What's up guys! I'm just great. Hope you are tooo!
Anyways, not much to say again. Just that the song 'Misery', by Maroon 5, is only like the best song ever. I had a dance party with my friend and cousin the other day and we danced to Misery a couple hundred times in a row. It was highly awesome.
111 REIVEWS! WOW! *gasps dramatically* This is like… …. … IDK WHAT ITS LIKE BUT ITS REALLY REALLY REALLY COOL!
I really need to see another scary movie. Any suggestions?
Oh, and thanks you thank you thank you to those of you who read and reviewed for my other stories! You guys rock! :D
Again, go vote on my profile and read my other stories!:D
Answers to anonymous reviews:
Mazzer 2k9: thanks! :) yeah, I'm over that now. Anyone doesn't like it, they just don't read it. I don't gotta apologize for anything! Lolzz :) thanks for reviewing!
Bug316: well that was shocking. But glad you found it funny! :D
Slim Shady: sorry you don't like it.
Bug316: isn't it the greatest? xD
Gingernut: haha glad it made you laugh! Thanks for reviewing! :D
Butler cautiously walked over to the door. He looked out of the peephole and saw the man. Doug, they called him. Well, Doug was picking his nose. Butler shivered slightly in disgust. He then ripped open the door.
Doug gasped at the top of his lungs, then relaxed when it wasn't an alien at the door, only Butler. But then, Butler wasn't much safer than an alien.
Doug, figuring that Butler was probably more vicious than an alien and more likely to kill him (which was pretty accurate), deftly kicked Butler in the crotch as hard as he could, and ran inside.
As Doug ran into the kitchen, he pulled out two pistols and held them at arms length. He quickly shot Artemis twice in the chest, and then cackled maniacally.
Excerpt from Artemis's thought process mid-shooting: I can't believe I got shot. I can't believe it. Where's Butler? Holly? Anyone?
In actuality, Artemis was shot with water guns. Doug, in his haste, had grabbed the wrong type of gun. Oopsies on him, but YAY for Artemis!
Mulch, all of a sudden, realized that he was a fairy, a dwarf at that, and was very short and hairy. Doug had not been mesmerized to see him as a regular human, as he had been done so for Holly.
Oh, dear, thought Mulch. Luckily he had invaded a Halloween-In-August party on his way here and stolen a costume. He quickly grabbed said costume from his back pocket and smashed it on his face. It was one of those plastic glasses-big nose- mustache face things. Needless to say, it looked ridiculously stupid. But Doug was ridiculously stupid, so that worked itself out then.
Mulch decided to draw attention to himself like a true criminal. "Hey, stupid ugly idiot with the purplish face and the warty hands! Yeah, I'm talkin' to you," he said to Doug's questioning look. Mulch spoke in a horrible French accent.
"I don't have warts on my hands," Doug argued. Mulch chuckled condescendingly and patted Doug's shoe.
"It's okay to be in denial, sweetie. All that needs to happen is that eventually you understand that you have people around you that love you and want you to have a great life! Okay? You need to accept yourself for who you are! Everyday, people in this world die because of things. Things! Materialistic people! You have to be different, Doug! This is your time! This is you! I believe in you! ."
Mulch's little tirade had done its job: distract Doug.
Although, it seemed that Doug had heard none of Mulch's actual speech as much as he had heard the French accent.
"You're French!" He shouted at Mulch. Mulch looked on, silently fearing for the man's mental well-being and stability. Obviously, both things were severely lacking and in dire need of a new supply that would most likely never come.
Mulch slowly nodded. "Yeah, it looks that way," he said.
Doug rushed over to Mulch and stuck out his hand for Mulch to shake, a hand that was completely ignored. "The French are awesome! I always wished I spoke French fluently. I remember my mother always spoke to me in French, she did. 'Allez a' l'enfer,' was what she always said to me. Every night before bed." Doug stared off into the distance with a dreamy look on his face.
Artemis looked up, confused. He spoke for the first time since he had been "shot" by Doug. "Your mother told you "go to hell" every night before bed?"
Doug scratched his head self-consciously. "Is that what that means? Wow, I always thought it was something more, oh I don't know, like, loving. Or something." He shrugged, clearly bothered.
Meanwhile, Juliet, seeing that Doug "made the first move in violence when he shot Artemis and now she was allowed to do whatever she wanted to him", performed a perfectly executed Lara Croft roll to Doug's side, and jabbed her elbow into the muscle behind his calf, causing his knee to buckle. In an effort to save face and peace, Doug attempted his own Lara Croft roll but epically failed. He, instead of coming to a neat landing on his feet, landed on one foot with his head between his knees and his butt in the air. He tried to keep from falling, but instead smashed into the wall.
Once Doug had gotten up, his face had resumed its natural purple color (a quite unflattering color, in fact), a color that no one enjoyed seeing, except on the late Commander Root. And everyone missed the Commander, so no one liked this unpleasant reminder of him. It seemed like an insult to the awesome fairy.
Rickey even seemed to recognize this, probably from the way everyone was shaking their heads predatorily with menacing glares on their faces all directed at Doug.
Rickey, wanting to help out his friends, made an important decision. He was going to do something drastic. Yes, he really was. He swears. There was no way ever that he was going to psych himself out. He really was gonna do this. Deep breaths. He can do this. Aaaaaaand… he's gonna do it!
Rickey took a running start, and with a flying leap, landed on Doug's back and latched himself on. Doug shrieked an animalistic scream and clawed away at his back, trying to get Rickey off.
