him that she wasn't there to use the other one.
Jenny stood in the bedroom and closed her eyes. The new furniture had been delivered and was set up. They had chosen a Mission Style set in a medium dark wood and it looked fabulous in the room. Choosing the bedroom furniture had been a difficult task but between the two of them they had managed to get it done. Jethro started out saying he didn't care what she got but Jenny had insisted he help make the choice.
"I won't be using it Jethro, you will. I want you to get something you like."
"Why don't I just use what we have now?"
"Mainly because it doesn't go with the style of your house."
Eventually he sat down with her and looked at countless designs before he finally admitted he really liked the one they settled on. What he didn't know was that before she put in the order she changed the bed size from the queen bed Jethro said he wanted to the king size that Jenny thought he should have. When the furniture was delivered earlier in the week Jethro didn't say anything about the bed. Now they were standing in the bedroom and he still hadn't said anything. Jenny wasn't going to let it pass though because she knew his choice was based on the idea that he would always be the only one sleeping in this bed and she wanted to talk to him about that idea. It was a conversation they needed to have but one which Jenny knew Jethro wanted to avoid at all costs.
Jenny sat down on the bed and held her hands out for Matthew. Jethro handed her the baby and sat down beside her. Jenny scooted to the middle of the bed and laid Matthew down so he could stretch and move around a little.
"Jethro, let's talk about this bed."
"What about it?"
"Don't be difficult, Jethro. You wanted a queen sized bed and I ordered you the king. We need to talk about the larger issue that is represented by the bed size."
Jethro got up and paced around the room. Serious conversations about Jenny's health were not easy for him and so they were mostly avoiding the subject. The idea of a future without Jenny was not something he wanted to contemplate for any length of time and he knew exactly what Jenny wanted to talk about regarding the damn bed. He finally stopped pacing and looked at her but didn't speak. He watched Matthew rolling around on the bed and had to shut his eyes against the picture of Jenny, stretched out next to their son on the bed they would never share.
"Jen do we have to do this?"
"Yes, sweetheart I think we do. We can't avoid talking about the future forever. I know you don't want to but there are some things I need to say."
"Okay. Go ahead."
"Jethro, the house is wonderful. Everything is just as I pictured it and I can imagine you and Matthew here for many, many years. I can see him running up and down the hallway, playing in the yard, doing homework at the bar and all the things little boys will do. I see him in the basement with you learning to build wonderful boats and cars and who knows what else."
"Yeah, I hope all that comes true. I can see him here too. But…"
"I know. It's hard to accept I won't be here with you. There is something else I picture here, Jethro. Someone to love you and Matthew and be a mom to him."
"Jen." It was a warning for her to stop but she ignored it.
"No, Jethro listen to me. I want Matthew to be happy in this house with you for his whole life and I want you to be happy here too. You won't be happy alone forever and Matthew can't be the sole source of your happiness. He will need a mom at some point. Remember how much you adored and needed your mom? I want Matthew to have someone like that to love and my voice on a recording won't suffice for that. I want him to see his father happy and I want him to learn how to treat a woman from watching his father love someone."
Jethro sat down on the bed and Jenny moved to sit beside him. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and kissed the side of his head.
"I love you with all my heart Jethro and I know you love me equally but some day you must allow yourself to love another woman. Not just for Matthew but for yourself too. You are a wonderful, generous man and you deserve to be happy. God knows, you've had your share of disappointment and heartache. I want you to think about what I've said and one day very soon I want you to promise me you will be happy again after I'm gone."
Jethro didn't dare speak. He simply nodded his head. Matthew had rolled over and over until he was stuck behind his daddy and unable to roll anymore. Jethro reached around and picked up his son holding him close and kissing him. Jenny stomach rumbled and she laughed at the look Jethro gave her.
"Guess we ought to go find some food for your mom, little boy."
"Yes, let's go to dinner."
About a week after they visited the house Jenny began to experience some dizziness and general pain when she moved. Dr. Rodgers wanted to do a PET scan but Jenny resisted saying she knew she had cancer and that she was dying so she didn't really need to know exactly where it was. He argued that he could give her some idea as to what to expect but Jenny countered by saying she'd rather be surprised. In the end of course Jenny won and there was no PET scan. She agreed to blood work only. Dr. Rodgers gave her a prescription for pain meds but she didn't get it filled. She promised she would later but right now she could manage and she didn't want to be doped up and miss time with Matthew and Jethro.
