Chapter 11

They had had the same small argument for the last couple of days, and she was getting tired of it - It didn't go anywhere, expect round and round in the same circle. She didn't understand why Alex couldn't just let it go, or she could - but he knew her, she wasn't too keen on expressing her emotions or feelings, she had never been. And still he was on her back about her lacking to talk about things when somethings was wrong, besides, who was he to give her a lecture on problems, when he obviously was as bad at talking things over, as she was?
That was one of the reason they were so good together, their similarities - they never had to explain themselves, because the other one knew the reason behind their actions.
She was slowly beginning to understand that Alex wouldn't let this argument go and it was stupid - the argument had started when Claire had agreed on taking on another horse for their training program, without talking with Alex about it. He had made some valuable points at the time, but Claire had been too stubborn to listen to him. She clearly knew she had taken on too much with the new horse, they simply didn't have the time to train it right now - but they could use the money and she was beginning to get back into training after the birth of Charlotte.
"Look. All I'm saying is, that you shouldn't have agreed on making a contract" Alex said, standing with a rope in his hand - They already worked their ass off with Casino, there wasn't any time to break in a new horse. Looking back, Claire knew it had been a stupid idea - but how could she admit that to Alex and lose face? He would never stop rubbing it in her face.
Claire didn't say anything, she just looked at him with an annoyed look and brushed the dirt on her hands off in her shirt. "Claire come on, enough of the silent treatment - just for once admit you were wrong?"
Claire shook her head and laughed. Was he kidding her? Did he seriously think she would admit she was wrong - They could use the money and yes maybe she shouldn't have said yes at the time, but if they made an effort they could get the training done. "I'm not gonna admit I was wrong, 'cause I wasn't Alex" she said with a firm look.
"Claire that's bullshit and you know it - God I wish you could talk about the problems, instead of making them invisible. We have a real problem here Claire, what will you do when you can't deliver the contract?" Alex asked her and was expecting a typical Claire McLeod answer, and he got it. "I will just have to deliver the contract, won't I?" she said before making her way towards the horses ring. If Alex wasn't to be right, she would have to work hard and starting from now. "You can't make this go away Claire" he said and followed her to the ring.
"What's all this fuss about?" a voice said from behind. It was Nick, how long had he been there? Claire shook her head, fighting in front of an audience - what an amusement it must have been for him.
"Claire is just too stubborn to admit she made a mistake, saying yes to train this horse" Alex said in an annoyed way, making sure Claire knew exactly how he felt about her choice. "The horse looks good though" Nick said and joined his brother along the fence. Claire smiled in confident, at least there was someone on her side in this.
"It doesn't matter how good the horse looks, when we are going to have a problem delivering the contract - And Claire here, won't admit she was wrong and is in denial of the problem." Claire looked at him briefly before turning her back to the boys again.
"Denial of problems, sure shouldn't be coming from you mate" Nick said and laughed. "Thank you Nick" Claire laughed and walked closer to the boys, this was getting interesting now. "What do you mean about that?" Alex asked clueless.
"Remember Melissa?"
"Yeah, what about her?" Alex asked, still a bit confused.
"Mate come on. You made her beat around the bush for a week, before SHE finally showed up, so you could get your things together and end it with her". Wait, she showed up, when? Claire thought to herself.
"That was different Nick - Charlotte had just been born" Alex said in selfdefense. "So you've seen Melissa after BOM's birth?" Claire asked, a bit confused. She didn't exactly know how to grasp her brain around this. "Only for a couple of minutes, to end things between us - you know, so I could be with you" Alex said with a small smile, but he knew Claire wouldn't let this one go easy, he could see it in her eyes.