However, this proved fruitless, because it only made Rickey hold on tighter. Artemis and company just stood there and watched the unexpected exchange. All of a sudden, Doug stopped shrieking.
He pointed at Butler. "KIDNAPPER! YOU KIDNAPPED RICKEY! I KNEW IT! I KNEW YOU STOLE HIM!" Rickey, not wanting to get Butler in trouble, threw caution to the wind and bit down on Doug's neck, hard.
Doug screamed again, this time in actual pain. He finally managed to rip Rickey from his death grip and tore his mouth off his neck. He hoisted Rickey up with a crazed look in his eyes, and threw Rickey all the way across the room, like a football.
Rickey howled the entire time he was in the air. Luckily, Butler decided to use his badass bodyguard skillz and leapt halfway across the room and caught Rickey.
"TOUCHDOWN!" Mulch roared at the top of his lungs.
"What's a touchdown?" Holly inquired.
But the small, rusty gears in Doug's head were slowly turning. "How does he know what a touchdown is? They don't have football in France! Come to think of it, that whole glasses- big nose-mustache French accent thing is looking kinda fake…" Doug trailed off into silence.
Mulch, sensing that he was about to be brought down by his own outburst, quickly scampered from the room. Apparently, "out of sight, out of mind" was Doug's motto because as soon as Mulch fled the room, Doug dropped the subject completely.
Juliet was still in awe of little Rabid Rickey's performance. "He's a rabid werewolf/vampire!" At this, both Holly and Artemis looked at her strangely.
"I see why you say vampire. But why werewolf?" Holly inquired.
"He howled while he was flying," Juliet offered. They nodded, accepting her logic even though it was very weak evidence.
All of a sudden, Holly dropped the piece of buffalo chicken she had been holding. "Ugh, I can't believe I'm even eating this! I'm a vegetarian!"
Throughout all of this, Artemis remained stoic. It kept up the image well, (the image being a sharp, good-looking Irish crime lord) and it let him analyze the situation at hand. The situation at hand was proving itself to be extremely interesting (and random and stupid and weird and a lot of other adjectives).
While all of this happened, Butler was setting Rickey safely down on his two feet. As soon as Rickey was safely on the ground, he rushed off to find a bathroom. Three guesses on what was about to go down in said bathroom. Actually don't guess, on second thought.
Once Rickey had safely run away, Butler started talking to Doug in a threatening and intimidating fashion. Doug, being jealous of Butler's awesome Irish lilt, sidled over to Artemis and started talking trash about Butler and his stupidly awesome accent.
Artemis simply looked at Doug and said to him in a quiet voice, "I have the exact same accent as Butler. Why are you telling me this?" And then he told Butler, "Butler, this guy is trash talking you."
Butler glared menacingly at Doug and advanced him slowly, never taking his eyes off Doug.
"Well, this is awkward," Doug said uncertainly.
All of a sudden, Mulch walked back into the room. Everyone completely ignored him.
All of a sudden, Rickey walked back into the room. Everyone said, "Hi, Rickey!"
Out of nowhere, Juliet decided that the tense atmosphere had to be broken. So, in an attempt to break the ice, Juliet broke into song.
"I THROW MY HANDS UP IN THE AIR SOMETIMES, SINGING AYYYYYYY-OH, GALILEEEEEEEEEO! I WANNA CELEBRATE AND LIVE MY LIFE, SAYIN AYYYYYYYYY-OH, ASTRONOM-AYYYYYY-OH!" Juliet sang at the top of her lungs.
Mulch gave a slow clap. "That was profound," he remarked, wiping an invisible tear away.
Artemis, Rickey, and Holly all exchanged looks. "Somehow, Juliet, I don't think those are the right lyrics," Holly said bluntly.
Juliet puffed her chest up indignantly. "Of course they are! Clearly, the song's about a poor astronomer who just wants to be like Galileo Galilee and study the stars and planets and crap. It's very uplifting. He likes to stare at the sky and think and study and look at the stars. So romantic."
Artemis stared at Juliet for a second and then looked around quickly. "Okay, who drugged Juliet?" he called.
Doug all of a sudden, started convulsing and foaming at the mouth! The bite mark that Rickey had given him on his neck was flaming red and bleeding. He really kinda did look like a crazed vampire.
Seeing this, Juliet picked Rickey up and grabbed Mulch's hand and ran away into the living room and locked the door.
Artemis and Holly ran into the computer room and locked the door. The collapsed onto the white couch and breathed a sigh of relief. Suddenly, Artemis reached over and brushed a strand of Holly's hair behind her ear (she had grown it out somewhat). Holly stared at him, perplexed.
"I don't- I'm sorry-," Artemis stammered.
A knock at the door interrupted his ramblings. "It's okay, guys," came Butler's low voice. "I threw Doug out of a second story window. He won't be scaring anyone anytime soon."
Artemis and Holly rushed out the door not looking at each other, both very eager to get as far away from the other so that they could sort out their thoughts.
Butler called in Juliet, Mulch, and Rickey into the kitchen. Artemis and Holly came in reluctantly. Butler took a deep breath.
"I've decided that you are all going back to sports camp."
"What!" Juliet, Rickey, Holly, and Artemis all exclaimed.
Mulch shouted, "Sports camp!"
Oh snap…
Hope you guys liked it! And a special thanks to: iloveashandquinn, for being the hundredth reviewer! Her prize for sending in the hundredth review was that she got to submit an idea that she wanted to see happen in this chapter, so she chose to give Doug rabies. Yaaaaaaayyyyyy!:D
Anyways, thanks for reading guys! :) REVIEWWWWW! :D