Elissa left the guardian behind her and in a daze walked forward. She probably should have been paying attention to anything other than the words ringing in her head. The words Alistair said, "Elissa, my darling, do not take the evil of others into your heart. You are too hard on yourself." She was filled with inexplicable joy because he called her "my darling."
She walked forward through a door and found herself in the family quarters at Highever. Her father was in his chair, the cards were shuffled and the hands dealt. She walked forward to sit across the table from him and pick up her cards.
"Father," she said with a choked sob.
"Yes, Pup. I'm here. Your mother is near but only one of us were allowed to visit with you."
"Then you are well and you are together."
Her father smiled. "I can't tell you about that, Pup."
Elissa realized tears were rolling down her face, she wiped them away with the back of her hand. "I'm sorry father, I shouldn't be crying."
"Ah. But you already know this will be hard." He sighed and put his cards face down on the table. "What happened to you, in Cailan's tent, was not your fault."
"But I snuck in there, if I hadn't he wouldn't have..."
"He wouldn't have had the chance to prove he was an animal but you were there and he let his baser nature take control."
"He was drunk and others were egging him on."
Her father shook his head. "He was the king and a newly married man. He was an adult and you were still but a child. His friends may well also bear some burden of shame but it was the King's responsibility to control his own behavior. How can a person that cannot rule themselves, rule a country and lead effectively."
Elissa looked down at the stone floor. "He admitted he was wrong, Father, when I confronted him."
"That's because he was wrong." He reached across the table and lifted her chin. "I'm not saying he was an evil man, Pup. I'm saying he committed a depraved act and you were the victim." She was surprised to see the tears hovering at the bottom of her father's eyes. "Cailan's lack of judgement and control took something irreplaceable from you—your innocence. I do not mean he took your maiden head or that he impregnated you."
Her father stood and paced across the room. "Pup, you had the brash confidence of youth, that reckless knowledge that you could not fail. That sense of invulnerability would have faded over time and left perseverance in its wake. Cailan ripped that all away in one night. I do wish you had not been so foolhardy but you did not deserve the treatment you received."
"Father, I'm told," she swallowed, "that a man can become so enflamed at the sight and scent of certain women that they cannot control themselves."
"Hogwash. I was not born the day I became a husband, nor the day I became a father. Ah, Pup. I was once a young man desperate to be a real man, to prove I could bed a woman."
"Father!"
"Hush, I know this is not seemly but you need to know, Pup. You need to know. Besides your Mother is whispering instructions in my ear."
"Mother's here." Elissa looked around as though she hoped to catch a glimpse of her but the room remained empty of all others.
"In a manner of speaking, now this I must tell you, she says. All men, even the grandfathers sitting by the fire, were once young fools. However, men of worth are also gentlemen. There is no raging beast released by the scent of a woman within any man. Cailan chose to behave as he did, he chose to drink with unseemly companions, he chose to rape you and I know he felt remorse the next day. That was his mistake and though you have reaped the consequences these five years it still wasn't your crime."
She remembered the people of Lothering, their terror. There was no food, there was no safety. They had been abandoned by their Lord. Some of them showed their quality in those circumstances, others let their baser nature rule. If the victims of Lothering deserved justice then so did she.
"I understand, Father. I will try to let go of my guilt."
He smiled. "It will take time. Most worthwhile endeavors take time. Now, you have to go very soon. Have a good life, Pup. Your mother sends her love. We are very proud of you."
As everything faded away Elissa heard her mother's voice, "Oh, my dearest, never forget you deserve to be loved."
She found herself lying on a dusty stone floor. Alistair was stirring to her left and Wynne was picking herself up beyond him. Leliana was nowhere in sight. The doors to the shrine were behind them. Outside she could see Red standing over their dragon treasure. Ahead, the guardian stood in front of a pair of double doors.
They walked forward.
The Guardian gestured behind him and the doors opened. "You may proceed," he intoned.
"Guardian," said Elissa, "where is our friend, Leliana."
The guardian shook his head sadly, "She has not passed the gauntlet she may not enter."
"What does that mean?" asked Alistair.
"It is not for me to explain her choices."
"Well, that sounds like we can ask her. That's good, right."
