The Girl in the Ward
...
You know... I never realized this until now.
I don't know how to finish a story.
I've been meaning to end TGW for a while now, but as you can see, I keep adding things in- like Rin's sudden memory loss! It never occurred to me that I'd never truly ended a story before...!
I've only ever completed one multi-chap story; Meet Me in the Pouring Rain. It was crappy all the way through, and I just wanted to finish it. As a result, the ending was cut short and extremely rushed. It doesn't count as a true 'The End'.
All my other stories are either on-going now or were discontinued when I switched fandoms- so I've never actually ended a story before.
No wonder why TGW is still here... It all makes sense now.
Without meaning to, I keep looking for ways to extend the story. Unconsciously, I must be brainstorming new arcs for this story instead of finding an end for it. Rin's memory loss was never supposed to happen- neither was Haine-Lin and Mikuo's reunion. Teto was supposed to go yandere, yes, but Miku was never supposed to be wearing a mask. I keep adding to it, and so the story never ends.
Maybe a reason for that is that I often end my chapters with cliffhangers. In fact, most of my chapters end in cliffhangers! (I'm evil that way. ^.^) I guess I keep trying to add some more crap in, to augment my word count, and am only satisfied to end it when there is a perfect cliffer in place.
But, all that aside, I'm not sure how I'll dig myself out of this one, now. I mean... people don't remember stolen memories after only one night, do they? No, they don't. Which means... whatever part of me doesn't want to see this story end has won out. OTL Congratulations, my dear readers... Lucky you.
I wonder what I'll do...
Oh, LOL, I love how some people seem to know my story better than I do! The whole 'memory loss' thing was very spontaneous, a switch of the moment decision. Which means I couldn't have intentionally foreshadowed this, seeing as not even I knew what would happen! But I got a few people saying they saw it coming. O.O Are you psychic? Cause... I didn't. XD Seriously. You guys must be pretty clairvoyant. *nods*
Oh, hey... I think it's been nearly a year now since I've started this story. How sad that I'm only at chapter 11... XD Waiiiit... I first saw the original while I was at an airport. Yes... I remember that. I was with my mother, too... perhaps we were on our way to Florida? Well, then, that would have been in March 2012, I think. Yep, almost a year.
Without realizing it, I passed my 1-year anniversary for Lost and Found, by the way. XD Oopsies... I only just realized it yesterday (January 23rd, 2013).
What's fun to compare is my A/Ns; look back at chapter 1 and let your jaws drop at its shortness. I think it was at about chapter 5 where my A/Ns really started to grow. ^-^ Teehee~!
Anyway, surely you'd like to begin reading now, so I'll end this A/N. Yep. Lucky guys...!
(By the way, your reviews last chap were just… XD So funny! I'm so sorry I didn't get time to reply to many! OTL I'm just so busy…! LOL, I love how someone mentioned Meiko would probably eat Kaito to survive on that island… XD And so many people thought Gakupo would die first! D: Poor Gackt! But then again, I said so too… Ehehe…)
Anonymous Reviews:
Guest: (I so loved the water bottle part. It sucks to be sick *cough* *cough* well welcome to the club. -.-)
LOL, why, thank you! I'm all better now that The Frozen North here has warmed up just a little bit… (Although it was -29 degrees Celsius last week. O.O That's EXTREMELY cold.)
Guest: (When u put Mitsuketa I started singing bad end night.)
Didn't we all? XD Yeah, I love that song so much… It's probably been mentioned in at least half of my ongoing stories. I know I mentioned it somewhere in Merry-Go-Round…
Guest: (I wish more people would read this story, it rocks!)
*sniff* Nooo… YOU ROCK! XD Thank you so much, I'm glad you think so! But I'm already so happy with all the readers I already have… QwQ And do I really deserve more…? TTwTT I'm not a very good person…
TokyoTeddieBear: Ah! I'm sorry, here's the update! XD I felt bad when I saw that, like, "Hey… Do I really not update enough? D:" Be happy now!
iSeeU123: LOL, wanna know the first thing I thought when I read your pen name? "How do you spell I-Cup?" "Hm, I-C-U-P…?" "MULTI-COLORS!" XD I couldn't help it… You left quite a lengthy review for an anonymous user. Thank you! I did consider what you suggested, and I hope you'll like this chapter! ;3
Chapter 11 – What You Deserve
One foot... in front... of the other.
I woke up in the same bed I remembered falling asleep in. Most people would prefer this over waking in another's bed, but I was both panicked and outraged. Was I trapped into this dream?! How would I get out!?
Yes- somehow, I managed to trap myself in a dream as great as Alice in Wonderland's. It was as unreal, to say the least.
I roll onto my side. What exactly does this dream mean?
It has been 3 days since I'd first gotten here, and now, I'm starting to worry. Why can't I wake up?
