Author's Note: Dedicated to my reviewers, who pushed me to finish this chapter. Give yourselves a good ol' pat on the back. Sorry about the lateness …
Chapter eleven: Out of Mind
Grey clouds descended hastily upon the late afternoon, foreshadowing an evening of darkness; torrential rain and thunder, as Relena stood outside the dark oak door to her shared common room.
This was it. This was her turning point; if she was going to start to do something about this damned bet, it was going to be now. God, she could murder Hilde … if only that girl knew how much torment she was causing.
Her small hand wrapped around the cold metal of the handle and she tried her best to prepare herself for what she was going to have to deal with inside. Yes, she was actually going to act nicely around the monster that lurked inside the den ahead. She would prove to Dorothy that she really didn't need all of that superficial bullshit to win the guy over. After all, it wasn't as if she was expecting him to seriously date her or anything, it was only one flaming dance … surely it wouldn't be that hard to get close enough to convince him to go with her … right?
Shoving the door open, she quickly stepped inside. Her eyes widened immediately as they captured the view in front of her, and she blinked, unsure of whether she was dreaming or not. The door crashing closed behind her startled her from her thoughts, and suddenly she was being assailed with emotional reactions; confusion, irritation, anger, pain and something else that was bubbling deep inside, swelling like a huge bubble in her chest and threatening to explode. It was something that she hadn't quite experienced before, something unlike anything else that she had experienced before and something that she was sure that she definitely didn't like. And it was aimed directly at the bold, blonde girl cuddled underneath Heero's protective arm.
"… Relena…." For the first time in the whole seven years that she had attended this school, Relena could truthfully admit that Heero Yuy had been caught off-guard. If she didn't feel so oddly angered, she may have found the sight somewhat amusing, but as she had it, she instead felt a stab of searing pain constricting her chest, so tightly that she was sure that she would soon choke.
Heero stared at her awkwardly, from beneath a veil of dark unruly hair that had somehow gathered across his forehead, in a disorderly fashion, his face displaying a stunned look of surprise and his strong hand firmly clasped around a can of beer.
Eventually finding her voice, Relena exclaimed, "What's going on?"
Heero swallowed, before smiling slowly, "Uhh…" from beside him, Sylvia Noventa tittered behind her hands, her eyes shimmering with a glowing sense of mischief. The other two guys that were occupying the other chairs in the room, stood gawkily from their places, ensuring that their gazes were averted from hers before mumbling some sort of apologies and hastily making their way out of the room. It slammed shut behind them with a resonating bang, which soon sent the room into a dominating, eerie silence.
"Heeeeey!" Sylvia yelled after them, "What about meee?" Relena had to suppress the strong urge to forcefully silence the young girl as her unclear words slurred together and her pitched voice resonated irritatingly in her ears.
"I …" Heero started, raising his hand as his glazed eyes hooked onto hers and his torso swayed ever so slightly, "can explain."
Relena sighed, leaning her weight onto one leg as she folded her arms stubbornly across her chest. "Try me."
"I didn't invite them over, they were just here to celebrate, and the drink …" he stared momentarily at the can in his hand before pulling his arm away from Sylvia's shoulders. "Well, I can't really explain that. Not that there's a lot to explain-"
"Heero!" Relena cried, "What do you mean there's not a lot to explain, you shouldn't-"
"What?" Heero bit back brusquely, causing the oblivious Sylvia to leap away from him in surprise. His eyes clouded over, the distant, glazed look that had been there before was quickly replaced with a dark, blazing sharpness that astounded Relena.
"You're Head Boy! What do you mean there's not much to explain?" her anger was overriding her sense of control, and Relena knew that she was losing grasp of the situation. Whatever happened to changing the way that she acted around him?
Heero pierced her with a heated glare, "Come on, Relena, it was just a bit of fun, stop being so uptight! Hasn't anybody ever told you what a prude you are?" He scowled at her, his eyes narrowing as they glared icily, sending cold chills shooting through her body. She breathed in deeply, knowing that he would never act so openly if it hadn't been for the affect that the alcohol was having on him, which was, in a way, a good thing. At least for once, she wasn't clueless to what was going on inside his heavily guarded mind.