To Jenny's surprise Jethro didn't argue with her about either the scan or the pain pills. He told her it was her decision and he would support whatever she wanted to do. Jenny thanked her lucky stars every day for Jethro and his unrelenting support and love.
Jenny had read many studies, journal articles and patient reports pertaining to her type of cancer so she had a pretty good idea of what to expect in the coming months. She felt like she was prepared for what was coming but she was quite sure Jethro was not. How could he be? She worried about that and about how he was going to cope with her decline. She had no doubts about his willingness to care for her to the bitter end but she worried about the toll it would take on him. The next few months would be difficult for all of them. Jenny knew the end could come suddenly or she could linger for weeks and weeks after things got really bad. Some days she hoped for suddenly and some days she wanted to stay as long as possible no matter what.
One afternoon as they snuggled on the couch while Matthew slept nearby, Jenny asked Jethro what he'd done all those months in Mexico with Mike.
"What in the world did you do all that time? I can't imagine spending that much time with Mike Franks."
"Well that's because you two don't seem to really like each other. Mike and I are friends you know."
"Yes, I know but still."
"I did a bunch of projects around the cabin. You know, fixed the porch, painted the porch, fixed the roof. We went fishing. I fixed his old truck. Stuff like that."
"Okay, that's about two weeks work for you Jethro."
"You want the truth?"
That got her attention and she hesitated but they were way past any secrets or any need to spare feelings.
"Of course I do. Jethro, at this point in our lives we can certainly be honest with each other. Can't we?"
"Yes. I just don't want to make you feel bad or open old hurts."
Jenny took his hand and kissed his palm. She snuggled in closer.
"You won't. Tell me."
"For about the first month I didn't do anything but wander up and down the beach, drink beer and brood. I was so miserable I didn't want to do anything. I had no idea how I was going to live without you. Finally, Mike got me to get busy with some work and that helped. Until I fell off the roof."
"What? Were you hurt?"
"Cut my leg pretty bad and got a hairline fracture in my wrist."
"Please tell me you went to a hospital or a doctor at least."
"I did. Mike took me to the clinic in town. They have a very good doctor who sewed me up and put a brace on my wrist. I was through with projects for a while."
"Gosh, I had no idea. It's hard for me to think about you being injured and I didn't even know it."
"Yeah, it's hard for me to imagine you here all that time, having cancer and being pregnant and me not knowing."
"We made a mess for ourselves didn't we?"
"We did. But it's all cleaned up now and I don't think about it anymore. I mean that, Jen, I don't think about any of that now."
"I know. Okay, so what did you do the last few months?"
"I remodeled the building next to the clinic into a new clinic."
Jenny looked at him and raised her eyebrows.
"That sounds like a pretty big job. Tell me."
Going back to the falling-off-the-roof story, Jethro told her about meeting Ana and the story of Dr. Jose and the new clinic and how Ana had run out of money but had all the materials on hand. He told her all about the work he'd done and how well it had turned out. He mentioned Ana a few times but naturally didn't elaborate on their friendship. At one point Jenny reached for his arm and pulled it to her. She traced her finger across the faint scar left by the stitches that closed that nasty cut he had gotten.
"Ana is the one responsible for this?"
"Well she sewed me up. I got careless and it was pretty bad. That was not a good day."
"No, I imagine not. She did a splendid job. If I wasn't so familiar with your arm I might not even notice."
"I like that you're familiar with my arm. Would you like to see the scar on my leg?"
"Sure. How about we go upstairs and you can show me all your scars."
"Very good idea, Mrs. Gibbs."
Jethro went in the kitchen and told Noemi he was taking Jenny upstairs for a rest and Matthew was still asleep. She said she'd listen for him and take care of him while they rested. She winked at Jethro when she said that and Jethro just smiled back at her. These days Jenny needed help to get up and down the stairs so she was waiting for Jethro to go up. When they finally made it to the bedroom Jenny was out of breath.
"I could just carry you up here you know that right?"
"Of course I know that. I'd just like to put that off for as long as possible. It's not nearly so romantic when I have to be carried as it is when you're just in a hurry."
"Who says I'm not in a hurry right now?"
"Well, I'm sorry. You'll have to give a few minutes."
Jethro sat beside her on the bed and put his arm around her shoulders.
"Take all the time you need. I'm not goin' anywhere."
