Chapter 11

The next few weeks were easier than Heather thought, she had assumed making Merle go 'cold turkey' would have been impossible. In contrast Merle had been easier to be around, he was helpful and seemed to want to genuinely kick the drugs.

"Why don't I teach ya how to use the bow?" It had been almost a week since Heather had found him unconscious.

"Seriously?"

"No point in havin' it if ya can't use it."

"And you know how to?"

"Reckon I can teach ya."

It wasn't easy, her first few attempts had been dire. The arrows falling to the ground at her feet no matter how hard she followed Merle's instructions.

"Why'd ya even grab it?"

"I don't know...it seemed like a good idea at the time."

"Hmmm..."

It wasn't until the third day of Merles lessons that Heather actually managed to get an arrow to pierce the makeshift target Merle had set up. Her arms had started getting used to pulling the string back, something she didn't even realise she would struggle motion started to feel normal, more fluid. She would still need a lot more practice, and a lot more arrows. Heather however looked so pleased with herself that Merle couldn't help but smile.

"Good work English!"

They carried on like that for some time, Merle giving her lessons in all types of survival. How to hotwire a car, skin an animal (Heather was reluctant) and again told her how to use a sometimes scared Heather, how much Merle knew about this kind of stuff, however she kicked herself for thinking like that, knowing it was Merles survival skills that were keeping her alive.

Over this time Thomas had appeared now and again, at first Heather had told him to leave, that in no uncertain terms he wasn't welcome. After this is took to watching them from a distance, always a road ahead of behind them.

"Fuckin' freak." Merle muttered under his breath as they walked back into the shop, bringing the shutters down as Thomas watched them from across the car park. Merle still didn't know why Heather made Thomas leave, although she was sure he had an idea.

On the third week of Merle being drug free he started to change, one day in particular was bad. Heather was up before Merle, which was in itself an anomaly. They had run out of gas a week ago, making a fire pit in the warehouse downstairs. Stretching her legs on each step she attempted to get a fire ready, knowing Merle would soon be up and criticizing her approach. A good ten minutes of blowing on the embers, trying to get the fire to catch and Heather gave up. Throwing the box of matches aside, dragging herself upstairs dreading having to ask Merle to help.

When she pushed open the door she was surprised to see Merle up, sitting on the sofa, head down, staring at the floor between his feet.

"Merle...I can't get the fire started."

"Hmm?"

"I can't start the fire."

He didn't answer, just made a vague noise that he'd heard her. This carried on all day, he eventually got up to help but was slow and unresponsive. He even failed to make a vulgar comment when Heather accidentally poured water down herself causing her already threadbare t-shirt to turn see-through. Leaving him to it Heather busied herself, they planned to leave in a weeks time and that meant gathering everything they would need for the journey ahead.

Days went by and she had no real conversation from Merle, his apparent personality change had thrown Heather, so used to his crude, self-assured nature, the new Merle hardly spoke, especially if Heather didn't initiate the conversation.

"Merle...are you alright?"

"What's that Sugar?"

"Are you okay? Only...it's been...quiet lately."

"I'm fine."

That was it, until later that night. Heather was upstairs, scouring over the maps Merle had planned their route on, making sure there were multiple roads they could take incase of traffic jams or hordes. The usual stillness was interrupted by crashing boxes down stairs, and swearing from Merle. Making her way cautiously down Heather saw him throwing the contents of a first aid box Heather had made up behind him as he rifled through it.

"Merle?"

He turned on her, face full of fury, breathing heavily.

"Where have you put 'em?"

"Put what?"

"You know what."

"I threw them Merle, before you even woke up, weeks ago."

"I fuckin' need it."

"Merle come on...you've been doing so well."

He rounded on her, coming close to her face as she was backed into a wall.

"I need it."

"You're better than this Merle."

"NO I AIN'T, YOU DON'T KNOW THE FIRST FUCKIN' THING ABOUT ME." He was screaming now, voice so loud it cracked at points. Heather swallowed, trying to think of anything that would calm him down. Before she could say anything Merle raised his fist, hand curled so tight his knuckles were going white.

Before he let his arm swing his eyes made contact with hers, whatever he saw there stopped him in his tracks. His arm fell limply by his side, now unable to look at Heather at all. He turned quickly, making his way towards the door that lead to the shop floor.

"Merle?" He didn't turn round, his pace quickened as Heather tried to catch up with him.

They were almost at the front of the shop when she did, her hand on his shoulder as he reached for the lever.

"Let go Heather."

"No Merle. You aren't leaving."

"You ain't safe with me here."

She scoffed "Merle, I wasn't safe before I found you."

"I almost...you ain't safe."

"Look at me Merle." He wouldn't "We're in this together. You can't just leave."