The repetition of Dorothy's earlier words, however, did not go unnoticed by Relena and she stepped back, somewhat stricken by the oscillation. Was this really how she came across to other people. As a prudish bitch? Biting her lip, she tried to ignore the words, shoving them to the back of her mind, "Stop avoiding the topic at matter, Heero."
"Well then, you stop being such a fucking goody-two-shoes! Shit, Relena, have you ever had any fun in your whole bloody life?" He stood up, agitated, his breaths becoming deep and unstable, "Hell, it wouldn't shock me if you hadn't!"
"Heer-"
"NO! You walk around here like you own the place, but you know what? You DON'T! It's about time, Relena, that you got off your damned high horse and realised that you're no better than the rest of us."
She took another step back, withholding the tears that were threatening to spill from her eyes and ruin her cool exterior. At least, she hoped that it was cool.
"Is that what you think of me?" she asked, in what was meant to be an adamant, demanding voice, but which instead came out as weak and frightened.
Heero's shoulders slumped forwards and it appeared as though all of his anger had suddenly evaporated as he slunk back into the sofa.
"Sylvia, I think you should leave." He said stoically after a few moments of silence.
"But-"
"Sylvia, please, just leave." He said quietly, interrupting her protestation. The sandy, blonde-haired girl stood from her position, sending a callous glare in Relena's direction before indignantly storming from the room.
A tensed silence settled over the last two remaining occupants of the room, shrouding them like a thick black smoke … smothering and intoxicating. Relena stared at Heero, watching as his back rose up and down, up and down, in correspondence to his heavy breathing pattern.
"Relena-"
"Dr Steiner wants to see us as soon as possible," She cut in, quickly, "in his office. I met him in the corridors on the way down here."
Heero released an apprehensive breath of air and lifted his head to meet her gaze. "I'm sorry."
Relena stared at him, impassively before shaking her head, "I don't want to hear it. We need to go. Are you okay to go up here in your state?"
"What do you mean my state? I had three beers, I'd hardly call that a state."
"Fine, just make sure you don't get caught, Dr Steiner isn't stupid."
Heero slowly came to his feet, and Relena observed him warily.
"Give me five minutes," he said, not bothering to twist the statement into a question.
Relena nodded her head and watched her Head Boy disappear into his room. Unbelievable … she thought; that boy is so damned unbelievable.
-x- -x- -x-
"Your grades have dropped by a considerable amount Miss Catalonia, and I'm afraid that we're going to have to do something about it …"
Dorothy leant back in her chair, bored already. She gazed at her freshly painted fingernails as she plotted ways to help her friends. Not that they deserved it, of course, because every time that she went out of her way to give them some assistance, they blamed her for every little thing that went wrong. She hadn't been the one to knock the school's tennis captain unconscious. Seriously, Hilde had some serious issues.
" … Miss Catalonia, have you been listening to anything that I've said?" Dorothy snapped her head up to stare at her maths teacher, Mrs Andrews.
"Mhm. Something about my continuous lack of attention during class, and that if I didn't start putting some effort into my work, you were going to have to speak to my parents." Dorothy rhymed off, unperturbed by the threats.
"Not only that, Dorothy," the teacher warned, "but you do realise that if you fail these exams, you are not going to be accepted into Cambridge, like you have planned to for the past seven years now."
Dorothy sighed, "No, Mrs Andrews, contrary to popular belief, it was not my choice to apply for Cambridge, or Oxford, but my parents'. I, honestly, have no interest in attending those schools."
"Very well then, but just because you don't intend to go to any of those Universities, doesn't mean that I'm going to allow you to fall behind in your studies. I'm allocating you a tutor …" she fidgeted around in her notes for a few seconds before pulling out a printed sheet of paper and scanning her eyes hastily down it. "Ahh, I have just the person .He's top of the Advanced Mathematics Class and has impeccable grades, not only that, but he's a great student," her eyes suddenly hooked onto Dorothy, intense and serious, "Maybe he'll be able to teach you a few things."
Dorothy rolled her eyes in annoyance, "Fine, when and where do I meet him?"
"Tomorrow, after school in the study hall." She shuffled her notes before turning her attention back to the platinum blonde before her, slouched in the dark oak chair and gazing out of the window beside her. She sighed, hopelessly, "You may leave now, Miss Catalonia."
"Thank the heavens." Dorothy muttered, pushing herself out of the chair before leaving the oppressive office.