Their lovemaking these days was just as emotionally intense as ever but physically they were more restrained. There was a lot of touching and kissing and Jethro spent a lot of time gently caressing and loving every inch of the woman he loved more than his own life. He could see her shrinking and fading away from him week to week. She was still beautiful and she still took his breath away but to Jethro who knew her body so intimately it was painfully obvious she was very ill. On this afternoon they took their time undressing each other and Jenny then spent a long, torturous time searching out each and every scar Jethro had. Between a boyhood spent in the outdoors, the Marine Corps and a career at NCIS Jethro had accumulated more than his share of cuts, bullet holes and surgery scars. Jenny was busy for a long time and Jethro enjoyed every moment.
Eventually Jethro couldn't stand it any longer and he let Jenny know her examination was over. Mindful of hurting her, Jethro pulled Jenny on top of him and they got down to business. Jenny leaned down and kissed him as Jethro, his hands on her hips, thrust up to meet her and they fell into their familiar rhythm. Jenny sat up and scraped her fingernails through his chest hair. Jethro moved his hands to her breasts and Jenny climaxed with is name on her lips. She collapsed on his chest and whispered her love in his ear. Jethro carefully rolled them over and pulled a sheet over their sweat-slicked bodies.
"I love you Jen. Forever."
Jenny woke up first and she lay in Jethro's arms and worrying about him. She had no concerns about Jethro as a father; she knew he was more than capable of raising Matthew by himself. She worried because Jethro had already lost so much and losing her was going to be tremendously difficult. He may not think about their "separation" now but when she was gone and he was alone he would brood over the time he spent away and blame himself. Jenny had been telling Jethro the truth when she told him she wanted him to find someone to love; someone to be a mom to Matthew. She worried though that he would shut himself off from the world and concentrate all his energy on Matthew. That was not going to be good for Matthew or his daddy. Jenny resolved to talk to Ducky and get his input. Jethro began to stir and Jenny turned in his arms and kissed him awake.
"Hi, good nap?"
"Yeah. You?"
"Very nice. For some reason I was suddenly very tired."
"Me too. I sure enjoy getting tired with you."
Jenny kissed him again and said, "Would you enjoy getting clean with me?"
"Yes, I'm sure I would. What an excellent idea, Mrs. Gibbs."
Jenny slid out of bed and held her hand out for Jethro. He reached for her and stood up and let her lead him to the shower. Thirty minutes later they walked into the kitchen to find Noemi making Jethro's favorite; chicken enchiladas, while Matthew sat in his highchair eating Cheerios and babbling non-stop.
"Hello, little man. How's daddy's boy?"
Matthew grinned widely at the sound of his father's voice. Jenny marveled again at how much her son looked like her husband. He had Jethro's light brown hair, his nose and mouth and most strikingly, his father's blue eyes. She watched them 'talking' to each other and smiled. Matthew would be his father's salvation Jenny was sure of that.
"My goodness, Noemi to what do we owe the pleasure of this feast you are preparing?"
"Dr. Mallard called while you were resting and asked if he might visit so I suggested he come for supper."
"Wonderful. Thank you for doing that."
Jethro turned his attention to the stove and reached for some cheese. Noemi slapped his hand away playfully. Jethro leaned down and gave her a kiss on the top of her head.
"Noemi, will you stay on with me when Jenny is gone?"
The room went deathly silent. Neither woman moved and Jethro just stood there looking at the little Colombian woman who meant so much to them. He hadn't planned to ask her in exactly that way or even on this particular day but for some reason he needed to get it out there. Jenny looked at him and wondered where that had come from. Noemi didn't know what to say she was so surprised by Jethro's sudden question.
"Jethro, what…"
Before Jenny could finish, Noemi spoke up, "Yes, I would love to stay with you and baby Matthew."
"What about when Matthew isn't a baby anymore?"
"I stay with you for as long as you want me."
"Good. That's settled. I'm sorry if that was the wrong way to ask but I just needed to know. I'm not sure why I needed to know right now but I did. Thank you Noemi."
"You are welcome, Senor."
Jenny wiped a tear from her eye. At least she could mark that worry off her list. That only left about forty-seven others to deal with. Jethro took Matthew out of the highchair and hugged him.
"Come on little boy, you and daddy are goin' outside for a while."
Jethro kissed Jenny and walked out with out another word. Jenny and Noemi exchanged looks that said neither of them knew what to say. They both started to speak and Jenny held out her hand indicating Noemi should go first. In a shaky voice Noemi said what Jenny needed to hear.
