Chapter Eleven: "You Make It Real"
If love came knocking at your door, would you answer it? Would you let it into the space that you had worked so hard to keep sacred? Would you even know what it is and if so, are you prepared for it? Will you accept it? Now that it's at your door what are you going to do about it?
As soon as the words left my mouth I instantly wanted to take them back. They were nothing but pure lies. The hurt those two words, "I don't", caused manifested through her eyes. Those same eyes I had dreamt about the night that I took her home, those same eyes that caused my heart to stop and jump at the same time, and its those same eyes that were now staring back at me in pain and confused. I never expected any of this happen. Three months ago, I was just another actress making another move. Two weeks ago, I was just an actress that made the move. Tonight, I'm the actress giving the best performance of her life by pushing the one thing, the one person she had grown to care for the most. In the span of less than a year, I had become unrecognizable. I avoided mirrors all together for I cannot stand to look at myself without getting the urge to connect my fist with the reflection that would be staring back at me. No, this was not a game for me. It was not some sick pay back for what she had done in high school. This was not some joke; no one was laughing. If I could have done things differently I would've. I didn't want this for her. We haven't even gone out on a first date and I was already hurting her. No, I couldn't do this. Two weeks ago, I felt the pull to get closer, the pull to get to know her better, and now that pull turned into push. Like a switch in my head had been turned on waking my defense mechanism in an instant as it was now up and running.
"I don't", made her move, it made her let go. The pain and confusion had faded and was replaced with defeat. We stood there for what felt like hours avoiding each other's eyes. We both knew that the moment our eyes connected, hazel on brown, we'd both give in to our individual wants which at that point seemed like a lost cause for each. I couldn't have her because I wanted to protect her. She couldn't have me because I told her I didn't want her. "Please Quinn… just let me go. You think that I'm worth it but I'm really not. You just have no idea…" Was my plea for her to not only loosen her hold on the door knob but it was also my plea for her to let me go. When she did, I ran out of the door, out of that condo, and out of their lives. What was I thinking? What made me think that this time would actually be different? No, it won't be. It can't be. You're doing the right thing Rachel. Just keep telling yourself that. You're doing the right thing for her, for all of them.
I heard voices calling my name, the rustling of clothes, and feet moving towards me but I didn't turn around. The elevator became my savior. We must have been on the same mind wave for it came as soon as I needed it. Inside of the elevator, I called my driver and told him to get to Quinn's as soon as possible. The ache was becoming unbearable but still I couldn't let myself cry; correction I wouldn't let myself cry. All of this… I brought it on upon myself. This was my own doing and once again I had to pay for it, take it all in in strides.
Outside Quinn's building I waited for my driver, I kept my eyes open for a black Lincoln ready to jump in once it had stopped. I couldn't afford to look at any of them. If I did, I might have just broken down completely. While rubbing my temples, I closed my eyes longing for this night to be over with. Mindlessly I thought that if I were to rub in a steady rhythm I could rewind back to two weeks ago and alter the outcome of this night.
"You can't just leave me like you did without an explanation. A proper explanation."
The voice I never expected to hear from again forced me out of my illusions. I opened my eyes, my body reacting to the voice turned around to face it, her.
"If you think that I'm just going to give up on you like that then you have another thing coming Ms. Berry."
She was out of breath. Did she run after me?
"I'm not going to stand there and let you walk away. I've seen enough rom-com movies to know that it will be a stupid move on my part to do nothing but stand. If you run away again I'll just run after you but please don't because I' am terribly out of shape."
Doesn't look like you are. We were standing three feet apart. Neither of us made the move to get closer. We were in a strange place, an unknown territory so we were both being cautious for good reasons.
"You said that I don't know what I'm getting myself into by being with you. What did you mean?"
And the questions began…
"Where have you been Quinn? Have you not read the stories in those trashy magazines? Are you oblivious to the E! True Hollywood Story about me? You can't possibly be naïve to the news that go around."
"I'm not oblivious to anything Rachel."
"Then run."
"No," she said boldly, "You can't give me your two weeks notice. Not until you have completely made up your mind that you don't have any feelings for me, which I think you do by the way. I mean, have feelings for me that is."
But I do and that's what is frightening me.
"I know that this is happening kind of fast.
Kind of fast?
"Okay maybe really fast. Trust me, I know. But if I let you go now without even giving, whatever this is, a go then I know that it will be a big mistake, huge."
Channeling Julia Roberts a la Pretty Woman? Brownie points for you Quinn Fabray.
"Am I at all making sense or getting through to you? Because I ran down the stairs and almost broke my neck trying to catch up to you so please say something… Anything or should I just keep talking?"
Alright Rachel take the stage. You've done this thousand of times. You practice it every day. Evasion is your personal hobby. What are you waiting for? Do it! Well… You can't do it can you? And why not? Because you love her? I do not! Oh but you like her. You L-I-K-E like her. Well go on then say something before she starts rambling again.
"There's so much craziness surrounding me. There's so much going on it gets hard to breathe. All my faith has gone you bring it back to me. You make it real for me. Well I'm not sure of my priorities. I've lost site of where I'm meant to be and like holy water washing over me. You make it real for me. And I'm running to you baby. You are the only one who save me. That's why I've been missing you lately cause you make it real for me. When my head is strong but my heart is weak. I'm full of hurricanes and uncertainty but I can find the words. You teach my heart to speak. You make it real for me."
So yes, I sang. I couldn't formulate my own words so I sang. The last time I checked it was not a crime to do so. But by the look of Quinn's face I wished that I had stuck to my original plan of evasion and had not said a single word. There we stood, still miles apart, she was looking around perhaps searching for hidden cameras. Her face was twisted in amusement and I'm almost certain that she believed that my mental state lay around somewhere near borderline crazy. This was going well. Gosh, she looks so fucking sexy when she bites her lower lip like that. Did I just curse? What is she doing? Okay, now you're getting too close. You are invading my personal space now. Quinn? Quinn!