She fled down the corridor, anxious to get back to her room and find out what Hilde had been up to all day. It was really quite depressing that her two best friends, one being a complete and utter bookworm and the other a sports-obsessed-athlete, had much more interesting social lives than she did at the moment.
As she rounded a corner, her black, heeled school shoes slipped against the stone beneath her feet and she felt herself lose balance. She closed her eyes, awaiting a painful collision with the cold floor beneath her, but instead, she found herself ramming into something completely different. Her eyes snapped open quickly to be caught, unaware, by two stunning aquamarine orbs, that glittered with something akin to laughter.
"Whoa there," She felt strong hands grip her shoulders steadily, helping her regain her balance as the deep husky voice called out in surprise, "Are you okay?"
Dorothy felt a rush of embarrassment flood through her body as she took a step away from the boy. "I'm fine." She said, curtly, before mumbling a quiet 'thank you' afterwards.
The boy chuckled, and adjusted his bag on his shoulder. He had strong shoulders, Dorothy couldn't help but notice, before her eyes quickly skimmed up to his face and she gasped in acknowledgement. Quatre Winner … her head suddenly began to spin, and the immense pressure that had abruptly surfaced in her head caused her to feel as though she would topple over.
Quatre, having noticed her uneasiness, hastily grasped onto her arm, his brows furrowing with concern.
"You don't look okay." He stated, cautiously as he watched her waver slightly on the spot, his steady hand the only thing keeping her aloft.
"No, no, I'm fine," Dorothy answered, swatting his hand away, "Just a rush of blood to the head, you know." She glanced up at him again, unexpectedly captivated by the intensity that was held within his glassy eyes. They seemed to shimmer calmly as the light from the corridor reflected against them. He reached up and ruffled his light blonde hair with a strong hand, looking unsure.
"Well okay," he said slowly, "I hope to see you around soon, Dorothy." He flashed a polite smile before continuing down the corridor. Dorothy turned to watch him go, feeling incredulous.
-x- -x- -x-
It was dark outside by the time that they had left the medical room.
"Please, Hilde, would you just stop-" Duo swatted the girl's hand away, irritated. Why had he given her that extra pill? He was so naïve to believe that she would keep it for the morning, for seconds after he had placed it in her hand, she had swallowed it dry.
"Hahahahahah …"
"HILDE! Please, stop- Dammit, that's it!" He grabbed her arm quickly, pulling her frail body into his, her back against his chest. He could feel her hysterical laughter vibrating through her body as he clasped her arms tightly to her side.
"Hahahahahah!"
He could smell the sweet scent of strawberries and cream from the silky strands of her hair, and had to fight hard to restrain himself from doing anything stupid. He moved his lips down to her ear, blowing lightly and smirking as the giggling girl grew still and rigid.
"Two can play at that game." He whispered gently, before slipping his hands away from her forearms and sliding them down to her waist.
Hilde swallowed, her head tipping slightly to the side as she gasped in surprise.
He suddenly spun her around to face him, hazy blue eyes clashing against his own, and he could suddenly tell just how far gone her mind was. She stared at him, silently, before giggling once again.
Well … at least she had stopped trying to tickle him. Now, he just had to get her to her room before anyone saw her.
Hold on … "Hilde?" he asked, steadying her and trying to catch her gaze, get her to focus, "Who do you share a room with?"
Hilde looked at him blankly, before blinking, "Why?" She asked, almost defensively.
Frowning, Duo answered her, "Because, I just need to know."
"Lani Reeves, do you know her? She's really, really, really, really …"
"That's okay, that's all I needed to know," Duo cut in. He wouldn't be able to take her to her room now, Lani Reeves couldn't keep a secret if the fate of the world rested on her shoulders. He would just have to take her to his, and hope to God that Wufei wouldn't be around.
"Really, really annoying." Hilde finished.
"I'll take you to my room then, but you'll have to be quiet," Duo told her, taking her hand in his and starting to lead the way, "Because we can't let anyone see us."
If one of the teachers saw Hilde in this state … he'd be so dead. And probably suspended from the rugby team for at least a term. He shuddered at the thought.
Hilde tugged at his hand, bringing him to a stop, "Nooooo …" she moaned.
Sighing, Duo turned around to face her, as she slumped onto the ground, pulling her hand from his. "What's wrong now?"
She pouted, "I can't go to your room. That's against the rules, silly!"