Of course, several times now, I've wondered: Could it be real?
The doctor - Kiyoteru - told me I've forgotten four years of my life. Of course, it seems crazy, doesn't it? But... it just might be...
No, it can't. Those visions I've had in my sleep were only illusions; the only reason Miku looks familiar is because she bears a resemblance to that one pop singer, Ring Suzune; the only reason Len claims to love me is because a dream likes to tease you with the things you want most.
That thought echoes in my mind. '... the things you want most...' Is that really what I want most of all? To be loved? I hug my knees to my chest. 'How pathetic...'
I'm currently residing in Kiyoteru's doctoral office. I've refused to sleep in the same room as two boys, no matter the circumstances, so I've been staying in the same cot for the last few days.
It smells like disinfectant. The cot is small and hard. It feels so claustrophobic. I want to go home...
But I'm stuck here.
'... a dream likes to tease you with the things you want most...'
Why can't I stop thinking of that line? Am I really that desperate? I've never really had friends back at home because of my born curse, but... I've never needed anyone before. I could survive without anyone around me. But these people are already calling me their friend, when I've done nothing. Maybe... I just...
I sigh and run my hand through my hair.
How ironic that I dreamt myself into a mental ward; I certainly am crazy enough to be accepted into one, aren't I?
Am I really even considering pretending? How sick. How sick of me to even contemplate faking a love for someone to satisfy my own curiosity. How sick of me...
I touch the back of my hand to my lips. 'I... I wonder how it feels.'
Ugh. How disgusting. I'm as bad as the 'normal' girls I used to know. Just as shallow, just as simple-minded.
The door opens and in walks the doctor who'd taken care of me for the last few days.
"I have some good news for you." Kiyoteru says. "... Or some bad news, depending on what you remember today."
"Today...?" What did he mean by that?
"You may be getting your own room."
"My own room?"
"Mm-hm." He answers, organizing some papers on one counter.
"... By myself?"
I hear a small chuckle. "Don't get too optimistic, now", he says. "You'll be rooming with another girl." He glances back. "You like Miku, don't you?"
I cringed. "She's... strange." He laughs at that, which I ignore. "So that's the girl I'll live with?"
"Yep. Her roommate is seriously thinking of moving away."
"You mean she's getting released?" I ask, cocking my head.
Kiyoteru hesitates. "... Um... Sort of." I didn't bother wondering what that meant.
I tuck my knees to my chest again. "What did you mean by 'what I remember today'?"
He stops and glances back at me. "I've been asking you questions for the last three days. You remember that, right? I've been asking about events that were supposed to happen after the time you seemed to wake up from."
"I... I don't understand."
Kiyoteru came up and sat on the edge of the white cot. I flinched and tucked myself in closer, but he didn't notice. "You thought you were eleven years old, and you've apparently forgotten the three years after that. So I've been asking you things that have apparently occurred to you when you were twelve or thirteen or fourteen.
"You seem to be remembering more with every day, unless you're only taking wild guesses."
This depresses me. It only adds to the proof of the part of my mind saying all this is real. But it can't be; it's only trying to convince me so.
"... Like what?"
He grabs his clipboard from the counter and flips to a certain page. "Yesterday, I asked you what subject Mr. Devone taught. You said science..." He glances up at me. "That was correct. Mr. Devone was your science teacher last year, in grade 8."
I blink. 'I know who that is...' "I... I doubt that. He was probably just a supply teacher."
Kiyoteru raises a brow and reads another paragraph off his clipboard. "I also asked you the names of the Spanish foreign exchange students at your school, which you got correct as well."
"Which one are you asking about, the boy or the girl?"
"Both."
"The boy was named Bruno, and the girl was Clara. They were the foreign exchange students before I-" I catch myself and silently gasp at the words I was about to say. '... before I came here...' Now I'm just being delusional.
Kiyoteru smiles. "You see?"
"That's no proof of anything!" I mumble.
"You sound like a child."
"I am a child! I'm freaking eleven!"
"I don't think kids nowadays say 'freaking'."
"Where have you been living? They do too!"
Kiyoteru pauses. "Well, it's not like I'm a teacher, or anything, so it's not like I'd know."
"Now who sound like a child?"
"You do."
I roll my eyes and huff. "Whatever."
Silence takes over as he reads through his notes. "You remember my name." Kiyoteru finally speaks up.
"You told me what it was."
"But you still remembered, which means you haven't developed any memory dysfunctions of a sort. Which is good."
We are silent again. There's a thought that has been nagging at me since I woke up, though. "... Why does everyone think I've lost my memories?"
He glanced over at me with a raised brow. "Maybe because you've forgotten everything?" he suggests sarcastically.
I roll my eyes. "I get that, but... Why me?"
