Read, review, enjoy – three simple instructions for all of life's matters. Just a little something for Klaus – the worst is yet to come! The title is because I was too indolent to think of an adjective beginning with C.
To Greedy-Gretchen, who is awesome for giving 6 reviews to date: I love this version too! The previous one made me cringe. I cut out Mellisande and Natania for fear of ruining everything with clique-ness, and decided to focus more on Violet and Klaus. I guessed that it would have been irrational for Basil to be completely evil, especially with an employer like Nicolette. Thanks for reading and reviewing! It made my day :)
Klaus, Lorelei, Gabrielle and the Scout twins spent the night at the Infirmary with Nicolette. The Turquoise Room occupants had only barely gotten sleep due to the fact that they were horrendously exhausted from the Herculean feats of the day before – even then, Nicolette's intermittent snores had broken their sleep quite thoroughly.
All six wards were permitted to leave – the Matron gave them a careful once-over, as paranoid adults were wont to do, and sent them down to the dining hall for breakfast.
Lorelei went about her usual morning routine, feeding herself and then the lean Basil, who had, by then, become used to her coaxing, though she was careful this time to keep herself out of the Scout twins' line of vision.
Gabrielle was thoroughly amused by all of this, until Klaus gave her a sharp tap on the arm.
"We need to get upstairs for Literature," the middle Baudelaire reminded her.
Lorelei shoved the half-empty bowl of cereal under Jared's nose, telling him to force all of it down Basil's throat as Gabrielle dragged her away from the table and out of the dining hall.
"Today," Mrs Knicker said sharply as Klaus skidded into class five minutes late with Lorelei and Gabrielle, "we will study the works of Edgar Allan Poe."
Klaus smiled, pleased at the news as Mrs Knicker proceeded with an overview of Edgar Allan Poe's poetry. She handed out copies of The Raven, instructing the students to get into groups of four or five to complete a lengthy paper. Gabrielle sidled up to Klaus with a grin – she was not poor in the subject, though she knew Klaus would be an asset to completing the assignment as quickly as possible.
Gabrielle enlisted two of their classmates to join their group, the five working quietly until the task at hand was complete. Klaus was delighted to find that the questions were in-depth but largely a cakewalk, for him, at least. Nearby, Nicolette had been grouped with the Scout twins and two other reluctant students, who knew very well that the deranged girl was more of a hindrance than a help.
"Good thing we're not being bothered by -" Lorelei began, only to stop short to find Nicolette flouncing towards them.
Nicolette had deserted her team mates to approach Klaus' table and, sadly, get on everyone's nerves. The students seated with Klaus had a dangerously low supply of nerves left, and Nicolette was trampling on them, judging by the look on Lorelei's face.
Nicolette skirted the table, moving over to Klaus and shoving a taller boy aside. She slammed her hands on the desk.
"Hey, there, Klausey Wausey!" she squealed, though she had just seen him that morning in the Infirmary.
Klaus shot back in his chair, its legs screeching discordantly against the floor. Mrs Knicker looked up briefly, but believing Nicolette had done no wrong, she let the matter drop and returned to her pile of unmarked essays.
"Klausey Wausey," continued Nicolette annoyingly as she moved yet closer to Klaus.
The middle Baudelaire could edge back no longer – if he had been trying, he would have been slamming his chair into the wall repeatedly to no effect whatsoever.
"Klausey Wausey," Nicolette repeated, appearing to deliberate over a momentous topic before continuing. "Wanna go out with me tomorrow?"
This was so unexpected it caught everybody off balance – the girl seated beside Klaus had come close to falling off her chair in a silent fit of giggles.
Slowly, as if to clear it, Klaus shook his head, gradually increasing the speed at which he vehemently disagreed.
"I don't think I'll be free," Klaus said finally, trying not to hurt Nicolette's feelings despite all she had plagued him with.
"Of course you will!" Nicolette chirped brightly, as if she had failed to hear him. "See you tomorrow, right after breakfast!"
"Because everybody knows that breakfast cannot wait," Lorelei deadpanned.
Nicolette harrumphed. "I bet you two just brainwashed my Klausey Wausey here!" said the delusional girl stubbornly. "I know he loves me – watch this!"
Nicolette plowed towards Klaus, smothered him and gave him the most disturbing, slobbering kiss ever recorded in living history. This was understandable, given that 'Icky Nicky' had had no prior experience in anything apart from eating and wearing obscene clothing.
"There, see, he loves me," Nicolette crowed, turning on her heel and taking such small steps in a bid to be graceful that she overbalanced and fell flat on her grinning face.
Klaus busied himself with wiping his face repeatedly on the front of his school sweater, gasping raggedly at the horror of his experience.
"She has an entirely Mephistophelean complex!" he exclaimed hoarsely, grabbing at every single tissue his concerned classmates passed to him and scrubbing his face till it was raw.
Klaus was aghast at the prospect of the following day – Nicolette would be on the lookout for him even more so than usual so they could go on their 'date', in which she would probably drag him off forcefully if it came to that.
"Me-what?" Mrs Knicker asked, peering over the edge of her desk, having missed the dreadful spectacle that had only just occurred.
"Fiendish," Klaus explained to his teacher.
Klaus spent the rest of the day unconsciously rubbing at his face – he did not realise the ferocity of his attempts to clean himself until Violet commented on his red cheeks at dinner.
Mightily uncomfortable, Klaus explained his terrible experience with Nicolette to his sister, watching as Violet's expressions wheeled through amusement, disgust and sympathy.
After dinner, the Baudelaires took off for the Library, Violet suggesting that a good book could help Klaus get over the trauma of the day. The eldest Baudelaire took to speaking of Sunny, and listed the dishes the youngest Baudelaire would probably have learnt to cook already so as to take her brother's mind off the determined stalker that was Nicolette.
The middle Baudelaire decided on an early night after a considerably calming hour of absorbing information and talking with Violet, adamant that things would look much better to him in the morning.
However, as Klaus turned out the lights on his side of the room to avoid disturbing the Scout twins, he caught Nicolette's heavy tread as she passed the Turquoise Room, singing a ridiculous love song at the top of her lungs.
Though Klaus knew very well that Nicolette was unable to fly through walls (though she could probably crash right through them if she so desired), he felt as though he would always be watched by her as he bid good-night to his dorm mates.
The middle Baudelaire eventually rolled over and went to sleep, imagining rather morbidly that the last thing he saw would be Nicolette sailing through the air and landing on him, a psychotic grin plastered on her wide face.