Just Let Me Die

Chapter Eleven: Equality? Does it even exist

Disclaimer: I own somthing...but it's not this.

A/N: Please, please review! Please tell me what you think about this chapter. My internet is acting up so it might take longer to update. Sorry! Well I hope you like this chapter.

"Is this a joke?"

Black stared into the wardrobe. Shamefully the only possessions that were in there was the clothing that the Potter's had supplied me, and the clothing I had when I had left my old house. Wasting no time I grabbed my clothes, the only items that I owned, and turned my back to him. They made me even more ashamed by looking at them, and to think when I had first gotten the clothes I was overjoyed. Black had to ruin that too. He sat down on the bed. I stayed there motionless. Would he laugh now? Would he ridicule me until I cried then call me that idiotic nickname again? I hid my clothing in the darkness of the wardrobe. He was still staring at me. I prepared my mind for the worst.

Black was not going to see me cry. I would not let him!

He stood up and paced around the room.

"Is this your room now?"

I lifted my head up. It sounded like he didn't want to mock me, or maybe that was just wishful thinking.

"Are…are you trying to change the subject Black?"

"You gonna stop me!"

So much for not getting him angry.

"N…no."

Black's temper was getting the better of him again. "What's with you? You don't act this way at school!"

Well I told him the truth once, maybe he won't hurt me if I say it again.

"I…I can't…Mr. P…Potter, he…will-"

"I think I like you better when your in school, it's not like I'm goanna kill you."

That was a relief…or maybe it was worse to live in endless suffering.

"Mr. Potter didn't tell me why you were staying," continued Sirius.

Controlled voice…

"My parents died… as my only family, the Potter's took me in."

"Wait you're really related!"

Sadly

"It really isn't that bad, I'm glad Mr. Potter isn't angry a freak is staying at his house."

"Freak?"

Was I actually about to confide my past with Sirius Black! I really needed rest.

"Oh nothing, just something my father wou…what time is it?"

He had simply ignored my plea of changing the subject. He looked at me with grey eyes that were full of life.

"You know that reminds me of something Mr. Potter said once 'If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals."

"I think Mr. Potter is right, I think when he said this he was talking about you!"

When has Black ever treated me like an equal!

"What do you mean, you are an equal."

"So ganging up on me and humiliating me in front of everyone is equality!"

I really wish I had a wand, then I could…

"Aw c'mon you are top in most of the classes, you know James and I don't ever pay attention in class."

That still doesn't say why you like to torture me.

"I think it's time for us to go to sleep." I did not want to bring up anything else tonight. He might bring up things I would never want to discuss with anyone.

Black grinned at me. "Well the Potter's went to sleep, and usually this is the guest room so…"

I simply took my pillow and fell to the floor.

"That's not what I meant Sni…Snape."

I ignored him. I was just going to end up here in the morning anyway.

I heard a knock on the door.

Did I sleep in late? Last time I slept in late was when I was five…I wasn't allowed to eat for three days, so I never slept in again.

"Severus?"

I quickly went to the door and found Mrs. Potter grinning at me in a very vibrant nightgown.

"I…I am sorry did I oversleep?"

"Are you guys almost ready?"

"What for?"

"You mean Sirius didn't tell you, we're going to shopping today…we were suppose to leave an hour ago."

Black was trying to get me into trouble again!

"Again I apologize, if Bl…Sirius had told me I...I would have woken up sooner."

My stomach began growling again. Mrs. Potter looked at my protruding ribs.

"Do you want some breakfast Severus?"

How could she say that! She knew all too well that Mr. Potter had ordered me to go to my room. Maybe this was a trap to get me in even more trouble because I did not wake Black on time.

"Is the punishment over then?"

I had to choose my words carefully if I had said the wrong words I would be beaten and I would have to go hungry even longer.

"Punishment?"

Ah, so she was playing innocent, she did know and wanted to hear say it.

"Yes ma'am the punishment that Mr. Potter had given me..."

I hated to admit the truth, but she wanted to hear it.

"The punishment of starvation until Mr. Potter is satisfied with my apology."

I said the words mechanically. She stood there wordless.

Did I say something wrong?

I thought a slap would be an adequate punishment, but she went into the hallway and called for Mr. Potter. Father didn't hit me the night I had said those words perfectly for him. Why did she call for him?

She went to the door and looked at me sadly. If she was going to get all emotional about it why tell?

I heard Mr. Potter come closer.

"Severus?"

How much trouble could I get to in less than a week?

"What happened Severus, my wife said something about punishment?"

Could I bring myself to talk? His words were probably full of hidden traps waiting to find my weakness.

"I…a…am very sorry sir…I didn't mean…I…I…"

He raised up his hand. I cringed; he was finally going to hit me. Instead, he gave me a look of surprise.

"Oh, this is not what it looks like Severus…I just raised my hands to show I mean no harm."

He smiled at me, but I could see the displeasure in his eyes. I just didn't get it. Raising of ones hands meant that you were going to be beaten, but Mr. Potter says it means the opposite. These people were defiantly different.

"Well anyway you seem hungry."

He looked at my growling stomach.

I am never going to sleep without a shirt again!

"Th…then my punishment is over…"

He looked at me in puzzlement.

"Sir." I added promptly.

He looked even more perplexed.

"Severus what punishment are we talking about?"

"You…you told me to go to…to my room sir."

"What!"

I had said something wrong again! What was the matter with me?

"La…last night…you tol…told me to go…to my room."

I braced myself for the usual smack. It didn't come.

"Severus you can open your eyes."

I cracked them open. Mr. Potter looked at me sadly.

"Severus it's alright you did nothing wrong."

Was this the trap? Of course I did something wrong, that's all I ever did. I stayed silent.

"Well then I guess we should hurry."

He grabbed his wand. Not wanting to anger him again I used all my strength to not draw back.

"We'll meet James and Sirius later, but first let's go eat at Diagon Ally."

Not there again.

"Then we can go get your things for school."

Wait, I was going back to school! I had almost forgotten that summer was just about over; I could finally go back to school. Finally, I'll be away from everyone again.

"Hold on to me we're going to apparate."

Without thinking, I listened to his orders. Just like I did with father. All I could ever do was to submit, no matter how intelligent I was, I still turned into a mindless tool, but at least if I was with him, I wouldn't be attacked like last time…or could it still get worse?