It's starting to rain outside and I chuckle at the thought that when I found out that Ally left it also was raining. I stare at the rain falling and I hear it hit the ground for a while. As soon as I feel brave enough to begin telling my story to Ally, I open my mouth and words are awkwardly beginning to form.
No one knows my whole story. Only certain people know bits because they happened to be there or I told them a chapter of the story but not all of it. So I'm scared of the idea of what Ally will think of me after hearing everything but I'm also worried at hearing it myself. I've been trying to run away from my past so much that I forgot to remember that in order to not repeat our mistakes we must learn from them and appreciate them for what they are; valuable lessons from life. (1)
I tell her how I found out that she left. When her cousin had told me that she no longer was there I couldn't believe it. It felt like I was in a nightmare and that at any moment I would've woken up. I remember running through the streets and when I saw my house coming up I didn't stopped but continued. I didn't know where I was going but I just knew that I couldn't stop. Somehow I felt that if I did that I would be admitting the fact that she left and that a big chunk was because of me. I remember stopping in front of this tree and the next thing I did was look at it and wonder how everyone else's life could be perfectly fine, being the same, when my world was breaking apart.
When I got home I was mad at myself, mad at Stacy, mad at everyone in other words. I was mad at Ally for ignoring me. I was mad that she left without telling me. I was mad for not trying sooner, mad for telling her all those words, I was mad that Jake didn't push me hard enough to believe Ally. I remember going to the hospital that night because I ended punching the wall that may or may not have damaged my wrist and hand. But that was nothing compared to the hell that I was living at that moment. I thought at the moment that the only big problem for me was that one of the persons that I most cared for the most had left me and I never got the chance to tell her how much they mean to me. I thought that it would only get better from there but I was wrong.
Soon after my dad begin to change. Maybe he already was like that but I was caught up in my own world to notice. He acted different. He wasn't the usual jolly guy that adored his wife and enjoyed playing football with his son. He would ignore us for days and then would randomly acknowledge us out of nowhere. He began to drink more and spend his day in his sadness. Seeing him turn into this depressing guy with broken dreams made me feel bad. My dad was the person that I looked up to. He was my role model. I even went as my dad for one Halloween when I was a kid, but the illusions that I had of my dad slowly demolished as I saw him become a monster in front of my eyes. And the worst part of all of this was that I couldn't do anything to stop it.
On top of seeing someone I loved change, apparently one of our neighbors started talking or something because people at school would start teasing me about it. They would find it funny that a kid like me had to go home and find his father passed out because he had drank too much at nine in the morning. They constantly reminded me of the pain that I saw him go through and made me feel useless for not being able to help him in anyway besides watch him slowly kill himself.
At first I tried to ignore it. Forget those people who didn't know a single word they were saying but one day you just snap. You feel as if the whole world is on your shoulders and you feel so alone that it frightens you. Every corner you turn you see someone pointing and staring. You see others who don't do anything. And they try to make themselves feel better by saying that they aren't saying anything so somehow that makes my problems easier. You feel them pushing you to the ground and feel weaker as each punch in the face comes towards you. But one day things got too far with this kid.
He decided that bringing the rest of my family into this game of "fun" would make it better. He started off as usual. Talking about what a low life loser of a father I have and how I'm going to become exactly like him. I tried to ignore him and I was walking away from him when I heard him mention my mother's name and how she was "fucking" the gardener that worked for him behind my father's back. That's when I had enough. I can take them talking bad about me and my dad because it's true. But when it comes to mom you better wish that you never said that because that's when the worst day of your life happens thanks to me.
As soon as I heard those words slip from his mouth I came back to him and told him to repeat it to my face. He laughed at my face and then said, "What? The fact that you're dad's an alcoholic or the fact that your mom's a slu," but he never got to finish that sentence because I punched him soon before he could. Next thing I knew there was blood coming from my noose and there was a black eye on his face. That was the first fight from many to come. Some were because of my mom and brother while others were because they would talk about Ally in an inappropriate way and that would piss me off so bad! Other times I just wanted an excuse to get suspended because to be honest, school began to be the least important thing in my life.
I started to hang out with the wrong group of people and soon my old friends like James stopped trying to ask me to come back or to ignore the haters. They saw that I was falling down and instead of helping me get back up they ignored me. So with no one to count as a friend seeing my family fall apart I started to get wasted. I would go to these parties that I knew would have beer because it would allow me to forget and usually they would end up with me getting kicked out and beaten the crap up. But all I knew was, what the hell am I living for? I mean nothing good is happening and I really don't think anybody would cry if I died the next day or disappeared.
