Chapter 11

Bobby studied Amy carefully as she took yet another sip of her brandy. He took in her stiff posture and sighed inwardly. Something had happened over the weekend. Something had changed dramatically between them since they shared that wonderful kiss on Saturday morning, and he was determined to find out what it was.

"Hey," he said softly, reaching out to rub his hand gently up and down her back in long, smooth strokes. "Talk to me. Please?"

Amy said nothing and continued to stare at a picture hanging on the wall in front of her.

Bobby sighed. He decided to try again, this time using a tactic that always worked when they were dating and he knew she wasn't telling him everything. "Aaaa-meeee." He drew her name out in a soft sing-song tone and continued to softly stroke her back.

"Why aren't you going to work in the morning," Amy asked softly. She was surprised at his answer.

"I offered to take my vacation days now and let all this mess with the press die down."

"I'm sorry you have to go through all this. I was hoping they wouldn't target you. I guess I should have known better." Amy's voice was regretful, although her posture was still stiff and defensive. At least she's talking to me, Bobby thought.

"I owe you an apology, too." That made Amy turn her head suddenly and look sharply at him.

"What could you possibly have to apologize to me for? I'm the one that kept your child from you for twenty-five years!"

"Yes, you did," Bobby said seriously. "But I pressed the issue all those years ago and seduced ]you."

"I didn't exactly spurn your advances, so no apology necessary for that." Amy shifted on the couch so that she could face him directly and tucked her left leg up under her.

"You didn't want to be seriously involved with someone in the military. I wasn't about to give that up back then."

"True, but I knew you were a soldier the night I met you. You were in your uniform, remember?" Amy smiled softly at him; she decided this could be fun and hoped he would continue.

"I remember," Bobby said, a smile playing on his lips. "I was also a cop. Did you want to be dating a cop?"

"I wanted a summer diversion," Amy said honestly.

Her answer surprised Bobby. He hadn't ever really taken into consideration what she had wanted out of their relationship all those many years ago. From the moment he had seen her, he had wanted her. "I'm sorry I never asked you what you wanted."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I never considered why you were dating me. I only knew you were the most beautiful creature I had ever seen and I just had to have you."

Amy was stunned by his comment and felt her cheeks flush. She shifted uncomfortably on the sofa and sat quietly gathering her thoughts before she spoke again. "Like I said that night on the phone, all those years ago, we never really talked about the future. I had no idea what you wanted and I had never told you how I really felt."

"You knew having sex with me would change things."

"Only to a certain degree. I never expected to get pregnant."

Bobby gave her a wry look at that comment and blushed faintly. "I'm sorry my condom was defective," he said sheepishly.

Amy laughed. "Now, THAT you can accept full responsibility for. Apology accepted." She gave him a small nod and lifted her glass in salute before taking a sip.

Bobby smiled in relief. "Any regrets?"

"About keeping Trey? No. About not telling you? Some. About you finding out and being back in my life? I'm not sure."

Bobby didn't know how to respond, so he sat quietly and sipped his scotch.

"Were you in love with me?" Amy caught Bobby off guard with her question.

"Absolutely."

"Then why didn't you tell me," Amy implored. Her eyes were as expressive as ever and Bobby could see the hurt and anguish in them. "Why?"

"I don't know," Bobby said sadly. He ran his hand over his face and through his hair. "I honestly don't know. That night you broke up with me, I tried to summon up the courage to say it, but I heard all the emotions in your voice, and knew you had made your mind up. I could tell that nothing I said at that moment would change the fact that you were breaking up with me. I realized in that moment that I loved you so much and only wanted you to be happy. If breaking up with me would bring you happiness, I had to let you go."

"Oh, Bobby," Amy breathed. "I wish you had said something."

"Would it have made a difference?"

"It might have. I chickened out on telling you because in that moment, I honestly believed that you would be better off without a wife and child. That you could pursue your career and be really good at it if I wasn't a burden to you." Amy choked back the tears and fell silent.

Bobby reached out and pushed her hair away from her face and gently tucked it behind her ear. His heart ached as he watched a lone tear break free and run down her cheek. He heard her sniff and waited, sensing she had something else left to say.

"Why didn't you come after me," Amy asked. She had needed to ask him that question for so long, but only now realized it as she gave it voice. She listened intently for his answer. Any decisions she made about him from here on out would hinge on his answer.

