...I got nothin' to say here. See after the story for some comments.

Chapter Ten
Break-In

"Let's see here..."

I tapped on a few keys on my computer, and a window opened with a live recording of the outside of Zim's house. I smirked. Zim had his whole yard checked constantly for bugs or hidden cameras, but he had never bothered with the houses nearby.

I leaned in closer, pressing a button to bring the camera shot closer, staring in the window. I could see Zim's little robot, bare of his paltry disguise, sitting on the couch with a suckmonkey and laughing uproariously at something on TV. No sign of Zim though. I bit my lip. I had to find out if he was home or not...I could draw him out if absolutely necessary--what little information I had managed to get out of Tak's ship included a few Irken and other alien distress signals, though I was saving them for as long as possible. I had already wasted the Plooskian one with Mr. Dwicky...

Just then Zim walked into the room from the kitchen. I held my breath. He was talking to the little robot...I couldn't hear what they were saying, of course. I needed to learn to read lips...not that either of them had lips, actually. The robot giggled at something, Zim yelled at it, then vanished. A moment later I saw the roof to his house open, and his spaceship shot out, zooming into the sky. Something none of his neighbors ever seemed to notice.

I grinned. But we had to hurry. I dialed a phone number into the computer.

Rodger answered.

"What?" he asked, annoyed.

"Zim's out of his base. Do you have the stuff I asked you to pick up?"

"Yeah, Peggy's getting them now. May I ask, how exactly--"

"You'll see when we get there! Now just meet me at the rendezvous point a.s.a.p., you got it?"

Rodger grumbled and hung up. I closed my laptop, grabbed my backpack and ran for Zim's house.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

"The rendezvous point" was beside a tree on the beginning of Zim's street, out of range of his lawn gnomes' sensors. By the time I arrived Peggy and Rodger were already there. Peggy was holding four Bloaty's pizza boxes in her arms.

"You got it all?" I asked her, counting the boxes in her hands.

She nodded. "Three large with pepporoni and extra cheeze, one single-serving with anchovies. Can I ask what it's for?"

"You'll see. Where's Jack?"

"Hiding in the bush," Rodger said, jerking his thumb and rolling his eyes.

The bush suddenly jumped fearfully, and Jack came rolling out of it. "Eugh!"

"Shhh!" I hissed. "Jack, you have to stop spazzing out every few seconds! This is a dangerous mission we're on!"

"Why we doin' this, anyway?" Jack demanded, eyes searching around wildly. "This could be a trap...FBI...evil mole people after our blood!"

"This is not--wait, you've heard of the vampire mole people too?"

"A-hem," Rodger coughed loudly, eyes half-rolled.

"Oh--right. Don't worry, I've snuck into Zim's house lots of times before. We just have to be careful. Now follow me."

We approached cautiously, our backs against the building on one side of Zim's house. Rodger raised an eyebrow at Zim's base--it was horribly out-of-place, a small, glowing green structure in a vacant lot between two much larger buildings. Peggy looked oddly shrewd as she examined it, while Jack just looked fearful.

"This is a trap," he muttered, shaking from head to foot. "CIA'll get my toenails for sure..."

"The CIA isn't getting any of our toenails, I swear it to you! Now come on."

I edged slowly around the building, peeking out. The lawn gnomes turned slightly, their robotic eyes scanning the area. I took out a small cylindrical device from my pocket, pressed a button, and threw it over Zim's little fence and onto the lawn.

The lawn gnomes all spun around as it landed in the middle of the lawn. They stared at it, their eyes widening. Then there was a blinding flash--the others yelped, Jack shrieked, while the gnomes simply slumped down, their glowing eyes turning dark and still.

The others glanced around, blinking. "What was that?" Rodger asked nervously.

"An electromagnetic pulse," I explained, walking around the building and down the sidewalk to Zim's house. "It won't help for long, though; most of Zim's stuff can repair itself pretty quickly. Come on."

I motioned for them to come. Peggy came first, walking calmly, as though breaking into an alien base was not something all that out of the ordinary for her. Rodger, looking wary, followed a moment later, then a very reluctant Jack, who eyed the immobile lawn gnomes fearfully.

I came to the front door, stopping on the stoop; the others all came up close behind me. "This is breaking and entering, I just want to point that out," Rodger said, still sounding disdainful.

I turned to give him an angry look, my hand on the doorknob. Then I turned to the others. "Everybody ready?"

Peggy smiled. Jack let out a spasm of horror that I chose to interpret as affirmation. I turned back to the door, with its bizarre little men's room sign, took a deep breath, and opened it, walking slowly and carefully into the house.

The little robot was still there, sitting on the couch, eyes completely glazed over as he watched a new episode of The Scary Monkey Show. He didn't even look up until we were halfway into the room. He turned up his glowing blue eyes, cocking his head to one side curiously. "Hiiiiii," he said, giving us a little wave.