I started doing crazy things. I went cliff jumping that was about four stories high and ride my motorcycle without any helmet. Half of the time I would tell myself because I wanted to experience new things but I also felt like the other side of me was only doing it to see if I would die. I know how bad that sounds but I felt that if I was living it was ok and if I happened to die the next day… then it's alright with me too. I didn't know who I was and where I was going. I was constantly trying to go back trying to figure out what would make my dad want to drink.
In fact, my dad and I went from being best friends to hating each other's guts. I still remember our first fight. I came home that night drunk as hell. I had dried blood on my face and I couldn't even walk in a straight line. I still wonder how I never managed to get into a car crash. I saw my dad in his usual sit, with the smell of liquor lingering in the air and an empty bottle loosely being held in hand. And for the first time, I felt like I had taken enough shit from him. He quit his job and gave pity to anyone who saw him; mom looked like she had gained five years and lost 50 pounds while Ross was still a defenseless baby trying to figure out why daddy was sad and what was that funny drink he had.
And as for me well… for me he didn't screw up my life because I took care of that, but he was one of the reasons why I did do that. "Get up you sorry bastard!" I yelled out loud. At first I didn't see any reaction so I started walking over there as best as I could while shouting on top of head the same sentence again. After a few seconds I saw the bottle fall down on the ground and heard the glass fall apart. It left a mess of broken glass but to be honest I could name about a hundred more things that are more broken and unfixable than the bottle.
I heard him groan as he got up and he almost fell down as he did. "What the hell do you want?" he asked me with venom in his voice. I walked straight up to him and as I spoke I kept hitting his chest with my index finger, "I want to know what GOD DAMN REASON gave YOU the RIGHT TO RUIN THIS FAMILY!"
After that all I remember is him shouting things like he doesn't need to explain himself to me or that I am a useless son, good for nothing. And before I could control my temper I was shouting things right back. We went on like this for what felt like hours but soon things got out of control. He threw his right arm and I felt it come in contact with my left cheek. I felt my head hitting the ground as I fell backwards and something warm coming out of my mouth of the color red. As soon as I realized that my dad had hit me I got back on my feet and I attacked right back.
Next thing I know my eye sight become a blur with all the blood that was coming from who knows who and then my mom came with the next door neighbor who tore us apart. And that was the first time that I had to sleep outside. My dad told me that tonight I wasn't going to sleep in HIS house if my sorry ass was going to be ungrateful. I think my mom must have felt cornered or something because she looked at me with pleading eyes to just do as I was told.
First night of many to come in which I would have to find myself a place where to sleep at night. Some were because of my dad while others were because I didn't want to see his sorry face. But soon it was solved because I started skipping school to go to work to rent the place that I then called home. Things were starting to get a little bit better then. I no longer had to face my dad and I stopped drinking… as much. I mean school wise it was horrible but nothing from school was good, except when Ally was there.
As for company, well… girls were always willing to come over or get a coffee with me in the morning or afternoon. And I made new friends at my job. But through it all I just knew that I wanted Ally. I would try to move forward but something would always pull me back. And I know that I can survive this world as long as I just have her because she somehow makes things all better. And just as things were getting better for me, another blow came right after.
I was visiting my mom like I usual did; when my dad wasn't home. Except this time when she greeted me it wasn't her usual strong voice. She seemed scared, terrified and just plain broken. She talked in a soft whispered that didn't sound soothing. She kept looking at the ground and wouldn't look me in the eye. We were in the kitchen when I saw a purple mark on her. And then I turned her abruptly so I could get a better look on her. And as I came to realization of what had happened I felt my heart break into smaller pieces. I thought that my heart couldn't break anymore but I was wrong.
In front of me, my mom had a bruise from someone who had hit her. And something tells me that it has to do with my dad. At first she tried to deny it but then she broke down in tears. I hold her that night and tried to make her feel better. I told her that we should leave but she didn't want to. She said that she loves him no matter what he does. I let it slide but then when I would see her with a new bruise, I would go confront him; which would lead me with some of my own and a few times in the hospital.