Ignoring how irresistible she looked when she pouted, Duo retorted, "And since when does Hilde Schbeiker follow the rules?"
Hilde stared, knowing she had been offended, "Excuse me, I follow the rules. I just … bend them slightly at times."
"Well then, little lady, you can bend them for me now, because it's either you come to my room, or we're both expelled from the school; one for overdosing and the other for stealing supplies. Comprende?"
Hilde nodded, her eyes half-lidded and looking tired, "Comprende," she repeated, before allowing Duo to pull her up and falling into his arms. "You know what?"
"What?" Duo asked, repressing a shudder; trying to restrain his emotions, restrain himself and the things that he was feeling, as her body pressed firmly into his.
"I don't …" she glanced up at him, with unseeing eyes, her head tilting back slightly, "feel so good." A soft noise emerged from her throat before her head dropped onto his shoulder.
Duo's heart was pummelling in his chest as he tilted her chin up, "Hilde?"
Her whole body had become flaccid in his arms, her head lolling on her neck. "Oh shit … Hilde? Wake up babe. Can you hear me?"
He shook her gently, before quickly picking her up, his arms cradled under her legs and neck, and taking off, he jogged as quickly and cautiously as he could in the direction of his room, mumbling all the way, "Stay with me, Hilde, stay with me."
-x- -x- -x-
Relena waited for him to open the door. She glared at his back, as he twisted the knob, hoping that the principle had called them to say there had been some terrible mistake, that Heero Yuy couldn't possibly be the year's Head Boy, because he was just so …
"Ladies first," Heero stepped aside as the mahogany door swung open.
… Bloody frustrating.
"Since when did you acquire manners?" She hissed at him, brushing through the doorway.
"Relena! Heero!" The principle greeted, cheery as always, "Please, take a seat."
They sat down, reluctantly, avoiding each other's gazes. Relena's arms folded across her chest as Heero's eyes lingered to the view from the large Victorian style window and it's elegant arches. The world outside had been dusted with a glittering frost, the shimmering pine trees in the distance spread out, covering a vast majority of the school's well tended grounds.
"I've got some great news." The Principle rubbed his hands together with glee and glanced towards Heero who had perked up in his armchair and was now studying the principle with a discerned curiosity, "We'll be holding the matches for rugby this year, and shall be the home playing team."
Heero smiled, genuinely pleased by the news, Relena watched him, a slow steady half-smile forming on her face as she watched his eyes glow. Maybe he wasn't quite the emotionless zombie she'd always thought.
"Are you serious?" Heero leant forward in his chair, his elbows resting on his long legs, "We're the homing team? That's brilliant! Who are we playing first?"
"Ravenhill Grammar," Dr Steiner informed, shuffling some papers on his desk aside, he glanced up through steel-rimmed frames, "They'll be arriving tomorrow evening, I'm sorry for the late notice, but it was rather sudden for me, also." He then glanced towards Relena, then back to Heero, now serious, "I will expect you two to do your best and ensure that our guests are as comfortable as possible … The team will be staying in the west wing dorms, on the second floor. And I will assume that you, as head girl and boy will be able to handle the situation perfectly fine?"
"Yes, sir," Relena replied, seeing Heero tense up beside her. Everyone in the school knew of the fierce competition between Ravenhill Grammar and Harrison College, she was clueless to how she was supposed to prevent fights from breaking out all over the school.
Dr Steiner nodded, approvingly, "Speaking of which, as Head Boy and Head Girl, you are both aware of your duties for the Christmas Dance, correct?"
Heero, snapping out of his daze, frowned, "What duties?"
"Well, of course, as well as ensuring that the hall is correctly prepared the night before, you two will be leading the first dance. It's an exemplary tradition that I thought the two of you would have been informed about."
Relena and Heero, both frozen in their seats, simply stared at their principle. Shocked.
Dr Steiner smiled, and if Relena didn't know any better, she would have described his grin as mischievous.
"So I'd advise that the two of you start practicing soon," he removed his glasses, folding them up and setting them on his polished, mahogany desk. "You wouldn't want to make fools of yourselves in front of the whole school now, would you?"
Relena and Heero still stared, mouths agape.
"Now that'll be all, if you don't mind, I have a staff meeting to call into order."