"What do you mean?"
"It could have been Miku or Luka or whoever... So let's say this whole story of yours is true, and I really have forgotten the last three, four years of my life. Why me, of all people? Why couldn't it have been Len or someone else instead?"
Kiyoteru thinks about it for a moment. "There's an expression stating that 'All things happen for a reason'. Maybe you just have to find your reason."
I reflect on that. "That's... awfully vague."
Kiyoteru only shrugs. "I won't bother arguing. I'll leave now so you can get dressed."
"Get dressed?" I repeat. "For what?"
"The only thing damaged is your memories, which means", he smiles, "that you get to go through the regular patient routine again."
"What? What regular routine?" He pulls a sheet out of his clipboard and hands it to me, seeming amused. I read it over. "...What time is it now?"
"It's about 8:20. Breakfast is in ten minutes."
How strange. For the last few days, I've been waking up at around eight in the morning, while back at home I tended to sleep in 'til nine or ten. This schedule shows I would usually have had to wake up at eight. Why is my body already used to this early routine?
"You may want to hurry." Kiyoteru says as he leaves the room. He pauses at the door and looks back one last time. "... Good luck, Rin."
"You should brighten up a bit more. This is only a temporary thing, I think!"
"Mm-hm..."
"Len, I agree with Luka. You're depressing us."
I see Len roll his eyes as I approach. He looks tired.
"Len, if you're just going to be miserable, then just stay in your dorm for breakfast!" Miku snaps. "It's been three days now and it's getting annoying."
"Oh shut up."
I hover awkwardly about ten feet away. I feel like I'd be interrupting something if I walked up to these people now... obviously they're doing fine without me. (1)
I notice a girl sitting alone at another table, looking more depressed than even Len. She stares gloomily at her plate of eggs and toast, playing with her food using a fork but not eating it. She looks awfully skinny...
She suddenly looks up and our eyes meet. Right away a name comes to mind when I see her face, but I ignore it. The girl's bright magenta hair is pulled up into two curled pigtails on the side of her head, as always, but they look uneven, as if she did her hair carelessly. Her eyes widen in both surprise and hope as we stare at each other, but for some reason, I get a somewhat bitter taste about her.
Is this the girl who apparently tried to kill me?
"Teto...?" I whisper to myself, softly enough that no one should have been able to hear it, but Teto's eyes widen to the size of saucers, sparkling hopefully.
Why is she staring at me like that? What is she expecting from me? What does she want me to do?
I narrow my eyes at her and walk away, over to the table where my 'friends' sit. I see her deflate from the corner of my eye and feel the tiniest bead of satisfaction. Ha!
As I approach their table, Miku sees me first. Her eyes widen and then she averts her gaze, as though ashamed of something. It makes me wonder, but I don't think too much of it.
Luka sees me next and gasps quietly. She scoots over and pats the spot between she and the purple-haired boy, beckoning me over. 'Well, it's not like I have anywhere else to sit...' I come up and sit where she wanted me to.
Now the rest of the people are gasping as they lay eyes on me. It's actually quite irritating. Especially the way they right away swing their gazes to Len. All but Mikuo. Mikuo is the only one who doesn't seem to care what Len thinks and is still staring at me as though wondering if I'm not simply an illusion.
Len seems to be thinking the same thing, although his expression is a lot more sad. Although, despite myself, I can't really blame him.
Imagine that- the girl you love nearly kisses you (or so he says), then leaves for art class and almost dies courtesy of her best friend. Then, you wait by her for days to wake up, and when she does, she has no clue who you are, and couldn't be any more rude.
Somehow, I sympathize for him.
"Good morning, Rin." At least he's come to accept the fact that I don't remember him at all and that demands of 'Do you remember who I am now?!' only annoy me. Although, now that I think about it, he's never really bothered me with questions like that at all. On Day 1 (of my 'resuscitation', as I've heard them call it), he explained to me exactly what I 'missed' (even though I didn't and still don't believe it), and despite everything, he's still friendly towards me.
Although he always looks pained doing it.
He's always trying to touch me- no, not in any sexual way, mind you. He always reaches his hand out to pet my hair, caress my cheek, trail his hand down my arm. It's like he can't stand not touching me, and although I always pull away, refusing him, I can't help but be flattered.
No one has ever actually wanted to be with me. Never. Or, at least... No one since Auntie Haku. I miss her terribly...
He's never tried to force me to do anything, though. He's never forced me to kiss him, to touch him, and if I pull away, he never seems angry about it, only sad. Maybe that's what makes me feel for him in that way- despite 'loving' me, he'd never force me to, and would rather live with one-sided feelings than pain me.
It seems to me like this is what real love should be like. It sounds like the love I read so much about in books, but can never find in real life. So why do I refuse it?
