Phineas had lost his mind in the meantime. A butler was freely settling into his quarters, his suit set down on a hanger beside his bed, leaving him in his vest as he adjusted his personal bed. He straightened his tie and began to clean a mirror hanging on the wall. It was at this time he heard a knocking.
The butler stopped himself to listen for the knocking, then eyed the mirror, which continued to knock as he peered into it. Phineas launched his hand out of the mirror from nowhere and grabbed the butler by his tie, smacking him against the glass. He came from behind the wall and looked over the unconscious servant. "Sorry bud."
"Phineas!" Gus shouted from the entrance of the brick lined cellar that was the servant's quarters. The Host took Gus's side defensively as they approached the former leader of the Hitchhiking Ghosts. Phineas looked to both then the butler, "No more Gus. Leave now."
"Phineas, there's something bigger going on. Did you ever stop to ask why Constance needed a butler?"
"I don't know, and I don't care. I want my friend back and I want to leave all this place behind us." Phineas shouted, standing over the butler.
"If you don't stop this, there won't be a place for you to leave! This is more than your personal interconnections. Something horrible is happening all around us, and we could be next." The Host stepped forward, and Phineas stepped back. Phineas replied, "So what? With all your talk about death, how about we let this place die?"
"Because if the Mansion falls, all of us go with it!" The Host answered. Gus calmly tried to reach out to Phineas, "Please, Leota is locating the mortal. We can get Ezra, and all of us can sort this whole thing out."
"What threat?" Phineas asked, stepping towards the two. The Host explained, "Some of our neighbors have been…destroyed. We didn't think anything of it at first, but a few that the Dreamer worked on were eyed for replacement. Leota is scared that we'll be next."
"This mansion has been here longer than any mortals could understand. We've done nothing but be kind to them. You don't think they would destroy us…for a few bucks?" Phineas asked. Gus put his arm on Phineas' shoulder, and looked to him, "We can't take the risk. And with everything that's happening, it could determine whether the mansion is another space waiting to be filled up."
The three began to walk back upstairs to the back where the pet cemetery was resting beside them. Gus hesitated to ask, "What now? We just need to find the mortal then we should be fine, right?"
"I have located the mortal." I reached out to them, "She is in the observatory. You must hasten, now!"
The Host grabbed the other two and floated through the window, dragging the other two along with him towards the upper floors. He shouted back to me, "Why, what's going on?"
The Host landed in the window of the observatory. He looked across the open chasm where a window was waiting, open. The long white gown of Constance flowed down the platform into the chasm down below as she smiled at the trio. She had an axe to Lillian, the blade holding her chin up.
Constance chuckled, "I had a feeling you'd come soon. Did you want to meet?"
She regarded Gus and Phineas, moving around the observatory as the trio across from her prepared to strike. "Hello Gus. How do you feel Phineas? Does it hurt? The guilt? You get used to it. I could teach you how to crave it, when everything else dies."
She stopped in her tracks as Lillian whimpered in the woman's arms. The trio tried to make a move for Constance, but she stopped them, "Don't move a muscle. Boxy has the last one of you little paupers in his collection. Now, do you want to go over what's going to happen here?"
The Host was about to make a move, but Constance held the blade closer to Lillian. "You are going to get Leota to talk to one of the high-ranking mortals."
"I can't do that."
"You will. For me." Constance reminded him, "Then, we will explain that we have one of their kind hostage. When that happens, we will agree that they will not replace this mansion or any of the others with their silly heroes or space shooters. They will leave us alone. Forever."
"Constance, I know you're scared, but it's unlikely they'll go through with any major changes." The Host tried to approach her, and Constance stood still, keeping her hostage close. She argued against this, "Of course you'd say that. You haven't changed once. But me? Over and over and over again they've changed me. Tried to make me different. Like I wasn't good enough for them. Then when I finally think I've got it right, that I'm finally comfortable, that rat Hatbox came back and stole everything from me."
"Hey, we got cleaned up too!" Gus argued, but Phineas was too afraid of Constance to make a move.
"Not like me…I had everything I wanted. An attic all to myself. All the books I could read. An organ to play. But I still wasn't good enough. So, they're going to replace me with that waste of a corpse! And now, they'll replace this whole mansion. They'll tear it down. You think they won't? You aren't a doll that they dress up every ten years when they feel like it!"
The Host got closer and closer to Constance, "You need to let go of her. If something happens now they will get rid of you and possibly everyone else."
Constance held her ground, her eyes crazy and afraid. She primed the axe at her victim's throat and prepared to chop.
The Host got close and eventually was within reaching distance of Lillian. "Constance, we won't be replaced. Now please, put down the axe."
Constance smiled then shook her head, "Don't you just wish that were true?"
She kicked Lillian down into the chasm of the Stretching room below, then made a hard chop into the Host's head, sticking the axe in place. The Host took a second to recover, but Constance immediately tore out the axe and hit him from the side, nailing the Host to the wall.
Gus and Phineas leapt for Lillian, hitting each other before clutching a rope that was hanging from the ceiling of the observatory. They slid down the rope until they felt a sudden stop when they grabbed Lillian's hand. The three hung from the rope, holding onto each other.
"Hold on kid!" Phineas shouted. Lillian looked to the end of the rope, where the corpse of the Host was hanging. She screamed, but Gus kept holding onto her, but Phineas' grip was breaking because of the massive weight from both beneath him. Although the fall could probably be avoided by both him and Gus, he needed to keep the kid ok.
That's when he saw the familiar smile looming over them. He looked up to see Constance Hatchaway wielding her axe right next to the rope. She cocked his head at him and waved, causing Phineas to pale. He shouted down to Gus, "Gus, use that big chain of yours and start swinging!"
