Disclaimer – I own nothing.
A.N. – I am soo sorry that this has taken so long to update. I literally have the entire story outlined, but something about this chapter was just so hard to write. Apparently knowing what's going to happen means very little when you don't know how to write it. I know it sounds like a lame excuse, but it really is the truth. I hit the craziest creative block I've ever had. Hopefully I'll be back on my Update-once-a-month rule now that I've passed this hurdle.
To Mysteriousreader1990, JCWare, Lala7807, Jay, alba1020, , DarkPurpleQueen, readingandreading, BeckieT108, sarah88, rkat21, FourShot411, Wolf Born Woman, kouga's older woman, PastOneonta, AHealingRenaissance, Maxsmomma, Crisely, Ashamalee, enchantedlight, Teresa, 4Gracie04, elen book, Guest(1), Holidai, teacupdestiny, Debbie Hicks, April-Showers82, TommyH: Thank you guys soooo much from the very bottom of my heart. I rewrote this chapter at least four times, and it was your kind words and honest criticism that really kept me going. You have no idea how many times I re-read your reviews for inspiration not to give in to my lack of muse. I really tried to make this chapter up to par with the standard quality writing that you guys deserve. Hope it makes the cut! Anywho, this is the second part to the last chapter, and the official cut off zone for the first half of this story. Eeek! So excited and yet dangerously worried whether or not everyone will enjoy the second half.
As always, to all who've followed, favorited, and read silently, I feel the love so thanks! Hope everyone enjoys!
/Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing
It's okay not to be okay
Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart/
-Who You Are, Jessie J
Chapter 11 – Look At Who We Become
"You've gotta be kidding," someone says from the crowd. Somewhere inside of myself I want to agree with him. I kind of wish Jacob had been joking when he told the entire tribe seated in front of us that the legends are real.
Don't panic. Don't panic. They're not all staring at me. But it definitely feels like they are, since I'm seated by Jacob's feet facing them.
Everyone in the tribe with Quileute blood are sitting on the beach floor facing Jacob. He's the only one standing, and it feels strange and yet, so right. Billy sits in his wheelchair at Jacob's left facing the disbelieving crowd with him.
"If this is true, and such a guarded secret, then why is she here?" A random mother points an accusatory finger at me. "Why even tell us at all?"
She doesn't believe. It's in her voice. In the way she glares at the three of us as if this is some kind of elaborate joke and we're wasting her time. A part of me wishes this was a joke. A part of me wishes this was a waste of time. But then I remember flying within my own body, and the cords that are heavy which link me to the pack, and I recoil from those thoughts.
How could I ever want any of this not to be true? Focus.
"We're telling all of you out of necessity," Jacob speaks to his people and tears, unbidden, spring to my eyes.
Oh my God, I'm turning into Renee with the water works, but I can't help it. Something's about to happen. Something monumental. I know it.
"A lot of the younger generations are showing signs of the phase," Jacob continues, despite the murmurs and gasps that sound. "Your children, your friends, your siblings, your nephews are showing signs of the phase."
"I can't believe any of this," a random teenager around our age speaks out, amusement in his eyes. He doesn't understand. None of them really do. They can't, but they will. "But let's assume we believe you for a second. If more of us are going to phase, then wouldn't that be more reason to lock this secret down?"
Jacob smiles lightly at him. "In an ideal world, yea. But with phasing comes some problems that, if we're gonna have tons of new wolves running around, then everyone needs to be aware of."
"What problems?" many shout at the same time. The amusement is starting to fade from some of their eyes. Some are seeing that Billy isn't laughing quietly. Some are noticing that Jacob's eyes aren't gleeful or mischievous.
It feels like the world is spinning uncontrollably, but all my brain keeps on focusing on is that he hasn't answered the question of who the heck I am to be here.
"Anger problems," Billy answers quietly, but his whisper causes a sudden hush to fall over everyone. Eyes start to twitch in anxiety. They want this joke to be over. It's not over. It'll never be over, and suddenly I'm connected with his people on a different level all of my own.
I was them not too long ago. The confusion and anxiety could eat away at anyone's sanity.
"Come out," Jacob says, and the pack bar two who are on patrol walk out of the woods. They had decide that all the wolves together at once, regardless if they were in their human form, would be too overwhelming for the crowd. But now is the moment. The moment for what? I don't know, but it matters. It matters so much.
"We turn into wolves to protect you," Jacob begins, and nods to Seth who stays close to the forest. "But to turn into wolves we have to give in to a rage that's with us all the time. There isn't a moment where that anger isn't two seconds away from the surface. And if you aren't aware of the dangers that comes along with that anger, you can set it off without meaning to. Especially new wolves—they don't have the same control that the rest of us have who've been phasing for a while. Control over that rage takes time."