I stare at him, his tired dark blue eyes. My favorite color is reflected in those breathtaking blue orbs of his.
I refuse because it would be unfair to pretend. I don't love him- we've only truly just met. Whatever feelings I have for him right now, whatever reason there are butterflies in my stomach for, it's only infatuation, a girlish longing. He doesn't deserve that. A person like him who is willing to be completely honest deserves only the same.
"Morning..." I mumble, averting my gaze.
"Here." Luka pushes her plate in front of me. There are some remains of scrambled egg on it. "I'm not hungry anymore."
The boy with the long lilac hair - Gakupo - does the same, offering some crispy bacon. "Go ahead and take my rests too."
"Thank you..."
"I still have some toast, if you don't mind it has a few bites in it already." Miku offers, holding up a triangular half of whole wheat bread with two fingers. True to her word, there are some bites taken from it already, but I don't really mind.
"Thank you, Miku."
She nods and drops it onto the plate Luka gave me, reaching across the pink-haired girl's place.
Kaito, her boyfriend, the one with the navy blue hair, smiles from where he sits across from her. He seems somewhat proud. I wonder what she's told him. Surely, being a couple, she must have told him things she wouldn't tell to any other sitting here. What does she feel? Is there something bothering her? Why?
The reason I wonder is because Miku acts somewhat cold all the time, and it is extremely difficult for me to tell what she's thinking. But the way she's always avoiding meeting my eye... Something's bothering her.
But, then again, I barely know her. It's not my responsibility, nor is it my business. (2)
For some reason, even though she seems somewhat insensitive, I like Miku. She seems so much more... real, in a sense. Well, she and Luka both, but... Luka seems to be over whatever pain she's experienced. She's happy with Gakupo, and they're perfectly fine minding their own business. Miku on the other hand still seems stressed about things and worried about others, and despite her sudden avoidance of me, I can still feel, in some strange way, that she cares for me.
I think it's the fact that we're both scared about certain things, so uncertain, that draws me to her. We both have this in common.
While I admire her, it is still no reason to meddle into her business. And, besides, it could be about her past or something. I don't know how on earth she ended up at a mental institution (I can't 'remember'), but if what's bothering her is about what she did to get here, she probably won't want to share it with me. It would probably make her uncomfortable if I asked. It's none of my business.
I finally realize I'm staring at her and lower my gaze to my plate, slightly embarrassed. "Um... so..." I mumble, taking a bite of the toast.
No one can seem to find a topic of conversation now that I've arrived. I knew it; I'm just the elephant in the room, a nuisance to them, the awkward girl they're forced to take in.
"What are we going to do for break, tonight?" Kaito finally speaks up.
"Hm?" Miku looks up sharply. "Ah- oh, sorry... I didn't hear you."
"I asked what we're going to be doing for break, tonight, Miku."
"Well..." She twirls a strand of long teal hair around her finger. I love the color, I'm so jealous. "I... They're making me do the half hour of physical activity now that my act's cracked, so... How about we go out onto the field? Soccer?"
Kaito smiles. "I'll be goalie."
"Could we come with you?" Luka asks, grasping Gakupo's hand. I don't think they realize they're blocking my plate.
Kaito and Miku turn to each other and Miku shrugs. "Why not?"
"Mikuo, what about you?"
"Nah, they're letting Haine and Ren visit." Mikuo says, blushing slightly.
"Aw, why don't you bring him along with us?" Luka asks.
"Yeah, why not?" Kaito asks. "This whole time, you had a kid, and none of us knew about it! At least let us meet him!"
A kid?! My gaze swings over to meet Len's and he bats once at the air. 'Later', it seems to mean.
"I'd like to meet your off-spring too." Miku says, resting her head on her propped-up hand.
"Yeah, come on! We've never even met the little guy!"
"That's the point." Mikuo says jokingly and they all laugh. "I'll ask Haine, but I probably won't be playing with you guys. You all can get really aggressive with sports..." He narrows his eyes at them.
"Luka isn't necessarily an aggressive player", Gakupo says, "She's just a sore-loser."
"I am n- No, never mind, you're completely right." Luka admits.
"I don't think I will." Len says.
"Pfft! You say that as if we weren't already expecting that answer!" Luka laughs.
Even Miku smiles at that. "She's got a point, Mr. Mozart."
Len rolls his eyes. "Alright, so I don't see the point in running around a field for some black spotted ball. No need to judge me for it."
Kaito laughs. "Are you trying to make us feel bad?"
"No; If I were, that would have been a horrible attempt."
"Whatever. What about you, Rin? Are you coming out with us?"
"Soccer?" I can't help but cringe. "I... have to agree with Len on this one." It feels so strange dropping his name so casually. "I'd rather stay inside."
"Oh, poo. What a shame."