Elissa nodded to Alistair in agreement and the three of them proceeded into a great domed chapel where they found the Ashes of Andraste. Once they'd obtained a pinch of the blessed woman's remains they left the chapel in search of their friend.
Their exit from the shrine was greeted by Red's excited barking and Leliana's sad face.
"Leliana," exclaimed Elissa.
The bard raised a hand to forestall any comments or questions. "I found a shorter path down to the entrance. We should gather our treasures and depart."
Elissa shared a worried glance with Alistair but they gathered the prizes they'd decided to take and followed Leliana. The trek back down the mountain was spooky. The snow filled ruins were marked by the bodies of the cultists they'd slain. Everything was still. Elissa could not help but think they'd turned the once splendid shrine into a mausoleum but then it was a shrine for a slain woman so... They retrieved Morrigan from the cult's Chantry and Sten from the remains of the general store.
"We should gather the dead and burn them," said Morrigan, "or disease will stalk these hills."
Alistair sighed and set to work. Elissa followed him back up the hill to the Chantry and the two of them cleared the building then closed the doors.
"I wish it were safe to burn the whole town," said Alistair.
"Yes," agreed Elissa, "just wipe the whole horrible place away. But it hardly seems worth setting the whole mountainside alight."
"Oh, I don't know. How fast can you run in your armor? Or maybe Morrigan can turn into a giant bird and fly us away."
"Aren't you afraid she'll forget to bring you along?"
"Good point, best to leave it then."
They used one of the wagons they'd found to haul the bodies down the hill. Sten had used the other wagon to bring bodies up from the houses below. They piled the wagons, loose wood, fencing, furniture, all the blood soaked shrines they found and anything else that would burn on their makeshift charnel house then they set it ablaze.
"I will stand watch over the fire," Sten proclaimed.
Elissa shrugged and the rest of the party headed down the mountain to their camp. The Wardens immediately went off to get out of their armor then sat side by side cleaning and polishing their equipment.
"We shouldn't linger too long," said Alistair, "that blaze is visible for miles. Someone is bound to investigate."
Elissa nodded, "Besides we need to get those ashes back to Redcliffe."
Alistair decided if he was going to love recklessly, he might as well start now. He stretched out a hand to Elissa. "Care to take a short walk?"
She took a deep breath. "I think I'd like that."
He tucked her arm into his and they wandered off towards the stream. "I don't care, you know," he said.
"About what?"
"About what has happened in the past, it doesn't affect my opinion of you in any way."
She stopped to stare down at the clear mountain stream rushing out from under the snow. "It doesn't, really?"
"Really. While I'd happily thrash anyone who hurt you, given the chance, it in no way changes anything. I wanted you to know that before... before I tell you how I feel, about you." Alistair released her arm to take both her hands and stare tenderly into her face. "I have come to care for you, a great deal."
She looked up into his warm eyes. How could she possibly be worthy of this wonderful man? "Really?"
"Yes, really." He chuckled. "You've suddenly become really fond of that word."
She blushed and chuckled at her own inanity.
He took a deep breath and squeezed her hands to draw her attention back to his face. "Do you think you might come to care for me, someday?"
"Oh Alistair, I do care for you. But are you really sure."
He chuckled again. "Yes, I'm really sure."
She shivered as he slowly bent forward and gently pressed his lips to hers. His hands released hers and he pulled her into a soft, warm hug. She tucked her head under his chin and burrowed into his warm muscular chest.
"Oh, yes," he said, "I am really, really, really sure."
Elissa pulled back to look at his face. "That was my first kiss, you know."
He smiled tenderly. "Mine too."
She stepped out of his arms and looked up into his dear face before bracing herself to tell him. "You should know that I'm not a maiden."
"Well, I am. I mean I'm not a maiden, obviously, but I haven't ever...you know."
Elissa's mouth dropped open. From out of nowhere a giggle rose and erupted straight out of her throat and loosened the knot in her stomach.
"Oh, that's not good for my manly pride."
"Sorry," she said as she tried to stifle more giggles, "but between you offering to wear a dress and declaring yourself a maiden, I'm starting to wonder."
Alistair's guffaw startled all sleeping the birds in the area.
He drew her over to a sun baked stone slab and they sat down side by side. She tucked herself under his arm and they sat as they often did in the mornings just enjoying each other's company.