No one speaks. No one is quite sure of what to say.
"Step forward, Emily," Billy beckons her from amongst the crowd. She walks with her back straight, her gait confident though I can feel the way her nerves are going haywire. I feel her through Sam, and it's all together and meshed, yet separate, too.
"Wait—why?—one of the wolves did that?!" One of the ones Jacob had pointed out to me when we first arrived as showing signs of the phase—Collins—bursts out, clearly aghast. "Everyone said it was a bear!"
"Are we seriously entertaining this?" Someone's father yells out, frustration lacing his tone. Maybe something else, too.
The Council—Sue Clearwater (in place of her husband, Harry, whose sick in bed), Quil Ateara super Senior (Old Quil), and three others that I don't know and haven't ever met stand where they were sitting among the crowd a moment ago.
"Yes," Old Quil states firmly. "You are entertaining this because this is real. I suggest you all get it together because there are more bombs coming your way."
"Holy shit," someone says and it's like a pipe had burst and everyone is talking over each other, convincing each other in the chaos that this is real.
"How can this be?"
"This is Old Quil. He never jokes about anything."
"Should have known something was wrong!"
"Did you notice the way they started sprouting muscles over night!"
"What about our kids? Is this contagious?"
"Enough." Jacob's voice rises over all others. Dominant. Alpha.
"This isn't contagious," Paul snorts and the pack and I can't help but smile a bit in turn. Just the thought that the wolf is catching brings some levity to the situation for us. We feel. Together. Pack. "It's in the blood, which is why only Quileute's and Imprints are here. Every single person here has the possibility of phasing if they have Quileute blood."
"So why are some showing signs and not others?" Collin's father asks. He looks at his son, and I think he might see what Jacob, Paul, and Sam have seen.
"That's an argument for another time. Some think it's about having more claim to the Quileute line. You know, more pureblooded, but others think it's about who are more dominant, and—"
"This isn't the time for this discussion," Sam cuts Paul off. Paul rolls his eyes, but doesn't finish his sentence.
"What's wrong with this picture?" Another boy, Brady, stands up. People eye him warily—they see the signs on him too. It doesn't matter that most still doubt that any of this is true. The question is there. The doubt is there. "We've all heard the stories since we were in diapers. The last pack, if this is true, only had three wolves. How many are in your pack?"
"So far…nine," he looks deeply at Brady and Collins and a few others. "And counting."
"What does this mean?"
"Why so many?"
"Are we in danger?"
It's a double edged question, and I can't do anything but sit and wait for that moment that's still rushing towards me. Breathe. Relax. Pull.
Jacob's sending waves of calm to me—to all of us. The questions and stares are starting to make the wolves antsy.
"This means for sure that…something is coming. Something we've never seen before," Billy steps in, noticing Jacob's distracted face. "This means we've got to stick together, and support each other through this. We're all in this together."
"Show us!" Someone in the back demands, and suddenly everyone's demanding it. Jacob tells them to look at Seth, but I can't hear him. I can't see him, because this moment isn't about me. This is about the wolf and his people.
It's a strange sensation, feeling Seth's nakedness. Paul's nakedness. Embry and Quil's nakedness. They all feel naked together even though it's only Seth transforming. We. As Seth transforms, gasps, and screams of fright fill the air.
The people are panicking. Their people are panicking in fear. Our people are afraid, and the sensations of so much collective fear grips Jacob—I can feel it like I've never felt anything before. We're in this together.
I know he can push the fear away, but he doesn't. He lets them feel their fear, and feels it with them. I guess he doesn't want to control them, but be a part of them. But it's crushing him. It's suffocating him, and me and the pack and Emily through him. Pull.
It's only been a minute, but it's a minute too long, and I can't stand it anymore. I rush to Seth's side, and stroke the fur at the top of his muzzle. He's so tall that I can't reach any higher, but it's enough. The fear in their eyes give way to awe.
He's beautiful and majestic, and it's like everyone finally notices that, too. Not just the large teeth, or the daunting size. Maybe they notice his eyes the most like I do. Maybe they see that beneath the wolf lies the boy that loves to smile, and has one of the kindest hearts around.
"Can I touch him?" Brady asks quietly. His parents adamantly refuse, but he's already walking towards us the second Jacob nods.
Breathe. Focus. But Jacob is still trying to reign in all of his own emotions that had just about crippled him, and the pack alongside him.
"No! Brady!" His mother shouts, but it's too late. His hands are touching Seth's muzzle exactly where I was, and there's a comforting feeling in our chest. Brother. Pack. It travels through all of us, and it soothes Jacob instantly. I think Brady might feel it too.
"I'm showing signs, aren't I?" Brady asks. It's like everyone holds their breath.