Bobby looked long and hard at her as he formulated his response. He knew she had every right to know; he'd been thinking about it ever since Trey had asked him earlier that evening.

"Hope, respect and stupidity," he stated simply. He took another sip of his scotch and explained his answer. "Hope that you would realize you had made a mistake, pick the phone back up and call me, begging for my forgiveness and saying you were wrong to break up with me. Hope that you would change your mind and come to Germany for Christmas break as originally planned.

"Respect for your decision and your feelings. I didn't feel it was my place to convince you otherwise.

"Stupidity for not realizing I should fight for what I wanted and to hell with your feelings and my respect for them. Stupidity for not hopping on the first plane to Houston as soon as I had a day off and going to College Station to hunt you down and convince you to change your mind. Stupidity for not telling you I loved you on the phone that night."

Amy was in awe at his answer. It was not at all what she had expected, but it was obvious that he had given a lot of thought to the question. She took her time considering what he had said and what it would mean to her from here on out, and decided she should come clean and be completely open and honest with him. She looked down at the glass in her hands when she finally spoke.

"I fell in love with you, too," she said, in a voice so soft he had to strain to hear it.

Neither one spoke for a while after that as they each took in what the other had just revealed. The silence that began to envelope them was not deafening but comfortable; they had reached a quiet understanding in which words were no longer necessary for now. Amy finished off her brandy and turned to look at Bobby.

"Can I get you another," she asked, indicating his now empty glass of scotch.

Bobby looked down at the empty tumbler in his hands. "No, thank you," he answered. He looked up and saw Trey quietly enter the room. "Hi, Trey. Do you need something?"

Amy turned on the sofa and looked at Trey. "How's Hudson?"

"He's asleep, finally. He had another round of diarrhea before the medicine kicked in and knocked him out. Thanks for your help tonight, Mom."

Amy smiled warmly. "I just hope this is a 24-hour bug and he's feeling better soon. I never did like it when you were sick, and I don't like seeing my grandson sick, either."

"I know, Mom. It's not fun." Trey smiled ruefully. "I'm not sure I should be going with you tomorrow night. I don't want to ask Mrs. Mitchell to watch Hudson when he's sick, and I don't think it would be fair to Grams and Grampa either. I'm sorry."

"I understand, honey. I didn't want to leave you with anyone when you were sick, either. Don't worry about a thing. Samantha will be there and I'm sure I can get several others in the office to help as well. You just focus on your sick son."

"This was so much easier when Laura was here," Trey said sadly, tears welling in his eyes. He took a deep breath and composed himself.

"Well, good night," Trey said. "I need to get to back home so I can keep an eye on Hudson and try to get some sleep myself. I have a feeling tomorrow will be a long day." He smiled ruefully and ran his hand through his hair in a gesture that Amy realized with jolt was exactly like Bobby. Trey leaned over the back of the couch and kissed his mom on the cheek and smiled softly at her. She lovingly caressed his cheek and smiled back.

"I love you, Trey."

"I love you, too, Mom."

Trey reached out his hand to Bobby. "Good night, Bobby. I had a great time at dinner tonight."

"Me, too, Trey," Bobby replied, shaking his hand. "I'm sorry about Hudson. I hope he's feeling better in the morning."

Bobby and Amy watched Trey leave the room and heard his footsteps fading away as he headed down the hall.

"He's a fine young man," Bobby said. He reached out and took Amy's glass from her hand, then rose and put the glasses back on the bar.

"Yes, he is," Amy replied. "It won't be easy for him now, but as long as he knows he has his family and Mrs. Mitchell, I think he'll be fine."

"He has me now, too," Bobby said as he turned back around.

"And you," Amy said with a smile. "Thank you."

Bobby leaned back against the bar, resting his hips on the edge. He crossed his arms over his chest and studied her. She was older now, he could clearly see that, but just as beautiful as the day he met her. The passage of time had been very kind to her and it was obvious she took good care of herself, but was not preserved, as he liked to think of the rich socialites who would stop at nothing to halt the progression of age on their bodies. She wasn't botoxed or otherwise surgically altered, but was just a stunningly beautiful woman. And, he realized, he wanted her just as much today as he did the first day he saw her.

