AUTHOR'S NOTE: You know the drill. J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter, I don't.

11. Reparo

The sun was high in the sky, bathing the lush, green grass in its golden warmth. The light breeze ruffled her curls and she sighed in relaxed pleasure as the Whomping Willow shook out its branches just ahead. It was so peaceful here, with only the wind and soft chirping of birds to break the silence.

Fingers grazed her temple and she turned her head, smiling.

"I was wondering if you were going to come."

His profile was sharp and his colors dark, a harsh contrast against the soft, warm glow of daylight, "I was… unsure if my presence would be welcome."

She chuckled, turning her face back to the sun.

His fingers danced along her bare forearms, "You perplex me, witch."

"Oh? Do tell."

She cracked one eye open slightly to see he was, as she correctly assumed, frowning down at her, "I hurt you… I keep hurting you… and yet, you are always prepared to forgive me. I do not understand you at all."

"Mmm," she said noncommittally, eyes slipping shut again.

"You are too forgiving," he chided softly.

"Maybe. Maybe not."

It was silent for a long time, "Lily was never quite as forgiving."

"I am not Lily."

His voice was warm and affectionate as he brushed a few stray curls back from her face, "No, you most certainly are not."

Hermione turned her head to look at him again, "Does that disappoint you?"

Severus thought for a moment before he smiled softly, "No."

"Good," she stretched languidly across the pillowy grass. "I am quite certain I would not win that competition."

The next thing she felt were cool lips against her temple, "There is no competition, Hermione. You outshine her in every way."

She snorted rather inelegantly as she pushed herself up to rest on her elbows, "I have eyes, Severus. And working ears as well."

His fingers wound in her curls as his lips moved along her jawline, "Elaborate, if you please."

She pushed his shoulder so he would stop. He looked up, confusion evident on his face. Her eyebrow lifted as she did a comical imitation of his voice, "You are not even remotely my type," she quoted. "Your hair, your skin, your eyes- all wrong. Everything about you is the opposite of anything I would ever want. So do not waste your ridiculous schoolgirl fantasies on me, Miss Granger. I assure you, you will be nothing but disappointed."

He cupped her cheek, his thumb swiping across her high cheekbones, "How I continually manage to fool both your father and the Headmaster is a mystery to me. I am an abysmal liar."

She gently removed his hand from her face, "You do not need to placate me, Severus. I promise, I understand."

"For fear of another miscommunication, which you and I seem quite fond of, I must insist that you explain yourself."

Hermione sat up but avoided his piercing gaze, "She and I… we're polar opposites. It makes sense that I would not appeal to you if that is your standard. She is… quite lovely. I must admit, had I know that that was what I was working against, I may have worked harder to keep how I felt to myself rather than embarrass myself at every opportunity."

In quite the uncharacteristic move, Severus shuffled around until he was kneeling in the small space between her bent knees, his billowing robes fluttering behind him in the breeze. He took her face into his hands and forced her to look at him, "Why do you see yourself that way? Why do you think you are not…" He ground his teeth in frustration, his grip tightening on her jaw. "Tell me why."

Her vision blurred a little as she whispered, "Just look at me."

"I am and I still do not understand."

She wanted to look away, she tried, be he would not relent. Her stomach twisted as she felt herself practically vomit her deeply-hidden insecurities, "I am completely average… boring… plain. I cannot be bothered with the owl's nest that passes for my hair and I just cannot bring myself to waste hours on makeup and frivolous vanities. I would rather spend my time studying or reading. There is nothing special about me at all. No one has ever noticed me before, why would they now? Why would you?"

Severus let out a huff of air, like a humorless laugh, as he shook his head in disbelief, "Plain. Boring. Nothing special."

She lowered her eyes but he raised her a chin a little more so she would continue to look at him.

"For someone so intelligent, you are exceptionally fucking blind."

