AN: Last chapter! Thank you everyone for sticking with me throughout this whole story! I know it's been a really long journey with me seemingly vanishing every few months and I'm really sorry about that. You can usually blame work and swimming for that one, haha. This time, I was sick for the past week when I got the chapter back from my beta and I've been doing nothing pretty much but sleeping, lol. I've been thinking about getting a tumblr account so I can at least post something to show I'm still alive and well, haha.
Anyway! This is the last chapter and while I'm sad to post it, it also means I can focus on new things as well. :D Many thanks to my beta, Silverwing26 for being wonderful, putting up with me, and looking over this chapter for me :3 I hope y'all enjoy it ^^
Warnings: Language, mention of death
Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitsuji
The cool spring breeze blew across the surface of the pond, breathing life into the water and creating small ripples. They danced away from the wind and drifted towards the middle of the pond until they vanished from Ciel's sight. He watched them go; feeling at ease as new ripples formed where the old ones once began. The constant ebbing of the water's surface felt all too familiar to life. Life formed and moved on, traveling away from the starting point until the thread of life stretched too thin and it faded away.
Ciel laughed lightly, the wind catching the noise and spiriting it away. Nearly six months passed in achingly slow motion since Sebastian's death and while the pain of his passing lingered deep within Ciel's chest, he could breathe easier. It didn't happen immediately as he expected. It took time and it wasn't until only a month ago that he didn't wake up crying every few nights.
Time passed, as it always did, and Ciel couldn't help but wonder if there was some truth to the age-old saying - time heals all wounds. Some days were good and others were bad. Ciel had his days where he wanted nothing more than to cry all day and others where he could smile easily.
Those days came more frequently, but he was nowhere near close to healing just yet. However, it would come. Time healed all wounds. Perhaps it proved true, but Ciel felt that it came with a few clauses though. As he learned from Sebastian, it took more than time. It took effort from oneself to help the healing process. As easy as it was to stay at home and wallow in self-pity, Ciel felt doing so would only be akin to spitting on Sebastian's grave. The last letter told him to smile and to live, and while every nerve in Ciel's body ached at the thought, he endeavored to throw off the shackles that threatened to keep him tied down. Yet all the while, keeping the memory of Sebastian close to his heart.
He looked down at the box in his hands, small cranes gazing back at him with their blank faces. "I haven't forgotten you," Ciel murmured and tilted his head back up as footsteps sounded on the grass behind him.
"You have everything?" Claude questioned, his arms filled with a large wooden boat.
"Yeah," Ciel said and shifted the box. The cranes rustled and Ciel jerked his chin in Claude's direction. "You?"
Claude grunted as he set the boat down. "Yep." He squatted and started to pull out the objects inside the vessel. "I'm glad we had to wait until the pond thawed to do this. Anything else would've felt too rushed and it gave me plenty of time to get everything together."
Ciel nodded. "Yeah and I wasn't ready either." He knelt down across from Claude. "This is a good time. It's nice here."
"We came here to fish during the summer," Claude said and paused to look up. The wind tossed his bangs around and he pushed them away from his face. On the banks of the shores, thin reeds danced in the wind and just beyond them, the trees attempted to join them – their branches covered with new buds that had yet to open fully. "And we came here to escape everything when things grew too difficult. I can't think of a better place for this."
"What did you bring?" Ciel asked as he emptied the box of folded cranes into the boat. They spilled across the bottom and filled up the inside with a sea of colors. With careful hands, he spread them out so they fit better and the wind wouldn't risk snatching one away.
Claude grunted and picked up a pack of cigarettes next to his shoes. "These," he said. "Sebastian hated that I smoked and always told me they would send me to an early grave. I'm giving them up for him."
"That's admirable," Ciel said as Claude placed the pack into the back of the boat. It nestled softly amongst the cranes, the white contrasting sharply with the bright colored papers.
"And you?" Claude questioned and nodded towards the cranes. "Did you fold a thousand of them?"
Ciel smiled softly and reached into his pocket. A deep red crane rested in his palm and Ciel gazed at it with warm eyes before placing it near the bow. "A thousand and one," he said and drew his hand away from the crane. "I saved that one for last. It's a letter to Sebastian."
"What'd you write?"
A shake of the head. "That's not for you to know," Ciel said, amusement coating his tone.
Claude rolled his eyes but didn't press the subject. The letters and words they offered to the dead remained private - soft murmurs and whispers passed through the lips to memories of the past.
"Anything else?" Ciel asked as he stood up, setting aside the now empty box.
"Just these," Claude answered and set a few paper flowers into the boat. They framed the edges and his fingers lingered against the false petals. "These were from last year. I couldn't bring myself to burn his final rose though." His fingers trembled minutely as they pulled away from the flowers, as though the mere thought of burning one of the last links to Sebastian would send Claude into a nervous breakdown. Somehow, Ciel wouldn't blame him if it did.
Ciel nodded, understanding easily washing over him. He understood the frantic flutter within his chest any time a memory of Sebastian appeared blurry in his mind. "I know," he said. "I'll never burn the letters he wrote and the final one he gave me."
