Note: Thanks for all the new follows, it means a lot to me! Really! It's so... overwhelming! :)
And: I knoww, silentstruggle55, I just had to. Drama type of person that I am... Again, I can't thank you enough for your reviews, also thanks for keeping up with "Fall" (this one is seriously nerve–wracking for me, so I can't update it too frequently. Hang in there!) :) x
And! ibay009 thanks as well for your reviews :) I feel like I can't thank y'all enough. x
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Lexa blew the horn to wake the guys up, lit a cigarette and pulled the hood of her raincoat deeper into her face to shield it from the lashing rain.
The weather had been calm and friendly until midnight, and then wind and rain had taken over, causing the waves to rock the boat a bit harder. But just as much as Lexa loved sunshine and balmy breezes, she loved this rough weather.
She was already moving the snap links from the longline onto the fixed line below the railing when the guys stumbled out on deck, instantly cursing the weather conditions while they went to their positions.
"Stop the whining and man up!" Lexa yelled against the blustering wind, a second before she felt the resistance at the next snap link. "That's one!"
And they caught fishes, braving the weather, until the rain eased off and the sun stood high in the sky.
Clarke had dropped Jacob off at his Dad's and made her way to the pier. She climbed out of her old car and buried her hands deep into the pockets of her coat, walking towards the place where she and Lexa had said Goodbye.
For a second, she paused when she saw a familiar figure sitting on the bench, but smiled and got going, lowering her head to shield it from the wind.
"Hey" she said softly when she reached the bench and sat down, causing the other woman to slightly turn her head.
"Clarke, hello" Elora smiled and shifted a bit to give Clarke some more space, "what brings you here?"
Clarke stretched her legs and drew her gaze to the sea in front of them, rougher than usual due to the wind that clearly had intensified. "The same that brought you here, I'd say."
Elora nodded and closely watched the blonde for a long moment, until she spoke again. "You really like her, don't you?"
Clarke sighed and lowered her head, tapping her feet against each other a few times. "Yes, I guess I do. I mean..." she turned to face the older woman, "how could I not, right?"
Elora's cheek twitched into a half smile, the same that had made Clarke fall in love with Lexa and the blonde was again surprised how much Lexa looked like her mother.
"Alexandria hasn't told me much about what she felt and what she thought when she was younger... when we still talked to each other. But one thing she has always made clear was that she wanted to spend her life at sea and that she was aware of the loneliness that comes with this life..." she paused for a moment, considering whether she should proceed, but she did. "And I've heard a lot about her, people talk, you know, and she has never had someone that really... cared about her and apparently this is very important to her. Always has been, and I thought it would always be that way, but it seems that you've changed her mind."
Clarke's heart softened at Elora's words, and at the same time, it hurt. Lexa had never been in a relationship before, and maybe, she had never been in love... until now, as Elora had indicated.
"On our first... date, Lexa told me that she doesn't want people to wait for her, and worry about her. And with the life she leads, I totally get that, really. She worries that she hurts people if she lets them into her life."
A long moment passed until Elora's eye met Clarke's. "And does she?"
"No." Clarke answered, but her thoughts went back to the previous night where she had watched the weather forecast that had made her heartbeat speed up and left her sleepless, and Clarke softly narrowed her eyes. "Yes... I mean it's not her who hurts me. It's the thoughts about her not... coming back. Yesterday I watched the weather report and I don't know Lexa's course but it didn't look nice and–" she stopped when she saw the sudden change in Elora's eyes, "what?"
"That's exactly Lexa's course." The woman slowly said and the way she said it made Clarke's blood run cold. It was the voice of a woman who had lost her husband to the sea and knew that she would lose her only daughter the same way.
"But it–" Clarke cleared her throat in an attempt to strengthen her shaking voice, but unsuccessfully, "didn't look too bad, did it? I mean the... conditions can ease off before Lexa turns around to come home, right?"
Elora's lips formed another small smile when she looked at Clarke, considering her next words, and Clarke started chewing on her bottom lip in a mix of impatience and anxiety. "You're not too familiar with weathers at sea, I assume?" She finally asked and Clarke froze for a second and then slowly shook her head. "It didn't look like it will ease off so soon." The older woman stated, carefully avoiding to address what Clarke was actually worrying about, but Clarke understood nonetheless, and she broke down when she went to bed that night.
She cried about Elora's words and about what they had meant. She cried about the realization of which danger Lexa really was in. She cried because the feeling of helplessness was simply unbearable for her.
She cried thinking about all the moments she had spent with the beautiful brunette, the verbal and the physical, the words and the touches.
She cried until she was sure there were no more tears left, and she kept crying until she was too exhausted to cry, and she finally fell asleep, while far, far away, Lexa slowly put the weather fax down with furrowed brows, and leaned against the frame of the open door, slowly releasing a breath as her gaze wandered to the pitch black weather front at the horizon.