Not Dreaming
A/N: Okay, this chapter will be kinda different than the others. Mostly because there's no actual interaction between Jess and Rory. Or just very, very little. I just thought it would be appropriate to get another perspective at this point.
I now know how it feels to have a black hole in my head. Unfortunately it positioned itself right over all the ideas I had for this chapter. I'm really sorry it took a while to get this up, but it's finally done. Hopefully I'll be able to get my ideas for future chapter into print soon too.
I'm not sure I like this chapter at all, so forgive me if it's total crap. I just had to get it done and I don't think it ever will be up if I don't post it now.
Chapter 10. Different Perspectives
It was two weeks left, two short weeks, and she couldn't stop smiling. At times it almost creeped her out, but then she remembered the reason for her happiness and she didn't care anymore. Everything was perfect lately. It didn't matter if it was raining or cold or that Michel was trying even more than usual to annoy her. She just smiled and let it pass.
It was two weeks left and she stood in her bedroom, their bedroom, staring back at her reflection in the mirror. She let her eyes travel over the dress, the flowing skirts, the bodice that fit her perfectly, the embroidered flowers covering it, the small pearls glittering in the light, the thin straps holding it up. It was simply perfect. She suddenly felt tears starting to form in her eyes, but she just let them fall, continuing to watch her picture through misty eyes.
It was two weeks left and she just couldn't wait. At the same time she wanted this time to continue. She wanted this bubbly feeling of anticipation to last for as long as possible. Her tears were starting to come a little too close to falling down on her dress, so she carefully wiped them away.
The door opened slowly and she smiled even more when Rory appeared in the room. They watched each other through the mirror for a few moments before she turned around and smiled at her daughter. Everything was perfect. She had the best man she could ever ask for and she was marrying him in only two weeks. She had her perfect daughter back and they had never been as close as they were now. Everything was simply perfect.
"It's still perfect!" Rory exclaimed, smiling at her mother and the perfect picture she made.
"I know!" Lorelai smiled happily and twirled around, letting the skirts flow around her.
She had been looking for the perfect dress for almost a month before they found a little hidden store they hadn't seen before. And there it had been, just waiting for her. She had known the moment she saw it that this was The Dress. It was absolutely perfect. Just like everything else.
"You wanna help me out of this?" she asked Rory, gesturing to the soft fabric surrounding her. "I don't want to accidentally ruin it or something," she said, smiling brightly.
It was two weeks left and everything was perfect. Everything was planned and ready. There was only one thing that could make her frown still and that was her parents, or more accurately her mother. They were coming and she was happy that they were. But she wouldn't let her thoughts go further into the analysis of it than that. She preferred to keep her parents out of her thoughts as much as possible.
The slight frown that had appeared on her forehead immediately disappeared when she met her daughter's eyes and saw the genuine happiness in them. Once again smiling happily, parents forgotten, she let Rory help her out of the dress and place it back onto the hanger again. She let her hand linger a little at the skirts, feeling the soft fabric between her fingers before slipping on her clothes.
When she turned around again she noticed for the first time the dress her daughter was wearing. She stopped a second to look at her, the light blue fabric matched her eyes almost exactly and the simple cut fit her perfectly.
"You are perfect too," she said, smiling at her daughter.
"All thanks to you," Rory answered, a pleased smile tugging at her lips.
Suddenly the still air in the house was penetrated by the sound of a phone ringing. Rory's eyes immediately lit up even more and with a smile that was probably meant to be apologetic she all but ran out of the room and down the stairs. Lorelai just rolled her eyes at her behavior and smiled knowingly to herself, knowing full well who was calling.
She had to admit that she actually liked him, although she still couldn't completely forget the troubled kid he used to be. The way Rory's eyes sparkled whenever she was with him and lit up every time he was mentioned had made her a bit worried in the beginning, she had to admit. But after watching him since he came back into their lives again she couldn't deny that he had changed.
And she saw the way he looked at her daughter, the way he almost seemed to forget everything else when she was around. She saw all the small things he did that he probably wasn't even aware of doing, the small gestures, the glances, the soft touches. He always seemed to know exactly where she was, like there was some telepathic bond between them.