One night I thought he was gone and went for my daily visit but when I walked home I saw him standing above my mom and she was on the ground and it looked like he was about to hit her again. And for the first time, being sober when I was arguing with him, I hit him and got into a fight as my mom called the police. Luckily they came on time too because I was about to get killed by my own father; if I should still call him that…
Either way that was the last straw my mom could take and then we decided to move as far as possible as to start brand new. To move to a new neighborhood that didn't know what we went through nor the reputation that our last name was. To make new friends and try to be happy again as the family we are now. And with the addition of a new baby girl we didn't want her to grow up in a place where he would be whispered about because of the family she came from. And ross to be happy and not get scared when dad would come home.
"And now I skip classes a lot because I have to work or take care of my siblings and we don't have enough money to cover all our needs…which is why I couldn't talk to you on the first day or so. Because if I was late they were going to fire me and that is most definitely not an option for me," I whisper. I haven't looked up to see her at all during all this time. I don't want her to feel pity for me or I don't know. Some of my so called friends left because they were embarrassed ot have me as a friend while others thought I was too problematic and not worth it to keep the friendship. I don't want her to think that I can only have bad things happen to me and the people I love. I want her to know me as the Austin that was happy and sober than the one who got drunk and in fights almost every night.
"So now my mom goes to work really late and I don't know what she works at even iff she tells me that it's nothing bad. And I want to do good in school because I know that it's worth it for my future but I want to give Ross and Rydel a best childhood, even if it means that I won't get to live my life and I really have been trying my hardest to get you back as my friend because you mean so much to me Ally and I have no clue what I would do without you. So there's my story… all of it. Please don't leave me. Stay this time…" I slowly become quieter as I finish my story. I keep looking at the ground and I know i[m at the brink off tears. It's never easy to acknowledge the fact that I had been broken and that my dad changed for the worse. And that I can't have a normal childhood because I need to help with the rent and to act like the parents of my own sibling. Even Ross calls me dad every now and then. And I'm sure Rydel's going to when she learns how to speak.
I feel as I'm alone again and I feel a tear slipping down except this time I feel a soft hand touch my chin and it's slowly lifting up my face. When I see her brown eyes, they look worried, scared, and it seems like she went through everything that I did. As if somehow she lived it because I did even if she was all the way across the country.
Her other hand wipes my tears away and then she moves a few strands of hair that was covering my face. Before she gentle whispers, "I never left Austin. I might have not been present there physically but there never was a time that I didn't think about you. As I was making new friends I would only think how they can't make me laugh as much as you did. Or can see right through me or get me like you can. I might have left without a goodbye, but I never left," she whispers to me as she leans her forehead on mine.
Have I ever mentioned how great Ally smells? I know it sounds weird but she does. She has this strawberry hint to her vanilla shampoo and she's just awesome. I feel a smile form on my face and then she tells me, "We should head home. My dad's going to be worried about me." Somehow when we get up she manages to intertwine our fingers and we walk to her house in silence. We're just holding hands and we don't need to say anything because we already know what the other's going to say. I have to admit that I think telling her my story has made us stronger and closer somehow.
As we walk up her front porch she tell me goodnight and that tomorrow we'll talk about it all; that I had a heck of a night already. She's about to go in and I'm walking away when she yells my name and I find her running towards me. "I almost forgot something," she says out of breath. I look at her confused. She giggles for a quick second at my expression and next thing I know her lips touch my quick ever so lightly but I feel it like if she had crashed them unto me. And just as she came, she left as I blinked my eye. I swear that girl's going to be the end of me.
A/N: So here it is. Not some of my best work but hopefully you'll be able to over look it for this once. Sorry for uploading late but i just had to see how to word Austin's story and i was having trouble but next chapter you'll either hate me or love me. And that's the only hint i'm giving. So I can't do shout outs today and I feel bad becuase i wass looking forward to telling you all thanks but my bed time is in about 30 minutes and i need to get ready for bed and mom is giving me a death glare so i must log off. :( But i want to say thanks to every one who took their time to review and i wonder what you guys think of Austin story. Did i make t horrible? Right now i feel like it's missing that omph! yes omph is a word i made up that means it'd missing that one thing that makes it go to a whole new level. But i promise next one will be better. So i hope i havn;t scared you away with this chapter and please review. They encourage me to write faster and thanks for all the alerts on this story. it makes my day. So goodnight and i'll see you all next time! :)
PS. those of you who read Six Little Rules, the sequel will either come out a) tomorrow! :) or b) on Friday :(, but as long as it comes out it's good right. It'll be named the Maid of Horror. So yea.
And the (1) is a quote that i've heard or read from somewhere but i can;t put my finger. Ok so i'm going to shut up now and yes, i still do not own Austin and Ally.