A/N I'm getting a chapter out tonight, so I can get another chapter out Thursday morning. I will be traveling this coming weekend, so after Thursday morning, there probably won't be another one until Monday. Please let me know how you're enjoying the story, comments are always welcome. Disclaimer, blah blah, blah, I own nothing, blah, blah, blah, they own me, blah, blah, blah.

Chapter 11 The Nightmare.

Penny sat silent for a few minutes, looking at Leonard. Leonard was watching her, wondering what was going on in her head. She finally stirred, reaching out, she rubbed his leg, and smiled at him. "Thank you sweetie. As I said, I could never figure out how you two got together. It's at least good to know that you didn't just jump into a relationship, with someone you didn't even know. And, yes, I know that sounds hypocritical of me"

There was another pause as they looked at each other. "Leonard, I want ..." Penny paused as she began to choke up. She coughed, and tried to start again, "What I'm trying to tell..." Penny's voice cracked, leaving her unable to continue.

It took several minutes for her to recover and continue. "As hard as it was for me that summer and fall after we broke up, when you started dating Priya I was simply devastated. If it wasn't for Bernadette and Amy, I don't know how I would have made it through."

Penny stared out her window, looking at the lights, like she used to do when she had been drinking after Leonard started dating Priya. How much nicer they looked now, with Leonard near. She was having trouble gathering her thoughts. "We would go out together, or they would come over. They were trying to get me to forget you. One night, it was a week or two after you started seeing each other, they came to take me out."

Penny again halted. I'm not gonna cry about this. Please let me get through this. "I kept trying to tell them I was fine being single. I didn't need to go out and find a guy. They were insistent about taking me out to find someone to hook up with. I figured I'd go with them, dance a bit, then say I didn't feel well and I need to come home. Then, they found the snowflake on the nightstand."

"What was it doing on your nightstand?" Leonard exclaimed. "You broke up with me."

"Yes, but remember, I still had feelings for you and it was all I had, if I just wanted to think of you," Penny croaked out. "I couldn't carry 'Leonard' around, after all. So, I carried the snowflake and, at night, kept it on the night stand so I saw it when I woke up. I needed something to remind me of our time together."

Leonard was surprised. "I never knew that"

"Yeah, I usually had it in my purse, so no one would know," That memory caused Penny to smile.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I couldn't tell you. You were going out with Priya," Penny said sorrowfully. "I wasn't going to go in and break up a couple, even if you were the guy, and I wanted to get back with you. But, that night, Bernadette talked about picking up a guy, and then leaving him in the morning. Then they found the bag and we talked of you and how you were special, a one of a kind, like the snowflake."

Penny stopped, remembering how bad it hurt to look at the snowflake that night. "I stood there looking at the snowflake, thinking of you, thinking of how you got it for me. Then I started thinking of you being with Priya, thinking of how I had lost you and my resolve about being fine being single crumbled. I figured you had Priya, I could find someone for me, so we left."

"Several guys bought me drinks, I danced with a few, and in the old days, I would have either went home with one or brought one of them here. But, I couldn't do it. I was thinking of that snowflake and of you. Then I thought of my 'Leonard' sitting in my room and I realized I didn't want some random guy I picked up. I just had Amy and Bernadette take me home to my version of Leonard."

"Then things got worse. Priya told you she wanted you to stay away from me, and you had that clumsy attempt to get me to stay away from you."

"Yeah, I messed that up pretty bad, didn't I," Leonard said.

"Yeah, you did, but I figured it out." Penny broke into a small smile, "To be honest, I got where Priya was coming from. I think she sensed that I still wasn't over you."

"Well," Leonard said. "She may have sensed that I still had feelings for you."

"What?

"When I started going out with Priya, I thought she could help me get over you. I tried to fool myself that it was just strong feelings for a friend, but even going out with Priya, I continued to think of you on and off."

"Another case of us not talking to each other." Penny said.

"That's why I wanted in here tonight. We've done way too much ignoring things and not talking through things."

"Actually," Penny said dejectedly, "I've done too much blowing you off and distracting you with sex, because I didn't know how to handle it. I didn't want to let you in tonight, until I thought about how well things have been going, just by talking about it."

"Anyway," she continued, "I was determined not to do anything that would cause problems between the two of you. So I walked away. On the bright side, I knew we would see each other occasionally, so I looked forward to those moments."

"Did you hear me start after you?" Leonard said.

"No, when was that?"

He shook his head, "Right after you left. I stood there for a few seconds, and decided I couldn't just drop you out of my life, but with the contacts in, I ran into the door."

