cancer

chapter eleven
keep breathing


I didn't know how to swim. After Evan had left, leaving me with the warmth of his embrace and a promise to meet up later, I had found my way to the lake. Ratty loafers and socks off, I sat on the edge of the rock as I had before, this time without Johnny. The water brushed just the tips of my toes, before withdrawing and repeating. I enjoyed the cooling sensation. I had left the house in the morning, but it was no doubt afternoon now; hot and humid. I slipped my jacket off, and immediately goosebumps covered my skin.

Not had even ten minutes passed in silence when I heard the roaring of an engine. Fear covered me in a thin sheet as I turned my head, hearing a door slam shut. I couldn't describe the surprise I felt when I saw Dally appear into view. My entire body froze with uncertainty as our eyes met, even though it was from a far distance. I smiled at him, but it quickly faded when his cold eyes hardened even more so.

His feet crunched harshly against the cracked dirt. When he was near me, his silvery eyes shone with a ferociousness I never had seen before. We stared at each other for a silent moment, before took my shoes and threw them to me. His voice was gravelly when he spoke to me, "Get in the car." I could mutely see the beat up truck from a far distance away.

I couldn't understand why, but I felt a splash of anger run through my body. I wanted to punch his face in—for a second. I blinked, still recovering from the suddenness of it all, "No." His icy eyes narrowed into slits as he heard my answer. I pulled on my shoes and stared at him in the eye. "Now, stop acting like my father."

"I'm not acting like your father," he snapped. "Who'd want a daughter like you?"

Of course, that statement hit a chord straight to the heart. He must have seen my demeanor change as I stormed toward him, my teeth gritted together. But he didn't think I would do anything; I was just "angrily" walking towards the car. But I spun around just as I passed him, pulled my hands back, and shoved him as harshly as I could into the lake.

At first, I felt so triumphant and proud, that I smiled. But then, the smile disappeared into uneasiness as I wondered what Dally would do when he came out. And then, uneasiness morphed into fear when Dally's head didn't pop out of the water. I waited for ten seconds, before hesitantly calling his name, "Dally?" I was already pulling off my shoes. He could have gotten hurt, but I didn't think that my shove was that hard.

I peered down into the water, and my mouth trembled with dread when I realized I couldn't see him. Dally had helped me when I had gotten hurt; I should return the favor. Socks still on, I slipped into the water, the coldness coating me like a block of ice. I gasped for breath, my entire body shivering. "Dally!" My voice was hoarse as I blindly searched the water, "Dally, where are you?"

My hands locked onto something firm, and I pulled it out of the water to stare at it was fuzzy eyes. A leather jacket; or more specifically, Dally's leather jacket. Oh jeez. I kept searching but went still when I felt warm hands slithering around my body and pulling me backwards. A soft mouth pressed against my neck and I felt hot air running across the nape of it. "I'm right here."

Ignoring the intimacy of the situation, I turned around and inhaled with relief. "I thought you got hurt," I said truthfully, shoving his jacket into his arms. "Why did you do that?"

Dally stayed silent, giving me a brief moment for speculation. His usually light hair looked darker when wet, but his cold eyes had dissolved somewhat. His white shirt stuck to the confines of his chest, making my ears burn with a dark blush. "You were worried, huh?" He seemed somewhat satisfied as he smirked, but it died down quickly.

He started to lean down, and I immediately assumed he was going to kiss me. But maybe, just maybe, he was just leaning into hear me better. To save myself from the embarrassment, I quickly replied, "You're my friend, after all."

He froze so abruptly, placing his forehead atop my own. "Right," he said with an almost—sad?—smile. He pulled away then, and quickly jumped up onto the dry earth. His shook his hair and pulled on his sopping wet leather jacket, patiently staring at me. "You coming?" he questioned, "Johnny and the rest of the gang will be worried."

I didn't notice his cringe when he said Johnny because I was too busy realizing something: I liked Dally.

The spine of Wuthering Heights was breaking apart. I played with one of the strands distractedly, trying to ignore the attached couple in the corner. Dally and Sylvia. I didn't understand why he brought her here to show his affection. I'm guessing Darry didn't either, as he walked into the room with a mug of coffee in his hand. "Dally, you better stop that shit right here and now. I don't want you influencing Ponyboy or Soda, now."

Dally broke apart a couple seconds later, his gaze flicking from Darry, to me, and then to Johnny, who was reading Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, next to me. He rolled his eyes as he stood, pulling Sylvia up with him. He walked out the door a couple seconds later, leaving the rest of the gang to Two-Bit and Steve's usual banter.

"Ace," Two-Bit declared obliviously, yet proudly as he struck a card out on the table.

I lowered my head to my book; I tried to act like it didn't affect me at all. But inside, my entire head was reeling. I questioned myself. Why did I like Dally? He was beautiful. Not handsome, but beautiful. He was rude, uncaring and dark. But he was kind—to me. Didn't that matter? Was it all an act? I raised my book higher when I felt my eyes burn with tears. I didn't know what to do. I was almost a hundred percent sure that Dally didn't like me. At that thought, a tear slipped from my eye.

I wiped it quickly, and lowered my book to see Two-Bit staring straight at me. Had he been watching me the entire time? My heart raced. He raised an eyebrow questionably. "I need some air," I clarified, rubbing underneath my eye. "My eyes are itchy." I set my book on the sofa and opened the front door to sit on the porch outside. The wind was cold, but I felt strangely numb.

I wasn't even surprised when I heard the door creak. I turned to see Two-Bit shutting the door as he sat down next to me. I looked into his eyes, and saw some sort of understanding in it. But I was exactly sure what he understood. "Your eyes aren't itchy," he said, watching me. His lips were twisted into a sad smile as he shook his head. He tilted his head to glance up at the stars and swallowed. His apple's Adam bobbed.

"They're not," I confirmed.

He glanced at me for a second, then returned his eyes to the skies. "Then what's wrong?"

I wasn't going to tell him. I couldn't tell Two-Bit that I had feelings for the supposedly uncaring Dally. It was wrong on too many levels, especially since Dally already had a girlfriend. Maybe Two-Bit wouldn't know what to say. So I just shrugged and played with my thumbs. My eyes blurred once again, but I raised my head, pretending to stare at the stars. I was just keeping the tears in my eye. Everything was wrong.

We sat quietly for a long while, before Two-Bit turned to me, something different in his eyes. "You like Dally."

I turned to him, finally facing him fully. No tears had dripped out yet, but they were all gathered in my eyeball, threatening to fall. It had distorted my vision successfully, but I kept looking at Two-Bit. "Is it that obvious?" I whispered, feeling my arms shake.

Two-Bit drew me in a hug, shaking his head rapidly. "No," he said quietly. "I'm just not as stupid as you think I am."