Whatup? I'm gonna be straight with you guys... I have no clue what to write in this chapter. Any ideas? Give me a comment!
So since I'm winging it (this seems to be becoming a recurring theme :( ) I guess it will still be third year, but don't worry! I'm gonna move on soon!
"Never mind I'll find, a yeaaar liike you-uuu! I wish nothing but thee best foor yeaaar 2!" I mean 3. Whatever.
"So how's Jake?" Marlene asked, seemingly innocent sans the devious smile touching her lips.
"I wouldn't know. We've only talked a couple times."
"Ooh Jake? Hot 5th year Jake that's completely in love with Lily?" Alice approached us in the common room and plopped onto an armchair (or a one-person couch if that's what you call it).
"He's not in love with me! Why would he be? He's 16 and I'm just 13. Big difference."
"Suuure. Make your foolish excuses Lily Evans but one day..." Marlene climbed onto her chair. "ONE DAY THOU SHALL LOVE THIS BOY. THOU SHALL WANT TO CARE FOR HIM. WANT TO KISS HIM. WANT TO GRIND HIS BONES INTO OBLIVION!" By the end of this declaration, she was making very inappropriate motions with her body, and Alice and I were giggling furiously, and it only got worse when Mar dramatically collapsed onto the ground.
"M-mar? Y-you okayayay?" I stuttered through spurts of laughter. As if completely normal, Marlene sat up, looked around, sat on her chair again, and smiled.
"So what's going on with you guys?"
Alice and I gaped at her.
"Marlene? You don't remember anything that just happened?" Alice asked concerned.
"What do you mean? I just sat down." She said, her face the definition of serious.
"Marlene?" This was almost scary. Had someone hexed her?
She burst out laughing. "Hahahah got you! I got you SO badly! Hahahaha!" I frowned for a second before laughing too, along with Alice. We had the weirdest friend.
James walked in then (thankfully after Marlene's escapade).
"Hey Lil! You ready for our prank tomorrow?"
"Yeah, the one on Lucius right?" He nodded.
"Wait Lucius? The 7th year? Why him?" Alice asked.
I froze. James didn't know me so well, but my two best friends could tell when I lied. "Oh he and I... We're not great friends you see..." I started.
"Yes?"
"Er so I thought a prank might be fun?"
"Hmm. Okay..." She replied, still suspicious but unwilling to ask anymore in front of James.
Soon after James left, the interrogation began. Except I didn't speak at all. Although I did reply to every statement, just in my head, not out loud.
"Lily, what happened with Lucius?" Like I'd tell.
"Does James know?" Um obviously not.
"Does Jake know?" Seriously? What do you think?
"Shut up Alice! Mentioning guys will make her clam up!" Huh? Why? I mean... Sure maybe that's true but... How did Marlene know that? Am I just super oblivious?
"You started it!" Oh it's gonna be one of these arguments now. So mature.
"James isn't a guy!" Riiiight. He's a girl. Totally.
"Oh so that thing that is so obviously hanging from him just isn't there?!" Wow Alice needs to work on her phrasing.
"Well obviously it is! But Lily doesn't like him like that!" That's very true. But I don't like him at all so...
"Ooh but Sandra Wood certainly does!" How is she relevant?!
"Yeah I heard he let her see his 'thing hanging from him'!" What?! I mean... Not that I care.
"No way! They're just 14!" Maybe some 14 year olds do stupid things. I always knew that Potter kid was a wack.
"Sandra isn't. Sandra's 16!" Who cares? I always thought she was annoying anyway. Even before she and James...
"No she's not!" Seriously! Do they really need to argue about everything?
Alice and Marlene were so engrossed in their argument that they didn't see me stand up and walk away. It really was just too easy; all I had to do was be silent.
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The next day during breakfast, I could feel Jake's eyes on me as I shoved porridge down my throat. The whole Gryffindor table was silent, waiting for Lucius to come in. The marauders had told all of them of this prank just a few minutes earlier.
At first, before entering the threshold of the Great Hall, Lucius looked normal, his hair combed perfectly over his forehead (this was before he grew it out). Upon entering though, his clothes magically dissapeared, leaving him naked. In front of everybody.
I didn't want to look... down there... But I couldn't help it. And when I did, I was surprised by two things.
It (yes, you assumed correctly. "It" was referring to his male body part that most girls don't have) was... REALLY... Small. No bigger than my middle finger. That couldn't be natural, especially from someone his height.
It (yes, again, same it) was pulsing and... Er... Dripping?
I couldn't help but explode with laughter along with the rest of the school and even some of the teachers. The marauders must have casted a concealment charm on him though, because Lucius evidently didn't realize his situation. He couldn't seem to figure out why everyone was laughing at him, so he just glowered and sat his naked bum on a bench, causing more laughter.
Eventually, after they could control their giggles, his friends whispered something in his ear causing him to turn bright red and sprint out of the Great Hall. Before he made it through though, everyone saw his full backside revealing the words, "Love the Marauders" next to a lipstick kiss.
James was literally on the floor convulsing with laughter. All he could manage to stutter was, "sh-shrinking charm!" Even Dumbledore was amused.
"L-Lily! How'd you like that?" Remus asked, shaking.
I had really liked it; revenge was sweet, but I also felt kind of bad. Sure Lucius might be a son of female dog, but... Did anyone deserve that? I felt like it pushed the borders of prank, entering the gates of bullying.
"I loved it," was all I said, pushing away any doubts I had.
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"Hey Lil!" Jake pushed past a hufflepuff in the crowded hall, making his way towards yours truly.
"Jake! Er hi!" He shook his shaggy blond hair out of his eyes and smiled down at me.
"How are you doing?" He smiled, falling into step next to me.
"Great, and you?"
"Bloody brilliant. But I could be better." I looked at him questioningly. "Well you see..." He ran a hand through his adorable hair. Can hair be adorable? Oh well, his was. "There's this really cute girl I like..." Um excuse me? He flirts with me and then has the nerve to ask me for dating advice with another girl? No bloody way. But I let him continue. "She has long beautiful red hair, a face full of freckles, the greenest eyes, and she goes by the name of Lily Evans. Heard of her?"
I couldn't resist the smile rising to my face. "Hmmm, not sure I have. Continue with the flattering description?"
He laughed. "Well... I don't know much more about her, but I'd really like to. So I was wondering how to ask her to go to Hogsmede with me. Got any ideas?"
"I can tell you right now that she'll say yes, if that helps." He grinned at me like an idiot, but in my opinion he just looked cuter. "Well uh, I've got to get to potions now, so I'll see you around?"
"Yeah you bet you will, Lil." He winked and walked away.
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"Hey Lilyyyyy!" I frowned and swiveled around.
"James! You aren't supposed to be talking to me! Slughorn will murder you," I whisper-yelled, reminding him of our last exciting encounter in potions class.
"Sorry. I just wanted to know whether you were ready for this weekend?"
"What? What's happening this weekend?"
He smirked incorrigibly. "Ha. You forgot."
"Forgot what, James?" I sighed, getting frustrated.
"First year. You, me, the common room? You made a promise that you can't take back now? To go to Hogsmede with me on the 11th visit. That's Saturday. You remember now?"
Oh bloody hell.
Uh oh! Looks like Lily has gotten herself into a fix huh? Sorry there hasn't been any Snape lately, I'm getting there. Also my deepest apologies for lack of updates. I tried to make it up with a fairly long chapter. Anyway, as usual, review if you liked it. Or disliked it. Or felt neutral but had suggestions. Or you are just feeling really nice and you want to make my day. I'm considering thanking my reviewers on the story itself, not through pm like I've been doing previously. Tell me what you think.