Chapter 11: You Want Cheese on Yours?
Kile stopped in mid-tantrum and looked up at the sound of his Tallest snoring.
Seeing them so fat and happy at his expense, he grit his teeth frustratedly and clenched his fists tightly, his claws puncturing the flesh of his palm and causing blood to ooze between his fingers.
He stood up then, and through watery eyes, glared at his leaders.
Approaching their sleeping forms quietly, he grabbed the end of the bed sheet covering Purple and yanked it up, smothering his leader's face with it.
The violet eyed Tallest wakes up at the lack of oxygen and shoots his arms in front of himself, desperately trying to push his attacker away; but Kile's anger had given him an adrenaline rush of strength, so his attempts to free himself came to no avail.
Switching tactics, Purple flings his arms to the side, hitting Red's shoulders.
Red stirred, "Stop it, Pur!" he muttered sleepily, "I don't wanna do it with you right now!"
Purple kept hitting him.
"Come on! I'm still tired from the little guy!"
Keeps hitting.
Red finally gets up irritatedly and spins towards his co-lord "Geez! What's your...oh crap!"
Red grabs Kile's shoulders and flings him away from Purple, quickly removing the sheet from his face as well.
Purple wheezes and sprawls where he lays, tongue hanging out and eyes crossed.
Kile scrambles to his feet and runs out into the hallway.
Red stands up, still gripping the sheet in his claws, and yells after Kile.
"HEY! Come back here!"
He then realizes he is standing.
"Hey! I can feel my legs again! Woo hoo!"
With that, he chases after the would be assassin.
Being a whole head taller than the unlucky switchboard operator, Red quickly catches up to him. As they continue running, Red twists up the sheet into a rat-tail and whips Kile as he runs, Kile yelping at every hit.
One whip managed to wrap around his leg, causing him to trip and fall. Red stops running and stands over him, giving the author's much-abused fan character a few extra whippings for good measure.
After finally being whipped out, Red uses the sheet to wipe the sweat from his brow, and just breathes for a while.
"Woo! I'm tired!"
He then looks down at Kile, at poor Kile who'd landed on his face and with his little bum sticking slightly in the air.
"Well..." Red smirks evilly, "Not THAT tired!"
As Red undoes his pants, the dream fades to black.
(End of my sister's scary, brain traumatizing dream! Rejoice! Even though, personally, I found the entire thing gut-bustingly humorous and wish she'd have another one, but that's just me...Neeways, on with the Zim/Dibness!)
Besides being banned for life for eating Bloaty's out of business, Family Night for Dib was uneventful. The 'sympathy belly' was not brought up again, and neither was his father's...research.
Arriving home, Gaz headed straight for the couch in front of the television, asserting her claim on the remote control. It was just as well, since Dib had had a very big day and just wanted to get some sleep.
"Night, Gaz!" he called as he ascended the stairs. She growled in response and continued flipping through channels.
He'd been about to call out to his Dad as well, but a door slamming shut below let him know he'd already gone into his lab. Dib sighed and continued towards his room...
Then stopped.
Even before entering, Dib knew something was wrong. The lights were on and his door was open, and he could hear someone shuffling around inside...
A small peek inside confirmed his worst fears, "ZIM?"
The alien was dressed up in his germ-combat suit; tissue box shoes, pink shower cap, germ vision goggles and all!
"Dibling!" the Irken pounced, but stopped in mid-air and screamed, "NO! The germs got you too! I'll save you!"
Dib got a faceful of germ spray and began to cough, walking backwards and waving his hands to fan the lemony fresh O-Zone eater away.
A cry of "There!" was his only warning before Zim pounced again, this time catching him in a crushingly loving embrace.
"Welcome home, Love!" the Irken greeted cheerily, "I trust you enjoyed your time with your family and are feeling in a better mood now? Your room was absolutely oozing with filthy germs-beasts! Not that that was entirely your fault, mind you! Even the great Zim's impenetrable fortress was once prey to these vile little creatures! But I've come and killed them all for you! Am I simply not amazing?"
As Zim waited for confirmation of his amazingness, Dib blinked the layer of remaining dead germs from his eyes.
"What? Germs?" the human looked skeptically at him, "You came to my house to kill germs?"
Zim nodded enthusiastically, "I can't have you living in unsanitary conditions if we're going to nurture a healthy smeeby! Look! I've even upgraded your sleeping station to accommodate for your extra comfort!"
He gestured grandly to the four-poster with flowing canopy, king size, and wooden bed in the place where Dib's old one used to be. The canopy, blankets and pillows were a deep, royal purple; the pillows were huge and puffy, and each item branded with a gold Irken insignia in the middle.