Relena was the first to stand. Silently, without saying a word to Heero, she excused herself and left the room, face pale, ashen. Heero rose from his chair, prepared to follow her example, when the principle called to him.
"Oh, and Mr Yuy?"
Heero paused at the door, slowly turning around to face his principle … the evil man who had just decided to present him with a death penalty. Dancing with Relena? In front of the whole school? Was he mad?
"The main hall will be free from nine o'clock onwards," he winked, grinning suddenly, "Please don't stay up too long, we wouldn't want a loss of attention in your morning classes."
Heero felt his hand twitch, "Of course not, sir. Good afternoon."
-x- -x- -x-
Please don't be in, please don't be in, please, please, please …
Duo kicked open the door to his shared dorm room, Hilde's limp body dangling, cradled in his arms. He shuffled in, slamming the door shut with his foot, before resting Hilde on his bed and sighing in relief. Wufei wasn't here, thank God. He didn't know whether he'd be able to stick the infuriating, patronising comments that were constantly flowing from his roommate's mouth, at the moment,
He knelt down beside Hilde, running his fingers across her head. Her skin was slightly cold; he leant closer, trying to work out the rate of her breathing. It was fast, abnormally so.
Standing up and trying to keep calm, her paced around his room, wondering what to do. He could always go and find a teacher … his shoulder dropped; they'd both get into so much trouble.
But did that really matter if Hilde's life was on the line?
Definitely not.
He strode towards the door, his fingers gripping the handle, preparing a speech in his head, when suddenly; the door flew open, brashly striking him across the jaw and sending him stumbling, backwards, with a bewildered "oof!"
"Duo!" Quatre was at his side in seconds, platinum blonde hair shimmering in Duo's blurred vision, "Are you okay? I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to-" He hesitated for a second, then frowned, "What in heaven's name were you doing cowering behind a door, anyway? And-" He drifted off again, only this time for a completely different reason.
Duo, now sitting on the ground, nursing his slackened, aching jaw and grumbling to himself, looked up at him, wondering why he had stopped talking.
"Oh." Was all that he could say in reaction to Quatre's astounded expression.
"Oh, God." Quatre, shaking his head, moved towards the single bed crammed into one corner of the room, where the comatose Hilde lay. "What did you do?"
"Nothing!" Duo scrambled to his feet and ran over to the bed, tugging Quatre, who was now prodding at her body and pulling him towards the door, "Man, come on, leave her alone. The poor thing's tired, you're disturbing her nap."
"Duo! She's not napping!" Quatre ran his fingers down her wrist, then gliding his fingers across her eyelids, peered into her vacant eyes, which were rolled backward. He spun towards Duo, and Duo stepped back, away from his glaring eyes.
"I didn't do anything, I swear, man. She just … downed a couple of pills, no biggy, heh." He smiled nervously.
"Duo! This isn't funny-"
"I know. I know, man," He drew his hand down his face, anxiously; "I need your help, Quatre. I don't … I … You're studying to be a doctor, right? Can't you just … She's …" He walked slowly towards Hilde, gently brushing her hair off her forehead, tenderly.
Sighing, Quatre's shoulders dropped forward, his anger residing. "Okay, here's what we're going to do. I need you to go and find Trowa; he should be in our dorm room, studying for a biology exam. Tell him we need him here urgently." He turned to stare at Hilde, "She should really be taken to the medical rooms, but I don't think she's in any serious danger," he brushed his fingers across her head, "There's no fever. Did she fall at any stage? Hit her head against anything?"
Duo shook his head. No.
"That's good news. I think what she really needs is to rest, but we'll get Trowa to check her anyway. Now go, Duo, and hurry back."
-x- -x- -x-
Oooh … Darkness.
" … Headache … relapse into a fever … sleep for …"
Ouch. What the …?
Her head was throbbing, continuously, not even a second of relief from the pulsating pain as it strengthened then weakened slightly, only to return full force a millionth of a second later. She felt like a human punch bag, merciless, at the hands of a very skilled fighter.
Unable to move any other muscle in her aching body, she pried one eye open. Or at least, tried to. Once her right eyelid had cracked slightly, a blinding light flooded through and she snapped it closed again.
Oww, that was not good.
" … Idiotic-"
She groaned, uneasily, the pain almost too much to bear.
"She's awakening."
"What!"
