Three weeks had passed in a semi drug induced haze. Pain meds for his shoulder, sedation meds for sleep and antibiotics for his fever flare ups.
Sheppard had finally been informed by Beckett that he was well enough to return to the outside world. Beckett had made Sheppard agree upon the following conditions; that he kept up his physiotherapy, took plenty of bed rest and didn't put any undue stress on his shoulder. Bar any complications his shoulder would be unaffected by its impaling.
Sheppard had been pacing the infirmary for a few minutes, fussing with his shirt lapel, rolling and unrolling his cuffs and chewing his lip, when Mckay hobbled in with his newly acquired cane.
"What are you still doing here?" he asked narrowing his eyes.
Sheppard stopped dead in his tracks and then attempted a subtle change of subject, "What are you doing here?"
"My leg," said Mckay, "You know, the one I got shot for you."
Sheppard rolled his eyes, "Yes, well I've been discharged so," he paused, "I'll be off."
He walked to the door and stopped at the threshold.
"Well?"
Sheppard turned to Mckay, sucked in a deep breath and stepped out into the hallway. He was beginning to think that maybe he had been in the infirmary a little too long because he was feeling distinctly nervous as he walked through Atlantis' usually familiar hallways. He was still reflexively keeping his arm hugged close to his body as he passed people on his way back to his quarters. Every person he passed seemed to be in a hurry and go by in a blur as he numbly verbalised 'hellos' and 'goodbyes' He couldn't work out why this world seemed so different to him all of a sudden.
Sheppard ducked into his quarters and immediately felt his breathing returning to normal. He walked straight over to his bed, and flopped down onto the mattress.
"Colonel Sheppard."
He opened his eyes and sighed. Ten minutes out of the infirmary and already he was being contacted.
"Colonel Sheppard."
He'd just got comfortable on his bed. His nice, soft, comfy…
"Colonel Sheppard?" The voice was getting frustrated.
Sheppard got up onto his elbow and looked over at the door, "I'm here."
It was Elizabeth, "I hear you're officially free from the infirmary."
"Yeah, I'm in my quarters right now."
"We're ready for you in the debriefing room now."
Sheppard sat up stiffly, already feeling his breathing getting heavy and constricted, "I'm coming."
He signed off and stood up.
What the hell was wrong with him? He was feeling weird and off keel and for some reason he didn't want to go to his debriefing, he wanted to sit in his room and recuperate. Hadn't he done enough of that already?
He sighed and approached the door like it was going to open up and consume him.
The doors slid open and a fast, blurry world passed by him.
"Debriefing," he said to himself and purposefully strode out of his room. He instantly connected with Ronon. It jarred his shoulder and he grimaced.
"You okay?" asked Ronon.
Sheppard nodded, "Yeah, fine. You heading to the debriefing?"
"Yeah."
"Great," said Sheppard and they began to walk to the debriefing room, "I love these long chats we have."
Ronon gave him a glance and continued to stride forward, forcing personnel to move out of his way and Sheppard had to practically jog to keep up with him. He was beginning to feel a lot better being out of his room and surmised that it was just those first few acclimating hours of freedom that quite often felt surreal when you left the infirmary.
They arrived at the debriefing room before he knew it.
"John," said Elizabeth as he entered.
"Hey," he gave Teyla, Addison and Mckay a little wave and took his seat at the end of the table. They all seemed to be inclined towards him and again a wave of discomfort hit him at the thought of being the centre of attention.
He tried to mentally shake himself out of the strange mood he had afforded himself and planted an affable smile on his face, "So, have I missed anything?"
Elizabeth opened the file in front of her and glanced up, "It's been fairly quiet actually."
Sheppard scanned the table and waited for further input.
"I only wish it was quiet in my lab," muttered Mckay, "A few days without me and its catastrophe. They lose the coffee filters and panic, I mean-" he paused for breath and realised that Elizabeth was waiting on him.
Elizabeth passed him and the others a few sheets of paper, "Addison wrote down everything she could see on.." she stuttered, "That day."
"Ah that would be my impaling," said Sheppard reaching for the paper and skim reading.
There was silence at the table.
"What?" he asked looking up with an amused grin.
"It's not complete," said Addison, "Its just what I managed to see from the tape. Sometimes your mouths were away from the camera."
"Do you want to go through the transcript? Or just tell us what you learnt-" asked Elizabeth. She could sense that Sheppard was uncomfortable and wondered whether he was ready to be talking about this all so soon.
Before she could wonder anymore, Sheppard began to speak, "Brian said that they managed to evade our scans due to a few additions. He didn't let on as to what they were but he said that more wraith were working on it. And that they would be back to get their technology."
"We have some missing entries here," said Elizabeth pointing at the sheet.
Sheppard looked over the paper and tried to take his mind back to that day, "The wraith don't know we're here." He said in response of the data presented before him.
"I don't think it will be long before the rest of them know we're here," said Mckay.
"We don't know that," said Sheppard, "He could have been lying."
"Sounds like he was rubbing it in your face," countered Mckay.
"Did we manage to get the dart out of the water to see what additions were made?" asked Sheppard. He stood up to get away from everyone's prying eyes. Not to mention that the rest of his team were disturbingly silent. He was feeling hot and sweaty and he just wanted to run out of the room and back to some semblance of safety.
Mckay shook his head and snorted, "It's too far down. Our divers cant go down to its depth, something about the bends or whatever," he sighed, "And no we cant modify another a jumper, and no I'm not going down there to try it."
"Could the Daedalus not beam it out?" asked Teyla.
"They wouldn't be able to get a lock on it. Water depth."
"So we go find these wraith," said Ronon matter of factly.