Dib's jaw dropped at the sight. When he collected his wits, he had the mind to ask, "What did you do with my other one?"
(Somewhere near the beach, a happy little hobo and his fish-boy son were sailing Dib's bed home to visit his hobo-mermaid wife...)
"Donated it to charity...NOW!" Zim swept Dib up in his arms and carried him toward the bed, "As for you..."
"HEY!" the human protested, "PUT ME DOWN! ZIM!"
"Okie dokey!"
Zim deposited him into the plush, purple comforter on the bed, into which Dib promptly sank, leaving only the scythe of his hair showing.
"Comfy?" Zim asked the scythe.
"No," came the muffled reply, "I'm kind of suffocating..."
The Irken reached down into the depression from which the hair sprouted and uprooted his mate, carefully placing him in a higher, shallower part of the bed.
"Thanks..." said Dib, as he began to breathe normally again.
"You're welcome!" Zim said, fluffing the boy's pillow, "Do you want anything?" He propped another pillow under Dib's feet and removed his boots, "A sandwich, maybe?"
Dib had been about to protest again, but then...he realized he liked being pampered, despite the fact that it was Zim doing the pampering, and since abuse and neglect were all he'd ever been exposed to, this was a very nice change of pace for him!
Dib relaxed and settled himself better against the pillows, "A sandwich sounds good."
"Great! I'll make us some!"
Zim stepped out the door to his room and then quickly poked his head back in.
"You want cheese on yours?"
Dib tilted his head with one eye squinted and stuck his tongue out in concentration, "Hmm...yeah. Oh! And a few slices of ham, too! With mustard! Oh, and don't forget to add a little relish-and no crust-and have it cut horizontally instead of diagonal...WAIT! Could you also-"
Zim waited patiently as Dib went on listing his preferences. When he finished, the alien nodded and set out purposely on his task of love!
"Sorry I took so long," Zim said when he came back a few minutes later, "But your demon spawned sibling threatened me with serious bodily harm," he showed the human his newly acquired bruises, "so I had to make her one too."
"Yeah," Dib sympathized, taking his meal and biting into it, "Gaz'll do that to ya."
"Not that I couldn't have overpower her or anything!" the invader amended quickly, "I am ZIM! I could've crushed her under my claws like...some...weak...thingy to be crushed!" he elaborated by choking the middle of his own sandwich until ketchup started leaking at both ends, "But since she's related to you and I thought you might get upset, I decided, in an act of great generosity, to spare her puny life!"
"Uh-huh" Dib replied around the wad of mashed bread, ham and assorted condiments in his mouth.
Zim was then suddenly very close to Dib's face, and the human swallowed awkwardly, "Um...Can I help you with something?"
"How's your sandwich?" the invader inquired, "Delicious, yes?"
"It's pretty good." Dib agreed cautiously.
Zim smiled wide, "And wouldn't you just love it if Zim could make you such tasty treats and serve them to you every day?"
"Err, gee, that's really nice of you to offer, but..." He fidgeted nervously with some breadcrumbs, "I can make my own sandwiches. Besides it'd be too much trou-"
"It's no trouble at all!" Zim dismissed his worries with a wave of his claws, "I insist! I merely need to run back to my base and pick up a few day's essentials, then come back here and-"
"Woah-woah-woah! You're NOT moving into my house, ZIM!"
"You want to come to mine, then?"
"NO! You go to your house and I stay at my house!" Dib crossed his arms over his chest, "Case closed!"
"The matter is not negotiable!" Zim crossed his own arms and set his jaw, "Like it or not, you're stuck with me, Dib-worm! I refuse to let you go through this alone!"
Dib gaped at the invader, torn between irritation at his persistence and touched at Zim's vehement exclamation of loyalty to him.
"Well...I guess it'd be okay. I mean," Dib picked absently at the remains of his sandwich, ashamed of his own motives, "My dad won't mind. And it'll only be until the end of the week, right?"
Zim relaxed and nodded, "It'll be fun! Like a 'sleep under'!"
"You mean 'sleep over'? I guess..." the human downcast his eyes then. Zim's constant presence during the last few days had temporarily made him forget his loneliness, "I wouldn't know. I've never been invited to sleep over anybody's house before..."
A green claw took hold of his chin then, and gently lifted his head.
Zim's lips met his in a light, feathery kiss, yet Dib could still feel the underlying force of the alien restraining himself.
"You have me now." he told the dumbstruck human when he pulled away, "Though in a sense, you always have. I recall many times when you'd invite yourself over to my house to play" Zim smiled his zipper-tooth smile, "Aggravating though those times were, I've usually enjoyed our little encounters. I simply can't imagine trying to take over the planet without you there to oppose me, Dib. Even then I knew I needed you in my life."