Elissa wasn't sure when she started sniffling or how her face had come to be covered by tears. She couldn't help but relive her despair at all Cailan had taken from her that night.
"What's wrong, Elissa? I didn't mean to upset you."
"It's not you. I just wish all my firsts could be with you."
"If you want to talk about it, I can listen. I can just listen, without comment."
She lifted her head to look at him, her eyes were rather watery. "Are you sure? It may make you angry."
"I'll get angry later. Right now, I'll just listen, for you." He pressed his lips against her forehead. "Tell me what you wish to, my darling."
Elissa felt her heart speed up. "I like that."
"Hmm?"
"When you call me 'my darling,' I like that. You've done it twice now."
"You are darling and I hope you are mine in as much as I am yours."
"I had no idea you were so romantic."
He chuckled. "I've never wanted to find out before." He slowly put his other arm around her and they just sat together for a while longer.
Elissa felt that it was now or never. If this scared him away so be it, better now than later when her heart was more deeply entwined.
"It was the spring after my nephew Oren was born. Everyone else was enjoying the outdoors after a long cold winter. I was bored. Fergus, Oriana had taken Oren with them to Antiva. It was the first time they'd been back since she and Fergus had eloped. I remember how nervous Fergus had been. They'd run away from the extravagant plans Oriana's mother had forced on them. I'd spent most of the winter with my family and in particular helping with Oren."
She stopped with a sob and stared out over the river while she collected herself. Alistair continued to rub her back.
"At any rate, I was bored. I had changed into a young woman over the previous year but I'd yet to accept all that meant and continued to charge around in my brother's oversized cast off clothes. My reluctance to grow up didn't stop the boys from treating me differently. When the guests arrived for the grand tournament I expected to spend time with my usual cronies but the boys wouldn't include me anymore. They went off on their own and when I came around they'd suddenly stop talking and they told me to go inside with the other girls. So I snuck after them and discovered what I thought was a way back into their good graces. I overheard them planning a dare for one of the unpopular boys."
~~~flashback~~~ ~~~flashback~~~ ~~~flashback~~~ ~~~flashback~~~ ~~~flashback~~~
Elissa shifted to relieve the ache in her calf. From her position, squatted behind the wood stacks, she could both see and hear the boys perfectly. They were so engrossed in their conversation that they didn't hear the soft scuff of her feet as she switched legs.
"Yeah, if we dare him to steal one of the King's goblets he'll either have to back down or he'll just hide from us for the rest of the tourney. Either way..." they shared a knowing smirk. She watched as the chuckling boys hurried off down the castle's corridor.
They obviously thought that whoever they were planning on daring couldn't or wouldn't dare to sneak into the King's tent. Elissa strolled down to the kitchen storeroom and pilfered a couple of apples before retreating to her favorite thinking spot up on the battlements. Up here the castle and now the entire tourney encampment was spread out beneath her. Humble bedrolls around fire pits stood out at the fringes as her eyes drew across the south fields towards the tourney's battle ground the tents grew larger and more colorful. Beyond the open battlefield, stands filled with well-dressed revelers were flanked by the commoners' galleries. And beyond all of that was the fair market. She stared pensively at all the people, the strolling ladies, giggling girls, rough-housing boys and the many, many knights here to make names for themselves. Amongst all the finely clad visitors were the peasants, tradesmen and the servants.
The germ of an idea began to form in Elissa's devious mind. Everywhere she looked there were liveried servants running hurriedly from place to place. Each walked or sometimes even ran with purpose. Many of the figures had the slight build of elves but there were enough human servants that no one took special note of them.
So, would she actually do this? First, she'd need to borrow a servant's dress fortunately she still wasn't all that tall at least, not yet. Though one of the house elf's dresses might be tight over her stupid breasts, she'd be able to find something to wear. Second, she'd need an excuse to go down into the encampment. A glance towards the river gave her an idea. A platoon of washers and their assistants seemed to be working non-stop at the river side. If she was dressed as a servant and carrying clean sheets no one would likely question her presence. Lastly, she should go at twilight, just before the lamps were lit, when there was less risk of anyone seeing her clearly. She'd have to miss dinner but that wouldn't alarm her parents. It would annoy her mother and perhaps earn her a punishment of some sort but it would be worth seeing the looks on the boys' faces when she tossed the goblet to them.