"You have been kissing me, sleeping with me in my bed, while you were still with her?" She asked. She was so hurt by this, that she couldn't stop the tears falling from her eyes. "How could you? You know how much Peter hurt me, and you go and do the same thing? I thought you'd be honest with me." She said the last part almost whispering, but Alex heard it nevertheless. "She didn't mean much to me, I didn't love her. I was over the moon about Charlotte and you. I just wanted to get on with our life. I had completely forgotten about her until I saw her at Wilgul." He defended himself. He was angry now, how could Claire compare him to the bastard? "Plus if we want to talk about honesty, let's start with you. Remember you didn't tell me you were having my baby, and you probably never would have if Peter hadn't showed up." He told her. She looked at him with big eyes. He was right and she knew it, but still his words angered her. "I thought we were over this. I have apologised and explained multiple times why I've done it. But I see that you can't get over it. Was this your way of getting back to me, huh?" She asked, but she didn't wait to get an answer, she was too scared of what he could say. Instead she turned his back to him and walked back to the horse, she hadn't been this angry in a long time.

"Would you just listen?" Alex asked and jumped the fence. "I will never do you bad, I honestly forgot about her. She wasn't in my mind. The only thing I cared about was you and BOM. I didn't mean to hurt you." he placed his hand on her shoulder, but she couldn't stand being around him right now. He lied to her, after all she went through with Peter, he should have known better than to keep this a secret. "How do you expect me to trust you Alex, when you aren't being honest with me?" Claire hissed. She didn't wanted to talk about this anymore right now. "Is this really how you are feeling?" Alex asked, waiting for Claire to answer him - but she didn't. He shook his head, he couldn't believe what he was hearing. He hadn't done anything wrong, why was he the one to be punished for all this?
"Fine Claire. I'll leave you alone then" he said and jumped the fence. If she didn't want to talk, he didn't either - at least he could be at Wilgul without anyone blaming him for doing the right thing. Claire watched Alex go back to the house, followed by Nick. How did this escalate so quickly? She damned herself for being too stubborn, maybe he was actually telling the truth - she just didn't want to listen, too busy imagine different scenarios in her head. If she had learnt one thing from her relationship with Peter, it was to never trust someone who had lied once. But she wanted to trust Alex, or she did trust him - used to anyway. Peter had really done more damage to her, than she had expected. Deep down she knew that Alex was doing things in good faith, but if he had already lied to her, even before their relationship really had started, how could she be sure that he wouldn't lie to her again? A relationship should be founded on trust in each other, but how could she trust him? She wasn't a saint either, she knew it, but somehow her mistakes seemed less in her eyes - or at least justified. Maybe their relationship was a mistake, maybe they weren't meant to be together.

After pointless of hours training the new horse, Claire finally gave up - her mind wasn't at the training and she couldn't focus on anything else than her fight with Alex. She was both angry and hurt at the same time. The man she thought she knew, looked like a total stranger to her and she couldn't forget the fact he had lied to her - on the other side her heart ached in longing for him. Her heart wanted to go find him, tell him she was sorry about everything but her mind wouldn't let her do that - if anyone owed the other something, it was Alex. She had nothing to apologise for, at least nothing she hadn't apologised for earlier.
"What am I gonna do with you, hey?" she said out loud, as she took the grim off the horse. She was in deep water with this training and she couldn't do it without Alex - but of course he had to run to Wilgul, leaving everything for her to take care of. She opened the gate to the paddock and watched the horse run out of the ring happily and into the paddock, before she went back to the house. Charlotte's feed should be up right about now she thought to herself and looked at her watch. She hadn't been to the house since this morning before the big fight, she had been too busy trying to keep her mind off things and get a move on the training - normally she would have checked up on BOM one or two times, so she was extraordinary happy when she saw her daughter in Meg's arms as she walked into the kitchen. "Hey there Charlotte" Claire said in her baby voice and for a moment she forgot all about Alex and their fight.
"You've been out working late today" Meg said as she handed Charlotte to Claire. "Didn't want to disturb you."
