Chapter 11

I went through the window in my bedroom and crept into the living room to find Ray asleep on the couch. I went back to my bedroom in relief and crawled under the covers.

In the morning I awoke to yelling. I groggily sat up and checked the alarm clock, then grabbed it in denial. Ten in the morning!? Oh no! I forgot to turn on the alarm! I should have been long gone by then. Ray was up, and he'd be hungover and angry. I looked down at my scrubs and jumped out of bed, yanking them off and hurrying to change into shorts. I pushed up the window and thrust my leg over the sill, hoisting myself through. As I lowered myself onto the ground, I heard Ray shouting my name. I fearfully pushed myself the rest of the way off the sill as Ray appeared in the hallway.

"Julia! What do you think you're doing!? I have something for you to do!"

"Sorry! I have to go!"

I turned and fled to my car, then realized that I had left my keys in the pocket of my scrubs.

"Goodness gracious!" I cried in frustration, tugging at my long hair. I looked back toward the house, which was quiet and still. I fearfully went back to the window and climbed into my now-empty room, going to my scrubs and fetching the keys. As I started toward the window, there was an acute pain on my scalp as someone grabbed my hair and yanked me back. I screamed and scrambled out of the way of Ray's flying fist.

I stumbled backwards into the hallway as he charged toward me, eventually running into the wall and falling down to cover my head in terror, awaiting the inevitable blow.

He grabbed my legs and yanked them forward, and I gasped as I slipped down and my head banged against the wall. I scrambled to my feet and he yelled curses at me as he raised his hand and struck my face, and then struck me again. Each time stars flashed before my eyes and my breath caught in my throat. I sighed in agony as the pain overwhelmed me, and I staggered away a few feet before falling and covering my head in terror. My phone clattered out of my pocket onto the floor.

Ray shouted something at me, and then paused for my answer.

"What?" I asked dizzily, peering up at him.

"I told you to wait! There's no more beer, and your mother is out, so it's your responsibility to get more! I'm sick of your disrespect! I am in charge here, and you must do what I say! You are such a horrid person to live with, you know that?"

He paused, and then bent down and snatched up my phone from the floor. He turned and threw it against the wall, and it shattered in a loud echoing crash. I screamed and clasped my hands over my mouth in shock as pieces of my phone bounced into the air and clattered on the ground.

Ray stared at the pieces of the phone, then staggered into the living room and collapsed onto the sofa, panting and sweating. He looked as if he was about to puke. I remained on the floor in the hallway, dazed, my mind blank as my cheek stung and I stared listlessly at the shattered phone. I gently reached up a shaking hand and prodded the burning skin of my cheek.

"Hey!" Ray yelled suddenly, and I jumped. "Did you invite him here!?"

"Me?" I asked weakly.

"Yes, you! You did, didn't you! How utterly disobedient, inviting him over! You sneaky little slut!"

"What?"

The sofa creaked, and I turned in time to see him reaching down for me, and I screamed as he yanked me up.

I thought for a moment that I heard someone calling me, but Ray's curses drowned out all other sounds. He slammed me against the wall.

"Stop!" I gasped, and was immediately shoved to the floor. I cowered and held up my hands in terror as he bent over me and drew back his hand in a fist.

"Stop! Please don't!" I hurriedly pleaded, and squeezed my eyes shut as the fist came down.

But the pain didn't come.

Ray yelled, and I looked up in bewilderment.

Before me stood Piero, wildly yanking Ray back from me and trying to avoid his fists.

"Piero!" I cried. "Don't! Please!"

"You have no right!" Piero yelled at Ray as he jumped back from his fist and then shoved him backwards. "How dare you! How dare you!"

His hair was messed up and his eyes were wide in angry shock at the whole scene.

I pushed myself off the ground and ran up behind Ray, grasping his dirty T-shirt in my fists and tugging him backwards.

"Don't hurt Piero!" I cried. "Please! Leave him alone!"

"Julia, stop!" Piero looked momentarily hurt, and paused long enough for Ray to twist backwards and turn to me, grabbing my shoulders and sending me sprawling on the floor.

"No!" Piero cried, grabbing Ray's arms and heaving him away from me. Ray staggered back and then toppled drunkenly onto the ground. Piero jumped around him and came swiftly to my side, reaching down to me. He swiftly took me into his arms and lifted me off the floor. I clung to his shirt in fearful surrender.

"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!" Ray bellowed, feebly attempting to get up from the floor.

Piero wasted no time in carrying me out the front door and down the steps, holding me tightly to him.

Ray appeared in the doorway and shouted after me, "You know what you are, Julia!? You are stupid, impatient, insensitive, untrustworthy, and most of all, ugly!"