He didn't reply, but the grip he had on the lever loosened.

"We've got so far, why give up now?"

"You're better off without me."

She laughed again "Look Merle, I know you and me aren't the best matched...we fight constantly, you're a nightmare to live with."

"I thought you were tryin' to get me to stay?"

"I'm getting to that. Before you found me...at the lake. I didn't think I could carry on. I didn't want to."

There was no smart answer, his hand fell from the lever to his side, Merle looked, for once in his life, like he didn't know what to say.

"You saved me Merle, not only from Walkers countless times, but from everything."

He finally turned round to look at her, all anger from his face gone. "Ya gotta promise me somethin then English." His eyes found hers and he looked deadly serious "Never give up."

Heather smiled, forgetting herself she closed the short distance between them and threw her arms round Merles neck, pulling him forwards and putting her head on his chest, she could feel tears welling up in her eyes.

"Promise Sugar."

"I promise."

"Good, now get the fuck off."

Laughing as she pulled away, wiping the tears from her face with the back of her hand. Merle was already wandering across the store, his step already looking a little lighter than before.

There were times over the next few days where Merles mood darkened, but a quick smile from Heather or a nudge in the ribs tended to clear the air. On the morning they intended to leave Merle was up before Heather, as she woke she could hear him singing downstairs, smiling to herself Heather was glad he was in good spirits.

It took a while to get the van loaded, Merle was adamant over the boxes, making sure they were in a certain order, telling Heather that it was between life and death. Heather just nodded along and followed what he said, knowing that he was probably right anyway.

"Oi oi loverboy!" Heather was in the van, pushing one of their boxes of bottled water into place, heading to the back of the van Heather was positive she knew who Merle was talking to. Sure enough there stood Thomas, looking even thinner than when Heather had last seen him. His eyes were sunken and dark circles surrounded them, making him look as if he'd aged ten years in a month. His face, especially looked gaunt, his cheekbones more prominent than before.

"You guys leaving?" his voice even sounded frail.

"Yup." Merle was standing straight, asserting his authority of the situation.

"Heather...can I have a word."

"Anythin' you wanna say to her you can say to me."

Thomas looked at Heather, pleading. She just shrugged, agreeing with Merle. He shook his head in disbelief.

"Do you really want to do this? Go off with him? You're safe here, out there he could start using again, put you in danger."

Before he could say anymore, Heather had jumped down from the back of the van, putting herself between Merle and Thomas, just incase.

"He won't, and even if he does I'll be there. Do you know why? He's loyal, that's not something I can say about you."

Thomas' mouth fell open and closed, trying to find words to defend himself.

"I'm sorry."

"What exactly happened here Sugar?"

"Nothing Merle..."

"I wanted to leave you." Thomas, to Heathers surprise didn't even look ashamed "When we found you, all methed out I told Heather we'd be better off without you anyway."

"Did ya know?" Another surprise, Merle didn't even sound angry, to the contrary he was turning on Heather, smiling.

"She didn't even give it a thought..." Merles smile widened as Heather shook her head, knowing he'd let it all go to his ego.

"Well Tommy, thanks for the honesty." Merle picked up a box under his arm, securing it with his stump and got into the back of the van.

"You're really gonna go?"

"Yeah...we are."

"Got room for a skinny traitor?" He shrugged, the smile on his face genuine. Heather could hear Merles laugh from inside the van and his footsteps quickly crashing towards them.

"Thomas..."

"Oh let him come Sugar! I could you a laugh now and then."

Heather turned to Merle, he was hanging out the back of the van, a smile spread across his face. Shaking her head as she turned to face Thomas again, his eyes were full of hope, the smile on his face making his eyes crease, reminding Heather of the day they met him. Thomas looked so different now, defeated almost. Even his stance seemed different, before he had been confident, his lanky frame always stood in a way that exuded courage. He seemed hunched now, as if the horror of the world had finally beaten him.

Sighing heavily she looked to Merle again for reassurance, he just shrugged casually.

"You said it English, what's the worst that could happen."

"Fine...fine. But any more bullshit and you're on your own."

"You heard her Tommy!" Merle cackled as he continued to pack the van. Thomas just nodded, the smile on his face still present.

They continued to pack the van, they discussed the route they had planned with Thomas, who just nodded along, happy again to be part of the group.

Closing the back of the van when they had finally packed it full of their stuff, Heather took one last look around the shop, making sure they hadn't left anything behind. Walking over to the windows, she lifted the cardboard flap to look over the town. The view looked the same as ever, looking down she saw Merle with his head under the van bonnet, making sure it was okay for the stood uneasily behind him, shifting his weight one foot from the other. Letting the cardboard fall into place Heather thought of her traveling companions. Hoping the choices she'd made over the last month had been the right ones.