All's fair in love and war
A Neverwinter Nights 2 fanfic by Shade-Duelist
disclaimer: NWN2, all its characters and paraphernalia belong to Bioware or to Obsidian (don't know which). However, the character Calenna Signe, which I designed, belongs to me. And this story is mine as well.
Chapter 11: Purity (confessions of an Aasimar)
It was late at night when Calenna walked down the path to the church, clothed in a skirt and a shirt she'd embroidered herself with the symbol of Sune: a figure of a woman with long red hair flowing around her face, as the rays of the sun, and a flame in the stead of her heart. She was silent, making sure not to wake up anyone as she slipped into the church of Tyr, but was surprised nonetheless to find a priest present.
"Greetings, child... ah, a follower of Sune's ways! All religions are welcome under our roof, as Tyr guards over all. But isn't it a bit late, child, to come here? Everyone else is asleep..."
"I've come to remember those that have fallen.", Calenna said. When she'd returned to the keep, the body of Callum had just been brought into the temple to prepare it for the funeral rites. She suspected that, with the war closing in rapidly, he had been buried already.
"Ah, yes... just pray, my child, in here if you want to, or in one of the side chapels if you feel the need. I'll be going to my bed now, to rest..."
"Sorry to disturb you. I'll see myself out once I've prayed...", she said softly as she kneeled in front of the statue of Tyr that dominated the church. The statue had his arms spread in a gesture of embrace – as if he embraced the world. It soothed Calenna, though she was no follower of the Just God.
"Mother of my heart, who gives me the fire of life and who inspires me in my days and nights, I pray to you to take those that lost their earthly lives in your loving embrace. Let the power of your warmth wash over them, and show them that the life after this one is full of the rewards for their valour and courage. ...I come to you also to ask for guidance. I have emotions that are raging like sand in a storm, like water in a vortex. Mother of passions, I pray you, touch my heart with your soothing calm and bring an end to turmoil and pain." She closed her eyes and whispered the ritual sentences that she had spoken so many times in her hours of difficulties, often during her travels. "An emotion lights the way, a heart burns as a candle in the dark, a passion thrives, this person will act on your behalf. Love heals, love encompasses all, love surpasses death and bridges this world with the next. All pain fades in the flame of your passions, mother of my heart. I shall serve you with my life, with my hands that heal, with my heart and its emotions. I shall serve you with my soul, unbound to another god, until my life's spark is extinguished and my spirit shall float into the heavens. I shall serve you now, and forever, humbly cherishing your love, mother of passions." She looked at the statue again, and noticed the stone face, its expression unkind. 'How unlike Sune is Tyr, looking cold and unforgiving... and how unlike Tyr is Sune, soft and loving..." She thought of Casavir, and sighed. 'Casavir is like Tyr when he fights. He doesn't give in an inch. He's filled with a kind of strength that I don't think I could ever have, but he seems to guard his emotions. I fight as fiercely as he does, but I'm driven by my emotions...' She walked to the back of the church and exited, closing the door behind her softly. 'It's so quiet now... like the darkness to the south doesn't exist...', she pondered as she walked briskly back to her room, carefully sidestepping Zhjaeve as she lay asleep in front of her door. She lay herself down in her bed and fell asleep easily.
"...You can't do anything for him..." The voice made her look up, and she saw a multitude of men running towards what looked like a wall of corpses. Battle cries were heard all around her – and she saw Lord Nasher stand on top of a small hill, surrounded by the Neverwinter Nine – she stood by his side. In front of her stood Casavir, clad in his usual full plate armor but now carrying the cloak of Neverwinter again. He glanced at her as the other Nine sent their troops forward, and she nodded, sending him forward. He cried out as he rushed into the fray, his divine aura a brilliant light in the dark. And then it extinguished – Calenna cried out to him as she couldn't move away from Lord Nasher... tears fell from her eyes... they had to retreat, Lord Nasher was wounded but she wouldn't leave him. And then she saw him, the large wound in his chest speaking how he'd fallen in battle – and his once bright blue eyes now burned red as he marched along with the other dead, turned against their former commanders...