"You know I love your Jethro and our baby Matthew. I promise I will take good care of them for a long time. Senor Gibbs, he is a good father. He will take the best care of Matthew."
"Thank you Noemi. I honestly don't know what we would do without you. I know Matthew will be in good hands but I do worry about Jethro."
"What is your worry?"
"What if he never finds anyone to love? I want Matthew to have a mother some day."
"We cannot fix that part. Senor Gibbs, he is a good man but very, what do you say, particular. He will not find another Jenny."
At this Noemi began to cry. She covered her face with her hands and for the first time in Jenny's presence, she cried for Jenny and Jethro and baby Matthew. And for herself and what she was losing. Noemi had taken care of Jenny from the time Jenny was fourteen years old. She watched over her after her mother died, shepherded her through college and was always waiting in the family townhouse when Jenny came home from wherever she'd been working. When Jethro came into the picture Noemi was at first, not a fan of the gruff, handsome NCIS agent. Over time though as she saw how much he loved her Jenny, what good care he took of her and how protective he was of her, Noemi came to love Jethro too. Now she was as devoted to him as she was to Jenny. And Matthew was like her own grandson. She adored the little boy and expected to take care of him for years to come.
Jenny wrapped her arms around Noemi and shed her own tears. After just a short time Noemi composed herself and stepped back. She went back to her cooking and Jenny poured herself a glass of ice tea and watched Jethro carrying Matthew around the backyard. Jethro was pointing out flowers and trees and talking nonstop to his son. Jenny had always marveled at Jethro's easy way with children and it was worth everything she'd gone through to see those two together.
Jethro wandered around the yard with his son in his arms and a heaviness settling in his gut. As the days and weeks went by it was getting harder and harder for him to hold himself together. Each passing day brought him closer to being a widower for the second time. Thinking about how miserable he was without Jenny the previous summer and knowing that when this summer was over he would likely be without her forever, Jethro could barely breathe sometimes. He wanted to be strong for Jenny, to support her and not put his sadness on her as another burden for her to bear. Sometimes when he looked at her he could see her slipping away from him and he was desperate to hold onto her. He wanted to be with her constantly and yet being with her reminded him she was leaving him. She seemed to be handling everything so much better than he was but that didn't surprise him. She was stronger that he was. And, frankly she wasn't the one being left behind. Every time that thought entered his head Jethro felt like the most horrible husband in the world.
Matthew was babbling away at his father and squirming to get down. Jethro put him down on the grass and Matthew sat very still running his chubby little hands through the soft grass. Soon enough he pulled some out and shoved it in his mouth.
"Oh no you don't my friend! Your mom will have my hide if she sees you eating grass."
Jethro gently brushed the grass from Matthew's fist and out of his mouth. Matthew made a spitting motion and laughed at his daddy.
"That's right spit it out. Good boy."
Jethro sat beside his son and stood him up to stand between his legs.
"You are getting so big. It's just gonna be you and me little man. I promise I'll take good care of you Mattie. But you gotta be a good boy for me and be patient with me. It's gonna be hard without your sweet momma around."
Matthew put his little hands on Jethro's cheeks and patted him. Jethro kissed him on the forehead and stood up to go inside. Ducky stepped out on the back porch as Jethro turned to go in the house.
"Look who's here, Mattie. It's grandpa Ducky."
"My goodness how he's growing! What a handsome boy you are Matthew."
Ducky reached for the baby who happily went to him.
"Jethro are you alright?"
"Yeah, sure. Mattie and I were just checking out the yard. Is supper ready?"
"I believe we have a few minutes. Is there anything you'd like to talk about?"
"No, I'm good Duck. Jenny send you out to check on me?"
"No, I haven't seen her yet. Noemi said she was in the study resting so I came looking for you. How does she seem to you these days?"
Jethro looked out over the back yard and sighed.
"She's slipping away from me Duck. Nothin' dramatic but I can see it day to day. She gets tired easy and she doesn't eat much more than this little one."
Before Ducky could respond Jenny appeared at the door and called them in to eat. They all sat around the kitchen table to eat and Noemi joined them at Jethro's insistence. Matthew played happily in his high chair stuffing Cheerios and banana slices in his mouth. Ducky regaled them with a story about Tony and Ziva chasing a suspect through the woods and Jenny laughed almost to the point of tears.
"Those two are quite a pair aren't they Ducky."