He could still get that far off painful look in his eyes at times, the look that told her something had remembered him of a bad memory. But every time it happened Rory seemed to know instinctively and took his hand, squeezing it lightly, smiled brightly at him or kissed him softly. She was beginning to believe that Rory might know a lot more about the mysterious past of Jess than she thought.
That had been one of her main concerns about Jess from the start; that no one really seemed to know anything about him. Even Luke had no idea what he had been doing before he came to Stars Hollow, or the reason he got sent here. But she was slowly starting to understand that he must have told Rory, at least some things. That made her feel more reassured about their reestablished relationship. The fact that he seemed to have opened up and let someone in was yet another thing that told her he really had grown up in the past years.
Rory's laughter broke through her thoughts and she smiled at how happy her daughter was. She couldn't deny that a big part of the reason for her happiness was because of Jess. Seconds later she heard fast steps on the stairs and Rory once again appeared in the doorway, out of breath and smiling brightly.
"So, when is he coming?" she asked with a knowing smile as she saw her daughter's face.
"Friday," Rory replied and was about to flop down on the bed before Lorelai stopped her by grabbing her hand.
"Change first," she said with a meaningful glance to the dress. "You wouldn't want mommy to have to make it pretty again, would you?"
"Oh, right," Rory said, remembering what she was wearing. "Sorry," she mumbled, a slight blush coloring her cheeks.
"We should get you changed too," Lorelai said smiling and helped Rory out of her dress, hanging it up on a hanger beside her own and smoothed it out. "So, Friday huh?" she asked, watching her daughter in the mirror as she fixed her top.
"Yes, Friday," she confirmed and looked up for a second. "He couldn't get out of work earlier than that," she added with a pout as she smoothed her hair out.
"I'm assuming we're talking about this Friday," Lorelai said and almost had to laugh at the pathetic expression on Rory's face. She only got a nod in response. "As in five days from now, Friday," she continued and once again got a nod in response. "And you're pouting because…? she asked, already half knowing what the answer would be.
"It's five whole days!" Rory exclaimed, finally slumping down on the bed.
"Aw, honey! Five days aren't that long," Lorelai said, sitting down beside her. "You've handled far more than five days before."
"Yes, but then I had something to do, something to think about. With finals over I don't have anything other to do than to think. I did when there was still something to plan for your wedding, but now everything is done there too. And the paper just isn't enough. The things I write there just don't take enough time. And they can't because I have a deadline. It's not like I can take one of the articles and research it for a week for every detail that can be interesting, 'cause I don't have time to do that before it's supposed to be ready. Why can't they give me longer deadlines? Then I could have something to do!" Finally out of breath she stopped abruptly, fell back on the bed and covered her face with her hands.
"You should breathe once in a while, Hon," Lorelai said, placing a soothing hand on her arm.
"I'm pathetic, aren't I?" Rory groaned through her hands, not wanting to see the expression on her mother's face. She knew all too well what it would be.
"Only a little," Lorelai said diplomatically, trying to keep the amusement out of her voice. This was not the time to start laughing.
"I hate this long distance thing!" Rory exclaimed, standing up and starting to pace over the room in frustration. "And it's getting harder to pretend I don't," she said, almost sounding like she just figured it out for the first time. Turning back to her mother she gave her an apologetic glance. "I'm sorry. I'm ruining your happy mood here," she said, trying to muster a genuine smile.
"No, no, you're not ruining any happy mood," Lorelai said hurriedly. "If you go around the next five days all mopy, then you'll destroy my mood. Come here, let's talk," she said, patting the bed beside her.
She spent another hour listening to Rory trying to explain her frustration. The main point was the fact that although they had technically been together for about three months they hadn't spent more than 12 days together since then. And that was an optimistic count. And even though those days had been amazing and they talked on the phone almost every night she still felt like it wasn't enough.
Lorelai was amazed when she realized how close the two of them seemed to have become in the short amount of time they had been reacquainted. When Rory stopped talking, for the moment out of things to say, she took a chance, deciding to find out just how close they were.
"He told you, didn't he?" she asked carefully. At Rory's slightly confused expression she clarified, "About his past, growing up and all that."
