Chapter Eleven: The Final Chapter

It was an exceptionally warm day in the middle of August, about 700 or so degrees. The flowers were blooming and the trees were singing and the birds were swaying with the wind, all parties particularly full of joy this day.

Snape galloped idly amongst the vampires, verbing on some noun he'd acquired earlier that day. "I do love my broccoli, lol," he said earnestly.

"Dumbledore," Lucius said quietly. "I can't seem to find my son. Is he off with his stupid lover again?"

"Hmmm," said Dumbledore in a low voice. "I think Harry is actually with Snape or Ron or McGonagall or something. I can hardly keep up with all the kids' drama nowadays. But no, I don't know where your lad is."

Lucius sighed darkly, running a worn but sexy hand through his flaxen hair. "I see," he murmured almost inaudibly. "I need him for an important anti-muggle ritual but I just can't find him. It's most annoying, I must say."

"Why not take me in his stead?" Dumbledore asked softly.

Lucius' eyes widened slightly. "You would torture muggles? Why, my good man, I never thought I'd see the day."

Dumbledore chuckled under his breath. "Now, now, don't get your panties in a knot. I just meant I'd dress up like Draco and pretend to be your son for a smidgen. That way your reputation won't be hurt. I never said I would partake in your events."

"Very well," Lucius said tacitly, rather pleased. "Thank you for taking my reputation into consideration, Albus... I never knew you cared so much."

Dumbledore smiled, eyes twinkling like stars and stuff, and he took Lucius' hand. "Of course I care... I..."

"Albus," Lucius whispered, squeezing the older man's hand slightly, his breath catching in his throat. "I-- I always---"

"No!" Dumbledore exclaimed, suddenly stern. "I have a wife. Don't say it, you'll only make it harder for us to keep our feelings under wraps. Let's just go to the muggle thing and forget this ever happened."

Lucius raised an eyebrow. "Feelings? What are you talking about? I was just going to say I always wanted a lemon drop."

Dumbledore gaped a moment, and then leapt across the room like a wild weasel-giraffe and dive tackled his extensive stock of lemon drops. "You'll never get my lemon drops, you narkle-flapping elephant!"

Lucius stared and then walked away forever.

Remus Lupin yawned after a long day of werewolfing and pooping and set down his machine gun to do a bit of light reading.

"Lol," Tonks said happily, rolling around on the floor.

"Shut up," he replied in a compunctious tone.

Then she died!

Harry laid back on his bed, soft green eyes clouded with troubling thoughts.

What if I am truly the lesbian love child of Dolores Umbridge and Hermione Granger? he thought, a slight frown on his handsome face. What would that mean to the wizards of this society? What would this mean for my relationship with Hermione?

As his hand ruffled his own hair, the tip of one finger drifted across his scar. What would he be like if Voldemort had never been born?

Well, he probably would have a girlfriend, and like a hundred more friends by now. And Ron would be another one of the losers he would never talk to because Ron is basically a useless frat boy. And Hermione?

Harry lol'd at Hermione.

"Well," Harry said to himself, "I guess I know what I have to do now."

As he got up to leave the dormitory, Seamus stopped him. "Er, Harry? Where you just talking to yourself?"

Harry glared at him, "Shut up, you feckless ingrate. And if I ever hear your Bulgarian accent again I'll poop on my head."

"I'm definitely Irish, you puerile pooping prostitute, not Bulgarian," Seamus said with a great sense of brume, and stalked off.

Harry grinned evilly.

There was a room in Hogwarts that had never once been entered save by Godric Gryffindor. It never existed in Hogwart legends, it was never stumbled upon by innocent passersby, and so it was never searched for. Even the other founders of Hogwarts were unwitting of it's creation or existance, a fact that Godric was rather proud of.

It had a cathedral-like ceiling, high and magnificent, the stone it was made out of looking absolutely brilliant in the morning sun that came in through the heavily dusted windows. Shelves lined the walls, mostly holding books that were sometimes thousands of years old with pages that were miraculously well-preserved but might have crumbled under a rough hand, some of which holding secrets about Hogwarts and it's creation that were perhaps better left unknown. The shelves that did not hold books possessed frames that were so covered in dust the pictures were no longer visible and old odds and ends that might as well have been important to someone but seemed utterly useless now.

In the middle of this room was an old, incredibly intricate rug, deep red and gold for the most part, with two ancient couches sitting on it and facing one another. Once upon a time they might have been incredibly comfortable and it looked like they'd been well used by their previous owner, but now their wood was frail and their cotton was worn.

Dust idly spiralled in the sweet, kind light that sunk into the room as it had always done, dancing in a way that was random and routine all at once.

Suddenly, and explosion ripped through it, utterly destroying the beauty that hadn't been treasured in over a millennium.

Harry Potter had taken McGonagall's advice and exploded violently, taking millions of lives in his path of destruction, all the while crying, "SAUCY ATMOSPHERES MAKE AWFULLY NUMBING TURKEY HATS AAAAAHHHH!"

Then everyone died FOREVER!!! And it was a genocide that would last in the memories of all for OVER NINE THOOOUUUSAAAAAAAND YEARS LOL!!!!!!

THE EEEENNNNDDDDD!

A/N: Yes, this is the end of my story. 11 is my favorite number so that is how many chapters there shall be and that is FINAL! I really hope you enjoyed it, you wouldn't believe how fun it was for me to write. Perpetual thanks to all who have and all who will review, whether it's a flame or a 'OMFG YOURE CRAZY AND I LOVE IT', I appreciate it a lot. If you giggled once through this entire 11 chapter story, I have done my duty to this world. And by the way, that thing that Harry said, it actually has meaning so don't be a hater. Alright, I'm done now.
Ciao, my loves.