"You sure?" Gakupo insists.
I narrow my eyes at them. "If you really knew me, you'd know I hate sports." But they can't, because they're only characters of my imagination.
"Heh, don't you remember, Gackt?" Kaito asks. "On the... what was it, the second, or the third day? We tried to get her into sports. She couldn't even figure out a hoola hoop!" He laughs.
My eyes widen. That part was true; never in my life had I ever been able to work a hoola-hoop. But...! This doesn't prove anything at all.
I nibble on my eggs as they threaten each other about the soccer game, placing bets, discussing Mikuo's son (which I'm still quite shocked about), and so on. Only Len and I remain silent.
"If there isn't anything to say, I just don't say anything." (3) Somehow, I know he told me that once. It was probably just something he said at some point in the last three days, but, for some reason, it seems like it came from a while ago, a few months ago, maybe.
It feels like he wants to tell me something, or at least talk casually, but he just sits there and watches me. It actually makes me feel self-conscious as I eat.
Finally the bell rings, and I breathe out in relief. I hadn't realized how uptight I was until then.
I quickly push my nearly empty plate away and join the flush of people heading towards the exit. None of them follow, but instead linger at the table.
'Class...' I remember. 'Shoot. I forgot to ask what classes I'm supposed to be taking.' I begin walking down the hall. 'Well, then... if I can find the office where Megumi works, she'd be able to tell me...'
"Rin! Where are you going?!"
I spin around hearing that high-pitched voice call out my name. A little girl no older than ten runs up to me. She has dark-colored hair pulled into two ponytails on either side of her head and big gray eyes.
"Hey! Rin! Homeroom's this way!" She jabs a thumb behind her.
I blink. "U-Um... okay. Thank you?"
She immediately frowns. "Are you alright...?"
I nod. "Um, yes, I'm fine."
Did you know the most commonly told lie in the world is 'I'm fine'?
This little girl doesn't look convinced. I wonder what her name is. It would be rude to ask, I find. Besides, then I'd have to explain the reason I can't remember. I'd prefer avoiding that situation.
"Good thing I caught you in time." She says. "I don't know where you were going, but you would've been late." She glances back at me. "Where were you going?"
"I don't know," I say, which really is the truth. "I was lost in thought."
"Uh-huh." She smiles at me adorably. "Alright, if you say so~!"
Seeing such a young person here makes me think about Mikuo. Why didn't anyone tell me he had a kid?! How old is it? I think I overheard that this child is a boy. What's his name? Who's his mother?
I wonder about him through most of class. The rest of the time, I'm thinking about Len. What is he thinking about right now? What on earth is making him think I'm worth loving? What did I do to make him feel that way?
Maybe I'd ask him. After all, he'd already admitted to loving me; surely he wouldn't mind me asking why, would he?
It all seems so odd, I thought to myself, as I made my way down to Kiyoteru's office. But, then again, I'm currently residing in a mental ward- things are supposed to be weird. Ahaha.
I knock at the door to his office room and wait a few moments. He finally opens it. "Rin", he says right away, "is it alright if we skip our session today? There's been a little... unscheduled visit, so to say."
I try to peek in through the crack in the door, but I can't see inside well enough, for his body is blocking my sight. "Um... alright, I guess. But, then, where do I go?"
Kiyoteru hesitates, then steps out and closes the door behind him. "I'll bring you. She needs time to reflect anyway."
"Who?"
He raises a brow at me with the slightest smile. "I can't tell you that; it's confidential. It's just a person facing a very big choice in her life, one that will severely affect her." His eyes seem to grow sad. "You'd be surprised to find how much of an effect you can leave on someone, sometimes."
I frown. Is he telling me this as some sort of wise advice, or something, or did I do something to hurt this girl? Who is she...? Miku?
I shake it off as we stop at a door. It's none of my business.
He slides a card into the wall pad then punches in a code. The door beeps and opens and I'm met with an empty room.
There is a bunk bed in the middle and a regular bed on the left wall. A room for three people. The bunk beds are unmade and clothing is strewn on the floor.
It looks familiar.
"Whose room is this?" I ask.
"Mikuo and Len's room." Kiyoteru answers and my eyes widen.
I take a step back. "Um, no thanks, I don't think I should be in their room without their permi-"
"You're supposed to be here. It's for the interactive therapy; you get to spend a half hour with Len." He laughs at my expression. "You know, you always did both think strangely of each other. I'm not really all too surprised you both ended up together."
"We're not-"
"Your stuff is still in here." Kiyoteru interrupts. "You should find something to do while you wait for Len." He starts to leave but pauses. "Don't forget, this is your room too. You're perfectly welcome here."
And then he locks me into this room.
A boy's room.
