Sunrise

Chapter 11: Everytime

Everytime—Britney Spears (this is the only meaningful song she's ever made. Please listen?)

Oh, by the way, my website is up. The link is one my profile.

Oh, and I know some of you don't like where this story is going. Trust me, I wouldn't either if I wasn't writing it. But please keep an open mind. I promise I will answer any questions you have at the end of the story. Sorry if I didn't answer yours, but it probably had something to do with upcoming events.

OOO

"Cara." The one word was ridden with such exhaustion and depression, that I felt my heart immediately constrict. "There was a… fire a few years back. A really big one. It hit their house, and they didn't exactly benefit from it." Robbie's words sounded strangled, forced. "Only their daughter, Emma, made it out alive. Well, their dog too, but, you get the point."

I blinked. "Emma?" I asked. Hadn't I heard that name somewhere before?

"Yeah, a few years after your departure, they had a kid. Miracle of the town, supposedly." I just kept staring at him. Emma… who was Emma?

"Damn it!" I yelled suddenly, standing up. "Was she adopted recently?"

He gave me a weird look. "Uh… I think so."

"Crap! Crap, crap, crap!" I was pacing suddenly, about this close to ripping out my hair. "What do you mean? Was she blonde? Did she have curly hair?"

His eyes got wide. "Have you met this person?" he asked loudly, holding his hands up and letting them drop. "Cause I think you've really got it down."

"She could've been my sister," I choked out after a moment as I sunk into my chair. "My sister."

"How do you know Emma? You weren't here when the fire hit. And she was too young to remember anything anyways. Mind explaining?"

"When I was in the airport in Britain, I met a girl named Emma who sat beside me in the Terminal. She was talking about how she finally got to have a family."

"Britain?" Robbie asked incredulously. "Why the hell would she be in Great Britain?"

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe she was moving to Sweden? But I know I saw her. And, she was just so excited. I mean… God." I put my face in my hands. That poor kid.

"Hey, Rita," Kay's voice came from the doorway. "Someone needs to check out. I'd do it for ya, but…" She shrugged. "I dunno how to work the damn cash register."

"Right." I got up and wiped my hands on my jeans. I'd have to get used toi being called Rita. I walked out and stopped dead in my tracks.

"Hey, Tomboy," Jack called. I clenched my jaw, breathing through my nose. I tried to refrain from glaring.

"Hey, asshole." I had been planning on calling him something much worse, but the elderly lady in the corner stopped my resolve. That, and I was sure there was some code of conduct for employees. "What are you checking out? Condoms?"

He laughed. "There aren't any girls in this town worth sleeping with." He looked pointedly over my shoulder at Kayla, who adverted her gaze. I would ask her about it later. "Nah, I'm just ringing up some cigarettes. Want one?"

My jaw clenched tighter. "No." I didn't do drugs. It wasn't my thing. I rang up the items and he left, but not before he winked at me as he walked out. "Ew," I said aloud, shaking my head. "What a freak."

It was another hour before Robbie left. "You know, Cara," he said, too quietly for Kayla to hear, "Rita is a Yankee name." Then he left and laughed, leaving me smiling behind him.

The Yankees were the arch enemies of the South. I mentally cursed at my stupidity. Why couldn't my parents have given me a name that could be used all across the country? Who knew?

OOO

That night, I tried to think of Matt, but I couldn't focus on him. I could only get bits and pieces. I didn't know what was happening—it was like I could get tiny glimpses of him and then it was as if… he knew I was watching and didn't want me to see him upset. And he was definitely upset. He'd glance around the room, with a weird expression on his face, then his eyes would settle from where I was watching, and my knowing thingy went off.

And he wasn't in a room I recognized. I'd been in almost every room in that god forsaken castle, and he wasn't in any of them. No, taking in the phony bed and drapes, the icky lamps and bolted desk… If I didn't know any better, I'd say he was in a hotel room. And then there would be the occasional roar of a plane flying overhead as the cheap alarm clock shook.

Every time I saw him, though, I couldn't get the look on his face from my mind. It was betrayed, hurt, and relieved. I was almost glad he'd somehow shut me out, because I couldn't bear to look at it. It was angry, depressed, and tired. Like he'd spent all his nights waiting for me to walk through the door. I just couldn't bear it.

Then I got the feelings.

I suddenly felt everything I'd seen on his face. The hurt, the betrayal. I almost couldn't breathe. The guilt washed over me. The anger at someone I didn't know. It was like a nightmare, but I was living it.