Not one to wait, she pitched her apple cores over the wall and then snuck down to the servants' quarters where she found an older set of livery. It was a bit worn but would do for her purposes. She ran to her room where she quickly tried it on. As she'd feared it was a tight fit but she could fasten most of the buttons. She slipped out of the dress and back into her tunic and trousers. She'd barely made it out of her room when she heard her mother's voice. Quickly she ducked into Fergus' rooms and slid under the bed.
"Drat that girl. We've the King and the Guerrins joining us for dinner tonight, she must be presentable."
"Now, Eleanor, Elissa is still a bit young for all this fussing. Besides I'm not sure Teagan will still be available by the time she's ready to marry."
"Bryce, she needs to learn to get on as well at the dining table as she does in the practice field. I have no illusions about marrying her off to Teagan. However, he is a courteous and attentive dining companion. The experience would serve her well."
Elissa rolled her eyes.
"It appears she has made herself scarce, my love." Her father sounded amused, although it wasn't clear whether it was Elissa's absence, her mother's plans or both that he found entertaining.
Their voices faded as they walked towards their own rooms probably to prepare themselves for the honor of dining with their young King. Elissa slipped out of her brother's room and the castle. She hid the dress and the sheets she'd purloined under the tool shed in the apple orchard. Then hid herself up in one of the old oak trees where she indulged in a quiet nap.
She woke with a start not long after the sun had set. She swore under her breath as she dropped down out of the tree and rubbed her arms in the quickly cooling air. It was later than she had planned to be at this but there might still be time. She rushed to the tool shed yanked out the package she'd hidden. She ignored the shift, yanked off her tunic and pulled the dress over her head. She slid off her trousers and slipped her feet back into her ankle boots then ran towards the camp. She heaved a sigh of relief as she noticed the King, surrounded by his guard, strolling into the commons tent where the knights could be heard celebrating the day's events.
Unfortunately, the camp was well lit. She'd be recognized by one of the local servants long before she reached the King's tent. Elissa chewed on her lip and stared into the rows of tents. Squatting she put the clean sheets on her lap and tore the ties out of her hair. She quickly undid her braids and finger combed her shoulder length hair forward to obscure her face. With luck no one would be able to see her face clearly. In a conscious mimicry of the servants she'd watched earlier in the day, she scurried forward as though on an important errand.
She found it wasn't hard to keep up the pace, the cold made a trot much more comfortable than strolling. The solders she passed made incomprehensible comments.
As one saluted her he said with a gleam in his eye, "I can't help but respect a wench at attention."
A lady knight rolled her eyes and ordered Elissa to be on her way, quickly. "She's a bit young, even for the likes of you." She heard the woman comment to her camp mates.
"I haven't any better offers unless you're looking for a tumble?" the man replied.
"I don't bed men who can't hang on to their swords in battle and their wits at a party."
The sounds of laughter faded as Elissa continued on towards the larger tents.
The guard at the entrance of the tent looked bored.
"Where do you think you're going, elf?"
"I've been sent with linens," Elissa said. The man's frank appraisal of her tight bodice made her blush.
"Have you now? Sent by whom, might I ask?"
"The Teryn," she said then tried to keep from grimacing at her terrible flub, as if her father would concern himself with such things as clean linens.
"Oh, I understand. Too bad for me, you're a pretty little thing. Well, go on in. He'll be a bit so you have lots of time to prepare...or should I say, make the bed." The guard winked and chuckled as he pulled open the entrance to the tent. Elissa nodded as though she understood but she was at a loss to understand understood his sudden change in attitude.
Inside she found the most sumptuously appointed tent she'd ever seen. It was nothing like the tents they used when they were training the Highever troops. This was more of a pavilion. There was a huge bed, a dressing area holding the King's armor on its stand, carpets, a round dining table with three chairs and a small desk. Three braziers hung from the high tent top but there were no goblets to be seen anywhere. She dropped the linens on the bed and began to search through the low chests. Time was passing and Elissa was beginning to get nervous. She shook out then dropped and finally bundled up the sheets to make it look as though she'd changed the linens then made her way to the tent's entrance. The guard had tied it from the outside.