At first it looked like Rory was going to deny it, but she seemed to change her mind and nodded slowly, not meeting Lorelai's gaze. "Yes, he did," she whispered, thinking back to the painful hours they had spent in the park and on the couch in New York.
Lorelai immediately sensed the change in atmosphere in the room. She watched her daughter for a few moments, taking in the sad and slightly pained look on her face, struggling with what to do next. Her curiosity finally won the battle. "And…" she said hesitantly.
"I can't tell you," Rory said, still not making eye contact. "I know you want to know, you've wanted to know since he first got to Stars Hollow. But I can't tell you."
"I know," Lorelai said, nodding to herself. She hadn't actually expected Rory to tell her anything, but that didn't change the fact that she really wanted to know. The mother in her still wanted to know what her daughter was getting herself into.
"You should read his next book when it's finished," Rory said, barely loud enough to hear. She finally raised her eyes and met Lorelai's. "But don't talk about it. You're not supposed to know it exists."
Lorelai looked at her for a few seconds, deciding how to respond to that. She finally decided not to and instead changed the subject back to the beginning. "Have you talked to him about how you feel?" she asked.
"No!" Rory exclaimed, almost frantic. "I don't want to ruin anything," she added quietly after a second.
"You have to talk about it at some point. If you don't it will just get worse," Lorelai said seriously.
Rory nodded, taking a deep breath, but stayed quiet.
"So, we'll have to keep you occupied for a couple days then," Lorelai said, smiling. "Whatever should we do?" she asked dramatically, plastering a theatrically tragic expression on her face and flung herself on her back on the bed.
She smiled when she heard Rory's laugh.
He was standing behind the counter, just staring straight ahead, once again lost in thought. He couldn't believe it was only a little over a week left. He had been waiting for this for years and now that it was finally just around the corner his mind was working overtime.
The diner was strangely empty and had been the whole afternoon, a fact that he was thankful for. He didn't think the customers would be happy with the service at the moment.
The bell above the door jingled and he was snapped out of his thoughts. When he saw who it was he smiled a little. He quickly stepped out from behind the counter and caught his nephew in a tight embrace.
"What are you doing here?" Luke asked when they let go of each other.
"But Uncle Luke, are you not happy to see me?" Jess asked, feigning hurt.
"It's just…I wasn't expecting you until tomorrow," Luke started, looking slightly bewildered. "You said Friday, right?" he asked, making sure it wasn't him that had messed up the dates.
"I was done, thought I'd just as well come here early," Jess shrugged, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible.
"Can't stay away now, can we?" Luke asked, more than a little amused.
"I could go somewhere else," Jess offered, gesturing for some undefined place outside the diner.
"No, no!" Luke exclaimed. "I could use some sanity right about now."
Luke walked back behind the counter and poured a cup of coffee, offering it to Jess, who gratefully accepted. After taking a sip he sat down at the counter and, realizing he hadn't eaten more than half a Snicker's since early last night, grabbed a doughnut and devoured it in almost one bite. Luke just stared at him, shook his head and got a couple sandwiches from the kitchen.
"I take it they aren't back yet?" Jess asked as Luke, when he got back out, scanned the street outside the diner for the third time since he got there.
"It's not even six hours since they left," Luke said, shaking his head to keep his thoughts straight. "Besides, I think they'll be there till it closes. Lorelai said something about a distraction," he added.
"I wouldn't have thought Lorelai needed a distraction," Jess said, somewhat surprised and finished his second sandwich.
"It was for Rory," Luke supplied and poured more coffee.
"Why would she need…" Jess began, but saw Luke's astonished expression and smirked as the realization hit. "Huh."
"So, you never told me why you're here so early," Luke said, his curiosity almost shining through.
"I thought I'd catch you before the craziness begins. I've been so busy lately that we haven't really talked that much in a while," Jess answered, devouring his third sandwich at this point.
At first Luke didn't seem to have heard him, too occupied with staring at him. After a couple seconds he shook his head. "When was the last time you ate anything?" he asked, feeling a twinge of worry over the seemingly starved figure in front of him.