I looked back at the others. Peggy was smiling and balancing her pizza boxes to return the little wave, as if this was the most normal thing in the world. Jack didn't seem too shocked by the robot's presence either--he seemed to be twitching just as much as always, his eyes darting randomly from it to the pictures on the wall to the furniture all with equal terror. Only Rodger had a look of shock on his face, his jaw hanging open, head turned slightly and frozen in a look of incredulity.

I turned to the robot and forced a little smile and wave. "Hi, Zim's Evil Robot Thingy," I said. "Um, if you don't mind, we're just gonna go down into Zim's labs and poke around at all his evil plans and stuff, okay?"

At any given time, there was about a fifty-fifty chance such a request would work. It didn't this time, though.

"NEVER!" the little robot cried suddenly, jumping off the couch; the others leaped back as the robot's eyes and body suddenly began to glow blood-red, the top of its head opening to reveal a massive laser cannon. "MASTER COMMANDS TO STOP THE BIG-HEAD BOY! YOU MUST NOT PASS!"

I had been expecting this; before it had even finished its sentence I had turned, taken the three large pizza boxes from Peggy, and turned back to the robot, holding the boxes up temptingly. "I have pizza."

The robot's eyes instantly turned blue again, and its weaponry and furious face vanished. "PIZZA!" he screamed, grabbing them from my hands. He threw the boxes, opened, onto the floor, and then began to roll around, laughing crazily and shoving slices into his mouth without any shame.

"Come on," I said, turning to the others and heading towards the kitchen. The others were a few moments behind me; Peggy was watching the robot's giggling show with fascination, while Rodger looked both shocked and horrified as it covered itself in slimy cheeze and sauce, literally stuffing its throat up with the greasy mess.

"Come on!" I repeated.

I led them into the kitchen, and over to the toilet that stood, incongruously, beside the sink. "Okay," I said, climbing over the rim, "now, we got past his robot, but the lower levels could have more defenses." I straightened up, now looking down at the others from the toilet's added height. "We need to be careful. If something goes wrong, we need to--what are you guys staring at?"

The others gaped at me for a long moment. Finally Rodger said, "You're standing in a toilet."

I looked down. "Oh. Yeah. This is the secret elevator to Zim's labs. You just stand here and flush and then you get down into the house's secret lower levels."

There was another long pause, then Rodger spoke again. "We're supposed to stand in a toilet?"

"Just come on! It's never even been used like that...er, I think..."

I had to admit I could see their reluctance, but we had little time to waste, Zim could come back at any moment. Peggy first, then Jack and Rodger, climbed in with me, the four of us squirming and crowded in the toilet bowl. With a great deal of effort I managed to put my hand to the lever. "Okay, here we go."

I flushed. Instantly the bottom of the bowl began to descend. Peggy let out a little cry as we went down, spinning momentarily. I felt the bowl-shaped floor beneath us flatten, changing into a flat surface, and a moment later, we were descending through a long tube on a wall-less elevator down into Zim's labs.

Rodger's look of shock had returned. I grinned at him. "Still believe everything I said was crazy?" I asked sarcastically.

He scowled and gave no response.

I turned back to Peggy, who was still holding the smallest pizza box. I took it from her. "Thanks for buying those, by the way. I promise I'll pay you guys back as soon as I get my next allowance."

"No problem," she said, waving her hand. "But what's that last one for anyway? Giving to the robot on the way back up?"

"What?" I asked, opening the box and taking out a slice. "Oh, no--I just didn't get dinner tonight. Mmm..." I said, taking a slow, savoring bite and feeling the anchovies melt in my mouth.

I looked up at their three furious faces and felt the blood drain from my own. "Heh-heh..." I smiled sheepishly, holding out the box. "Want some?"

Rodger glared. Peggy took a piece, eating it with a long moan of enjoyment. Jack took one too, but just eyed it suspiciously, taking only a tiny bite and then coughing it up.

The lift suddenly stopped. I led the others out into Zim's massive main lab. It was a large, dimly-lit room, dominated by computer equipment built into all the walls and numerous sparking and sputtering machines, half-finished for Zim's various plans of world domination and general annoyance.

"Whoa," Jack said, his voice trembling.

"Huh...pretty neat," Peggy said, interested but clearly less awed. "So, what exactly are we doing here?"

"We're just looking around...trying to find out what Zim's latest plan is. Be careful, though. Don't touch--"

"YAAAH-YAAAH-YAAAH-YAAAH-YAAAH-YAAAH!"

Jack's body was temporarily aglow in crackling electricity, spasming painfully, before flying into the air and across the room to crash into one of the many computer monitors, which burst open as he hit it, showering him with glass and sparks.