"I love that song."
Oh god oh god.
"Me too."
She's leaning in! She's leaning in!
"Do the lyrics reflect how you feel?"
Good heavens she is divine, breathtaking, just so damn…
"Ahem… Yes."
This is happening. This is so happening.
"Rachel…"
Of course we were interrupted. Because this is my life and my life swims in unwarranted interruptions. I hate you so much right now Noah Puckerman.
"Hey what's going out here? You two ran out of the building so fast, where the hell is the fire?"
Roll call. Santana Lopez.
"Puck, damn it! I told you to stay inside."
Tina Cohen-Chang.
"What's with the commotion?"
Mike Chang.
"Tina! I said not to follow!"
Emily Fields.
"Oh my god! Those god damn bushes."
Mercedes Jones.
"Alright, now what are ya'll doing out here? It is too cold to be doing all this standing."
Artie Abrams.
"Yo Quinn, that elevator is whacked."
Brittany S. Pierce
"Stop the violence."
Quinn Fabray.
"What in the fuckery are all of you guys doing out here?"
Ten inebriated adults there stood in the middle of the sidewalk all bathing in their own conclusions as to what could possibly have happened or be happening between McKinley's formerly notorious rivals.
"I'm so sorry Q. When Puck ran out after you I tried to stop him and the next thing I knew we were all inside the elevator taking shots," Santana explained.
Quinn mugged Puck and she mugged him well. Puck hid behind Tina in an effort to steer clear of Fabray's wrath of fury.
"What? I' am a concerned friend. Two of my friends just dashed out of the building and…"
"And what? You ran out here to?" Santana interrogated.
"He wanted to see if they were going to make out."
"Tina!" Quinn shrieked.
"What? It's true. We all thought it actually."
"Artie! For the love of…" Santana mumbled.
Santana and Quinn were getting increasingly uneasy as more of the GLEEKS spoke their unfiltered minds. Well this was an interesting development in the plot.
"Holy Moses, can you all just go back upstairs?" Emily advocated, "Like seriously, this is none of our business so… Oh… Quinn are you okay?"
Do you know what happens when you mix Pop Rocks with soda? Well to summarize, foam erupts crazily and if there was enough Pop Rocks you might just hear an explosion and yup, that chemical reaction was about to happen via Quinn. She was the Pop Rocks and the rest of the gang was the soda and if this interaction were to last a second longer the interaction will progress into that chemical reaction and with Quinn's veins bursting through the seams of her forehead it would be quite sufficient to say that we would all be in for an explosion like no other. To save the lot I sacrificed myself.
"Quinn my driver is here. I'm just going to go."
"Rachel, no… please just wait up."
I overlooked her, heck ignored her completely, and addressed the rest of the soda gang.
"It has been swell seeing all of you again but I unfortunately have an early meeting to prepare for and should really get going now."
"Aww, but the party was just starting baby girl," Mercedes groaned taking me by surprise.
"I know but my manager will kill me if I stay out all night," I justified lamely.
"We understand don't we GLEEKS?" Santana called on.
"Yes," was the unanimous answer.
Quinn's "No," stood out loud and clear.
"Quinn…" Santana said, "She has an early meeting let her get some rest."
"Fine," Quinn huffed.
Grateful, I gave Santana a small smile. I made my way through the group individually hugging everyone to say goodbye. After this night I wasn't too sure as to when I would see them all or just one of them for that matter. As I hugged them I was already planning my escape plans. For the time that I was to be here I was to avoid Quinn Fabray at all cost. Artie, Mike, and Puck escorted me to the car before getting in I gave a last wave of goodbye.
…...
The shadow of Rachel's car vanished as it turned out of my street. Fuck my life. What just happened right here?
"Santana, why did you just let her leave?"
Rachel and I were so close… a couple of more seconds…
"Because the night is young Q," Santana waved off.
"What are you going on about?" Mike asked.
"I'm talking about Operation Big Booty Berry," Santana said seriously.
"Say what now?" I bellowed startled with the calmness steaming out of everyone's smiling faces.
"Yeah, Puck and Artie came up with it in the elevator," Mercedes said.
"We are going to help you win Rachel Berry's heart!" Brittany enthused.
I arched an eyebrow simulating anger but really this was getting to be too entertaining to be anything but curious. "And how is it that you guys know about Rachel and me?"
"Oh puh-lease you two scream sexual tension," Tina puffed.
"Yeah, and Rachel totally danced with me to get your attention Quinn," Brittany confessed.
Did she now? So much for not wanting me.
"Really? But no, you guys I got this," I spoke securely.
Eyeing the spot that Rachel graced not so long ago, "Doesn't look like it," Emily remarked.
My mouth hung open, "What happened to the supportive Emily that I know and love?"
"This is me being supportive times seven," she enlightened.
"Are we doing this or what?" Artie asked, wheeling himself towards the entrance of the building.
"Yeah because we are here indefinitely so we got all the time in the world," Mercedes let on following Artie.
"What do you mean you guys are here indefinitely?" I asked, not moving.
"We're thinking of moving here," Tina said.
"All of you?" I choked.
Sensing the GLEEK panic Santana hugged me from the side, "Yup, all of them."
When did this happen? Don't question it Quinn! Think about it, the longer they stay the more chances that you will have to be breathing the same air as Rachel. She's avoiding you but there is no way she could avoid eight determined highly conniving individuals. It is so on! Rachel Berry prepare for an apocalypse of awesomeness that will be coming your way.
"Okay since I know I'm not going to win this I'm in but we are changing the name."
"As long as you're in then party on!" Puck cheered.
Party on indeed.