"Calenna, I will always love you..." The scene changed, and she saw the destruction of the keep, how everyone she knew fell. But it didn't hurt as much as seeing the once proud paladin now walk on the battlements, ready to engage her. He had been corrupted utterly. She could not stop him, could not slay him. Others would die, but she could not cut him down, could not...
"No!", she shouted, and now the scene changed again. She spiralled into a world that she didn't know, that she never would know, and saw herself in West Harbor again. She was older, and there was no trace of her pride nor of her fierceness. She looked as downbeat and glum as the other women of the village. A man walked to her and she kissed him – she saw herself kiss him – and her heart revolted. Millions of shattered realities drifted by her, but all had the same content. She was never happy, she was always sad. And the reason...
Calenna jolted awake as she saw the sun shining brilliantly outside. She dressed almost automatically, the silver sword at her side, and she went outside. There was no one in the main hall, so she went to the dining hall to see if they were having breakfast. But only Neeshka was still sitting there, fiddling with some cards.
"Finally awake, eh?", she said with a grin. As Calenna looked at her, puzzled, the tiefling added: "It's already two hours past noon. The rest is outside, where Lord Nasher and the Neverwinter forces have arrived."
"He's already here?", Calenna said, dumbfounded. She pushed away the plate of food that stood in front of her, but Neeshka pushed it back to her.
"Eat it and then go out. Kana has everything under control, and Zhjaeve is now informing Lord Nasher of the recent troubles, starting with the alliances. ...No one woke you up because Lord Nasher insisted that no one did. Eat.", Neeshka said severely, leaving Calenna, whose mind was reeling. She quickly wolfed down the food and went outside, where she found almost everyone waiting for her.
"Calenna!" Lord Nasher walked up to her and embraced her warmly, which she did as well after a second's hesitation. Sir Nevalle laughed uneasily, while Khelgar chuckled. "You've done a wonderful job with these men. They're trained better than my men, even! This Light of Heavens girl is truly a find – and how did you manage to recruit one of the best men of Luskan?"
"Sheer luck...", she admitted with a crooked grin. "Your presence... the attack will be tonight?", she asked, and her lord suddenly grew more serious.
"Yes. You, as one of the Neverwinter Nine, will accompany me, as well as one of your men." Calenna paled suddenly, remembering the first part of her dream. She looked at Casavir, and he looked at her worriedly. He seemed eager to accompany her, but she wouldn't...
"I'll take Zhjaeve with me.", she said. Casavir blinked, looking at Calenna, pleading her to reconsider and choose him with his gaze, but she didn't look at him. She looked pale and her hands shook... she did not take him with her against her own intuition, he guessed. "If we are to fight tonight, then the army has some preparations to do. When will we move to the battlefield?", she asked. She noticed her hands were shaking and steadied them by placing one hand on the hilt of her blade and the other at her side. Lord Nasher looked at Sir Nevalle, who spoke.
"We'll leave as soon as the troops are in position. Kana has taken the liberty of sending them out already, leaving behind half of the men should there be an unexpected attack here. Katriona and Light of Heavens lead two squadrons of your men, and Jalboun and Bevil Starling stay here."
"Good", Calenna said. "I will leave with you when you are ready, my lord...", she said as she kneeled for Lord Nasher. The older ruler shook his head as she rose again.
"Go prepare yourself, and you, lady Zhjaeve of the githzerai...", he stated, and Calenna nodded, walking inside with Zhjaeve. Casavir followed a short distance behind them, taking care not to show that he was following them...
"You chose me to accompany you while you would have chosen Casavir?", Zhjaeve said as she put on a magically enhanced chain mail armour. Calenna nodded, draping the Neverwinter Nine tunic over the armor she wore.
"I had this dream... in which he died and turned against me. I can't bear it if that'd happen.", Calenna said. "In my dream, he fell. He fell for me and then he turned on me, and I couldn't kill him. I can't... I..." She sighed and then continued with a rueful grin: "I went to pray last night, and I asked Sune to calm the raging emotions within me, and she has. Zhjaeve... how long have you felt it?"
"I have felt nothing... I cannot feel your emotions like that.", the githzerai cleric said, raising an eyebrow. Calenna sighed and then turned to the woman. The brightness around her had gone completely and she looked as if she was concentrating hard on something. Zhjaeve's eyes widened and she looked at Calenna in shock. "...That strongly? That deeply?"
