Jacob

Why Did I Have To Go And Open My Stupid

Mouth? Oh, That's Right… 'Cause I'm A Moron!

I was watching television—flipping through channels and not really paying attention—when Billy said, "Jacob, relax your grip on the remote! I can't even make out the shows." He wheeled over and grabbed the remote from my hand, stopping on the news. I was still daydreaming, wondering if Bella was still at the bloodsuckers or if she was home by now.

There was a thunderous Bang! Bang! Bang! at the door, I got up lazily to answer it.

Probably just Quill and Embry, I thought to myself, wanting to check out the fixed up motor for the Rabbit.

I opened the door, and something warm and soft fell into my arms.

It was Bella.

"Bella? What's going on?" She had tears in her eyes. She once told me that she cried when she was angry. I couldn't help but wonder whether she was angry or sad.

"Jacob I—I—I" she sputtered out, she looked like a wreck. Her cheeks were tear stained. Again I wondered whether she was angry or upset.

Or both.

"Bella, calm down…" I tried to sooth her, she held on to me. Her arms hugged me tightly the whole way while we walked outside onto the porch.

She pulled on the back of my hair, letting her fingers slip through it. That nearly set me into a frenzy; I was desperately tempted to kisser her and never stop. I suppressed it, she needed me; it was hard though.

"Jake I—I—" I thought she was going to start sputtering again, she pulled apart from me, her arms still on my chest, "I didn't… he just… I tried to push away… but he wouldn't…so I just waited."

So it was him again. The bloodsucker. He'd done something, I was ready to go and tear his pretty-boy head off when Bella continued.

"He kissed me Jacob!" I said, "I didn't want to… but, I can't blame him… I guess he just—"

Wait… what!

"What do you mean you can't blame him!" I snapped, "Bella, he kissed you!"

"It's not like it's a new thing for me, Jacob." She said, her eyebrows knit together. Her eyes bored into mine.

Her chocolate brown eyes, they distracted me for a moment. They were unusually tinted with varying colors when they were in certain lights. It was so… I shook my head.

"Okay, fine. But, you didn't want him to!" I snapped again, focusing on her furrowed eyebrows instead of her distracting eyes. "You can blame him for that, can't you?"

"Jake… he loves me." She stated, looking into my eyes. It forced me to look back into the distracting chocolates, "How can I blame someone I love for loving me back and trying to prove it? Even if it's unwanted…"

"What!" I snapped again, her saying she loved him hurt. Like she punched me, "You love him? Still?"

"You're the one who helped me realize it!" She retorted.

"That's because… I…" I shut myself up. "Oh, it doesn't matter. What matters is, how could you not be mad at him?"

"I already told you, you dog!" She hissed, calling me the name Edward usually did. It shocked me, I could feel the look on my face, "Oh, Jake… I…" She tried to pull on the back of my hair again—I took her hand down. Her pulling on the bottom of my hair always calmed me, or made me want to kiss her. I was too angered. I pulled away from her, hand headed for the door.

"Jake, wait!" She called, grabbing my hand.

Wow. Major de ja vu.

"Please, Jacob… don't… I'm…" she trailed off as I tried to pull away again. I walked further away, her hand slid out from mine.

"Goodbye, Bella!" I snapped, my nostrils flairin She tried to follow, but I shut the door behind me. I heard our porch steps creak as she left, I also heard whimpering and hushed sobs.

What did I just do?

I know, I just let the girl of my dreams—literally—go home sad and crying because I couldn't try to understand.

I stalked into my room, ignoring Billy when he said, "Hey Jacob… What's going on? Do you want to tal—" I slammed the door. I didn't want to talk. I wanted to sulk until it was my turn to switch shifts and go around Bella's house.

Guard Bella's house.

I'd make things up to her then.

I groaned. Why was I such an idiot sometimes? I fell asleep, until Quill woke me up about three hours later.

"Dude! Get up!" He shook me roughly, "It's your shift! I'm so tired I could crash on your couch! Get a move on, I want my turn to sleep!"

I yawned. It was time to see Bella.

"All right, man." I yawned again, "I'm up, go crash."

"Thanks, Jacob, dude. I need it." Quill responded with a yawn familiar to mine.

Time to see Bella.