A sudden creak and she felt her body dip downwards as someone pressed their weight against her mattress. She wanted to push them off, tell them to bugger off and let her sleep. Oh, and shut the hell up! Why were they shouting so loudly? It was really uncalled for. Alas, how the evil world could be so unsympathetic to the sick.
"No, she's not. She hasn't moved an inch!"
"I'm telling you she's …"
"Yeah, yeah, you're always right, the almighty Trowa is never wrong …"
Wait … why where there people in her room, anyway? And that definitely wasn't Lani's high pitched squeak she was hearing, in fact, the voices sounded oddly, well, masculine.
"Ahh," she moaned, shifting slightly, the numbness in her body now starting to dissipate.
Silence, at last!
"Oh."
"Hah! See? Who-"
"Quiet!" A new voice emerged into the scene and, feeling extremely irritated, Hilde blinked her eyes quickly open. Faces spun above hers, blurred and undistinguished as a sudden dizziness whirred the room.
"Shut up, would you?" She mumbled, "I'm tryin' to slee…" Her eyelids, heavy as lead, drifted closed again.
"Hilde?" A hesitation, "It's me, Duo, how are you feeling?"
Oh, just Dandy, thank you. My head's splitting, I'm exhausted, and all I want to do is sleep, but thanks to you and your raucous, I'm finding that rather difficult at the moment.
…Duo?
What on earth was he doing in her room? She bolted upwards before collapsing back down, her body strangely drained of energy. Why was she feeling so fuzzy?
"Whoa, relax," arms wrapped around her body as Hilde attempted to blink away her drowsiness. The room focused, her surroundings becoming less hazed. A dull thud in her head reminded her of her headache and she pressed her palm to her forehead.
"Oww … What's going on and why are you-" The TV and games console in the corner of the room caught her attention. Strange, she couldn't remember having that in her room before, or all of those clothes lying on the floor, or that bookshelf of encyclopaedias, or the … meditation book? "Where am I?" she asked, suddenly nervous. This was definitely the weirdest place she had ever woken up.
Duo suddenly grinned, "She's okay." He turned back to the two boys standing behind him, whom Hilde recognised to be Quatre Winner and Trowa Barton, and who were both currently watching her, warily, as if she were a bomb, ready to detonate any second. "You're in my room. Cool, isn't it? You know, should be very grateful. Millions of girls would kill to be able to wake up in my bed." Hilde feebly made an effort to swat his head with the back of her hand, but his movements were too rapid for her befuddled brain to keep up with.
Someone cleared their throat behind them and Duo turned to stare at Quatre, inquisitively.
"We should be leaving," The blonde boy tugged at his tall friend's blazer, before diverting his attention to Hilde, "I'm glad to see you're okay, Hilde/ If this idiot," he briefly shot a threatening glance towards Duo, "ever tries anything like that again, just kick him in the balls, hard."
Hilde's eyes widened, but once she noticed Quatre's amused smile, she laughed, hesitantly, the sound coming out as a choked breath.
"But seriously," Trowa said to Duo, "from now on, use whatever of your brain that's left in that thick skull of yours, before doing anything foolish."
"Hey, I wasn't the one that downed the pills!" Duo cried, indignantly.
Hilde waited until the other two had left the room before glaring at Duo. "What pills? What happened?"
Duo, moving around on the bed awkwardly, so that he was stretched out on the opposite end, grinned at Hilde, "Never mind, I'll explain in the morning. I'm tired, and I'm sure you are too, so …"
"No, Duo …. Please, just tell me! You can't leave me hanging like this!"
Duo, ignoring her whines, clapped his hands twice and suddenly, they were drowned in darkness, a black silken sheet draped across the room.
"A clap-on light?" Hilde questioned, snuggling into his quilt and ignoring the tingling sensations that jolted through her body when Duo's long legs accidentally grazed hers. "That's sad."
"You're just jealous."
"Pfft, yeah right." She allowed her eyes to drift closed and was just about to coast into a deeper sleep when the realisation of where she was, and what she was doing, hit her. She was sleeping … In Duo Maxwell's infamous bed.
Just wait until Relena heard about this.
"Hey," she whispered, nudging Duo in the darkness with her foot. He grunted, sleepily. "Tell meeeee ..."
Thanks for reading, amazing person. Reviews highly appreciated ... (wink, wink, nudge, nudge!!)