This is the moment. This will determine the kind of leader Jacob will be. Lie, lie, lie, my bones tell me. Guard his innocence until it can't be guarded anymore. I try to push that feeling into Jacob, but he rejects it—power and anger flushes into my system. That's not the kind of leader he'll ever be willing to be.
I know that, but I don't want to accept that. Not when I'm looking at an innocent thirteen year old.
"Yea…Yea, you are."
His parents look devastated, and I can't blame them. Who would want this for their child? But Sam ignores the looks of confusion, sadness, and anxiety that try to trap us again, and speaks passionately. Jacob doesn't give into it this time.
"You should be proud, Brady. Those of you who will phase are joining a long line of your ancestors who have protected our people. You should take pride in knowing that your life has meaning. You'll be our brother, and there isn't anything better than that."
"Not even pussy," Quil quips, and the rest of the pack laugh. My face burns bright red at the language, and it makes a few laugh even harder when they notice.
For a moment we forget that there are hundreds of faces staring back at us.
"Are you going to tell us who are showing signs?" a pretty girl with large round eyes whispers. She reminds me of me somehow. I kind of want to reach out and touch her hand, just to comfort her or make sure she's real. I don't because…well…that'd be weird.
"Yes and no," Sue tells everyone firmly. Her stern voice leaves no room for questioning. "We'll only tell those who are clearly struggling or are close to the phase. On that note, we're not psychic and all-knowing. We can't be everywhere at once, so we may not notice some people showing signs. It's up to you all to take notice if someone seems to be growing too fast, or showing uncharacteristic signs of anger."
Whispers here and there turn into full-blown conversations between neighbors. Jacob lets it settle for a minute before he cuts in.
"I know this is a lot to take in, and it might take some of you a long time to deal with this, which is understandable. But, it's my job to protect us, all of us, so this will be the only Alpha Command that I'll ever give you all…"
"What's an Alpha command?" people whisper but no one outwardly questions Jacob, too enraptured probably in his greatness, because Jacob's presence is great. If he could be renamed, he'd be called Caesar or Hercules or Hector reborn.
"An alpha command basically binds you. If Jacob tells you to do something in his 'alpha voice' for a lack of a better word, you have to do it. No ifs or buts. Even if you want to rebel, you can't. The will in our blood literally won't let anyone who's apart of the tribe disobey," Sam explains.
People shift nervously on the floor, uncomfortable with the idea that someone, regardless if it's Jacob, could tell them to do something and they'd have to do it. No one likes the thought that they can be compelled, that they can lose all willpower.
Some people start to stand, probably readying themselves to run—so Jacob doesn't bother to ask whether or not they're ready. He simply speaks, and it shakes everyone, including the pack and imprints, in their very core.
"You, all of you, my people, cannot and will not speak, write, blog, Facebook chat, Whatsapp chat, Tango text, cellphone text, video chat, sign language, mime, or give any hint whatsoever, about the truth behind the legends to anyone who doesn't already know in any way, shape, or form."
I can feel the bind in the people, curling itself into their very souls, and it's a crushing weight; how does Jacob survive this?
"How do we know you won't Alpha Command us to do something else, something we're not comfortable with?" Brady's father stands firm, unease clear in his eyes. I'd be uneasy, too, if I were him.
"I'm giving you my word. And if that's not enough then because I'm your future chief, and a part of all of you—raised by all of you in different ways, and helping to raise the ones younger than me in some way or another now. And because whatever's coming, we're in it together. We're in it together."
The night is long and short, and a lot of other things, even more so as I gaze up at the stars, waiting for Jacob to finish saying his good-byes.
Jacob wanted to get everything out in the open, but the council thought that everything that was completely necessary had already been covered, so they're letting everyone go home—some to husbands or wives that aren't Quileute, and have no idea that their entire world has changed.
I can feel their sadness as if sadness were a rock inside of me, falling and falling, without beginning or end. Breathe. Inhale. Exhale. Don't cry. But it's so hard not to. I can feel Jacob trying to lift some of the sadness, but by lifting one emotion off of me, he's letting another one fall…their anger. Their resentment.
I think I'd rather be sad, then angry.
"How's it going over here?" Paul walks up to me, and throws an arm half-hazardly over my shoulders. Connection. I can't help but smile.
"Okay," I let the white lie slip through my lips. I'm so not okay. Everything just seems to be rushing at me too soon, too fast and I can't run away. I don't want to. I could never want to. But a piece of me does. Jacob feels this piece, and send a rush of warmth and understanding to me. He wants to run away, too, sometimes. It soothes the fire and pull that had begun to burn again. "Just in awe of your Alpha."