"Severus…"

"No," he snapped. "Listen to me, Hermione. Really listen. You are absolutely correct: you and Lily are nothing alike." She began to recoil from him but he simply held her face tighter, his bottomless obsidian eyes boring into hers. "No, listen damn it. You are nothing alike, but I would not want you to be. I have been… blinded for so many years and it took seeing things through your mind, through your memories to really understand. That first time, when you asked if I was still in love with her, I was not lying. I knew I was not; that had ended a long time ago. But when she followed me back to Hogwarts, when she acted that way with me, it felt… comfortable for me to slip back into the way things had always been. You must understand something about me, Hermione; I am a man who has no qualms about taking risks with my life but am much more reticent about taking risks with my heart. Love, or rather, the few fleeting glimpses I have had of it throughout my life, has always, always caused me pain. Each and every time. With my parents, with my friends, with Lily. So when you developed an… affection for me, I panicked. When I panic, I try to defend myself. I tried to hurt you so you would not feel those things for me because…" Severus paused, his eyes searching hers. "Because it is absolutely terrifying for me, Hermione."

She could feel her will crumbling and she bit her lip.

He ran the pad of his thumb along her bottom lip to free it from her teeth, "With Lily, there is no risk. She will never feel anything but contempt for me, so anything I feel is safe. With you… it is not that simple. With you, there are… possibilities. And with possibilities, there is a risk of pain."

She touched her fingers to his large, slender hands, "I would never hurt you, Severus."

He sighed, "You are so young, Hermione. So lovely and intelligent. You could have anyone in the world you wanted. Within these walls, within this war, I may be what you want. But what about after? If there is one thing you can take from what Lily said, it is that I am constant. It took me years to let go of her, and that was without her returning anything I felt. With you… how could I ever move on? After knowing your mind, knowing the way you see me and want me, how could I ever let you go?"

"Why does everything come down to my age? You have been inside my mind, albeit without permission," Hermione eyed him with brief annoyance. "You have seen how I think, how I feel. Does it seem like I am inconsistent to you?"

He watched her face for a very long time before he finally whispered, "No."

She gripped one of his wrists, "Do you still feel anything for her?"

His answer was concise, "No."

"Do you…" She paused, considering her words very carefully. She needed answers, but she did not want to push him. He confessed much to her already, she did not want to force anything from him that he was not ready for. "Do you want me to let you go?"

A muscle twitched in his jaw and his eyes pinched shut as he dragged in a few deep breaths through his nose. When he finally looked at her again, his voice was barely audible but his eyes were wide and achingly vulnerable, "Never."

She lunged at him, wrapping her arms around his neck in a fierce embrace, "Then let me be here and for Merlin's sake, stop pushing me away." Her voice was choked. "I am not made of stone, you insufferable man."

His arms wrapped around her waist and he buried his face into the curve of her shoulder, "You deserve someone so much better than me, someone who knows how to be kind and… normal. But I am entirely too selfish to give you up."

Hermione managed a watery laugh, "Thank the Gods for that. I have always thought 'normal' guys were overrated, anyway. I much prefer snarky, acerbic prats with hair-trigger tempers and impulsivity problems."

"Were I being responsible, I would take you to have your head examined at St. Mungo's, but I am rather afraid of what they might find."

She swatted his back, "Git."

His response was much softer, but full of affection as he gripped her tighter in his arms, "Yours."

Hermione pressed a gentle kiss to the sharp curve of his jaw, "Undoubtedly."

Severus let out a soft chuckle, "Your father has no idea what he has done."

She pulled back to look at him, "What do you mean?"

He held her waist with one hand and traced the features of her face with the other, "Before… when it was just an Unbreakable Vow binding us, I was prepared to do what was necessary to ensure your survival- even if that meant sacrificing my own life. But now…" His fingers paused at her lips as he watched her. "It is so much more. Now, I want to be here when the war ends… with you. And I will do whatever I have to in order for that to happen."

Hermione smiled, "Then we will make it so."

He smiled back, the expression in his eyes still raw and exposed, "Yes, we will."

Finally, he kissed her.

Without raw magic or jealousy.

Because they belonged to each other.

x-x-x

Hermione awoke slowly, opening her eyes just in time to see the door to her room silently click closed. After casting a quick Tempus charm to determine it was half past three in the morning, she buried her face back into her pillow and pulled her blanket tighter around her body.

Only it wasn't her blanket at all.

It was a large, thick, black wool robe.

One that typically billowed behind its surly owner.

She smiled to herself as she burrowed deeper into the bed and quickly fell back asleep surrounded by the smell of sandalwood, honey, and rosemary.

Her lips still tingled.