"We don't know where they are," snapped Mckay.
Sheppard wandered over to one of the walls and leant against it. He needed to clear his mind against a dizziness which pervaded his every movement.
"Sheppard? You okay?" he heard the concern in McKay's voice but it sounded garbled in his head.
"Yeah," he said standing up stiffly, "I was just trying to think if I had missed anything."
"Have you?" asked Elizabeth hopefully.
"No," he said walking back over to his chair unsteadily, "No as far as I can tell we've got a problem."
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Sheppard practically launched himself back into his quarters and closed the doors behind him before anyone could get in.
He walked into his bathroom, closed the door and slunk down into the corner by the makeshift basin.
He couldn't understand what was wrong with him. He felt completely dislocated from everything around him and when he was away from his room his head felt light and uncomfortable.
He closed his eyes and rested his head on his knees.
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"Sheppard! Sheppard!"
Sheppard opened his eyes and realised that he had fallen asleep. He slowly got up, feeling stiff and sore after his unconventional nap and staggered out into his dark room.
"Who-"
His doors slid open and before he could continue Mckay walked in and pointed his cane at Sheppard accusingly, "Why weren't you answering your door?"
"I was just coming," said Sheppard slapping on the light, "Would you stop rewiring my room controls to get in here."
"I've done that once before."
"Yeah because I didn't answer immediately," said Sheppard.
"How was I to know you were in the shower?" said Mckay.
"By the water, the steam..by me saying 'I'm in the shower' What do you want?" he asked going over to his bed and sitting down.
"You've forgotten haven't you?" said Mckay.
He sat himself down in the chair next to his bed and tapped his cane.
"Enlighten me," said Sheppard.
"The gate party. The morale boosting evening of drinks and-"
Sheppard rubbed his eyes and remembered with horror his suggestion for the party almost two months ago.
"Yeah, yeah I remember."
"So, are you coming?"
Sheppard shook his head, "I'm really tired."
"Oh no, you're not bailing out of this now. You convinced Elizabeth I had to be there so I'm not going to be there without you being there-" he paused.
Sheppard held up a hand, "No really, I don't want to go."
"You're going."
Sheppard sighed and could see that he wasn't going to get out of it easily.
"Your absence will be noted, probably by Carson, who will naturally assume you'll have had a relapse and I won't tell him otherwise."
"You're threatening me with Carson?"
"I'm threatening you with big pointy needles and yes the wielder will probably be Carson."
Sheppard scrubbed at his face in an attempt to eliminate the vestiges of sleep. Mckay was still staring at him intently and waiting for an answer. Sheppard groaned.
"Fine."
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Sheppard remembered when he had first run into Elizabeth's office and proposed said party. She had immediately dismissed it and Sheppard had vowed to harangue her until she said yes.
He managed to convince her after three days and she agreed that a moral boosting, low key party, would be a good thing for base personnel.
So here he was, standing in the corner of the gate room, with a glass of punch and watching his great idea unfold.
Elizabeth had limited the amount of alcohol everyone would consume as she pointedly informed them that the gate room was still a work area and was to be respected as such. A few tables had been set up with various food and drink and it was a chance for everyone to get together and relax. Soft music was being pumped down into the room and so far everyone did seem relaxed. Everyone except Sheppard, who felt coiled up like a spring ready to explode at any moment.
Elizabeth was chatting in the corner with some women and laughing softly. Teyla was talking with Ronon and some of the Athosian children. Ronon didn't seem too happy with the kid that was pulling on his hand absorbedly. Mckay was standing by the food table and loading up a plate and Sheppard, he was stuck in the corner talking to the most boring man in the universe and feeling physically worse with every second.
"Plants really are very fascinating. Some people think that botanists are-"
Sheppard nodded, "Yep," and tried to seek out one of his friend's eye line. For a moment he thought he saw Beckett break through the crowd to him but he was just walking over to Cadman.
"Take planet MX70, with a species of fern I've never seen before. Fern is –"
"Yeah," sighed Sheppard.
He pressed himself further against the wall in an attempt to feel more stable. For some reason he was getting that light headed feeling again. He downed the remainder of his punch in one mouthful.
"So what's your favourite plant specimen? Alcotociamenathus is mine."
Sheppard turned to the guy and gave him an 'are you serious look' before excusing himself and grabbing another glass of punch as he went.
He pushed through the crowd of people and walked unsteadily up the gate room steps to be stopped by someone else, "See I told you you'd have a good time," it was Mckay and for all intents and purposes seemed happy stuffing cake into his mouth.
"Yeah, great, there's a fascinating botanist guy down there who'd love to talk to you."
Sheppard pushed passed him and went over to the balcony which looked down over the gate room. His world was spinning and his chest and throat felt constricted for no reason. His swallowing reflexes felt out of whack.
Mckay walked up behind him and continued the conversation, "Cake?"
Sheppard was sweating profusely and he wafted his shirt to get some airflow.
Before he could stop it, his punch was slipping from his fingers and his glass crashed noisily to the floor.
It felt like at that moment that the entire gate room looked up at him.
He gripped the railing as hard as he could and watched as his knuckles whitened.
Mckay was at his side in an instant, "Is it your shoulder?"
Sheppard gave him a pained look but his vision was beginning to grey.
"No not my shoulder. Can't breathe," he managed.
"Beckett!" Mckay called out into the crowd. Sheppard could hear the muted ripple as people started to gossip about what was going on.
He tried to catch his breath but each one was ineffective. The air he was dragging in seemed to fall short.
He felt like he was going to die.
He sank down to his knees and was enveloped in darkness before Beckett even reached him.
TBC