Beta'd by HollettLA :)
Secrets & Wishes
Christmas three years ago. Tell me where you were, Isabella.
Christmas three years ago. Tell me where you were, Isabella.
Christmas three years ago. Tell me where you were, Isabella.
He knows.
Somehow, I end up sitting up straight and reaching for a blanket to wrap around my chest. If my pulse was skyrocketing before, it has nothing on now.
He knows.
I'm suddenly thankful there's barely any light in the room.
"Wh-what?" I scoot away slightly and face him warily.
He's still on his back, one hand under his head. His eyes glint in the dark, his expression completely unreadable.
"You heard me," he murmurs. "Did you think you'd changed that much? You've grown up. You haven't become a new person."
I swallow nervously.
He raises himself up a little, supporting his weight on his elbow. "Did you honestly believe an eye mask would conceal your identity that well?"
Yes! I'd changed a lot. For chrissakes, I went from child to woman in those years. I grew curves, had a baby, and matured. And he'd been buzzed.
"You knew all along?" I croak. Fucking hell, my heart's never pounded this furiously before.
He shakes his head. "I'll admit it took me a while. The ballroom was too dark. I was reminded of you before we left the bar and started dancing, but it wasn't until we reached the lobby I was certain."
Yet, he was the one who mentioned room service when we ran out of options due to the blizzard. He took that step.
"I behaved like an animal." He reaches out and touches my thigh, and my heart gets stuck in my throat. "My innocent little student had turned into a walking felony."
I just need to know he's not angry.
"Then I woke up the next morning to your note." He keeps his gaze on my leg, his hand stroking me higher up. "Written in the same handwriting I'd seen so many times before."
"Oh God." I cover my mouth with my hand, feeling so fucking stupid. He used to be my teacher, for fuck's sake.
"So that was the weekend I cheated on my wife and fucked my former student." He lies back down, hand returning behind his head, and I swear I'm more frozen than an ice cube.
He brushes his fingers over his mouth and observes me in that unreadable way. Maybe he's thinking back. I'm doing everything in my power to keep the memories at bay. The memories of him kissing me, parting my thighs, and calling me a dirty little whore.
I flush and look away.
"I feel like I should apologize," I confess.
"Are you sorry?"
I shake my head, and I'm sorry about that. About not being sorry.
"Then don't do that." He sighs and sits up, his feet thudding against the floor, and I panic internally. Is he leaving? But no, he's just putting on his boxer briefs. "I'm sure as hell not sorry. It wasn't the first time I took my ring off."
I widen my eyes, even though he has his back to me now. "You mean you've been with—"
He shakes his head quickly. "I didn't mean for it to sound that way. I mean I've taken it off in the past—more times than I can count—just to pretend it wasn't part of me."
Oh. I'm weirdly relieved. I know I'm selfish.
Wanting to make sure we'll be okay, I crawl over to him and hug him from behind. This way, he's stuck with me. If I don't let go, he'll have no choice but to live with us.
"I wanted to come clean, but I was scared." I press my mouth to his neck and hate that he's tense. "All these years…and I could never really get you out of my head."
Edward sighs and covers my arm with his hand. I hope that's a good sign. "It's unbelievable, that's what it is. I'm hardly a catch, sweetheart. I just told you I was unfaithful to Kate because I couldn't resist you—I caved."
"Well…call me crazy."
He chuckles humorlessly and hangs his head. "You didn't fly all the way to Seattle only for me, did you?"
"Um…"
"Isabella." He finally turns his head a little so we can at least look each other in the eye. "I don't know for what reason, but you think too highly of me. Where you're concerned, I clearly have no willpower whatsoever—"
"This is kind of a good thing."
He gives me an irritated glance for interrupting him. "I'm a teacher, a single father, and I've wasted the better part of the past twenty years because I was a coward. Kate and I should've divorced ages ago, but we got too comfortable."
"She gave you Anthony."
That deflates him, though only a bit. "You asked me what my old English teacher would've said if he'd met me today."
"And you deflected and said he wouldn't give a rat's ass what happened to his students."
"Coward, remember?" he murmurs with a hollow smile. "Doesn't matter what he would've said. I'm disappointed. When I go to those sad reunions, I hate it because it's me I'm seeing. All those students who never went after their dreams… They're me."
He won't listen to anything I say right now. I press a kiss to his cheek and comb back his hair. I feel calmer, and I have hopes that we can finally get to know each other better as two adults.
I'm fully aware I've let a childhood crush take me, maybe, too far. But so what? I'm not blind. I don't need to know his favorite TV show or his detergent before I can be certain he's a good man. I've known that since I was a kid. I saw it the way he inspired his students, and I see it in the way he is with Anthony.
James graduated a year before me and stuck around to work with his dad because he was still on his parents' shit list. And I'm not the only one who helped James better his grades. Edward played a big part, too. It's what he does.
"I want you to trust me." I brush a thumb over his five-o'clock shadow. "Maybe my crush was silly for a long time, but I'm not delusional. I haven't put you on a pedestal, and I can't predict the future with any dream scenarios." I peck the corner of his mouth, and some of the tension is finally leaving his shoulders. "The dreams are there, mind you, but I can separate them from reality."