"Excuse me," Elissa called.
"No worries, dearie." The guard called in. "I sent a messenger to his majesty but like the rest of us you'll have to, ahem, await his pleasure." The fellow laughed coarsely.
Elissa stood stock still. Had she been recognized? Why was she being held here until the King arrived? Maker's blood, her mother would kill her! Perhaps if she explained to the King her mother would not have to be informed. She dumped the bundle of linen's on the far side of the bed and tried to sit down and wait patiently but her feet wouldn't stop moving so she paced instead.
When the finally King arrived it seemed as though most of the night had passed by. King Cailan entered first, his tall muscular frame was draped in royal red garb cut to accommodate his larger build. He was followed by two smaller men garbed in the latest Denerim style.
Cailan grabbed Elissa's hand and whirled her about in a circle as though she were a little child. "A pretty maid indeed."
One of the other men said, "The Teryn's hospitality is certainly fine."
"Come," said Cailan, "have a seat. I invited you for a nightcap and a gawk." He pointed to the cabinet next to his bed. "Fetch the bottle and three mugs from the cabinet girl. Pour a glass of warmth for my friends and I."
As Elissa turned the third man gave me a slap on the bottom. She jumped in shock. "Hey, now," said Cailan, "hands off the help."
She rushed to the cupboard and pulled out the bottle. Elissa scrambled to put three tin cups and the bottle on the small tray tucked between the cupboard and the bed. She served the three men then stepped back into the shadows behind the King's chair and listened to their banter. Obviously, the King did not know who she was, thank the Maker. But who knows how long they'd keep her here serving them drinks. Her attention wandered when Cailan began pouring the drinks himself.
As they neared the bottom of the bottle then man who'd slapped her behind stared into the shadows right at her and grinned. "You see, Cailan, not everyone thinks a married man is as good as dead. I propose a toast. To your frigid wife."
"Aye," the others agreed and drank.
The other friend grinned. "And to warm welcomes throughout the kingdom," he said with a wink.
Then he leaned forward and whispered in the King's ear. Cailan looked back at her for a moment then returned his eyes to his friends.
"Cailan, she's an elf. It's not like she's ever had privacy before," the second said as he leaned back.
"You elf," Cailan said, "I can't call you that. What is your name girl?"
"I'm Fanny," Elissa said hoping that borrowing her old Nan's name wouldn't get her in any more trouble.
"It doesn't suit her," rumbled Cailan's friend.
"No, it doesn't," agreed Cailan, "with your lovely golden hair you're more of a Sunny than a Fanny." Cailan held out his hand to her, his signet ring was hanging off the middle of his finger. "Put the ring in the dish next to the bed, Sunny."
She drew the ring the rest of the way off his finger as he gazed intently at her. His eyes were half lidded and at her touch flared with some emotion Elissa couldn't identify. As she made her way to the bedside table she heard the men standing up behind her and she sagged a bit with relief. Finally, they were leaving and she'd be able to go too.
Her relief was short lived. She dropped the ring into the dish, it made a deep hollow ringing sound and she felt warm hands grab her waist and pull her into a strong embrace. She froze unable to think, unable to protest and unsure what to do. She squeezed her eyes closed and tried not to cry.
"What...what..." she said.
"Relax," Cailan's voice was right at her ear, "I'm settling a bet then we'll be alone."
He leaned her over the bed and pulled up her skirt. Pushing her small clothes to one side he pressed his fingers against her private parts and somehow through the shame and confusion Elissa felt pleasure. Something hard pressed against her then thrust unsuccessfully against her entrance. She hissed with pain and he pulled back for a moment.
He was going to lay with her just like a breeding bull. Somehow, she'd thought it was different with humans yet here he was, mounting her from behind. The ridiculousness of people acting like mating farm animals distracted Elissa from her situation and prevented her from doing anything useful.
He pressed her opening again, but this time he was slick and he slid right into her. He moaned, "So, tight."
One of his friends piped up, "That's what I love about elves, they're always hot and tight."