Piero's grip was strong and safe, even as I bounced around in his arms as he jogged to his car.

He placed me on the ground on the passenger side and steadied me, then bounded over to the driver's side and got in.

I got in the car and Piero pulled out of the driveway and onto the road. He kept glancing at me, probably waiting for my reaction. His face was fearful and stunned.

I was expressionless, watching him and waiting for his reaction.

He was shaking, and he kept reaching up to fix his hair and push up his glasses. His breath was fast, and I listened as he tried to slow it down.

"Julia? How do you feel?"

I thought about this, turning my gaze away from him. I reached out and pulled down the mirror in front of me, and gingerly touched the red handprint burning on my cheek.

I felt afraid, and I was shaking and my eyes burned with tears, my typical responses to the abuse. But there was something more stirring within me, something that transcended my fear.

I turned my gaze back to Piero.

"I feel…strange."

"What do you mean?"

I turned back to the mirror and looked into my own glittering blue eyes before pushing it up.

There was a gentle warmth in my stomach that surpassed the horror of being abused, and I quietly tried to identify the feelings stirring in my heart. I felt…cared for, pursued, and…safe. It felt wonderful and different, and my heart fluttered as images of Piero stopping the fist above me flickered through my mind.

Piero. I froze, and tried to push away the good feelings. Was it okay for me to feel safe at the expense of Piero's efforts to shelter me? He wasn't supposed to come in and rescue me. It wasn't his responsibility to do so.

I turned to Piero, who was watching me.

"How about you, Piero? Are you okay?"

He took a deep breath, and then shook his head. A single tear ran down his cheek.

"It's okay," I encouraged softly, shifting toward him and reaching out to touch his arm, "You'll be okay. It happens to me sometimes. It's only from the shock of the confrontation."

"What? No, Julia! I'm crying for you!"

I drew back from him, surprised.

"You're…me?"

"Yes!"

I watched him, bewildered, and he wiped his eyes under his glasses and blinked rapidly as he watched the road.

After a few moments he pulled into his driveway and climbed out, and I followed timidly, watching him. No man had ever cried for me before. Rarely had anyone truly cared about me and what I felt. I guess I had accepted it, too. But now here stood Piero in front of the car, in tears as he waited for me to go to him.

I approached him slowly, and he put a hand around my waist and led me inside and to the couch. He sat, and his tears started to spill over. He took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. I quickly dropped down beside him and reached out to turn his face toward mine.

"Oh, Piero, please don't cry for me!"

He replaced his glasses and reached out for me, his strong arms surrounding me and pulling me onto his lap. I sat sideways on his thighs, and he reached up and gently moved my head onto his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around me and rubbed my back and stroked my hair as the tears ran down his cheeks. I let him hold me, watching him and hoping to comfort him. He was warm and his shirt was soft, and his chest rose and fell in small spasms against me as he cried softly. I looked up timidly at his red cheeks, his pained expression, his wet eyes.

"You said he never hit you!" he said in a choking voice, and I buried my head in his shoulder in embarrassment, wishing he would forget about it.

"I'm sorry you had to see that," I said, my voice muffled, and his grip tightened around me.

"You didn't have to leave last night," he said, his voice wavering, "I suspected that you would fall asleep and stay the night, and that was fine with me."

I lifted my head from his shoulder and he looked somberly into my eyes.

"It was past the time when Ray would be asleep, so it was safe for me to go home."

"Was it, though? Julia, as long as you live with that man, you're not safe."

I was quiet, and I reached up to wipe the tears from his cheeks, but he took my hand and kissed it instead, and then pressed it to his chest, over his heart.

"Picture this, Julia. I wake up this morning and find that you've left, and I know that you can't be home on Saturdays. So I decide to go and make sure you're okay and that you've left. When I get to your house, I hear you screaming, and I run to the door. I see you lying on the ground, covering your face in terror as a huge, drunken man draws back his fist to hit you."

He pressed his hands over his eyes under the glasses. Seeing him cry made me feel like crying too. I wanted to comfort him and get him to stop crying. I kissed his cheek and wrapped my arms tightly around his neck. He hugged me and continued voicing his thoughts as I buried my face in his shoulder.

"I can't believe he would dare to hurt you! I can't believe anyone would have the audacity to look at you, live with you, and move to hit you. It makes me furious!"

He moved his hand and rested it on my knee, and I watched as it curled into a tight, shaking fist. I reached out and gently placed my hand on his arm, reaching down his wrist and pushing the fingers back out of the fist, replacing it with my hand. He gently curled his fingers around my hand and kissed my cheek, then sat quietly holding me for a moment, rubbing my back and hair. I reached up again to wipe away the tears, and this time he let me, He spoke again, and this time his voice was softer and more controlled.