I threw off the covers and went to the window. I breathed in the fresh night air. The crisp, cool feel of it. I pulled on my boots and jacket, then opened the window farther. I couldn't sleep. I'd have to deal with my frustration some other way.

I slipped out of the window and crouched down. The ledge above the back porch allowed me to climb without having to worry about scaling the wall. I needed to avoid my "family" so I would just sneak out. I'd done it about a gazillion times. No biggie.

I jumped off the ledge and ran into the woods. This town was so small, I could make it to Rob's in a few minutes. But, I only wanted to walk. I loved the night. It was peaceful, and the glow of the moon only made me feel spontaneous. Matt had often said I was crazy, but he'd said it in a loving, incredulous way. I loved the way he said it—

I blinked. What the hell was I thinking? I… that was weird. Crazy. Not normal. He'd tried to kill me for heaven's sakes! I—

I didn't care about any of that, did I?

I didn't care that he had tried to basically murder me. I didn't care that he'd been bitter or rude to me when I'd pledged my loyalty to him. I didn't care that he'd walked up to me in the parking lot and said those things. I didn't care that he'd killed humans, and I didn't care that he'd enslaved me to his will.

Then what did I care about?

I did care that he'd punched Lucas, that he'd saved my life. I did care that he'd hunted for me, that he'd loved me, physically and emotionally, and I cared that he changed his ways, even if that had meant death for him. I did care that he'd always used "please" or asked a question. I cared that he'd told me how to avoid being tortured and such. How to avoid Marcus, Caius, and Demetri. Jane and Alec, and Aro. I did care that he felt completely miserable at the moment. I cared that he respected everything about me. From my weird human abilities to my rules.

I cared about him.

I dropped to my knees with shock. I'd never felt something like this before. Nothing so intense, so petrifying. So halting and stunning. It was so… strange.

I blinked a couple times, not bothering to get up off the damp ground. Did I love Matt? I never thought I could, but it was paining me to know that I'd done this to him. For my own good. Well, not really, I reasoned. I'd done it to save Jaime and… Ew. Jacob.

Anger flared in me just thinking about what he'd—

But, then again…. It wasn't really his fault. It was mine.

I didn't want to think about it though. I got up off the ground and began to run. The sooner I got a distraction the better. I was at Rob's house within the next fifteen minutes, and breathing hard. I located his window, and ascended the balcony, hoping he hadn't moved rooms in the past few years, and launched an acorn at it.

No reply.

I launched again, and then heard swearing. I chuckled to myself. Rob's head popped out the window and he saw me on his balcony, smirking my face off. He raised an eyebrow. "What the hell are you doing here?" he asked in a nonchalant tone. I grinned.

"Getting you in trouble. Come on." I threw a bag at him, and he glanced at me suspiciously.

"What type of shit do you got in here?" he asked, weighing the bag. I smiled.

"Good shit," I answered, turning my head to the side innocently. He raised his other eyebrow and shook his head.

"Well then. I guess I don't have a choice, do I?"

"No," I agreed glumly. "Not really. Now, go change before I die of boredom." I looked at him expectantly, and he sighed, raising his eyes to the heavens.

"You're going to get me expelled, 'Fowler'," he growled, shaking his head again. I grinned and motioned him away before leaping off the balcony. I leaned against the picket fence, scuffing my feet on the ground. Man, that boy took a long time to change.

After about ten minutes—God, how long did it take a guy to change into an outfit? In gym, they were always out before us!—he shimmied down the balcony. I gave him a once over: Army printed sweats and jacket. Moss green shirt. We were good to go. I walked to his driveway, mentally chuckling to myself. Same house, same driveway, same boy.

"Where are we going?" Robbie asked from behind me. I threw him a smirk.

"Keep it down," I chided. "I'm stealing your car. Do you want to get caught?" I snuck over to his car and yanked the door open—no keys, and the locks had long since been broken. I slid into the seat and gripped the steering wheel. I smiled to myself. I remembered when I couldn't even see over the thing and was speeding down the highway. Man, did this bring back memories.

A thought struck me, then. My dad had said vampires forgot their human lives. But, I remembered everything. Every raid I'd gone on with Rob and Madison. Every family was crystal clear in my mind. It was so weird. Was it because I could revert back to my human self? Or was it because I knew everything I wanted to? Or a combination of the two? I had no idea. None, zippo.

Rob slid in next to me, glowering at my profile. "Mind telling me where we're going?" he whispered impatiently. "Or are you just Mrs. Secretive today?"