Amy watched the play of emotions in his eyes. While his face remained impassive, a trick she was sure he had perfected over many years of interrogating suspects, his eyes were still the window to his soul, and she could still read him like a book. He wanted her. She watched that come into his eyes as he studied her and felt her breath catch and her heart rate quicken. Now was not the time or place; she still hadn't sorted out the revelations in the conversation they just had. She owed him the decency to have her thoughts and feelings sorted out before she acted any further on the physical sensations and sexual tensions that had been building up between them over the past month.

A month. Had it really been a month since she walked into that squad room, angry as a mother bear intent on protecting her cub and assaulted him? She tried vainly to stifle a laugh as she realized how she must have appeared to all who saw her that day.

"What's so funny," Bobby asked, suddenly perplexed by this dramatic change in Amy.

"I'm sorry," she said, as her giggles became laughter. "It – it just hit me that it's been a month since I stormed into your squad room and attacked you for arresting Trey. I suddenly had an image in my head of how I must have looked to everyone and it struck me as funny." She began to laugh even harder.

Bobby smiled broadly and chuckled. "You were quite a site. I swear there was fire in your eyes and smoke coming out of your ears. I have never seen such fury in a woman like that before. And remind me to never be on the receiving end of your purse swings again!" He too, succumbed to the laughter that suddenly built inside him as he recalled seeing her again for the first time in the squad room. "I thought Captain Ross was going to have me arrest you for assaulting a police officer."

"I'm still surprised he didn't. Just so you know, I had no idea I was going to react to strongly to Trey's being arrested. But there you were, the smug detective, so sure that the husband was the guilty party. I knew full well you were totally unaware as to Trey's existence, but it just blew up inside of me, that Momma Bear instinct." Amy caught her breath and stopped laughing. "I think deep down inside I knew that you were the safest one to direct my anger towards; that you wouldn't arrest me, wouldn't let me be arrested. That it would be all right to blow up at you. Did I really have smoke coming out my ears?"

Bobby nodded. "And fire in your eyes. The only thing you were missing was Medusa's snakes in your hair, and I'm not sure they weren't."

"Oh, wow. That's not the kind of impression one wants to make upon seeing an old friend after 25 years," Amy said soberly. "What did the rest of the room think?"

"They were grateful your anger was directed solely at me and not at them."

Amy let out a small half-laugh and studied him. She rose from the sofa and moved to stand in front of him. He uncrossed his feet and arms and spread his legs slightly so she could move closer to him. She gently placed her hands on his cheeks and brushed his chin and lips tenderly with her thumbs as she gazed softly into his brown eyes.

"Oh, we've been such fools, you and I, Bobby Goren. Such fools," she murmured softly. She continued on slowly. "So much pain, so much unnecessary heartache. And why? Out of respect? To protect the other's feelings? And look what it's gotten us," she scoffed and briefly shook her head. "Two sad, old people who've missed out on a lifetime of happiness and love." She studied him sadly, leaning her face side to side as she did, her thumbs still absently rubbing his lips and chin.

He kissed her thumbs and she smiled softly and closed her eyes at the gentle gesture. He wanted to speak, to say it was all right, to tell her they were far from being old, but he sensed she had more to say, and moved to place his arms loosely around her waist, resting them on the small of her back.

She moved hands from his face, and he missed the warmth of their touch on his skin. She dipped her eyes to his chest and began to smooth the fabric of his shirt across her chest with both hands. He recognized it as a sign of nervousness, so he gently pressed his hands into the small of her back as he spoke.

"Hey. Amy?" He tipped his head to the side until he could meet her gaze, then slowly brought them both back upright.

"I – it's --- nothing. I, uh, I just…..well," she took a deep breath and dove in. How he answered her next question would set the tone for the rest of her life. "Will you….I mean, uh, can you……can you forgive me, Bobby," she blurted out then averted her gaze to his chest once more.

"Can I forgive you," Bobby repeated slowly. He pulled her into his chest and felt her melt against him. This was the crux of the matter after all, wasn't it, he thought to himself. This is why she was so tense and distant earlier; she needs to know and is afraid of my answer. He hugged her gently, recognizing instinctively that she didn't need kisses, or sex, or passion; no, what she needed, right now in this moment, was acceptance. Acceptance and love. HIS acceptance and love. Could he give it to her? His thoughts swirled around in his head as he held her against him.