"What? Have you lost your mind?" Gus shouted back up, and Lillian just held on for dear life.
"We're about to experience a sudden drop and stop!" Phineas warned him. Constance strummed the string like it was a guitar, then chuckled as she prepared the axe like a golf club. Gus swung and swung his barbell further and further as they neared the walls of the room.
Phineas closed his eyes and braced for the fall. There was a sharp twang and the rope was cut, sending Lillian, Gus and Phineas for a long fall towards the wall. A loud crash came forth, and the three smashed into the next room, causing them to land rather painfully.
Phineas was woken up by a skeleton in a suit. He whined and hesitantly asked. Gracey shook his head, then assured him, "Nope. You alright man?"
Phineas rubbed his eyes then got up and rubbed his head. "Yeah."
He looked for Gus and Lillian, who were busy recovering from the fall. Medusa was busy shaking Gus, her snakes peeled back so they didn't try to bite the guy while the Horseman and Catty helped Lillian. As soon as Gus woke up, he immediately shouted, "It was the other two! I swear!"
"Right…" Medusa just casually set him down and backed away. Junior looked at the massive hole in the wall, then thought to himself for a moment. Phineas chuckled then said, "Sorry about your wall."
"Eh. It's an improvement. Opens up the room a bit more." Gracey shrugged. Lillian woke up to see the Horseman's face right in front of her and was about to scream, then decided, "Know what? Actually, I've seen worse today."
"Aw that's sweet." Catty added. Lillian did manage to cringe at Catty on the other hand, "Ugh."
"Gus! I have fantastic news!" Phineas took back his original jolly tone, likely due to the adrenaline rush from falling through a wall. Gus got up and rubbed his head, "What…?"
"I found the mortal! Now we just need to grab Ezra and get out of here! This is all according to plan!" Phineas assured him. Everyone looked at him with a confused look, when Gus asked, "What?"
"Did you doubt me Gus?" Phineas asked, raising his eyebrow. Gracey hesitantly asked, "Smashing through a wall was your plan?"
"Oh. Smashing through a wall is normal." Gus assured them. Medusa added, "So was going against the Host and Leota?"
"Average Sunday night." Phineas nodded.
"Crashing a hearse?" Horseman asked.
"Fifth one this month." Gus pointed out.
"Making deals with psychopaths?" Catty asked.
"Ever heard of Captain Culpepper Clyne?" Phineas asked, "Regardless, now all that's left is to bring down that old coot Hatbox and get Ezra back, then we'll all be free to go. Jillian, are you excited? No more Constance! No more Host! We're all getting out of here!"
"But the Host said…" Gus tried to intervene.
"The Host's head is in four pieces Gus. Ask yourself, do you really think he is justified to be taking care of anyone right now?" Phineas opened his arms. Gus thought about what I said, then shook his head.
"I didn't think so. Now, my brilliant wonderful, extra full, majestic perfect plan requires all of you." Phineas spun around to the portrait group who squinted at him. Gracey excitedly beamed, happy to be involved for once, "Really?"
"No. I could probably just get away with bringing Medusa." Phineas admitted. Medusa lightly clapped while everyone else scowled.
"Ok fine, we're all going!" Phineas caved in to the others, who began to cheer. Gus looked to Phineas carefully, not sure whether Phineas was in proper mental condition to be directed something this big. Phineas clapped his hands together and went over the plan.
"Now, here's what we'll do…" He took the Ghouls and Graves playset from the ground and drew out some plans, pushing pieces to represent different people. "Gus and I will come in here with a coffin, claiming we caught Constance."
He drew a scribble of Hatbox and titled it, "Ugly jerk face."
"Then, when he explains he doesn't have the mortal, Gus and I will heckle him and distract him. Meanwhile, everyone except Medusa will move in from the window and try to find Ezra in the pile of hatboxes. Medusa, you will be in the coffin in case something goes wrong, and we need to turn Hatbox to stone."
"Why not just do that in the first place?" Lillian asked the coach. Phineas answered without batting an eye, "Because this a team sport Jillian! Get your head in the game!"
"Oh boy! This is just like a game of Ghouls and Graves!" Gracey excitedly clapped.
"Now, in the chance that the bride shows up…" Phineas drew a little face with devil horns and a tail and a veil. "Horseman and Catty will distract her while everyone else works on finding Ezra."
"Wait, why me and Catty?" Horseman asked. Gus was ready to answer, "Because you're used to being headless and Catty is far more disturbing than Constance will ever be." But Phineas covered his friend's mouth.
"Because you have a sword and Catty has claws." Phineas chuckled. Catty frowned, "I don't know. I'm not sure if I can attack anyone."
"You're not sure?" Phineas asked. Catty shook her head. Phineas pursed his lips then nonchalantly said, "It's ok. Constance doesn't like cats anyway."
"What?"
"Oh yeah. She hates cats. She thinks they're all rats with long legs."
"I will make it my life's mission to destroy her." Catty said, her eyes turning a blood red as she had the power of creepy fan art and hellfire, which was only slightly less disturbing than the creepy fan art.
"Now, if all goes according to plan, Ezra will be back together, and we can all leave this mansion and these crazies together!" Phineas proclaimed, standing proud, "Now is the time for doing above average. I won't deny most of you are bad at your jobs. I'm pretty sure I saw Catty chewing on some plastic earlier. But together, if a bunch of below average individuals come together, we can all work together as one fully functioning adult! And that is the most powerful thing of all."
Nobody was sure whether they were supposed to cheer or feel insulted. Phineas sighed and whispered, "Clap."
They obliged with surprise, then whistled in joy. Words could not describe how doomed they were.