"Aw, Robbie." I feigned sounding hurt. "I can't believe you don't know! Private property of course," I answered, grinning.

He grinned back. "Kick it!" he yelled, throwing his hands up and tossing me the keys. I caught them, but revved the engine. He glanced at the keys in my hand to the ignition, frowning. "When in Sam's heck did you learn how to hotwire a car?"

"Back with my motorcycle peeps," I answered shortly, unsmiling. He didn't pursue the issue, so I added: "But if you feel better with me using the keys, that's cool, too." I jammed them into the slot and slammed on the peddle, the tires squealing. As we drove away, I glanced into the rearview mirror. No lights, no angry 'rents. What was up?

I just had to peek at Robbie to get him to answer my unspoken question. "They are either too… erm, busy to care, or they've got earplugs in, which I highly doubt." He shook his head in slight embarrassment, and I threw my head back in laughter.

We pulled up to the destination rather quickly. After all, Waterloo was a very small town. The portables' roofs reflected the moonlight, and without looking, I tossed Robbie a case of coal smudge. "What the—"

"Just put it on," I snapped. My mood had dampened. I was not exhilarated anymore. I felt a hideous anger, a useless sadness. It made no sense. Five minutes ago, I had been laughing. Now I just wanted to crawl into my bed and die.

"Fine, Miss Priss." Robbie had used the tone, which only made my mood plummet. I considering shooting him a glare, but talked myself out of it. I was here to relive old times. To engage in scaling a fence and breaking into portables with my best friend.

I wondered if it would be just as fun with Jaime.

I frowned, thinking. I could just get a bit of his life, it would probably make me feel better. I concentrated, putting all my willpower into it. Jaime, I thought.

He appeared immediately. He was sitting in a chair, a grim look on his face. I wanted to know what had happened to start that.

"You mean, you aren't going to get her?" he asked, blinking at my father. My father's face was impassive, but his eyes were pleading.

"Jaime," he said, "I know you love her like family, but listen to me. She's not ready to come back. If she was, she would have stayed in the north so we could find her. She panicked, and she fled. She'll come back when she's ready."

I frowned at that tidbit of information. He made me sound like a wuss.

"But she showed up at your house! In Montana!" Jaime exclaimed, crossing his arms. "She called me and said she was there."

"And what did you say back?" Alice asked icily. I wondered what had her angry.

"I told her you guys had left, and were searching for her."

Bella closed her eyes and Edward's flashed. "Bluntly?" he said. "Just like that?"

"Well… yeah." Jaime's eyes clouded with confusion. My father pinched the bridge of his nose, and my mother laid a hand on his arm. "Why is that bad?"

"She… tends to panic when people search for her," my mother said tentatively. "She likes things on her own terms."

"Oops?" Jaime supplied—

"Yo! Cara!"

I blinked. I'd been so absorbed in my thoughts that I'd failed to notice Robbie halfway up the fence. "You coming?" he asked.

"Uh… yeah." I leapted at the fence, my fingers wrapping around the chains. I pulled myself up, careful to avoid the barbwire at the top. As if that could keep out the champion fence scaler. HA!

As I dropped to the ground on the other side, I surveyed our advantage point. I could see the four portables stationed around the mini-field, and the front office and hallway behind them. Perfect.

Then came the bark.

"Crap!" I exclaimed. "You never told me the janitors had dogs!"

"Um, correction," Robbie said arrogantly. "It's one dog. And it's not the janitor, it's the police." He had said it with such confidence in his knowledge, that he barely realized what he had said. I stared at him in horror. I could outrun a dog, but only if I felt the want to drink its blood. Robbie blinked at me. "Why are you staring at me like that? I mean—"

Comprehension dawned on his face, and his face matched my terrified one. "Aw, shit!" He raced for the fence. "Let's go!"

"Naw," I said sarcastically from behind him, grabbing onto the chain-links. "I say we just hang out here, make friends with the German Shepard."

"It's a Chihuahua," he said darkly after a moment. I gapped at him.

"You're kidding." I searched his face. It was completely serious. I dropped back to the ground throwing my hands up. "You are such a friggen wuss! I can't believe you're scared of a Chihuahua!"

He shook his head. "That thing is vicious. Cara, lets go. Now."

"No way! Come on!" I started after to the mini-field, hearing him call after me:

"No! Cara, come back! I'm serious! The thing has rabies! Let's go somewhere else. The Chihuahua means the police are nearby! They must be doing an annual check, or maybe there was a bomb threat or something!"

I stopped.

