Love to xoShortee93 and Dancing-Pinky-Flower, and the silent faithfuls. Thanks so much for reading. =) Hope you enjoy.
This didn't turn around on a dime. Nothing ever really works that way. With people, it takes time to earn their trust, respect, or even empathy. Steven was the first one to treat me like a human being. I adored him for that. Maybe he felt bad because I was so pathetic. Or maybe he was just a better person. It didn't really matter; all that mattered was that he cared. And he would be the one that started it all.
I was terrified. It wasn't reasonable, but it was true.
"Ya gonna get out?" Steven asked with a raised eyebrow. I swallowed and took a deep breath.
"I'm scared." I whispered. He shifted in his seat and suddenly the truck was silent. Glancing over at him, I fiddled with my hands in my lap. By all accounts, I should have felt good. The clothes on my body were clean, warm, and new. Steven was a decent shopper for a man. He'd picked simple, formfitting jeans, a black jacket, and a few t-shirts in neutral colors. But my favorite had been the shoes. I would have never bought them for myself. But the second I'd put them on my feet, I'd loved them. Black hiking boots. Sturdy and heavy, I clomped around with a new weight in my step. They made it feel like kicking in a door would take no effort at all. Walking around in the apartment, I'd felt prepared. Sitting in front of the police station, that feeling had vanished.
"What's to be scared of?" Steven muttered. "It's a building of fat idiots who munch donuts for a living." A small grin whispered over my lips.
"Not them." I answered. Before he could respond, I opened the door and stepped out. It was midmorning and the Boston sky was grey from above. Zipping my hooded jacket, I took a step towards the brick building. It was her face that haunted me; a charred shell would replace the last memory I had of Deb.
"Hey." I whirled. He'd rolled down the window, leaning over to call to me from the driver's side. "Don't let 'em see ya flinch." With a nod, I turned and continued inside. Variations of the saying were common on the rougher sides of town. I'd never truly understood it until I'd lived surrounded by the toughest men in Boston. They feared things, just like I did. But they never revealed it. They'd walk headfirst into their worst nightmare without blinking an eye.
Each stair brought my pulse higher into my throat. I was still shaky. But, considering it was almost twenty-four hours after I'd woken up on a ratty mattress, I was doing far better. Steven had taken me out to eat a few times, watching me with wide eyes as I devoured food like it was air. And I'd showered twice since waking up, scrubbing every inch of my skin until it rang. Not that I needed it that badly. Someone had taken care of me, but I didn't want to ask whom. No one would admit to being that considerate anyway, not voluntarily.
The second I pushed open the front door, eyes fell on me. There wasn't a single look of interest. And it made me soar. The last time I'd been in the building, I'd been a mess, tottering around in heels. Now, I could probably pass as my own twin. My stronger, healthier, yet tired twin. The receptionist actually smiled at me when I approached.
"Can I help you?" I swallowed and to my surprise, my thoughts went to my brother. Billy. My back straightened as I leaned against the counter.
"I was called in to see Detective Peterson." She nodded and pulled out clipboard.
"Just put down your name and I'll page him." While I scribbled on the long list, she plucked a phone from the cradle, tucking it between her shoulder and ear. Her eyes weren't judgmental as she read my name over the line. She even nodded in thanks when I handed the list over. My confidence grew and my feet squared to match the width of my shoulders. As I stood uselessly at the desk, I pretended he was watching me. Billy Darley. I acted like I was being scrutinized. In a sick way, I wanted to do him proud. But was I doing it to feel stronger? Or was I hoping I could buy my life with an excellent performance? Maybe if I could trick a nest of cops into thinking I was fine, I could convince Billy I wasn't a threat. That I wouldn't be a threat, despite what I'd seen.
"He'll be right out." Her words snapped me from my internal debate and I nodded quickly, taking a seat. Less than a week ago, I'd been in the same spot, wishing Deb would burst through the front doors and throw her arms around me. Shit, I would have even settled for Tim and my mother. Just as long as she was alive. But now, I was afraid of seeing Deb, or what remained of her.
He was talking to another officer when he rounded the corner into the lobby. And he scanned the seats for me halfheartedly. But he was paying attention when he found me. His slacked jaw said more than words. I wanted to smile at him, yet I somehow managed to refrain from doing so.
"Ms. Darley?" He called. I stood swiftly and walked up to him, crossing my arms to refuse his hurriedly outstretched hand.