"Julia, I think that-and I want you to consider this…After seeing what happened at your house this morning, I think that we should go and talk to the police."

I stiffened sharply and sat up straight.

"No!"

"Julia, I think-"

"NO!"

I tried to push out of his arms, but he refused to release me. He held me tightly despite my struggling.

"Julia, we need to get help. We have to stop Ray from hurting you."

"Piero, you can't tell anyone!"

"Why not?"

"Piero!" I cried pleadingly, my eyes filling with desperate tears. "No one else can know!"

I sat still as he stared at me in surprise.

"Why can't we tell anyone?"

I shook my head quickly.

"Julia, we have to tell someone."

"I can't!" I said firmly, realizing that I was trembling. I leaned in close to him and whispered urgently.

"If you tell anyone, someone's going to get hurt."

His eyes filled with fear, and I winced at his expression.

"Who!? You?"

His arms tightened protectively around me.

"Maybe," I said very quietly, as if hoping he wouldn't hear. "Or my mother."

I watched as his expression flickered from fear to anger, and then to concern. He studied my face with an anguished expression.

"You look so scared, mi amor."

He immediately pulled me close and enveloped me in his strong arms, and I didn't struggle. I snuggled close to him and felt his arms around me.

Then I pushed back and studied him.

"Promise me, Piero!" I begged, "Promise you won't tell anyone without me."

He was quiet, and I pleaded.

"Piero, promise me!"

He nodded.

"Alright. I promise. But we've got to figure something out."

I sighed in relief and melted back into his arms. He stroked my back and hair and murmured soothingly to me as the trembling gradually subsided.

He held me gently and cuddled me to him as I watched him thinking, trying to figure things out. We were both quiet, and the house was still and calm. After a few moments of me resting in his arms, he looked tenderly down at me and gently stroked my cheek.

"Ray said some things to you as we left that weren't true. It made me so mad that you had to endure those harsh words. You don't believe any of them, do you?"

"No."

"Good. Because you know what you really are?"

He repositioned me on his thighs, so that I wasn't leaning against him anymore. I rested my hands on his shoulders, my face close to his.

He reached out and brushed the hair from my face and smiled, making me smile in relief to see an end to the tears.

"You are smart."

He leaned in to me and softly kissed my lips, then pulled back to speak again.

"You are patient. You put up with all my silliness very nicely."

I giggled and he smiled and leaned in for another kiss.

When he pulled back I reached for his face and rested my hands along his jaw line, feeling the soft, warm skin and the way it moved when he smiled. I wiped the last tearstain from his face with my thumb.

He placed his hand over mine.

"See this?" he asked, his eyes shining. "You are sensitive."

He leaned forward for another kiss and held my hand in his.

"You are trustworthy."

He kissed me.

"Aaaannnnddd…" he dragged the word out in an attempt to tease me. He removed his hand from my back and twirled a long lock of my hair around his finger.

"You are absolutely, stunningly beautiful."

He kissed me again, but this time he didn't pull back quite so quickly. He lips lingered against mine, and a joyful warmth ran throughout me. I reached a hand behind his head, holding him to me. When he finally pulled back he quietly studied my face.

"Julia," he sighed, taking my hand. "I was thinking about you last night. When we went to the hospital, and I heard what you said to little Gracie, it got me thinking. I think…that I'm beginning to understand you."

His face was sincere, and his eyes begged me to listen to him.

"I'm listening," I said curiously. "Tell me."

He nodded and squeezed my hand.

"You told Gracie not to worry about you, that it wasn't her responsibility, and she accepted that answer. She's only a little girl, and you're right, she doesn't need to know what's going on in your house. The children can't be your confidants. They can't help you. But Julia, I'm not one of those little children. I can handle knowing your situation, and I only want to help you, but you refuse to clue me in."

He paused, and I reminded myself not to pay too close attention, not to let him help me.

Immediately, he squeezed my hand again.

"Listen to me, mi amor; I have a theory about why you won't let me help you."

A theory? Curious, I nodded. Hearing his theory shouldn't hurt. It shouldn't tempt me to let him help me, right?

"Okay. Tell me."

He nodded, and moved his arms gently around me, his hands resting on my back.

"No one is there for you now. Ray is not there for you. The children at the hospital can't be there for you. I'll bet your friends aren't there for you because you won't tell them anything either, am I right?"

I hesitated, then nodded.

"Your own mother isn't even there for you."

I looked down at my hands resting against his chest.