"Yeah! There's a good chance that's what happened, and if you get caught on the scene, how the hell are you going to back yourself up?" He said smugly. I growled under my breath, mentally damning him to hell. I started back to the fence, and Robbie said, "That's right young miss! You get your ass—"

"Stop yelling!" I hissed. "I'm two feet away. Do you want them to hear you?"

I pulled myself over the ten-foot fence and started walking towards the car. No shine, no crime, as Madison would say. I wondered again where she was, and I found out something I never wanted to know.

I saw a casket loading into the ground, people in black sobbing and holding onto each other. Robbie's mom wailed to the sky, and Robbie tossed a trinket into the grave.

I gasped, turning to face Robbie. I gapped at him, and he gave me one of his looks. "What?" he said.

"What happened to Madison?" I asked, my voice hoarse. He blinked, his eyes wide in shock. He obviously hadn't been expecting that question.

"W-What the hell are you talking about?" He looked away from me, adverting his eyes.

My eyes narrowed. "Don't. Lie. To. Me," I hissed. "It's no use. How did she die?"

He glanced up. "Who told you?" he demanded.

"It isn't that hard to figure out!" I was sure my eyes were shooting fire. I had anger management issues, and a lot of them. A lot. "She's your twin, she's not around… Oh, and there is the one tiny issue of her funeral!" I threw my hands up and stormed after the car. Robbie got into the driver's seat and started the engine. He didn't back up for a while, but he opened his mouth, as if to say something, and shut it again. This happened several times.

Seeing my look of impatience, he said, "If I told you, you would never believe me."

"Try me," I prodded. I kept my face smooth, trying to erase all traces of betrayal, sadness, hurt, and anger.

"Can we hit the park, first? I'd feel better talking there…"

"Sure."

We rode in silence, never once glancing up at the other. I thought about Matt again, and I kept getting the same picture… except, this time he wasn't in the shabby hotel room. He was in an elegant study. But his face looked the same—somehow tired and lost. Empty. I recoiled before he could lock eyes on my position. It always made me feel weird, like I was intruding.

"We're here," Robbie said, breaking me from my thoughts. I got out of the car without a word and strode over to the swings. I plopped down in one, not bothering to pump my legs, or anything. I just let the momentum sway, and I sensed Robbie next to me.

"No judgments," he warned, scuffing his already-scuffed sneakers into the dirt. "I'll tell you everything, but you gotta promise not to think I'm crazy." He gave me a reproachful look, and I gave him a bored one.

"Rob, no one's going to ship you off to the walnut farm. Even if you are crazy, I swear on God's grave I will tell no one." I crossed my fingers over my heart. If I had a soul, it had definitely just flown out the window… metaphorically.

"Okay." He took a deep breath, looking at the stars. "Madison didn't exactly… die. She changed." He shot a sideways glance at me.

Aw, crap. I knew where this was going.

"So, she asked me to keep it a secret, because she couldn't stay in Alabama anymore. She had to go up North. Somewhere like Maine, or something." Crap. Crap, crap, crap. "So, we faked her death, so whatever funeral you heard of, it was the staged one. She never really died, but I can't tell you what happened to her either."

"I think I know," I whispered. He shot me a startled look, his knuckles on the swing set white. "Rob, what were you throwing into the fake grave?"

His knuckles became whiter. When he spoke, he forced his words through clenched teeth. "I was tossing in a duplicate over a necklace I'd gotten her for her sixteenth birthday. Why? How did you know that?"

I didn't dare meet his gaze. "Because I just know things. Rob, do you remember those hunches I used to get?"

"Yeah," he answered smoothly. "You always used to get us out of trouble. Why? Cara, what the effing hell are you talking about? Spill, already!"

I sucked in air through my nose and let it out in a gust. "I'm having a hunch that she's… a vampire."

He didn't answer for a very long time. That was all the answer I needed. When I chanced looking at him, he was staring at me with a mixture of shock and admiration on his face. "How in Sam's hell would you know that?" he muttered when he could speak.

Well, I reasoned. He already knew about all the mechanics… He and his sister were closer than ever. "Because I am one."

I sensed him blink. "No you're not," he mumbled after a moment. "If you were, how come I ain't dead? And you don't shine in the sun, and you eat normal food! I've seen you."

"It's a… power I have. I can be somewhat/mostly human when I need to. It comes in handy. I also know everything I want to, I just have to know what to look for, and I have to be focused. But… Bad news? I am currently on the run from… the Volturi."

"What law did you break?"

