FUCK...I'M CONTINUING TO PLEASE ALL OF YOU, SO IF YOU DON'T REVIEW OR AT LEAST FORGIVE ME OR SOMETHING, I WON'T CONTINUE IT ANYMORE AND I'LL KILL MYSELF. I HAVE IT ALL PLANNED OUT. I'LL COMMIT SEPPUKU!!
Also, if you think it seems kinda OOC...THEN IT'S PART OF THE JOKE. O__O
If it's not that funny, then I apologize. I'm trying to keep it in character as well as utterly fail at doing so at the same time. It's alot more difficult than writing random humor fics like Dragon Ball C and Pineapple Panic, okay??
Chibi-Soifon attempts to hold up an important sign, but she can't reach the camera, so Omaeda holds her up.
"PLEASE IGNORE EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED IN CHAPTER 5 AS OF NOW"
Everyone in the crowd went 'aww' at how cute little Soifon-chan was...until she spat acid venom in one poor guy's eyes.
Then, Omaeda tossed her over his shoulder and walked off to get some fried rice crackers...
In Soul Society area F-U...
"...What does this thing do??" Chibi-Hitsugaya asked, holding up long plastic condom he had found in the trash.
Peering at it for a moment, Chibi-Rangiku replied, "...I think it's a hat. Try it on!"
Chibi-Hitsugaya did so, and he started rolling around on the floor in pain, gasping for breath.
Watching from behind the corner, Kenpachi grunted, "That's weird...I thought they didn't really lose their intelligence when they became chibified..."
Unohana sighed. "They didn't..."
"OH. But I thought Hitsugaya was smart-"
"LET'S JUST FOCUS ON CATCHING THEM, OKAY?!"
Kenpachi pulled out a pokeball from his pocket. "Waaay ahead of ya..."
"OH MY GOD, HE'S TURNING BLUE!!" Chibi-Hinamori squeaked as she tried to pull the condom off poor Chibi-Hitsugaya's head, "PLEASE DON'T DIE, SHIRO-CHAN!!"
"WA HA HA HAAH! SO BE IT! I'M THE PRINCE OF WHALES!!" Chibi-Rangiku chuckled, already completely drunk after a single swig of her chibi-sake bottle.
Pulling out a small book entitled 'HOW TO CATCH CHIBIS PART 1', Unohana flipped it open and skimmed the pages.
"Will that thing really have the info we're looking for...?" Kenpachi asked sceptically.
"It's never failed me once!" Unohana replied.
'...It's about catching chibis, though...'
Finally, Unohana stopped and said, "It says here...ah! We should be wise and sacrifice the most useless person on our team; good luck, Hanatarou-kun!"
"YOU CAN DO IT, HANATAROU-KUN!" Isane exclaimed.
Surprisingly enough, Hanatarou did not question his oddly-placed fate, and he stepped out to face the three squabbling chibis.
"THANK THE BANKAI! I'M SAVED!!" Chibi-Hitsugaya cried, gasping for air after Chibi-Hinamori finally managed to get the condom off.
'Wow,' Hanatarou thought to himself with a little smirk, 'I never thought I'd see the day when Hitsugaya-taichou is even SMALLER than normal! Heh heh...it's kinda cute, actually...'
Noticing the smirk on Hanatarou's lips, Chibi-Hitsugaya stood up and snapped, "HEY, BUDDY, ARE YOU LAUGHING AT MY NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCE?! ARE YOU?! ARE YOU?! HUUUUUH?!!"
"Uh...not really..." Hanatarou replied.
"YOU ARE THE MAN WHO STOLE MY PUDDING, RIGHT?! I'LL KILL YOU, BITCH!!!" Chibi-Rangiku roared, so drunk that she was pouring the alcohol onto her tiny breasts instead of into her mouth.
Before Hanatarou knew it, he was knocked to the ground by a powerful flying kick from Chibi-Hitsugaya. Once he hit the ground, Hanatarou tried to get back to his feet, but Chibi-Hitsugaya jumped on top of him and began smacking him in the face with the hilt of his little sword.
"YEAH! KICK 'EM TO THE CURB, TAICHOU!!" Chibi-Rangiku cheered.
"Be careful, Shiro-chan!" Chibi-Hinamori warned.
"DON'T...LAUGH...AT...ME!!!"
"I-I wasn't l-laughing! I swear!" Hanatarou really was a pitiful young man.
Kenpachi winced as he watched this violent scene unfold. "Shouldn't we...shouldn't we help him or something?" he asked Unohana.
Unohana remained silent.
"MAI WAIFU!"
"...I have an idea," Unohana replied, and she stepped out to confront the three chibis this time.
Glancing up from poor Hanatarou's battered face, Chibi-Hitsugaya gasped, "Ah! Your motherly aura...it's...it's so immense, I feel like doing the dishes and cleaning up my room just from staring at you!"
Suddenly, with a sweet smile, Unohana raised her arms over her face. After a moment, she swung them back to her sides, and her expression had become demonic and fierce. Not only that, but her 'motherly aura' now gave off a powerful blood lust that could kill small animals if they came too close.
"GET OFF OF HIM...NOW." she barked, her voice practically sending powerful shock waves throughout Soul Society.
Chibi-Hitsugaya shrieked, and he quickly jumped behind Chibi-Hinamori out of fear.
"And you," Unohana snarled at Chibi-Rangiku, "How dare you consume vast amounts of alcohol so freely like that! YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER!!!"
Chibi-Rangiku froze on the spot, and her sake bottle shattered to pieces as it hit the ground.
Kenpachi was in complete and utter awe. "Since...when the hell...was Unohana able to do that...?"
Isane gasped and explained, "I just remembered! When I first met Unohana-taichou back in the Soul Reaper Academy, she was known as 'The Red Panther of The Violet Sea'!"
"...What does that mean?"
"I don't know, but she was an incredibly powerful force! She had spiky bleached hair the color of blood, and she used a wooden sword to smack people around before getting her zanpakutou! She even struck fear into the hearts of some of her teachers, too!"
Kenpachi, however, didn't believe his ears. "Yeah, right!"
Reaching into her pocket, Isane handed him a photo. "Look...here's a photo of her when she was still just a student..."
In the photo was a young thin woman with piercings all over her face, nose, ears, and even her tongue as she flipped the middle finger towards the camera. She also had a huge mess of spiky blood-red hair growing out of her head. At the bottom of the photo was the name 'RETSU UNOHANA'.
'OH MY GOD, IT REALLY IS HER!!!' Kenpachi was speechless.
"I did it!" Unohana announced, dragging all three chibis together in a large net. Hanatarou soon followed, bloody and beaten. He was starting to think that maybe he should have just joined with 11th Division instead; it actually seemed safer than this crap he was being put through.
'IF I HAD A HAMMER-'
"Alright, we rounded these guys up," Kenpachi said, "Now what do we do?"
Suddenly, a voice from behind exclaimed, "I'LL ANSWER THAT QUESTION FOR YOU!!"
Gasping, everyone spun around to see who it was...