"--anything," I finished lamely, putting my palm to my face.

Peggy ran over to help Jack up. As she did, though, the largest computer monitor in the room, which had been blank, suddenly glowed white for a moment, then settled into a dark background with a red line across the screen.

"Huh? Whuh?" a voice said, coming from everywhere at once. The line on the computer screen jumped into jagged peaks and valleys with its voice.

We all froze. "Who said that?" Rodger asked nervously.

I gulped but didn't answer. The line on the computer screen flickered a few more times, almost like it was blinking at us in confusion.

"Oh. Hey, Dib," Zim's Computer said blearily, before letting out a loud, long yawn. "Er...don't tell Zim I was sleeping, okay? I think I was supposed to be watching the base or...something..." His voice trailed off.

Peggy, busy trying to help a shaken and burnt Jack to his feet, looked at Rodger, who returned the look. I had the same basic reaction, but quickly moved to take advantage of the situation.

"Oh, don't worry, we won't," I said, trying to sound reassuring. "And sorry to wake you up from your nap. So anyway, speaking of Zim, is he here? We were, uh, trying to look for him."

"No we--"

I stepped down on Peggy's foot. She yelped and looked offended, but I continued to smile up at the Computer's bleary face--er, monitor. Whatever.

"Zim? Oh, he's up on the--aaauuuggghhh--station," the Computer said, yawning mid-sentence. "Said he'd be up there for a while...up there all yesterday afternoon, too, right after he washed off all of that goo..."

I growled unconsciously--it had taken me hours to get rid of all the goo. I forced my voice to remain pleasant. "Do you by any chance know what he's up to up there?"

"Up to?"

"Yeah, you know...what he's doing? Building a new death-weapon or breeding atomic hamsters or...something?"

"What he's doing? Oh, I don't know...er...wait, no...he did mention something...something about...cows?"

"Cows?"

"No, wait...sorry, he's putting the cow plan on hold for now. No, he's working on something about...robots! Yeah, that was it. Giant robots. Yeah."

"Giant robots?" I raised an eyebrow. "Like the one that attacked our club meeting at skool?"

"He...did mention something about one attacking the skool...I think," the Computer said. He paused, then I heard a noise that sounded strangely like a shrug. "Or something. Something about...Dib-stink and...I think he might have mentioned that annoying Keef kid, dang it, I should have recorded it..." He yawned again.

I frowned. "Don't you remember anything else?"

"Not really. I don't really listen to him all that much when he talks, you know? You know how he is."

I frowned, but could definitely see his logic there. "Well, alright then," I said, somewhat annoyed. I turned to the others and jabbed my head back towards the elevator. "Um...well, we better be going now." We all started to slowly slink towards the exit.

The Computer frowned. Well, obviously he couldn't really frown, but the lights in the room suddenly dimmed slightly, and when he spoke, it was definitely in a "frowning" tone. "Going?"

"Uh...yeah," I said nervously, turning back around to face him--it--whatever. "We, uh...gotta go."

"Er...well" he sounded awkward, "see...I'm not really supposed to letyou go. Or let you break in in the first place, but...well, Zim would be mad if I let you go." He sounded very annoyed by that fact. "So...yeah. I'm just gonna turn on the security system and go back to bed now, okay?"

"What! No, wait--"

The Computer just yawned, making a weird kind of sleepy lip-smacking noise. "Sorry," he said, sounding fairly sincere. Then a soft moan. "Goodnight."

The main screen went blank. Then all the lights in the room turned blood red.

"This isn't good, is it?" Peggy asked, just as the laser cannons descended from the ceiling.

Thought I'd leave you with a little suspense. :-) And if there are any other Zim's Computer fans, check out my one-shot "A Weekend at EARL's." I got a really good response from it, so apparently it's pretty good.

Speaking of which, I am considering posting another Invader Zim story up soon, a multi-chapter one, but I'm not sure; I have, literally, more than twenty different story ideas, and while many of them are one-shots or cannot be written at this point for various reasons, I still have several options available. My two top ideas at the moment are "Weekend at EARL's 2: House Party of Doom," or a more serious story, "Death of the Dib," which would deal with Zim in an alternate timeline version of "Bad, Bad Rubber Piggy." Anybody have an opinion on this? Keep in mind, again, I may decide not to do either right now, I might decide to do a different plot bunny, I don't know; just wondering what you readers thought? Also, does anybody know a good website to get the episode transcripts, other than ZimWiki? (Specifically the "Bad, Bad, Rubber Piggy" episode, in case I decide to do that story. I really need to get the DVDs...)

Anyway, been writing a lot lately, so the next chapter is already started; will post again fairly soon. Please leave reviews! I haven't been getting as many lately, and I'm totally serious about that bunny thing I said in the summary. And tell your friends about me! My hit count is pitifully low...:-(