"Been training this new horse - needs a lot of work, but I reckon he will be worth it by the time I'm done with him" Claire said, trying to sound confident. She was determined to prove Alex wrong about her decision. She pulled out a chair and placed herself on it with Charlotte in her arms. She made herself comfortable before putting her breast out - at first she had been a bit shy when she was feeding BOM around people, but now she didn't even give it a thought, nothing they hadn't seen before anyway.
"Ouch, easy there" Claire said in a gentle voice, patting Charlotte on the back. Meg turned her focus from the dishes to Claire and smiled. "Must beginning to feel like a struggle to breastfeed" she said and placed the dish towel over her shoulder. "I remember with Jodi - the first month or so was okay, but after that it just felt like little needles poking your skin. The sucking get's really heavy". Tell me about it Claire thought to herself and looked at Meg. Charlotte was nearly 3 months old now and the breastfeeding was beginning to be a struggle for Claire - not just because of BOM's heavier sucking that made each feed feel like her breasts got turned into pincushions, but also because of the amount of milk Charlotte needed by now. She was eating much more than she used to and Claire's milk production had trouble keeping up with the pace.
"Hey Meg. When did you start to give Jodi porridge?"
"I think she was about 4 months old before I tried it - but she was a bit fussy about her food as little, why?" she asked and continued with the dishes in the sink. "I've been thinking to start Charlotte on it - you think it's too soon?"
"Nah, You could try. If she wants to take it there is no trouble - just make sure you start off simple, like with potato or carrot mush" Meg said, still with her head in the dishes. "Actually, we could try to give her some for her feed tonight, see if she likes it?" Meg said and turned to Claire. "Yeah I guess - wouldn't do any harm" Claire answered and stroke her daughter on her head. Hmm, she is a bit hot she thought to herself - it must be the heat, a dry season was heading their way and the air always got sultry at this time of the year.
"I think she needs a bath, she is a little warm" Claire said and got up from the chair after Charlotte had finished her feed. Meg walked to her side and put her hand on top of Charlotte's head. "Yeah a bit, it must be the heat - a nice bath will cool her off" she said and smiled to BOM. Claire nodded her head and walked towards the nursery. A nice cold bath was all she needed and she would be good for a nap. She could use one herself, but there was too much that needed to be done around the place.
"Come here little angel" Claire said and lifted her daughter to the changing table. BOM interacted much more with everyone and she was beginning to remember voices, and a smile here and there was floating their way as well. Claire couldn't help but let out a small laugh as BOM started to babble - it wasn't much, but it sure was on it's way. She had grown up so fast, it felt like yesterday Claire had given birth to the earth's most beautiful girl.
"Let's put you down in mommy's room, it's cooler there" Claire said and placed the used towel in the basket behind the door. She placed Charlotte in the little crib her and Alex had placed at the end of the bed - it was easier to have her in there most of the times, when she woke up and needed a change or a feed. Claire had placed herself on her stomach on the bed, facing towards the crib, that way she could still be near Charlotte waiting for her to go to sleep. She was getting a bit tired herself, but she had to remind herself that she needed to keep up with the training and should go check on Becky and the fenceline at Skinny Jims.

Claire woke to a heart-rending scream coming from Charlotte. She quickly gathered her thoughts - she had fallen asleep the minute she had put Charlotte down in her crib. Claire quickly got out of bed to pick up Charlotte, she was burning hot and a rash was beginning to appear on her little legs. She had never seen her daughter this upset and her cry went straight to her motherly heart, it was truly awful for Claire. "What's the matter aigh?" Claire said in an attempt to calm her daughter down, but it didn't work - she was too disconsolate. A bit of panic started to run through Claire's body, what was wrong with her daughter?