"Todd." I stated firmly. Peterson blinked at me and his jaw circled with a chomp on his gum. Then he stopped staring like I was a ghost and nodded.
"That's right, I'm sorry. Ms. Todd." I offered a sarcastic, close-lipped smile and waited. His smug demeanor wouldn't be forgotten. It'd be held against him until the moment I walked out of the station. Judging by his expression, he was too shocked to care. Apparently I was expected to return in the same state I'd left in. My chest warmed with pride. I very well could have. If I'd let it, I could have been high right up until this very moment, feeble and starving. But I'd shocked everyone. Even porky.
"This way." He finally directed me back into a hallway, into his office. I remembered it, taking a seat and crossing my legs. Somehow he must have communicated who I was to every stinking pig in the building. Because, as he blabbed uselessly, heads started to poke into his little room, various people interrupting only to quickly apologize and catch a glance. Either that, or he was the most popular man in the whole station.
I doubted that.
"Alrighty miss, I just need ya to sign a few papers for me." A frown dug into my forehead.
"I thought I was identifying—" He raised a hand, waving me off as he shrugged.
"Their remains were too badly burned. We used dental records to get a positive ID." I choked.
"My mother?" He flipped a few pages in a folder and chewed before glancing up into my face.
"Yup." Then he frowned in confusion. "Someone called, didn't they?" I swallowed back a cry of frustration. Billy. They'd identified my mother and yet he'd neglected to tell me. But I forced a weary nod.
"Yeah. I forgot." Then I uncrossed my legs and settled back in the chair. "Tim isn't my problem." I grunted. Peterson raised an eyebrow and glanced down at his paper work.
"Timothy Fowler? He didn't live with you?" I ground my back teeth and shrugged.
"He did, but I don't care. Someone else can take care of that asshole." I hissed the words with hatred, squinting my eyes to darken my glare. Peterson just looked at me then sighed.
"He have any family in the area?" I shrugged. I was done thinking about Tim. He was dead. Thank Jesus. For a solid minute, Peterson stared at me like he wanted more but he got nothing. It took a graying man with a large nose, peeking in to ask porky a question, for him to give up on the Tim matter. At that point, he took a few papers from a folder and pushed them across the desk towards me.
"This just acknowledges that you, her daughter, have been informed of your mother's cause of death." My hand hovered over the line and my heart sped.
"Shouldn't someone older be signing this?" I whispered. Peterson snorted and sat back in his chair.
"Honey, your all she's got." With a small nod, I scribbled my name over the line. Harley Todd. Last living relative of Debra Todd. She'd had no one before me. Was my fate the same? When I was done, he whisked away the form and slid another one towards me.
"This releases her body to Schmitt's funeral home, as you have arranged." My throat closed.
"What?" I sat forward, yanking the paper up to my face. Peterson stared at me while I read.
"Your mother's funeral arrangements were made there, correct?" I glanced over the paper. According to the words glaring back up at me, my mother was to be cremated. Paid for, done. I swallowed and gently placed the paper on the desk. What else did Billy leave out?
"Yeah. Sounds right." I murmured. Then I wrote my name slowly on the line. As I set the pen down on the desk, he grabbed the second form and slid it in his file.
"And that wraps it up." He said with a sigh. "Thank you for coming in, Ms. Todd. Again, we're sorry for your loss." I nodded and rose. Turning and leaving the office without a word, I left him standing there, hand hovering abandoned in the air.
"That son of a bitch." Tears of anger were clouding my eyes as I tore open the passenger door of Steven's truck and jumped in. He looked startled for only a second, then relaxed as I covered my face. "THAT SON OF A BITCH!" I yelled into my palms, hot tears streaming down my cheeks. I'd made it two days without crying yet here I was, bawling yet again. But I wasn't sad, I was furious.
"Woah!" Steven was frowning as I convulsed. "What's your deal?"
"Fuckin' Billy Darley!" I cried, slamming a fist into the dash. My anger was bound to get me in trouble, but I was flooded with fury and I didn't care. "I HATE HIM!" I screamed.
"HEY!" Steven grabbed my shoulders, leaning in his seat to get a hold on me. "STOP." I gasped for air, sobbing between each desperate breath. And slowly I calmed. "Holy shit." He whispered. "What happened in there?" I took a moment to collect a coherent thought through all the screaming in my head.
"They had called and said they'd ID'd Deb. Billy knew she was dead days ago." I swallowed the thick saliva in my mouth. "And then he fuckin' told 'em to burn her." Steven shook his head.
