Terin: This chapter was highly influenced by The Sims.

Ammy: We do not own Mrs. Crumplebottom. Please read at your own risk.

Terin: Please enjoy part one of Neighbor Wars!

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Xemnas stood at the front porch of a Victorian style house that was placed right next to The Castle That Never Was. Behind him was the rest of Organization XIII. And perched carefully in his hands was a gelatin desert made with broccoli.

"Superior, why did we have to come again?" Xigbar asked in a very whiny tone.

"Because! We have a new neighbor, we need to be polite and welcome them to the neighborhood." Xemnas explained.

"But boss. We're evil. We don't need to be polite to anyone." Xigbar said.

"Shut up! Just because we do things that normal society frowns down upon does not mean we are rude! I believe that even evil should endorse upon good behavior."

"Whatever." Xigbar shoved his hands into his cloak pockets and sulked.

"AND DON'T YOU TRY TO SNEAK AWAY NUMBER THIRTEEN!" Xemnas shouted at Roxas who was trying to get away.

The blonde stopped dead in his tracks, the rest of the organization chuckling at him. He shoved his hands in his pockets and sighed.

Xemnas rang the door bell and stepped back to patiently wait for the owner of the house to open the door and accept his home made desert. Number One was extremely proud of the fact that he could make gelatin, Rachel Ray had taught him on her TV show.

The sound of locks clicking open came from the door. An elderly woman peaked her head through the open door. "Hello?" She asked innocently.

"Good morning madam. I am Xemnas, Number One of Organization Thirte-"

"I don't want none of what you're selling! Do you even have a business license? Because I don't believe you do."

"Actually, we are your new neighbors, and we brought you-"

"You hooligan! Kids these days!" She tossed a quarter at leader. The coin bounced off of Xemnas' head and landed on the ground. "Take that and get yourself a decent hair cut." She slammed the door shut

Xigbar snickered and picked up the coin.

"Okay looks like she doesn't want to talk," Roxas said. "I'm outta here."

"ONE MORE STEP BOY AND I WILL TAKE A LIGHTSABER TO YOUR HEAD!" Xemnas yelled as he started pressing the doorbell over and over. He had spent hours making this gelatin and that woman was going to eat it!

The lady opened the door again. "You kids stay off my lawn!" She shouted shaking a fist. Lexaeus quickly removed the tip of his shoe from the grass.

Xemnas cleared his throat. "Ma'am, we are happy to welcome you to the neighborhood. I made you this desert and hope that you feel at home here in The World That Never Was."

"I hate gelatin." The lady said plainly.

Xigbar burst out in laughter.

"And you young man," The lady said pointing at him, he immediately stopped laughing. "Respectable men don't were eye patches."

Others started to laugh at Xigbar. The lady pointed at Marluxia. "Real men have short hair and don't have it died pink."

"I'll have you know ma'am that this color is one hundred percent natural." Marluxia said over the laughter of members.

"And you!" She pointed at Axel. "That hair color is just down right obnoxious!" She pointed at Zexion. "Get yourself a therapist and stop moping!" Saix was her next victim. "Cut your hair!" Lexaeus. "Communicate with others!" Xaldin was next. "You look like an ape! Get some help!" She pointed at Roxas. "AND YOU! YOU MAKE ME SO ANGRY!"

"What did I do?" Roxas asked.

"I HATE TEENAGERS! They're so useless! They have no respect! They complain way to much! They're lazy! They smell, and-" Roxas walked away before she could finish her list of grievances. "And they walk away while your talking to them!"

The rest of the organization started to walk away. They were right, that had been a total waste of time.

Xemnas tried once more to hand the old woman his desert. She pushed it away and pointed at Larxene who was walking towards the front gate.

"Wait young lady!" She ran out the door (fast for an elderly lady) and grabbed Larxene by the hand. "I'm Ms. Crumplebottom. What's your name deary?"

"Larxene." She pulled her hand away.