Instead, Ciel found a binder for them and carefully placed all one hundred letters into protective sleeves. It sat on his bookshelf next to the book of poetry that had unknowingly started the whole thing. The final crane Sebastian made though, rested on Ciel's desk, sitting next to his computer and providing inspiration and comfort when he needed it. Ciel found himself reading it at least twice a month, even though the words engrained themselves into his mind within the first month of Sebastian's death.
"If that's all then," Claude started and stood up as well. "The sun is starting to set."
"That's it," Ciel said, voice thick with emotions and he watched as Claude picked up the boat.
He trailed Claude as they walked to the edge of the pond, making sure none of the fragile cranes or roses blew away. Even after Sebastian's death, Ciel never stopped folding the cranes. He continued until he reached a thousand and Claude then suggested that they send them off in style. Because the cranes couldn't do any good just sitting in a box in Ciel's room. The weather delayed them for a few months, but it gave Ciel time to compose a letter to Sebastian. In it, he spoke of all the things he wanted to tell Sebastian before he died but words failed him.
Writing them proved easier than speaking them, and Ciel easily wrote two pages worth. It felt refreshing and rejuvenating, confessing his emotions onto the paper where no one would hear or read them but Sebastian. They brought Ciel more peace of mind than he expected and Ciel doubted that he would stop writing them any time soon. It eased the hurt just as much as rereading Sebastian's letters did. In a way, it felt like Ciel could talk to Sebastian through his writing.
And if Ciel closed his eyes at night, he could almost believe that Sebastian answered back in his dreams.
There were nights when Ciel dreamed of Sebastian, remembering a time when they spent the afternoons together in cheerful bliss. Nothing existed around them but each other. In Ciel's memories, Sebastian wasn't sick and they didn't stay cooped up in the hospital. Instead, they lay on their backs in the middle of a grassy field and watched the clouds roll over their heads. They'd watch until the sun began to set and Sebastian faded away with the sun - leaving Ciel with a soft kiss on his lips and a gentle caress on his cheek.
Even now, the calm breeze around them reminded Ciel of Sebastian - the way it brushed against his cheeks and ruffled his hair. It felt familiar and Ciel couldn't help the smile that crossed his lips as he let in rush over him. Like a warm and welcome embrace.
The wind picked up at his smile and Ciel nearly laughed. Sebastian always did like his smile.
Claude placed the boat in the water and held up a small container of lighter fluid. "Last chance," he said. "Once this is on them, there's no going back and your cranes will burn."
"That's fine," Ciel said. "How else is Sebastian supposed to get them?"
Claude chuckled and tipped the container over the boat. Liquid splashed over the cranes as Ciel approached Claude and he leaned down to watch. The items in the boat glistened with the fluid in the setting sun and Claude held up a box of matches.
"Would you like to do the honors?"
"I thought burning things was your favorite thing," Ciel teased but accepted the box regardless.
He pulled out a match and struck the side of the box with it. Flames erupted at the tip and burned hotly, despite the small size. Ciel watched the fire for a moment, mesmerized by the flickering flame - knowing that the same element also took Sebastian from him just a few short months ago.
With a deep inhale, Ciel tossed the match forward and into the boat filled with cranes. It landed in the center, the flame flickering a couple times before catching the papers on fire. The flames licked their way across the cranes and danced over the roses as Claude gave the boat a firm push. It coasted forward on the water, fire reflecting on its surface - two different elements meeting in harmony.
Ciel likened it to a Viking funeral and after Sebastian's cremation, Ciel felt it only fitting. In the distance, the sun continued to set, casting oranges and reds throughout the sky and onto the water. It added to the ambiance and Ciel watched as the newly budded leaves waved in the light wind just beyond the pond.
"Sebastian would've liked this," he said softly, breaking the silence. "It was a good idea."
"It was," Claude said and he pushed up his glasses. "It feels good."
Ciel nodded and they lapsed into silence once more. It felt wrong almost to break the peaceful quiet around them as the ship continued its silent journey. More papers caught fire as the wind carried the vessel away from them and in the darkening evening, the flames burned brightly like a beacon in the night. They slowly grew as they devoured the cranes and Ciel closed his eyes as he silently made his wish.
It came from the depths of his heart, rising up in his chest to take flight in his mind. Ciel didn't bother speaking it, finding that he wanted to keep it quiet and between himself and Sebastian. Some things were best left spoken aloud where everyone could hear. And other times, whispered words spoke louder than not.
Once made, he opened his eyes and stared at the flames in determination, the fire guiding his gaze. It burned like a hot beacon, drawing Ciel to its light; just as Sebastian did. "This isn't a letter of goodbye," Ciel whispered. "It's a letter of remembrance. And a promise. I won't forget you."
Wind gusted across the pond and blew his bangs back from his face. A gentle touch on his cheeks and forehead made Ciel smile, and he leaned into the winds embrace. It circled around him, wrapping him in its familiar touch and Ciel nearly laughed as the lightest of touches grazed his lips; the feeling warm compared to the cool breeze earlier.
Blue eyes flickered shut and Ciel wrapped his arms around himself. "Yeah," he whispered to the wind. "I love you, too."