What kind of mental institution lets a girl live with two teenage boys?! They're hormone-filled and crazy! Obviously it isn't a good idea to put them all together, especially not when one of them could have been a rapist, or something! Unless... hm. Maybe they're gay...?
I chuckle at my own thought. Maybe I should clear that up with Len, just in case. 'Oh, hey, you do realize I'm a girl, right?' Just in case, haha!
I sit on the single bed. It must have been mine, I guess. There's a small night table beside it. On it, I see my white ribbon. I pick it up curiously. There's a sticky note on it, and something is written in red marker.
'You dropped this.'
I cock my head, wondering who in this crazy fantasy could have written it. Perhaps it was Kiyoteru? But then he would have mentioned it, wouldn't he? Perhaps it was Len, trying to be a mysterious romantic. I giggle at the thought. How cheesy!
I pull off the note and place my ribbon on my head. It relaxes me to feel it back in its place.
I gaze around the room. What is there to do? All there seems to be is clothing, bags of who knows what, and the bathroom. Well, there's also the beds, and... Well, I am pretty tired.
How simple a thought.
Without really thinking, I lean back onto the pillow. Ah... so comfy! I curl myself into a ball and make what sounds like a strange purr.
It's getting cold outside- it seems to be near or in December, and Vancouver definitely isn't the warmest place on Earth.
My eyes fall close and I'm sucked into a dream.
'It's amazing how fast I can fall asleep...' were the last words I remember thinking before everything went dark.
A girl stood facing a wall.
She had golden blond hair down to her shoulders and a pale complexion with big blue eyes. She still had some baby fat in her cheeks but she was very skinny and fit.
What immediately clued me into her identity was the big floppy bow she wore on her head.
This was me.
The angle changed and I saw that she was looking into a mirror. Her expression was serious, her eyes cold.
Her reflection, though, was different.
The girl in the mirror wore black clothes, for one, while I wore what looked like plain white winter pajamas. Her hair, though cut in nearly the same style, was a little longer and completely black. Her eyes were thinner, more Asian, and she had a slightly heavier weight than I, though we were both extremely skinny.
She stared at me with black-colored eyes, her crimson red bow leaning to one side. It was almost a glare. So naturally, I glared back. She seemed surprised by my reaction and took a step back.
Then, she slowly brought a hand up to the glass of the mirror. Her gaze returned to my face, searching me.
I wasn't sure what she wanted, but I brought my own hand up as well, pressing it against hers. But instead of cold glass, what I felt was like fire. It burned through my hand, but I didn't pull away or react to it at all.
"I know you." I heard myself say, though I didn't know at all what I was talking about.
The girl in the mirror nodded her lips twitching. "Of course you do." She whispered. "You know me better than anyone."
This made absolutely no sense to me. Why had I told her I knew her when I didn't at all? "W-Who are you...?"
The girl's smile grew. "We'll meet each other soon enough." She pressed her hand up to my forehead, and suddenly I could feel that same burning feeling. It hurt! It was blistering my skin with its heat, burning through my skull, but I couldn't pull away! What the heck is going on?!
And then suddenly, the wall of glass was gone. She was standing there right in front of me, completely human, and when she smiled at me, I knew what her name was.
"Oh, you're awake."
All I can do is blink as I struggle to keep that dream in mind. I was going to say something... I was going to call her a certain name... I was going to... to... ... What exactly was I going to do?
The dream disappeared from my memories as fast as a blown dandelion seed. With every second that passes, it all starts to fade more and more.
... Is it even possible to dream during a dream?
"Rin? Rin, are you okay?! Hey!"
I blink some more and shake my head. I've given up on trying to remember. Len is crouched over me, his expression filled with worry.
Not understanding the situation, at first I only see a male figure leaning over me, his left hand pressing beside my shoulder, digging into the mattress of the bed I lay on. My mind simply put together the two main pieces: Boy + Bed = RAPE!
As a reflex, I push my hand upwards, attempting to hit him or push him away. At the same time, though, I squeeze my eyes shut, bracing myself for a hit, or something.
When I open my eyes again, I see my hand hovering far to the left of Len's head. He stares at it incredulously.
'Oh god..." I think to myself in embarrassment. 'I totally missed.'
He stares back down at me in confusion. "Um..."
"Don't scare me like that!" I cry out, dropping my hand.
He only blinks. "That was supposed to be my line."
I scoff. "Don't say that! This isn't supposed to be a comedy! The author just read a funny manga which is messing up her mind and producing gags- such as this one. Ignore it and be serious!"
"Um... alright." Len says, trying to ignore the author's pathetic insertion of humor in a serious story. (A/N: Sorry...! =w=") "Are you okay? I called your name, but you were just... staring up at the ceiling."
"I'm fine, I was just... sleeping." I scratch the back of my head, sitting up. Len sits himself down on the edge of the bed, by my legs. To give him more room, I tuck my knees in.