"Last night." Jess answered, swallowing the last bite. "Why?" he asked, looking up from the now empty plate.
"You just finished that in about two minutes," Luke said, pointing to the plate, not completely able to shake the worry.
"Oh, that. I just didn't eat breakfast today. I didn't have time to be hungry before," Jess answered with a shrug, at the same time reaching out for the doughnuts again.
Luke shook his head as the second doughnut disappeared, not quite prepared for the relief he felt. He knew that Jess didn't have any economical problems and had quite enough to eat, but sometimes he just couldn't get his head to stop worrying. Or maybe it wasn't his head that was the problem.
"You want something slightly less unhealthy?" He asked after a moment's silence. Jess nodded and followed him into the kitchen. "So, how is everything?" Luke asked as he started preparing a batch of fries.
"Fine," Jess answered with yet another shrug, leaning against the doorframe, watching.
"That's it? Fine?" Luke asked "You come here a day early to catch me and all you can say is 'Fine'?"
"Nothing much to talk about," Jess said and was about to shrug again, but caught himself. "I finished that script, the one from the guy who can't spell," he supplied, deciding to be a bit more informative. "He should seriously take that book to one of the big companies," he continued, watching as a cheese burger started taking form.
"That good, huh?" Luke said. It might be that he knew nothing about literature, but he knew Jess did. And he knew he wasn't easily impressed. "You writing anything?" he asked after a second's thought. He had been wondering for a while, ever since Jess had, probably by mistake, mentioned something about a new project. He just hadn't found the right time to bring it up.
"Um…I…" Jess began, clearly caught off guard. He took a deep breath and looked up. "Yeah, I am," he finally said, his voice sounding strangely guarded.
Luke turned around fully, watching him for a second, but couldn't see anything out of the ordinary. At least not anything he could put his finger on and he decided it was probably nothing. "Not gonna tell me anything about it, are you?" he asked, turning back to the food, not catching the inaudible sigh Jess let out.
"Nope, you'll just have to read it as everyone else," Jess said, voice once again back to normal. "If it ever gets done that is," he added.
"Of course it will get done," Luke said, finishing the burger and concentrating on the fries. "You wouldn't have told me you were writing it if you wouldn't finish it."
"Maybe," Jess said, gratefully taking the food and walking back out into the diner.
"So, you didn't tell Rory you're coming today?" Luke asked as he joined him at a table in the still empty diner.
"I couldn't get through to her cell phone, it's probably off. And I thought it would be a surprise," Jess said between fries, a hint of a smile on his face at the mention of her name.
The small tug at his lips didn't go unnoticed by Luke, but he let it pass. He had already gone through all of his lectures on the subject, admittedly not as forcefully as the last time, and he was genuinely happy for them both. He couldn't deny that Rory had seemed more like herself since Jess showed up with his book. And he couldn't deny that the surly young man he regularly exchanged phone calls with had seemed to be a lot happier lately.
They talked for a few more minutes, till the first customer came in, closely followed by a group of seven starved tourists. Suddenly the diner was crowded and Luke hurried over to the customers, starting to take orders. Jess quickly finished his burger and went to work too.
They worked together the rest of the afternoon, both easily falling into a routine they didn't even know they had. Every now and then he looked out the window, searching for the Gilmore girls. As the afternoon faded into evening he could almost feel the tension radiating from his nephew. Once or twice he even caught him staring out the window.
Suddenly Jess stopped mid stride on his way back to the counter with an order. It was as if some invisible force had frozen him in place. Luke watched as his slightly annoyed expression, that had steadily turned more and more sour as the evening wore on, all of a sudden disappeared and was replaced by a smile. The smile only lasted for a second before turning into a smirk, but Luke could still see it clearly in his eyes as he continued to the counter and put the order down.
The whole thing only took a couple seconds and Luke was just about to shake it off as a hallucination. Then Jess' smirk grew wider as he leaned against the counter, eyes fixed on the door. Just as he himself turned towards the door it flew open and a whirlwind of brown hair and blue fabric threw itself on his nephew.
Luke almost laughed at the sight before looking over at the door again, meeting Lorelai's eyes. He smiled and went to envelope her in a hug.