Cailan seemed to shake and recover himself. "You've seen, now leave your wager on the table and get out." Then without waiting for them to leave her grabbed her hips and began to slide in and out of her. After the tent entrance rustled he pulled the bottom of her dress up over her head and gripped her bare hips. His hands were warm and calloused. Elissa noticed that his right hand flexed and gripped with each thrust whilst his left moved up and down her side. Her vagina throbbed, it felt swollen and a bit sore. Suddenly her immobility dropped and she began to fight like a hell cat. Tears poured down her face.
"Maker's blood. Stop. Stop," She cried.
Cailan pulled away from her and stood for a moment. "Did, did I just take your maidenhead?"
Elissa nodded through her tears.
"By Andraste's flaming sword." He pulled my hair back from my face and felt my ear. "The Teryn didn't send you here, did he?" he said angrily.
She shook her head and stared down at the floor.
"I think I understand now. Those bastards tricked me. Loghain is right. They aren't fit companions."
Elissa crumpled onto the bed and continued to sob.
"Look girl, I can't return what I've taken but I'll pay whatever your master deems fair. The Teryn will understand and I'll make sure that the Teryna keeps you on, alright. So just stop crying."
She heard his words but he didn't realize, her parents would not be as understanding as the King supposed. She had no idea what to do and the drunken King telling her to stop crying did not help. His voice became more urgent and harsh. Finally he placed his hand over her mouth to quiet her. She bit him and he lost his temper.
"You little bitch, if I'm to pay for your maidenhead, I might as well get my money's worth."
The rest of the night passed in a blur of thrusting, groaning and pain. He raped her repeatedly but seemed not to gain any satisfaction from his actions. After a time he passed out on top of her and she found herself unable to move his dead weight. Eventually, she fell asleep only to wake to him hauling her up by the hips and slamming into her poor abused body again. This time he reached completion filling Elissa with his seed then rolling over onto his side to fall asleep.
Cautiously, Elissa crawled off the bed. She pulled her skirt back down and stared down at the torn bodice buttons. She couldn't traipse through camp with her hated breasts dangling loose over the top of the dress. She gathered the linens she brought with her then started towards the tents entrance then suddenly turned around. She avoided looking at the mound of naked man on the bed as she snuck up to the bedside table and palmed the King's ring. She wasn't sure what compelled her to take it, perhaps a desire for revenge. He'd taken something irreplaceable from her and she'd would do the same to him.
She held the linens up to her chest as though the bundle were awkward and called out the entrance, "His majesty sleeps and I must attend to my regular duties."
The guard opened the tent flap and set her free. She ran all the way back to the apple orchard where she shoved the linens and the dress back under the tool shed and put on her brother's comfortable hand me downs and then put her hair back up in braids. She stared at the ring in her hand and let the tears slip down her chin. She was sore from head to toe. Cailan had been rough with her, eventually she'd given up fighting in the hopes it would be over sooner. She must look a sight. Elissa wondered how she'd explain her night's absence and her bruises to her mother.
She walked slowly through the orchard to the edge of the ravine that father told her had once held a mighty river and decided an accident was her best defense. She put the ring in the keepsake bauble her brother had brought her from Antiva. He and Oriana had given it to her together as a sort of apology for having a hearth wedding without any family there to act as witnesses. Elissa remembered thanking them for both the present and for eloping. She had been so relieved that mother wouldn't have any excuse to stuff her into a stiff dress.
She smiled at the fonder memories then shook with fresh sobs as she realized her childhood was gone. Cailan had made her a woman; it was against her will but done none-the-less. She lowered herself over the edge of the escarpment then began to climb down. She knew that it was unlikely she'd make it all the way down without falling but that would just add to the authenticity of her claims.
It wasn't until mid-afternoon that they found her by then she was delirious with thirst and sunburnt. A healing mage was sent to set and heal her broken legs then she was confined to her bed for several weeks. She heard the maids gossiping about a spy that had posed as a servant, seduced King Cailan and stolen his signet ring.
Elissa's recovery was slow. She was unusually weepy and miserable. The day finally came when she had to admit that she was pregnant. She'd only skipped her cycle twice but already her stomach showed a slight curve. Despite her mother's pleading and demands she would not reveal the name of the father. On a particularly bad day she finally informed her that he was already married and that nothing good could come of informing him of her predicament.