The next time I kiss him, he inches closer and kisses me back slowly, thoroughly. Perfectly.
"I have dreams, too." He cups my cheek, deepening the kiss. "It was thanks to you I finally told Kate we needed to end things. Because of the night you and I shared. I've aimed for more for myself ever since."
And if it weren't for Edward exhaustively encouraging me to pursue my goals, I wouldn't be a veterinarian today, so there's that.
Edward's reaction to my telling him that is to flip me over so I'm on my back. Then he's kissing me passionately and removing the blanket from me.
"I can't believe you thought I didn't know it was you," he whispers into the kiss. "Don't you realize how unforgettable you are?"
"Are you going to tease me about it for a long time?"
He nods and smiles. "Count on it. That flimsy little mask you wore…" He chuckles and shakes his head. "I just never expected to see you in Forks again."
I'd probably be pushing my luck if I told him my decision to move home was partly because of him.
"That flimsy little mask gave me the courage I needed," I point out, and I don't think he'll complain about that. "I wouldn't have had the guts to flirt with you otherwise."
He hums and peers down on my exposed body. "I couldn't comprehend it. You were so… And now…" He groans and covers my mouth with his again.
Relief and excitement mingle and create a heady surge of euphoria. Everything I've fantasized about is within reach, and it feels so fucking good to have all my secrets out in the open. I have nothing else to hide.
It feels like nothing can go wrong now.
~oOo~
I don't count sneaking around with Edward as a secret in the same sense. It's thrilling, sexy, and amazing, and it gives us time to test the waters and see what we want. So the first thing we do is not run to my mom and say we're gonna date each other, and we definitely don't mention anything to the boys.
Pancake breakfast in Port Angeles the day after turns into a week of spending as much time together as possible. Whether it's breakfast, coffee on the run, or making out—and well, fucking—on the couch after the boys have fallen asleep…we take advantage of every moment.
Rose finds out about us one morning when Edward's sneaking out. It was only Anthony who was supposed to have a sleepover, but oops, Edward accidentally fell asleep in my bed.
Rose merely smirks, and we make plans to go shopping for the reunion next week.
The next afternoon, I bring a grumpy Masen and dessert over to Edward's. He told me he wanted to cook for a change, and I don't mind watching.
"Can you at least talk to him?" Masen grouses.
"Oh, get over it, kiddo." I check the plastic wrap over the pie and then look up at the sky. It'll probably rain later. "You can't expect Anthony to wanna try everything you're into."
The boys have been arguing on and off for the past two days about activities. By arguing, I mean Masen gets mopey and Anthony gets testy. Yet, they insist on seeing each other every day, either alone or with Riley.
I knock on Edward's door, and it's Anthony who opens it.
"Hi, sweetie." I dip down and kiss his forehead. "Has your father turned the kitchen upside down yet?"
"Close," he says with a nod. "I'm wary of his cooking. It's better when you do it, Bella."
I laugh softly and enter the apartment. It smells good, however. I can glimpse Edward in the kitchen, concentrating on whatever's cooking on the stove.
"So…what do you wanna do?" Masen sighs.
Anthony has a hopeful suggestion. "I can teach you Pig Latin?"
"Mom." Masen turns to me, a pleading look in his eyes.
I purse my lips then shrug. "Ellway, ywhay otnay?"
He blinks.
Anthony gapes at me. "You…you speak Pig Latin?"
I hear Edward chuckle in the kitchen.
I wink at Anthony. "I was a huge nerd in school."
Leaving the kids behind as they settle on watching a movie, I meet up with Edward in the kitchen, and he sneaks in a quick kiss.
"I think you just became his hero."
I grin. "I can live with that."
~oOo~
I don't know where to place Alice. Neither does Rose, for that matter. Alice called her out of the blue and suggested shopping together for the reunion, and since Rose and I already had plans, it became an outing for all of us. And I learn they've seen each other a couple times for lunch, and it's always Alice who calls. Yet when they meet up, she seems…cold. I don't know. I can't really explain it, but she's doing it now, too.
"What about this one?" Rose holds up a red cocktail dress. "I'd like it to say I'm ready to have some fun, but I'm also a serious businesswoman."
"You're an accountant," Alice points out with a frown.
I press my lips together, because even I think that's funny, but Rose wasn't wrong. She's started her own business from scratch, and she's doing well.
"I like it," I offer. "It's sexy."
I found my dress, a little emerald green number, in the first store we went to. This is the fourth. The only thing I need now is shoes.
As Rose goes back and forth, with Alice oh so helpfully chiming in, I send a text to Edward, who's watching Masen.
How's everything going? Kisses! (I can say that now, right?)
Rose has decided the dress isn't for her by the time Edward replies.
You can more than say it, darling. You can come to my place and show me. I'm about to take a nap, which should pass time quickly. (Can you tell I'm bored?) Renee picked up the boys without calling first. Is this something I should get used to?
Um, yes. That's what Mom does.