"Yes indeed. They remind me of a couple I knew years ago in Europe."
That comment was accompanied with a glance to both Jethro and Jenny.
"No stories about that tonight, Duck."
When they had finished eating, Noemi shooed everyone out of the kitchen so she could clean up. Jethro poured himself a cup of coffee and fixed Jenny and Ducky each a cup of tea. The three of them settled in the living room with Matthew snuggled in Jenny's lap. Before long Noemi came in and took Matthew up to bed. Jenny was telling Ducky about the remodeling of Jethro's house when Noemi came down to go home. She was gone only a minute when she came back in the house.
"What's the matter Noemi, you forget something?"
"No, my car won't start."
Jethro went out to take a look and came right back to tell Jenny he was taking Noemi home.
"Why don't I take her, I should be going anyway."
"No, Duck I got it. I need to pick up some formula anyway. Besides, I'm sure Jenny wants to talk to you. Right babe?"
"As a matter of fact I would enjoy a longer visit but I have no ulterior motives and nothing I wouldn't say in front of you."
"I know. Just kidding. I'll be right back."
When they were alone Ducky moved to sit on the couch nearer Jenny. He studied her for a moment before asking her how she was feeling.
"I'm getting tired so easily these days. I don't feel bad really, just tired and, I admit a little bit scared."
"I'm sure you are. How much do you know of what to expect in the coming months?"
"I've read everything I can find and I feel like I know what's probably going to happen. Ducky, I'm really worried about Jethro."
"Tell me."
"He's holding so much inside. He hasn't broken down since that day at the hospital. At least not that I know of. Maybe he does in the shower or when I'm sleeping but I don't think so. I know him, Ducky, he's got a rage in him that needs to come out. He's faced with something so unfair he can't speak of it and of course he can't fix it. When I'm gone he won't be able to fall apart because he'll have Matthew to take care of. I'm afraid he'll just keep stuffing things down until one day it will destroy the person I love. That cannot happen. Not when he has a son to raise."
Jenny was becoming tearful and Ducky moved to put his arm around her.
"My dear, I too worry about Jethro. You're right he needs to give voice to his feelings but I don't know how to help him do that. What do you suggest?"
"Ducky, I don't know. Will you at least talk to him. Tell him he doesn't have to hide his feelings from me. His fear and his anger are to be expected and I can handle them. The idea of leaving Jethro breaks my heart, Ducky. I thought we'd have so much time together, years and years to squabble with each other and love each other. And when I got pregnant I thought everything would be perfect again. Boy was I wrong!"
"You two have been dealt a terrible blow. As I said at dinner when everyone was here, the joy that Matthew brings must be your focus. Jethro will not be alone when you are gone my dear. The team and I will always be here for him. Noemi is staying on I hope."
"Yes, she is. Jethro doesn't really have a team anymore Ducky. He will need to go back to some work but I don't imagine he will go back to NCIS. He would not want to supplant Tony in his position as team leader and Jethro can't work for anyone else. He will eventually need to find something to do or he will go crazy. Money won't be an issue but his sanity will be."
"Yes, he will have to find something to do."
"And he will need to find someone. I've told him I want him to eventually find someone to love but I'm worried he'll concentrate all his life on Matthew which won't be good for either of them."
"I'm afraid that is an area that he will have to negotiate on his own. I agree with your feelings on the subject and I will support him if it comes to that but he's mighty particular and you will be a hard act to follow my dear."
"Oh Ducky I'm sorry to dump all this on you but who else do I have?"
"By all means you dump on me all you want. You and Jethro are my family and I am concerned about both of you."
The two friends sat in silence for a while and Jenny felt herself falling asleep.
"Ducky, would you help me up the stairs. I'd like to sit in with Matthew for a while."
"Of course."
Ducky helped her upstairs to the nursery and Jenny settled in the rocking chair where she could see Matthew asleep in his bed. They had moved him out of the master bedroom just the week before and Jenny wasn't used to him being gone yet. Jethro had found her numerous times asleep in the chair.
"Will you wait for Jethro to get home? He doesn't want me to be here alone in case Matthew wakes up and needs something. I can't lift him anymore."
"I'll be happy to stay. Do you need anything?"
"No, thank you. I'll just sit here and probably fall asleep. I'm not used to having our little one in his own room yet."
"Alright, dear. I'll wait downstairs. Goodnight Jenny. I'll speak with Jethro about our concerns."
"Thank you my friend."
TBC