It's the truth, and there's something awesome about being able to say it out loud. Because I am in awe; there's literally a torrent of emotions crashing like a tsunami against each other inside of him from the pack, the imprints, and his tribe, (of which I only feel a fraction of through him) and yet he stands and smiles and nods, and doesn't ever lose his composure.
I watch him, the way his body moves with grace, and I'm slightly jealous. I wish that I could move the way he moves—like it's the most natural thing in the world. But the only thing that's ever truly felt natural is—my face lights up like a cherry tree, and I can feel Jacob's smile on my skin.
It's weird, and sensual, and a whole new ball game now that we've had sex. The pull and fire is more at ease, but it's like I'm in a constant state of wanting him. I want him so bad that I feel like I'm flying and floating and buried, trapped within my skin, all at the time.
The knowing is different, too, about little things—his smile glosses over me, now, and his kisses are kind of infinite in the way that hours later I can still feel it on my lips.
My body pulses just thinking about it. Paul gasps slightly, and removes his arm quickly and awkwardly. My eyes swivel to his. Oh no, not again.
"S-sorry?" I'm not sure if I should apologize or if he should be apologizing to me for smelling my desire. Oh my god, this is so awkward.
"Me too," he says, and looks away for a moment. Guess we're both confused about the kind of etiquette in this scenario. Change the subject. Change the subject.
"So, you and Lauren," I say…with zero follow through. Clearly, I need to work on my changing-subject-skills.
"Have you met Kim, yet?" Paul dodges. Well, at least I'm not the only one who needs to work on that skill-set.
I let him change the subject, anyway, because this isn't the time or the place for that conversation. Not when the pain that flashed through his eyes is still so clear, just at the mention of her name. Not when his pain shudders and punches, and I'm breathless. I'm so breathless that I don't bother to answer him, and just shake my head "no."
"She's Jared's imprint," he explains and the pain slowly subsides. This is definitely going to take some getting used to. "She's nice and all, but I can't really stand her. Too meek. If she's gonna run with wolves then she better learn to be stronger than that."
I can't help but feel offended on her behalf. Kim deserves the benefit of the doubt. We all do.
"She's an imprint," I say thinking about myself and Emily. Maybe Kim's like us. I hope she is. "Imprints are for the wolves, so by definition, it means she's stronger than she seems."
"That or she's just got good genes," Paul shrugs uncaringly. His manner is so distanced, so rough, so real that it comforts me because he really is just like Charlie.
I go to speak but Jacob beckons me over—he doesn't turn and wave, or even look my way, but I feel the want and intent. It's like it's my own want, but I know it's not. I know it's not. Okay, I'm pretty sure it's not.
All this is so clear, yet so confusing simultaneously; it's all so new, too new and there's no book I can read to learn the intricacies of this new us. I murmur "excuse me" to Paul and walk to Jacob anyway. It's a short walk but I feel the eyes of the tribe on me—judging me, wondering if I'm worthy.
I'm barely to Jacob when he shifts and encircles me with his arm. He holds me tight against his side and looks down. Our eyes lock. It's like merging all over again, and I love him, I love him, I love him.
"This is Mr. and Mrs. Hill," he informs me. But before I can greet them, he introduces me and says, "This is my imprint, Bella."
This is my imprint. And I can't help but smile and blush and breathe him in like I've seen the face of god and have learned the meaning of life, and maybe, in that simple sentence, I have.
Maybe, among all the confusion of life, being his is all that matters. The fire and pull and ache and knowing crashes, swirls, and spins until I understand—I finally get it and it's what I've been waiting for all this time, what I knew was coming my way: I may be his imprint, but he's not just mine—he's also my wolf.
Mine. His. Together. A whole new type of together than I even thought existed. There's so much fear in this new unknown, but I'm not who I was. I'm not who I could have been either. No. I'm an imprint, and that means something more now than it did an hour ago when no one but a select few knew.
I'm not sure I can be who needs me to be by his side: more.
I can still feel the looks of some, the heaviness of their gazes weighing me down, but Jacob's warmth cuts through it all. His warmth seeps through my clothes, into my skin and did anyone ever love as much as us?
I feel like I'm in a roller-coaster, but I can't stop loving him. It's too late, now. It's too late, and even if it isn't, I don't ever want to stop.
I let the pull curl and whip, let Jacob understand that I may fail, but not for lack of trying because he's mine, and I'll never stop loving him, and nothing will ever be the same again.
So, what do you guys think? I really wanted to showcase how different things are going to be now that they've had sex, but I'm not sure if it came through as much as I wanted it to. Also, I've never read a story where the entire tribe is told the big secret (not to say it doesn't exist, just I've never read one) so I'd love to hear whether or not you guys think I did it justice! Anywho, liked it? Hated it? Let me know and Review! **Reviews are love**