Meg will know what to do she thought to herself and walked with great pace to the kitchen, but Meg wasn't anywhere to be seen. Shoot, she is in Gungellan Claire suddenly remembered. "Okay BOM, what are we going to do?" she asked her daughter. It felt like she was getting hotter and hotter by the minute, and Claire couldn't calm her down as much as she tried. "Let's get this off you" she said and started to unbutton the yellow bodystocking. "I know I know" Claire said in a gentle voice that yet didn't reflected her panic. As Claire got the bodystocking off Charlotte, she noticed the rash had spread to her back. What is this? she asked herself - she had never seen anything like this before, it could be chicken pox - but how? they hadn't been around anyone with it and it didn't quite look like chicken pox either. Charlotte bursted out in a even heavier cry and it made Claire panic even more. She took her daughter in her arms and ran to the Merc - she didn't know what to do, she had to find Alex. She quickly seated BOM in the safety seat, made sure she was tightened good before she ran to the other side of the car. Her body was panicking so much, that her hands fumbled with the keys, before she got them in the ignition and started the car - She took a quick look at her crying daughter in the rear mirror, she had feared that day BOM would get sick from the moment she was born and it wasn't without reason. It was the most awful feeling Claire had ever experienced and she was deeply scared.

He saw the merc in high speed coming from the road leading to the front of Wilgul, the car left a trail of dust and Alex prepared himself for a mouthful of more guilt and judgement from Claire - but as soon as the merc stopped in front of the house he knew that wasn't the case, that wasn't why Claire was here.
He ran to her side as soon as he saw the panic in her eyes, as she got out of the car - his daughter was crying and it ached his heart. "What's happened?" he quickly asked Claire as soon as he got to them. "I don't know, she won't settle. I've tried everything and Meg wasn't around - I don't like it Alex, there is something really wrong" Claire said with tears forming in her eyes - she was scared, he was scared. What was wrong with their little baby girl? They quickly got inside of the house, BOM still a crying mess - Alex took her in his arms, hoping it would calm her down a bit but his attempt failed, just as Claire's had. "She is burning up" Alex concluded as he stroke his hand all over her tiny body, he stopped as soon as he saw the rash on her legs and back - it was red, warm and almost formed small blisters on the skin. It looked painful and scratchy, no wonder BOM wouldn't settle. "Where is this coming from?" he asked and looked Claire in the eyes - it hadn't been there this morning. "I don't know. I put her down for her nap and when she woke her legs was covered in the rash - she was screaming her lungs out Alex, we have to do something" Claire said with panic in her voice.
"We'll drive to Fisher" Alex said, he was ready to jump in the car this second. "The driver is 2 hours, without traffic - We can't let her cry all the way there, look at her" Claire said and walked to Alex's side. "The chopper then. We fly in the chopper. I can get it from Harry under an half an hour." The chopper was a good idea, that way they could get to Fisher fast.
"What's going on in here?" Nick asked coming from his bedroom in the other end of the house. Charlotte's cry and fuss had woken him, he had been feeling a bit down lately so he thought a nap would do him good - until the cry started. "It's Charlotte, she is sick" Alex answered his brother as he came to his side. "Can you stay here with Claire, while I go get the chopper from Killarney?" Alex asked, almost on his way out of the door.
"Wait a minute" Nick said in a calm way, studying Charlotte's rash - It looked like the one he got from time to time. "I reckon it's hives" he said and looked at Claire. "Hives?" Claire asked - why didn't she thought of that before?
"Yeah - It looks quite like the hives I get from time to time" Nick said and started to walk back to his room "just a second".
Claire and Alex looked at each other, they were both surprised they hadn't thought of it before and how did she get it, it was not like they had changed anything around the place BOM wasn't used to be around. Nick got back with a cream in his hands - he took the top of and squeezed a small amount out in his hand "This always do the trick for me - it takes off the itchiness. No wonder she has been screaming like this" he said and gently started to cover his niece's skin in the creme.
Not long after Charlotte slowly began to calm down and her crying stopped - she was exhausted from all the crying and it didn't take her long before she fell asleep in Alex's arms. Claire placed herself on the couch and sighed. What a day this had been. She was exhausted as well, but right now she was happy everything was going to be alright with her baby girl. "So - hives. But how?" Claire asked into the open. "I mean, how does it appear on you?" she asked and turned her head to Nick. "It's always caused by an allergic reaction, I don't always know from what. Have you changed anything over at Drover's?"