"Yeah, those contacts," Penny chuckled. "I didn't understand why you wore them, but, I kept quiet when Priya was trying to get you to change. You were going out with her, not me. Well, at least I kept quiet with you. I bitched the whole time to Amy and Bernadette."

Penny thought for a second, "I was puzzled. New clothes, contacts, you told me she didn't understand your game stuff, when you called about your car breaking down. Then I find out you lied to her. That wasn't you at all. What was going on?"

Leonard shrugged, "I was trying to help Sheldon, but as she didn't understand the game thing, I had to tell her I was working late, so I could go with the guys to get Sheldon's stuff back. Which is why I called you."

"That wasn't an answer," said Penny. "What was going on with you?"

Leonard look away from Penny, "I was trying to make sure she stayed with me. If she wanted new clothes, contacts whatever, I was going to do it. I didn't know any better. But, I called you, for help, because I knew you wouldn't make fun of us, you'd understand and help us."

"Hmmmmmm, even though you knew you weren't supposed to see me?"

"Yeah, even then," said Leonard. "We needed help, and I knew you would come out to us and do whatever you could to help all of us, even if you were supposed to stay away from ME."

"Well, you were right," Penny smiled. "I wasn't going to leave you guys out in the middle of no where." The problem was staying away from you, meant staying away from the other guys, and the group,"

Penny shook her head and said, "One of the worst things about staying away, was finding out that Howard and Bernadette were engaged. I set them up, I helped them get back together. They got engaged in front of the group... and... I... missed ...it."

She struggle to keep the tears from forming. "I was the only one who wasn't there. I had helped get them back together, and I WASN'T THERE, when everyone else was there for the proposal. It just wasn't fair."

Penny grabbed a tissue and blew her nose. She had managed to stop the tears as she thought about what she was going to say next. "She had become my best friend... I know Amy likes to say she is, and I play along, but really, Bernadette and I seem to connect a lot better. I do really love Amy, we had become good friends but Bernie's really the one I feel closest to and I missed sharing her excitement at getting engaged."

"Yeah, I can understand that..." Leonard said. "You two are fairly similar. Both mostly sweet, beautiful, but both of you have a real mean streak in you." Leonard chuckled, "Bernie's mean streak borders on an evil psychotic bent and you got the 'going all Nebraska' thing going on." Leonard looked at Penny, smiling.

Penny laughed, "And don't you forget it!"

They both grinned at each other.

Penny smile slowly drifted away, as she considered her next words. "After that, things hit rock bottom. I found out that you were thinking of going to India during the summer, to meet her parents."

How'd you find that out? Leonard exclaimed.

"Bernadette told me," Penny said simply. "I thought that meant you two were getting engaged. But, Bernadette told me Priya had said that it was too soon to think of getting married." She was looking at Leonard's puzzled expression and smiled. "Bernadette was texting us that night you and Priya ate with Howard and Bernadette."

"Well, that explains how strange Bernadette was acting that night," Leonard said.

"Yeah, she was panicking there for a bit," said Penny. "Going all the way to India to meet her parents wasn't something you'd just do, if you're not seriously thinking about at least getting engaged.

Leonard gave a short little laugh. "Yeah, one of the things causing problems was she wouldn't introduce me to her parents while she was skyping with them. She didn't want them to know she was dating an American."

"That sounds like something of a mixed signal," Penny said.

"Well, don't forget, we were still figuring out the relationship," Leonard said. " We were still not seeing eye to eye on the telling her parents thing, actually, we never did. Although, I hadn't told my mom yet either. I don't think you knew Priya had an offer to stay here permanently and she was thinking about getting her own place, with me probably moving in with her."

"I can see that being a big problem, if she wasn't telling her parents." Said Penny, trying to hide her shock at those last two bits of information, realizing she had been closer to losing him than she thought. "After missing Bernadette's engagement, I had an idea. I could always be friendlier to Priya. Try not to blame her because I screwed up. If I could get her to accept me, maybe I could at least be part of the group again. I so missed that."

"Well, where did you think you were going to be able to talk to her?" Leonard asked quizzically.

"I didn't know, I just wanted to be ready." Penny said. "It finally happened when Howard's mother was in the hospital. Remember Priya and I went to get coffee? Well, we talked." Penny smiled mischievously.

"What about?" Leonard said as he nervously smiled.

Her grin got bigger, "I told you we were comparing notes on how you were in bed?"

Leonard grinned back, "So what did you two decide about me? You know, I told Raj that it didn't matter because I was the K... Leonard suddenly stopped, his grin dropped away, and his face became pale. Penny immediately knew what was coming, fear rising in her eyes. Leonard's expression became very sad. He just stared at Penny and whispered, "Raj."