Afraid so. I'll hurry over so I can kiss you everywhere. ;)
I grin to myself and follow the girls out of the store, watching as Edward types.
You tease. Just for that, I'm starting without you.
"Bella, are you hungry?" Rose asks.
"Uh-huh…" My fingers fly over the keyboard.
Send a pic? Pretty please. See, I said please, so now you have to.
His response makes me laugh.
Isabella! That's inappropriate. Goddammit, I think you just made me blush for the first time since kindergarten. Do people really do that?
"What's so funny?" Alice asks impatiently.
Of course, Rose can guess, so she only snickers.
"My boyfriend," I say just because I can. Perhaps it's a little soon, but I don't care.
Alice lifts a brow. "I didn't know you were dating anyone."
I answer her at the same time as I answer Edward.
We're off to lunch. I suppose I shouldn't sneak into the bathroom and show you how good my new bra looks on?
"It's a new relationship, but to be fair, you and I haven't talked much."
Alice has no reply to that, though Edward has one for me.
I about die when I receive a photo of his hard cock.
~oOo~
When I finally return to Forks, I'm ready to have some hot fun before Masen and Anthony come home from whatever Mom's spoiled them with.
I grab my shopping bags and close the trunk of my car, then start walking toward my building.
"Bella?"
I throw a glance over my shoulder, and just like that, my stomach drops. Kate. Oh fuck.
Awkward.
Um, hi, Aunt Kate, it's been a while. I hope you mind I'm sleeping with your ex-husband-to-be.
She shuts the door of her car and walks closer with a cardboard box labeled "Edward, childhood."
"Hi." I muster a polite smile.
She does the same and reaches me. There's no hug or anything, just an explanation that she's here to drop off a box Edward forgot, and she's gonna pick up something else. Nothing about how long it's been since she saw me, no welcome back to Forks.
I guess the brief hello we exchanged at the soccer tournament was it.
We walk together in stilted silence toward Edward's building across the yard. When Kate gives me a confused look, I explain he's been watching Masen.
"Ah." She nods once. "Edward told me the boys are friends."
"They are."
"Perhaps your son can influence Anthony. He needs better hobbies."
I don't answer. Not everyone wants to do sports. If anything, I hope they'll influence each other. Masen could use some of Anthony's discipline for school and academia.
"Must have been rough," she notes. "To have a child that young, I mean."
"I was lucky to have Mom and Dad," I reply.
"Ah yes, Charlie." She smiles thinly and switches the box to hold it under her other arm. "My parents sure adored him."
I look to her sharply, then decide it's not worth it. I've given up on finding out why Aunt Kate hated my dad so much.
We reach Edward's apartment, and Kate knocks on the door firmly.
My stomach tightens with nerves, and I hope Edward can think quickly. I already know Masen's not here, so Edward better act well.
It's a comical sight when he opens the door. His gaze lands on me, and a smile warms his expression, though it fades as he spots Kate a fraction of a second later. He straightens and looks…impatient, is the best word I can come up with.
"This is for you." Kate hands over the box, and Edward nods in thanks. "Where's the other one? I have to be on my way."
"One moment." Edward disappears inside, and my eyebrows shoot up. Because when he returns, it's with the box Masen stumbled over in the woods. "Isabella, you remember Principal Banner. Kate is staying with his sister while she's waiting for her condo in Portland to be ready."
"O…kay." I don't see what this has to with the graduation box. It's bad enough that Masen found it "not really buried." Half of it had been sticking out of the soil, according to him. And now we're handing it over to Kate?
"Mary offered to take it," he finishes.
That's even worse. Principal Banner's sister was the librarian back in the day—and a gossip. Rose's mom has nothing on Mary.
"Um, is that smart?" My forehead creases. "It's thanks to her the entire faculty knew if anyone made out in the library."
Amusement flashes in Edward's eyes.
Kate lifts a brow at me. "Doesn't that mean she's loyal to the teachers? She doesn't want this to get out, and Banner suggested she put them in a lockbox."
"So they're not gonna get destroyed?" That's dumb to me. The whole point of the secrets and wishes tradition was that they'd never be unearthed.
"We can't leave it up to the students," Edward reasons. "We'd have to get every student involved in the decision. And it's not our right to decide whether to destroy it, so locking it up seems like the best alternative."
I lift a shoulder, unsure if I agree or not, but it's out of my hands.
"Well. I'm done here," Kate says. "I'll get out of your way so you can pick up your son, Bella. Edward, we'll talk at some point, I guess."
"It'll be too soon, Kate." Edward sends her a pleasant smile.
I furrow my brow as she walks away with a scoff. As far as she knows, Anthony's in this apartment. Mere feet away. And she's not even gonna say hi?
"You, my dear girl. Get in here." Edward's voice steals my attention, and I thaw at the warmth he radiates. After a minute of Kate's iciness, I need it.
"Hi." I smile up at him as he closes the door behind me, and then he dips down to kiss me heatedly. "Umph—I feel like you're a man with a plan."
He grins faintly, taking another deep kiss. "That I am. We have forty minutes until Renee is here with the boys."
I think I know how we're going to spend those forty minutes.
-cara