Though Zim had done far worse, that butterfly kiss had felt more intimate than anything else. Dib's lips still tingled with it, and he was going insane with the need to touch them, like an itch it wasn't polite to scratch.
Zim held his chin a little longer, as if waiting for him to say something, but Dib just continued to stare and remained silent.
Looking a bit disappointed, Zim let him go, "I'll get my things..."
After he'd left, Dib rose shaky fingers to his lips. Instead of making sensation go away, however, the tingling only spread to his fingertips.
Without really realizing what he was doing, Dib closed his eyes and softly kissed those tips.
When his mind finally did register what his body was doing, it set his entire face on fire.
Dib buried his face in a pillow and groaned, wondering if he'd just made a big mistake. He didn't have too much time to wonder, though, since his body took that moment to remember just how tired it was, and soon the boy drifted off to sleep.
That's it! No more! The writers block monkey has cut off the flow of ideas to my brain, (That HORRIBLE monkey! ) and I don't know when he'll go away. What I'm saying is, don't expect any updates anytime soon. Hope you enjoyed it so far though. :D
Now for the traditional individual thanking of reviewers and proof-readers! Thankies to night-emerald, and FutureRulerZim, though none of you may know the latter...
demongirl12000: Hehe, with the advances in science now a days, I'll bet men WILL be able to get pregnant very soon! Whether or not they'd WANT to is another matter entirely...
Anime Obsessor YR: hugs Becca Thankies for supporting BOTH my ficcies, and drawing me so much lovely fan-art:D May all your turkeys speak english and your chasms be water-filled!
'Invader' Kri: Always happy to know I've converted another fangirl to the ZADR faith:D And don't worry about your opinion not mattering, because at this point, I'll consider ANYTHING, my writer's block is THAT bad...damn monkey!
iEATfood: Meh, no fairy-godmother status for you, it seems...but thanks for the review!
juvi doom: Tis nice to be loved-ed! But now I fear you'll hate me for my lack of updates...ahh, fame is so fickle and fleeting!
Diana: Woo! You have the same name as me! Granted, I hate my name, but meh...this chapter goes into the overly sappy section me thinks, but it'll have to do!
night-emerald: Again, thanks for helping me by proofing mah ficcies! Glad to know you won't be forced to enjoy yourself again anytime soon, hee-hee!
chickens: Wacky Membrane...yes...yes, he is! Wacky Membrane and his Insane Son! Nice ring to it, yes?
Sullen Goldpaws: You thought WHAT would happen? The Membrane being both father and mother to his children, the impregnation of Harvey, or the sympathy belly of the Dib? And yes, poor Harvey! He's gonna have a hard time picking up chicks, isn't he?
Rag Girl: Kile appreciates your hug and sympathy! As the only one to even consider doing so, you get...um...a link to the horribly drawn WDSCF? comic I made for Becca! If you've been reading the other reviewer responses, you'll understand the comic better in relation to her love for the Free For All Button, and chasms! http:www. deviantart. com/ deviation/ 16358249/ (without the spaces)
Coco Tapioca: You're right, not a lot going on in the last chappy...meh, I only got 16 reviews, and yet 31 people on the list of people who watch me...damn lurkers!
TALno-ruru12: WAAAH! Do not use that foul meaty sword on my person! The meatness burns me!...well, not really, but I felt like saying something random...and the R+P sequence is an uncut version of a DREAM my sister had. I was in NO WAY invovled creating the sequence of events, and felt no need to censor it, as I thought it was hilarious as it was, but that's just my sick sense of humor at work...
Death-Angel42: Yes, poor Dibbeh! His little hormones are getting all jangled up with his pregnantness and Zim's horniness and him being lonely...Thanks for the review!
InvaderRed: Well, the Dib-beast is gonna get some shut eye for now...who knows what'll happen when Zim gets back? Not even I know at this point...
Evilmewtwo: Cool! An enthusiastic reviewer! I love knowing I have the power to alter people's minds, so am glad I helped change yours about Dib, whatever it might have been previously...Oo; And I inspired a new ZADR fic! Whee!...Actually, you said slash, so technically it doesn't necessarily mean it'll be a ZADR but, meh!
Nny11: Thanks for the review! It was short and to the point, but I likes it neeways!
And so your tour through WDSCF? comes to an pause. If anyone wants to share ideas with me, no matter whether you think they are good enough or not, I promise to read and consider each and every one, though none of you have done so anyway when I asked before (except Becca -hugs Becca again-) so I don't expect anyone to do so now, but thought I'd put that out anyway...