He doesn't really look convinced with my excuse, but it's not like I have anything else I can tell him. I can't even remember the reason!
"So, um..." I squirm slightly under the covers. Funny... I don't remember ever pulling them back. "What exactly do we do for this whole... social therapy thing?"
Len smiles. "You can't just figure it out by the name? We act social to each other."
"Yeah, but, like... Is there something specific we have to ask?"
"Nope. You can talk about anything you'd like to."
"..." I try to think of a topic. "Oh, hey... How long have you been here?" I ask, only just noticing this.
"About five minutes, maybe?" He shrugs. "Not very long."
"Why didn't you wake me up?"
"You looked peaceful, and you've been very tired lately. I figured I'd just let you sleep; it'd be selfish of me to wake you up."
"You shouldn't have." I say, getting all flustered for no real reason.
He gives me a strange look for that. "It's not really a problem... We don't actually have to talk if you don't want to. It's not like they test us about it."
"But you want to talk to me." I say. He looks surprised. "... Don't you?"
"... Well... um..." He scratches the back of his head. "I can talk to you any time I want to, so I don't mind letting you sleep..."
"But not alone."
"What?!"
"You don't get much time to talk to me alone."
"Oh..." He lets out a breath of air, and I realize what he must've heard. 'I don't mind letting you sleep...' 'But not alone!' Gee...! Why must I say such stupid things...! "... What exactly are you getting at?" he asks.
"Huh?"
"Why are you saying all this?"
I frown. "I... I don't know. I'm just... being weird, I guess."
He leans back horizontally on the bed. "I guess you're right, though. I do prefer being alone with you."
I gasp. I can't help it; he just admitted to something... that... Ah! Somehow it affects me more now than before, when he told me he loved me. Is it because he took me by surprise, then?
"It doesn't matter to me, though. You need your sleep."
I just stare at him in awe. How can he be so upfront about his feelings...?! "Len..." I blurt it out before I can stop myself. "Why do you love me?"
He rolls onto his side. "Where did that come from?"
"Just... answer the question." I grumble, embarrassed.
"Well, let's see... You were the first life I saved, for one." he says, lifting a finger.
"What? When?"
"When you first got here." He lifts another finger. "You were the first one who hated me for no reason at all." A third finger. "You were the first one to make me feel jealous. You were the first girl I've ever wanted. You were the first girl I ever tried to steal away. You're beautiful, you're careful, you're caring, you're forgiving, you're honest..."
My eyes widen. So many compliments at once...! The only compliments I had ever gotten were from Aunt Haku, and yet, it feels different coming from a person I'm not related to.
"You're the only person I've ever actually felt something for." His eyes lock on mine. "I've never actually been in love before... Not even as a kid. I always thought other people were stupid. So the fact that I even wanted to be with you at all..." He shakes his head. "Just that is surprising enough."
"But... how is that love?"
His smile falls. "Hm. So you're not just asking."
I don't understand what he means by that, but I don't interrupt as he sits up straight, turning to face me.
"If you want me to be honest... It's killing me that you're being so cold. It's hurting me not to be able to touch you or kiss you or anything. And... well... I guess I'm like every other guy in the way that I say that, the one thing I want to do most right now is make love to you."
I gasp and squirm, blushing. He... Did he actually say that?!
"If we ever get out of here, and you let me, I'd even marry you."
Oh. My. God.
"But only if you want to." His face is coming closer.
He... He's practically proposed to me! What the hell do I do?! What on earth do I do?!
We're literally only inches away from each other. Inches! N-Now what?! I've never actually kissed a boy before! (Or, maybe I have, but I wouldn't know. I wouldn't 'remember'.)
"But if you don't want to..." he starts to say. "All you have to tell me is stop."
I... I should tell him to stop. He doesn't deserve this. I don't love him! The only reason my heart is thumping so hard is because he's said all those things to me, because his face is so damn close to mine. He doesn't deserve this!
Our noses are touching now. I can feel his breath on my face.
"L-Len...!"
So... So close now. I feel like I might faint. I want him so bad, I'm shaking. Or, no, not true; I want to be loved so bad, I'm shaking. He's just the one providing me with it. I'm just using him. I'm so selfish, so so selfish...!
"I love you, Rin..." he whispers.
I can feel my eyes tear. "I'm... I'm so sorry...!"
Before he can pull too far away, alarmed by my sniffles, I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him towards me. His lips brush against mine and I can't help but let those tears flow. I'm so cruel, so selfish! He doesn't deserve this...!
"You don't deserve this...!"
He circles his arms around my waist. "Shh... It's alright."
We're not close anymore. He's pulled away from me. He's so good to have resisted such temptation when I couldn't take even half as much as he. It must hurt him so much now. So, so... much...
