*11*11*11*
For the last month Harry had been doing everything in his power to get himself to un-love Severus.
Nothing seemed to work.
For the last month Severus had been trying to get up the nerve to talk to Harry.
Nothing seemed to work.
Finally, after another three weeks of Harry avoiding Severus who tried at every available moment to talk to Harry, Severus simply arrived at Remus' quarters unannounced.
'Harry?' Remus said softly, sticking his head in Harry's room. Harry made a vague noise of acknowledgment but didn't look up, 'there's someone here to see you,' he announced.
Harry sighed he knew it was Severus because he had been able to sense the man since they had bonded 4 years ago.
He met Severus in the living room and Draco and Remus disappeared into the kitchen to give the other pair some time alone.
For a long time they sat in an awkward silence.
Severus clearing his throat startled Harry from his examination of the fire, he was afraid of looking at Severus, afraid of what he might find.
His eyes flicked briefly to Severus' face but it was closed off and Harry, for once, couldn't read Severus.
'Harry, I just… I wanted… I…' Harry couldn't believe it, Severus was at a loss for words, the older man took a deep breath, 'I'm so sorry Harry, I'm so fucking sorry. I shouldn't have just assumed that you would and I should've listened to you and I just I miss you so much and I'm sorry,' he babbled.
Harry had to close his eyes against the assault of tears. He took a steadying breath and slowly released it before he began.
'That's just dandy,' Harry was on his feet suddenly, 'You just can't waltz in here and apologize and say you miss me and think that it's going to be okay. It's not Severus, you betrayed me. I trusted that you loved me enough to believe in me and when you threw me out without even asking if it was true or not that hurt Sev,' he turned to the man not realizing he was using the nickname, 'I wrote you a hundred letters and everyone of them you sent back until Draco spelled them, then I wrote you a hundred more and you probably just burned those,' Severus couldn't look at the angry brunet, 'Did you even think about reading one? No I didn't think so. Merlin Severus and then those papers, that just… I almost died did they tell you that? I was pregnant Sev, with our child and losing it and you, that almost killed me, I don't even know why the fuck I'm still here. I was pregnant Sev, I didn't even know men could conceive. I read up about it, I didn't take any potions, Poppy can attest to that, do you know what that means? You are the other half of me, as I am to you. That despite all your sarcasm and acerbic comments about everyone's breeding and intelligence I am your balance. I complete you. Circe that's just cheesy!' he let out a bitter laugh, 'Everything was always about you, did you realize that?' Severus could only blink at the abrupt change in Harry's rant, 'It was always what you wanted, the food, the sex toys, the summer vacation, the room in the dungeons, even the side of the fucking bed! I have everything in storage because you didn't want to change, well you know what fuck you! What about me? Did you ever stop thinking about you to even give a passing thought to what I would want? What I was feeling? I don't even know if you love me anymore, hell I don't even know if you ever loved me!'
'I did Harry,' Severus managed to cut into Harry's rant, 'I do love you, it took me being an absolute moron about things to realize it but I do love you.'
'That's great Severus but telling me doesn't make me feel it because knowing you love me,' Severus could hear the doubt in Harry, 'and feeling like you love me are two very different things.'
Severus could only stare at Harry, 'I do love you and if you let me I will do everything in my power to prove it to you.'
Harry had moved to the door during Severus' declaration, 'I think it would best if you left,' he said softly holding the door open for Severus.
Severus stared at Harry, the younger man was trying valiantly to hide his emotions while the older man was trying to let his through.
'Please,' it was little more than a whisper.
Severus nodded and moved to the door, to Harry, 'I am sorry,' he whispered as he reached out to cup Harry's cheek. Harry closed his eyes moved away from the hand.
Severus pulled his hand away as if burned and turned to leave, 'I adore you, maileachan,' he whispered before Harry closed the door.
Severus stood out in the hall trying to quell his shaking hands, it took him a few minutes before he squared his shoulders and with a new determination headed to his- their rooms to plot on winning his husband over.
Harry leaned against the door before his knees gave out and he sank to the floor, finally giving into his tears.
So, um, while I was replying to a reviewer (you know who you are), I had idea and before I start on it I was wondering if you all wanted a more detailed account of Hermione's story?