"No. That was Bones." My head shot around to look at him.
"What?" He leant back in his seat.
"Bones arranged that stuff, went and delivered the cash myself." Dropping my head back against the seat, I stared at the ceiling. "And as for your mom, I thought that was a done deal to begin with." I closed my eyes and took deep breaths. He was right. It had been. But why did it hurt so bad?
"I just thought—"
"Yeah, well don't go yellin' shit about Billy until ya know the facts." Steven ordered. "That shit will sign your sentence faster than…" He shook his head then started the car. "Just don't give him another reason to put a bullet in your skull." I didn't respond. How do you respond to that?
At some point, I realized we weren't headed to the apartment. But I didn't care all that much. I was angry enough that I wasn't afraid of anyone. Which was a good thing, because Steven took me to Bones.
The shop was busier than the last time I'd been there. Men were working both outside and inside the garage. We parked inside the fence and started into the shadowy building. Some of the mechanics called to Steven as we passed and judging by their glances at me, it wasn't common knowledge who I was. Some of them were perplexed, pausing just long enough to stare as I appeared and disappeared. But it couldn't be hard to guess who I was related to.
Bones was sitting at his desk when we stepped into the room. He glanced up and his brows rose as he studied me. It wasn't a look of shock, but of observation. Then he looked back down at the paper in his hands.
"Cop thing taken care of?" He asked. I nodded but Steven spoke.
"Everything's signed." Bones turned the page and glance up yet again.
"Good." Then I blurted while I still had the chance.
"You're havin' her cremated?" Steven went rigid but I held my ground. I was still plenty ticked and I wanted answers. Bones stared at me, slowly folding his paper. Then he flopped it to the desk, raising his hand to wave towards Steven. It took me a second to realize Bones was dismissing him. I would be alone with my father for the first time. Steven slowly left and I could feel his eyes on me as he slipped from the room. When we were alone, Bones wove his fingers together and leant on his desk.
"There somethin' ya wanna say?" I inhaled through my nose as he growled at me. Don't give him another reason to put a bullet in your skull.
"I got surprised at the station." I whispered meekly. He sighed and relaxed. His expression almost shocked me. He looked…tired.
"I took care of it." Then he pushed away from his desk, rising to circle it towards me. "I owed Deb that much." I nodded and new tears sprang to my eyes. My mother was dead. Soon, she'd be nothing more than ashes.
"What?" He said abruptly, quietly frustrated with my sadness. It must be foreign to him, seeing someone sad. So I was honest.
"I miss her." As I spoke the words, more tears flowed from my eyes. Twice in one day. I was back to my old pathetic habit. Bones just watched me for a moment and I struggled to keep quiet. I needed a good sob. At that point, there was no denying it. I'd been too quick to the punch, thinking I was ready to face the reality of my life. It hadn't been long since I'd lost her and, unfortunately, I wasn't made of stone like the rest of my family.
"Was she happy?" His question caught me off guard. I smeared my face, trying to clear away the salty trails on my cheeks. Sniffling, I frowned in confusion.
"What?" Bones looked like he'd been reading a grocery list, like he hadn't said anything interesting whatsoever.
"Deb." I stared at him, thinking. I'd never asked myself that. And suddenly my selfishness was bitter in my mouth. What had she felt? When I was running away, getting high and disappearing for days, what did Deb feel? I choked on more tears, remembering her face when she'd watch me move through the apartment. Was she happy?
"No." I whispered. It brought a tremor through my stomach. "I don't think she was." Bones studied my eyes and I saw a flash of something in his. Then he stood off the desk and moved back around to his chair.
"Billy said it was your idea ta quit shootin' up." I nodded quietly, wiping my cheeks. "That's good." He said gruffly, plopping into his seat. "Woulda had ta killed ya no doubt if ya had stayed on it." I swallowed. Wow.
"I didn't do it for you." Bones raised an eyebrow and snorted. It was possibly the bravest thing I'd ever said in front of him.
"Definitely Deb's kid." He was smirking when he said it, but there was a hint of sincere recollection in his voice. I wanted to hear more. There was something hidden away inside of his gruff exterior, something that had brought him and Deb together all those years ago.
"Joey's on his way." Bones grunted. "You're with the boys until your birthday." I inhaled slowly, trying my best to keep my pulse under control. At least it wasn't Billy coming to take me away. "After that, anything goes, Harley." He mumbled. When he said my name, I felt a shiver erupt down my limbs. It was the first time I'd ever heard him say it.