I can't help it; I sob in his shoulder.
He doesn't say anything, just repeats a soothing "Shh..." over and over again, holding me in his arms.
"I... I don't deserve you. You deserve someone better. You... shouldn't have to take this." Another sob.
He rubs my back with his hands. "... I don't want anybody else, Rin. But that's okay if you don't want me. I'm glad you stopped me."
"You're lying."
He doesn't answer, only holds me.
"... Is this still a dream?" I finally ask.
It takes him a moment to answer, and for a moment, I thought he was ignoring me. "Only if you still want it to be."
I focus on steadying my uneven breathing. "I... I wish I could... remember. I wish I could remember everything."
"I don't."
My head snaps up. "What?"
He smiles, his blond bangs falling into his face. "It'd be just too easy if you hadn't forgotten. Don't you think?"
Again, my eyes well up with tears, but he doesn't hesitate to hold me close to him. And when has anyone but Auntie Haku ever held me close to them?
Just that thought makes me want to cry.
'Rin...' I think to myself, speaking to the girl whose memories were lost. 'You're so unbelievably lucky. Please come back... If not for me, then for Len.'
That Rin either didn't hear me or didn't listen.
All dah floof ish flooooofy~! Lalalalalalaaaaa~!
Ah! It's 3:30am! I'm so tiiiired... OTL
I was supposed to have this posted two days ago, but I was so bloody exhausted that I could barely keep my eyes open. I fell asleep before I could finish, which was why it took so long. After being grounded for so long (a week and a half probably isn't that long, is it?), have my sleep patterns been disturbed? O.O
Oh, hey, I'm reading the manga 'Absolute Boyfriend'. I didn't want to borrow it from my library at first because of its name... I mean, how stupid and girly does 'Absolute Boyfriend' sound?! Couldn't they just have named it 'Nightly Lovers', or something?!
But, anyway, I'm on volume 3, and it's actually really good! Weird, but good! I love Soshi so much... *kiss kiss kiss* I'm always like, "GO TO HELL, NIGHT! SOSHI'S WAY BETTER! YOU'RE JUST SOME ROBOT DUDE TAKING SOSHI'S PLACE! *sob sob sob*" Yep. It's very inspiring, though... It gave me an idea for some kind of Len x someone fic. Although that idea sounds more like that manga B.O.D.Y, if anything... =.=
Speaking of which, B.O.D.Y is also a very good manga! I've only read halfway through the first volume (my mom dragged me out of the book store), but it's very interesting! The whole time I was reading, the song Spice was playing in my head. XD
My absolute favorite manga, though, is Pearl Pink. I loved it so much! I was so devastated when I found out it got cut short! IF I WERE JAPANESE, I WOULD HAVE VOTED FOR YOU IN THE SURVEYS, PEARL PINK! I was so upset... only 4 volumes! D': I felt like crying...! So well made, and... *gasp* Raizo...!
So much could have been done with that idea, but it was put to rest so early...! Why did I have to die?! *sob* I wonder if Meca Tanaka (or whatever his name was) made any more manga after that...? If so, I'd like to read it.
I'm too lazy to give you a question this chapter, but because I like reviews, I'll give you one anyway. XD
Question of the Chapter: Don't I fail at romance? :'D
Ehehe... I'm so very cheesy. I read over Len's little speech, and I'm like, "Yeah, now it's obvious you're fictional." I blame it on the third volume of Absolute Boyfriend; I read it right before writing that part, so... yeah.
Just saying, girls (and guys, if you want), real boys don't say stuff like that. Unless they're trying to get in your pants. Normally. (Although there is that rare one, sometimes... but VERY rarely.)
Oh, hey, I forgot to put a song for this chapter~!
Song of the Chapter: Gigantic O.T.N
Lyrics: "Danger, danger, it's getting swollen up now! Hey you! Make me climax~!" 'Nough said. ^w^
Well, as usual, I love you all. Now review before I die of exhaustion. I DID THIS FOR YOOOOOOU. So you better review. Or I might actually die. D:
Love,
Naty17
(1) She doesn't even realize they're talking about her. XD
(2) And now we know why Rin has no friends. *shot* I'm just kidding, it's a lot more complicated than that. And besides, take it from me, it's not always easy to make friends. Some people - like me - have a harder time than others. If anything, Rin and I are quite alike in this way. But... hey, I'm good now. What can I say, us losers like to stick together! *shot* I love my loser-ish friends~! *shot* STOP SHOOTING ME! *dies*
(3) Len says this line in Chapter 3, in case you forgot. ^w^
REVIEWWWWWWWWW. NOW. Or MY Gigantic O.T.N will EAT YOU! XD *anatomically impossible- my penis has no mouth -but who cares? XD*