Claire took a moment to think about his question, but nothing came to her mind - expect one thing, laundry detergent she thought to herself. "Well, Meg just bought a new brand of laundry detergent the other day" she said and looked at Alex and Nick. "It's probably an allergic reaction to that than" Nick said and stroke his niece's arm. "Keep this - it should be getting better anytime now, it usually doesn't last for more than 24 hours " Nick said and threw his cream in Claire's lap before he walked out of the house - he had a lot of stuff to do and since he couldn't get any sleep he might as well get something done.
Alex placed himself on the couch beside Claire - they hadn't talked all day since their fight this morning, but right now the fight seemed unimportant. BOM could have been really sick and a stupid fight like the one they had this morning, shouldn't be happening. He looked at Claire and instantly started to regret all the things he had said this morning - He knew what she had been through with Peter, it was only natural for her to feel ambushed about the thing with Melissa. "Claire" he said softly, but before he could continue Claire placed her hand on his arm "Don't say anything. I'm sorry - I'm sorry we had such a stupid fight because I doubted your decision" she took a deep breath. "It wasn't fair of me to compare you to Peter, I know you are nothing like him - I just got scared" she said and looked down at her daughter in Alex's arm. "Scared? Of what?" Alex asked her. A shy smile crossed her lips "Of losing you" she said and looked him straight in his eyes - in that moment his heart melted and he knew he never wanted a stupid fight like this come between them again, he had to make an effort to tell her even the minor things. "You are not going to lose me Claire" he said and freed up one of his hands from BOM and placed it on top of hers. "You are everything I ever wanted" he said and kissed the back of her hand - A smile filled Claire's face, he was really nothing but loveable that man.

"Actually there's something I've been meaning to talk to you about" he said and suddenly his face got serious. "It's about my dad - my biological dad"
"Yeah?" Claire said, eager to hear what he had to say. "Earlier today I talked with mum" he said and stopped. Claire looked at him and smiled, she knew it was a big step for him to take - he hadn't talked with Liz since the big announcement about Harry and Alex, he hadn't even told her she was a grandmother - but Nick of course had, and even though Alex didn't wanted anything to do with her, she still sent BOM a present not long after she was born. Claire was happy about him talking to Liz again, even though it was just a phonecall it was a step in the right direction. She could understand why Liz had done what she had, it didn't justify her actions but Claire almost did the same - people do extreme things under pressure.
"Well go on" Claire said. "I think I want to meet my father - I need to see who he is, where I come from" Alex said and waited for Claire's reaction. "If it's what you want you should do it, I'll support you every step of the way."
Alex felt a stone drop from his heart, it meant everything to him that Claire was this supportive - but he didn't really expect anything less from her.
"His name is Bryce and he lives in Melbourne - Mum gave me the address. I'm thinking of going in a couple of weeks. I think we should make a trip out of it, just us 3" he said and looked down at Charlotte. "It'll be good for us" he looked back at Claire with a look only he could manage. Claire was loving the idea of being alone with Alex, they hadn't really had the opportunity to be that around Drover's - there was always something to do or someone who needed help.
"I love that idea" Claire said and moved closer to him and Charlotte - she really couldn't wait to get out of here for a couple of days. She didn't like the city that much, but being alone with Alex was worth a trip to the city. "We could go after the christening - well, not right away. Maybe the week after?" Claire agreed, it sounded like a good time to take a couple of days off - besides Tess was getting the hang of the farming life by now and with Meg and Becky's help, she could manage a day or two alone. Claire placed her head on Alex's shoulder and closed her eyes. She was grateful for being here right now, grateful for her daughter and grateful for Alex - She couldn't wait for the next couple of weeks, BOM's christening and their trip to Melbourne. Everything was just perfect right now.