I don't want to lose this, he realized. I don't want to lose this ever again. This woman is my family. We made a child together and now we have a grandchild. Her family has the potential to give me the stability I've been craving all my life, but if I can't find it in my heart to forgive her, I'll lose her again and never get her back. No matter what shape our relationship takes, I need her, and them, in my life. This is my second chance. He began to rub his hands up and down her back, gently caressing her as he continued thinking.

He wasn't sure how long they had been standing there before he realized that the front of his shirt was wet. Amy was crying.

"Hey," he said, pushing her back gently. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…oh, darn it. Amy, please, don't cry. It's okay."

She couldn't bear to look at him, was afraid of what she would see in his expressive brown eyes. Afraid that she was about to be rejected by the one man she couldn't bear to lose again. She sniffled loudly as Bobby reached out and gently caught her under the chin with his finger and brought her eyes up to his. He saw the fear in her eyes, didn't like that he had put it there, and knew immediately what his answer was. There could only be one answer that would free them both to move on from the past and into the future.

"Oh, Amy," he whispered softly, pressing his forehead to hers. "Yes. Absolutely, positively, yes, I forgive you. Can you forgive me," he asked uncertainly.

Amy pulled back and looked at him, her eyes glowing as they glistened with tears. All the heavy baggage she'd been carrying around for the last 25 years dropped from her like a lead weight as she looked into his eyes and the meaning of his words sunk deep into her soul.

"Really?"

Bobby nodded and smiled.

"Bobby," Amy cried as she flung her arms around his neck and squeezed him tightly. She caught him off guard with her exuberant response and he gripped his strong arms around her even tighter. He caught her whispered "I forgive you, too," and his heart soared. He pushed himself away from the bar and hugged her, moving one hand up to cradle the back of her head as they stood tightly together, embracing not only each other, but their future.

Bobby wasn't sure how long they had stood there, clutching each other tightly, before he felt Amy's body shudder. He pushed her back just far enough to look at her face.

"Amy? You alright?"

She nodded. "I'm fine; just…relieved, you know?"

"I know," Bobby answered simply.

Amy pulled away from him to arm's length, her eyes twinkling. "I'm hungry. You know what we need?"

Bobby looked at her curiously and shook his head.

"Coffee and ice cream. Come on; I'm buying. I know this great place that's open late."

She grinned broadly at him then and pulled his arms from around her waist. She moved over to a set of bookshelves down from the bar, and turned and looked mischievously over her shoulder at him as she reached out and grabbed the tops of 2 of the books on one of the shelves.

His look turned from curious, to stunned, to surprise and excitement as she pulled the books down and the entire section of shelves silently slid outward into the room, creating a doorway into the dining room.

"Wow," Bobby exclaimed, moving over to stand next to her and study the door with great enthusiasm. She thought he looked like a little boy as he fingered the hidden doorway, running his hands over it delightedly and studying it carefully.

"You have a secret passage. It's just like something out of an old Scooby-Doo cartoon!"

Amy continued to grin at him as she explained that her grandfather and great-grandfather had loved the idea of living in a house with a secret passageway. After his father's death, her grandfather had decided to turn the opening between the living room and the dining room into a hidden doorway, much to the delight of AJ, Amy, Trey and now Bobby.

"Come on, let's go make coffee," Amy said, pushing him ahead of her into the dining room.

Bobby stopped in the dining room and turned around to look at the door.

"Let me guess, you pull the wall sconce to make it work on this side, right?"

Amy gestured with her hand that he should try it for himself.

Bobby tried the wall sconce nearest the door, but it wouldn't budge. Undaunted, he began to run his hands over the wall, determined to learn the door's secret from this side. Finally, he turned to Amy and shrugged.

"Look at the door," she said with a chuckle.

Bobby looked carefully at the door, then groaned. He reached out and pushed down a section of molding on the door itself. Quietly and smoothly the door moved in towards the dining room, stopping when it was perfectly aligned with the wall. It was then that Bobby noticed the pattern of the decorative molding on the wall that allowed the door's existence to go virtually unnoticed.

"Very clever," Bobby said. "Does it work from this side, too?"

He reached out to try pushing the molding down and open the door again when Amy grabbed his arm to stop him.

"Oh, no you don't, little boy," she teased, pulling him away. "We're going for coffee and ice cream, remember? You and Hudson can play with the door tomorrow."

"Yes, ma'am," Bobby said with mock chagrin. "You make the coffee and I'll serve the ice cream."