I turned my head to stare at him. "Do you study or something? Because, I mean—"

"I have a cell phone now, Cara. Alabama is moving up with the twenty-first century, nowadays." He motioned me to continue, and I did.

"I didn't exactly break any law," I said slowly. "It's more of, girl gets captured, girls stays and gets used to everything, then girl runs away to be a hero type of thing. Cliché and classic, but that's life for you."

"So you ran away? Is that why you've been acting so different?"

"Nah." I raised my eyes to the heavens and held them there, blinking back tears. "I didn't even know I was acting different. I was trying to be normal as possible."

"Never works," Robbie said. And I agreed with a mumble. "So who's the boy?"

"W-What?" No. Please do not tell me it was that obvious. Please.

"Cara, I'm no rocket scientist, but it doesn't take one to figure out that you're lovesick. Now, answer the question: Who is this dude?"

I bit my lip. I would edit, tell only basics. Lie your butt off, Cara, I urged myself. This is what you've trained for your whole life.

"A friend I met in Italy."

"Ah, so you are one of them honky-tonk girls who pour over them foreign guys. I see how you've changed." He laughed a little. I didn't, because I remembered exactly what I'd first felt with Matt—anger, denial, hurt, rage, resistance. I remembered how I'd spoken with him. I'd been a complete bitch, and he'd put up with me. And all the girls in America obsess over Italian boys. Psh, I recalled saying, and fully regretted it.

"I guess I am," I said, trying to keep my voice from cracking.

"And does she have one of them accents?"

"Kind of." I thought about it. "But I guess he's been a lot of places, because there's this hint of it, but he covers it up." A felt a tear slide down my cheek. Damn karma.

"Did he leave you?" Robbie asked quietly. I shook my head, feeling my chest rip apart.

"No."

There was silence for what seemed like an eternity. "Did he die?" Rob asked finally. And my chest seemed to rip again—the thought of Matt dying… was Robbie crazy?

"No." I took a deep breath, about to tell my best friend about the hardest decision I'd ever made, and—

"Then why do you look like you just got run down by a semi?" He cracked a smile, obviously trying to get me to laugh, but I couldn't. He stopped abruptly, looking up again. "What happened, Cara?"

My breathing came in raged gasps from my crying. "He didn't even do anything!" I bawled, leaning over and sobbing into my knees. "He loved me, but I thought I didn't care. And you know what? I left! I told myself it was because I needed to rescue Jaime, but I just couldn't deal with the guilt anymore. Because it was frikken obvious he cared about me! He saved my life, he got mad at Demetri, and Jane, and Lucas! He never tried to command me to do anything!" I was in hysterics by now, not exactly sure of what I was saying, what I was letting Robbie know. "And I left! I just left! I jumped the wall, and the band broke, and then I stole a car, and then tried to pass Italian currency for Euros! I mean, my God—"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Robbie interjected, a bewildered look on his face. "Slow down for a moment. Who the hell are Demetri, Jane, and Lucas? And what did you do? And who saved your life! You've completely lost me."

I'd calmed slightly. "That's probably a good thing," I choked out, wiping my eyes. "I just… I'm just such a… I don't know! I want to go home!"

It was the first time I'd said it aloud. I blinked, surprised I'd let my feelings out. I'd just, held them for so long—basically seven years—that they needed release. But it was true. I wanted my family back. But I wanted Matt with them. I wished he could just quit the Volturi and come with me. But beggars can't be choosers.

"Cara, it's almost four in the morning," Robbie said about an hour later. "I know this is a terrible time, but I seriously have to go."

"It's fine," I said in monotone. "Don't worry about it. Go."

He left, and I focused on Matt. He was sitting by what looked strangely like Esme's kitchen. I looked harder, and he met my gaze—the most creepy thing he could do. He shook his head, a grim smile on his face. "I must be crazy," I heard him say. "But… if you can even hear me… Cara—"

I felt a yank on my shoulder and I fell out of my seat. NO! What the hell! I was about to frikken communicate with Matt! I opened my eyes after my bout in mental cussing, and immediately wanted to shut them again.

"Well, well, well. If it isn't the human immortal. Long time no see, eh?"

I felt my blood run cold. I hadn't meant this kind of home.

Lucas.

OOO

Yeah, yeah yeah. I know—I'm evil. What else is new?

Yes, the website! THE LINK IS ON MY PROFILE. Please, please, please check it out. Some of the questions from Moonrise really had me wanting to tear my hair out.

Leave your thoughts if you wish.

Jamie.