Soon after that argument she was sent away with her old Nanny and her belly continued to grow. She did not see anyone other than Nan most of her confinement. Each day in the little house was the same. She woke, ate breakfast and then helped Nan with the dishes. They went for walks when the weather was fine and read when it was not. One morning she woke to find her mother and a healing mage had arrived during the night. Twins the mage said, they would be born too soon if she did not take to her bed for the rest of her confinement. The mage's pronouncement was prophetic; the boys were born a week later and immediately whisked away.
Elissa, her mother and Nan stayed a week or so longer then she returned to Highever, Fergus and Oriana had arrived home with Oren just a week earlier. And everything returned to normal, except that Elissa felt she'd never be normal again. She threw herself into training with a vengeance and spent even less time at her mother's salons. She found excuses not to go to Denerim for Landsmeet until finally her parents stopped asking. Her mother was the only one that did not give up on seeing her married. Though her brother had no idea why she shied away from most men, he'd become used to the notion that someday Elissa would be his war leader. She'd become the little brother he'd never had and despite his wife's and mother's concerns he seemed quite pleased at the notion she'd always be in Highever.
She was crying as the memories swamped her. Alistair was using one of his handkerchiefs to dry her eyes. Though she'd given Alistair an abbreviated version of events and left her attacker unnamed she couldn't help but remember it all.
"For years a sharp sound would make me jump and the smell of brandy still makes me gag."
"I'm so sorry, Elissa. You have had to bear more than you should and you did not deserve any of it. I care for you very much and that you continue to be a wonderful, brave, intelligent, and kind woman despite the horrors you've suffered only makes me care more."
"Really?"
"Yes, really, really, really."
"Alistair, when Highever fell I asked about the boys before I left. Mother said one of the twins died, as a baby. All these years I wondered where they were, if they were alright and one of them had already gone to the fade. The surviving child, he's with Ser Gilmore's sister in Denerim but I don't know who his sister married or where in Denerim I might find him."
Suddenly Alistair sat bolt upright. "The item you stole, it was the ring you carry in your necklace."
Elissa looked at him warily. "Yes."
"The man was Cailan, wasn't he."
She looked at him shocked.
"Maker," he said running his hands through his hair, "this is, oh Maker."
He stood and put his hands on her shoulders. "Elissa, I don't care, well I'd like to hit him again, several times actually. None-the-less it doesn't change how I feel about you, at all."
"But...," she said with tears in her eyes.
"It may change the way you feel about me."
Elissa frowned but didn't say anything as Alistair began to pace frantically.
"I have a secret of my own. One I've kept so long that I...I don't even think about it anymore. Oh, I'm making excuses now. Remember how I said I was a bastard and Arl Eamon raised me. Well, that was so that my father's wife wouldn't find out about me."
"Alright."
"You see his wife was Eamon's sister. So, I'm King Maric's bastard son and Cailan's half-brother."
Elissa felt like her breath had been taken away, the man she lov...cared for was the brother of the man who had raped her. Alistair and Cailan were brothers, Maker. But did it matter to her? They were two completely different men.
"I don't care. It doesn't change the way I feel. It's just an accident of birth."
"Literally," he said with a slight smile.
"So you and Aedan are both royal bastards."
"Is it incestuous to be in love with your half nephew's mother?"
Elissa smiled the brilliant smile Alistair adored. "Say that again," she said breathlessly as she moved to lean against his chest.
He frowned for a second then with a mischievous grin asked, "Which part the incestuous part or the 'I'm in love with you' part?"
"I think you know."
"I love you."
"Alistair," she whispered huskily, "I love you, too."
Elissa felt wonderful. Alistair leaned down slightly and gentle touched his lips to hers in a long lingering kiss and that felt wonderful, too.
He stepped back from her gingerly and said, "Why don't we head back to camp."
Hand in hand they returned to the campfire. They'd only been gone about an hour but so much had changed.
"Elissa," he began slowly, "you are going to need to have a chat with Leliana or we are."
"You mean about the gauntlet."
"Uh, that too."
"What else," she asked with a confused frown.
"You know what, you worry about the gauntlet and I'll see if there's anything else that needs to be done." He kissed her hand and smiled at her. She smiled back and snuggled up against his side.