"What a lovely name. Now, I have a granddaughter about your age. She left some beautiful sundresses with me. Please come and have tea with me and we can see if the dresses will fit you." The old woman stated to pull Larxene toward her house.

"No wait! I have something I have to do! Please! Let me go!" Larxene struggled but Crumplebottom's grip was of iron.

Larxene was dragged into the dark house. The door slammed on Xemnas smashing his desert into his face and ruining his cloak. He dropped the plate and marched away angrily.

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After taking a shower and changing his clothes Xemnas headed straight up to Saix's observatory. Xemnas barged in and caught Saix at a bad time. He was dressed in nothing but a pair of boxers that had the pattern of Sailor Moon on them. The stereo was blaring the Sailor Moon theme song, and the TV was playing the live action movie.

"Saix! I need to use your telescope!"

Saix stopped in his tracks and pointed at his enormous telescope. "Knock yourself out."

Xemnas went over to the telescope and started to adjust it so that it glared down at Crumplebottom's house. Through the window of Crumplebottom's home Xemnas could see the old lady and her victim…I mean her guest, Larxene. They were sitting at a small round table. Two tea cups, a tea pot, and several plates of finger sandwiches and cookies sat on the table. Larxene looked like she was in agony, the old lady didn't seem to notice.

Anger welled up in the leader of Organization 13. "That lady should be glad she's old and not a man or I would hit her so hard!" Xemnas shouted.

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"So, who's cooking tonight?" Xaldin asked as he and Zexion walked into the dining room.

"Axel." Xigbar said. He was currently reading the newspaper and drinking coffee.

"Great," Zexion mumbled. "it's been a while since I've had charcoal."

Suddenly Larxene burst through the door. Her hair was done up in a fancy bun. Her black makeup had been replaced with blush and other girly cosmetics. But the most noticeable thing about her was a bright yellow sundress and the scared expression on her face.

Every man in the room laughed followed by a few wolf whistles.

"Would you like me to get you a chair madam?" Xigbar teased. He stood up and bowed, then pulled a chair out for Larxene.

"Stowe it bastard!" Larxene yelled. She lifted up her dress and started to walk towards the other door.

Just as she was about to get to the door, Xemnas walked in. He pointed at Larxene and said; "By God woman, what the hell happened to you? Where is your uniform?"

Larxene started to pull off her high heels. She tossed them behind her, one hit Xigbar right on the head the other managed to get Luxord in a not very pleasant place.

"That-That, that monster next door did this to me! Now get out of my way or I'll move you myself!" Larxene pushed Xemnas out of the way and marched down the hall to her bed room.

Larxene pushed poor Roxas out of the way. He stood up, used to the abuse. Lucy who was tailing him barked at Larxene.

"Who are you calling a bitch!?" Larxene roared.

Roxas sat down at the table and sighed. "Well someone's PMSing." He muttered.

Axel burst in through the front door. He was carrying several buckets of chicken. He and the chicken were wet.

"What happened to you?" Demyx asked.

Axel dropped the chicken and grabbed Demyx by the collar of his shirt. He had fire in his eyes. "You want to know what happened to me? I'll tell you what happened to me," He said through his teeth. "The damn neighbor happened to me! That lady screamed something about a porcupine and then sprayed me and your dinner with a hose!"

"What are we going to eat then?" Was the first question asked.

"I DON'T KNOW! MAYBE YOU SHOULD TALK TO MRS. CRUMPLE-ASS!" Axel screamed, he marched off to change.

Roxas got up and walked to the kitchen.

"What are you doing?" Xigbar asked.

Roxas scoffed. "I'm ordering pizza. I'm not going hungry because the lady next door is a psychopath." He picked up the phone and pressed the speed dial button. He had made sure that the pizza place was on speed dial. The older members in charge of food sometimes failed in doing their job and Roxas was tired of the nights where he sometimes starved. I mean, it's not like they had a fridge filled with provisions that was easily accessible to a teenager.

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Terin: That concludes the first part of Neighbor Wars.

Ammy: Please review!