"I'm so sorry it is that way, Julia," he said softly. "I really am. But it's the truth, and you know it. You want her to be there for you, but she isn't."

I hated having to admit it, but I knew he was right. I nodded a little, and then looked up at him and nodded again.

"You're right," I whispered, and then winced involuntarily at the words.

He pulled me closer to him and leaned me toward him to kiss my cheek. He silently watched me for a moment before continuing.

"You've learned to accept that no one is there for you, and amazingly, you became a person who is there for everyone else. You're gracious and loving with everyone, and you do in love whatever is asked of you. You continuously give out the comfort and companionship you should receive, though you never do receive it. I think that you soothe that ache within you with the smiles and the progress of the children at the hospital, but it's secretly never enough."

I didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to acknowledge that there was an ache within me. I looked quickly away from him.

"There's no ache," I said, as more of a reassurance to myself.

"There, you see?"

I looked back at him in curiosity.

"See what?"

"You've learned to deal with it. You've decided that it's best you handle every problem on your own, and not concern anyone else with your with your worries. Julia, that is a very selfless way of thinking, and I admire you for it. Everything you do is for the benefit of others, from working with sick children to living in a dangerous home out of concern for your mother. You genuinely do not want to be the cause of anyone's worrying, so you've decided that for my own good, because you care about me, you will keep your problems a secret from me."

"Yes!" I exclaimed, taking his shoulders in excitement. "Yes, Piero! You understand! You understand why I won't let you help me! I will handle it, and you needn't worry. It's not your concern; it's not your responsibility! Yes, Piero!"

I sighed in relief that he finally understood, and smiled brightly at him. He didn't smile back, and his serious expression slowly erased my eagerness.

"You're wrong," he said firmly.

"What?"

I stared at him in astonishment, and he gripped my arms.

"Julia, it's not about responsibility! I am not a child who doesn't know what's good for him! I am old enough to hear your problems and help you with them. When I am concerned about you, it's not because you've burdened me with a responsibility! It's because I genuinely care about you, and I want you to be safe and happy! I want to be there for you! I want to be the person that you run to when you need help, not because I feel I have to be that person, but because I want to be!"

My eyes widened, and I pulled my hands off of his shoulders and clutched them against my chest. Could he be right? Everything he said sounded true. Was I wrong in holding back from him?

I shook my head quickly. Don't let him in. Don't let him sway you.

I bit my tongue to stop myself from speaking. My mind raced. He didn't understand what he was asking for. How could I drag him into the mess of my household and not hurt him? I refused to look at him, and when he tried to take my hand I pulled it back.

"Julia, you're pulling away from me. You want to tell me. I can see it in your eyes! You know that here you are safe, and you want me to know everything. But you're struggling with yourself. You're wondering if maybe what I'm saying could be true, aren't you?"

I stared at him in shock. It was as if he was reading my thoughts, and it unnerved me.

I pushed back from him, pulling of his arms and away from him, and stood up, my heart pounding.

No, I couldn't let him in. I had to push him away. He'd be happier not being involved in my home life. But he said he wanted to be involved, and he meant it, didn't he? Why would anyone lie about that?

"No," I said aloud. "No!"

It wouldn't be right of me to involve him.

He reached up and placed a hand on my arm, and his eyes silenced me.

"Julia. Everyone needs someone they can confide in. It's not selfish for you to involve me in your situation. I want to help you! You can't understand why, can you, Julia?"

"No, I can't," I whispered in fearful urgency, frustrated tears coming to my eyes.

He got up from the sofa and stood in front of me. I looked up at him pleadingly, and he looked tenderly down at me.

"Love, Julia. When you love someone, you would do anything for them. You want the best for them. I love you, Julia. I love you!"

He slowly leaned over to me, tenderly kissing my temple.

"Mi amor, don't push me away. Don't try to do this alone, Julia. Let me help. Please. Please, please let me help."

I gingerly raised a hand to my temple. I had a headache, and my heart was beating out of my chest. I felt dizzy, and I was so confused. I needed time to think…away from this beautiful person in front of me…

Piero got down on his knees and clasped my hands tightly in his.

"What must I do to make you understand, Julia!? Please let me help you! Please!"

I hesitated, looking down into his handsome, pleading eyes.

He was asking to care for me. He was asking to help me.

I wanted to say yes and fall into the safety of his arms. But I was afraid. Was it true? Was it okay for me to involve him?

I couldn't just stand there! I had to do something!

I needed to think!

I hesitated for a moment, and then pulled my hands out of his, whirled around, and fled from the house. I threw open the front door, dashed down the steps, and ran down the street as fast as I could go, leaving Piero on his knees in the living room, calling after me.