"Yes. Great goodness of Sune, yes. I'm going into battle, and now my heart sways to him."
"Will you tell him before you leave?", Zhjaeve said. Calenna shook her head.
"No, we must leave as soon as possible – however much I'd like to, I have a duty to fulfill. But on my word, I will not fall before he knows! I'll tell him after the battle..."
"What would she tell me?", Casavir wondered as he walked back outside, trying to act casual when the two clerics exited again and followed Sir Nevalle to the stables, riding off alongside the Lord of Neverwinter to the troops. Khelgar heard his musings and walked over to him.
"She got you worryin' again?", he asked, his gruff voice betraying that he was worried as well.
"Always. But she did act strangely earlier. She paled when Lord Nasher asked her to bring someone with her, and she didn' t choose me to accompany her... could I have angered her, or hurt her?" He looked at his hands.
"Yeh probably did nothing wrong... she might just fear the battle and not want to expose you to the danger...", the dwarven fighter suggested, and Casavir nodded softly.
"Still. I heard her talking to Zhjaeve earlier. Calenna let Zhjaeve read her emotions, and Zhjaeve seemed to be shocked by something. Then she asked 'Will you tell him before you leave?' and Calenna said that she'd tell me after the battle. ...Maybe she now spurns my love...", he said, his heart sinking. Khelgar shook his head vehemently.
"From what I heard from Zhjaeve – and I heard a lot yesterday, while Calenna was talkin' to Ammon Jerro – she cares for yeh most. She'll probably tell yeh yer too valuable to lose in battle or the like...", the dwarf suggested, and now Casavir was calmed. He did still worry about her, but the thought that she was afraid to lose him indicated just how much she cared for him and it brought a smile to his face.
"Archers in front and at the sides! Footsoldiers in the middle, cavalry behind them!" Katriona bellowed the orders Calenna had given her – they were audible across the battlefield. The Neverwinter troops had already taken their position, but there was still no sign of the enemy. Stormclouds brewed from the south, slowly moving from the Mere of Dead Men to the battlefield near Highcliff. Up on their hill, the Neverwinter Nine stood in formation around Lord Nasher. Calenna sighed, feeling ill at ease among the other of the Nine, but Zhjaeve's calm demeanour kept her own nerves in check.
"If this is over, Calenna, I'll give you a house in Neverwinter from where you can live a normal life. Perhaps even find a nobleman to your liking and settle down for a life of luxury..." Calenna laughed nervously, turning to her lord.
"I fear the quiet life isn't one that's meant for me. And noblemen don't capture my affections, rather my annoyance. The man to catch my heart will have fought for it."
"Sounds like you already have your sights set on someone...", Lord Nasher remarked. He then chuckled as Calenna's cheeks coloured. "Not to worry, you'll marry whoever you want to marry. No one will ever force you into marrying a nobleman, me least of all." He then looked back at the horizon, and his features hardened.
The enemy army had appeared over the next hilltop. Calenna swallowed hard: it was like in her dream, a massive wall of undead, many bearing wounds that looked grisly. Some had on armor, others carried bows. But all of them looked unstoppable. The Nine unsheathed their swords, and Lord Nasher raised his.
"The enemy will show no mercy, give no quarter, and leave no man standing. Far be it from us to show them mercy, give them quarter or leave any of these foul creatures standing. For Neverwinter and Tyr!" His last sentence was echoed by the entire army, and Calenna clenched her hand tightly around the hilt of her sword as she sent up a passionate prayer to Sune for strength of her heart. The blade she held sparkled, and as Lord Nasher moved his sword down in a smooth arc, the armies rushed towards each other.
"The army returns!" One of the guards saw the massive movement of the troops returning, and on his call everyone came out to meet the returning warriors. The Neverwinter Nine and Lord Nasher galloped through the gate first, Lord Nasher holding onto Calenna as they rode side by side. She helped the lord descend and sent Zhjaeve to take care of his wounds.
"The enemy army was too strong to stop at Highcliff. We'll make our stand here...", Calenna said as she gave the reins of her horse to one of the stable hands and walked to the keep, her companions flocking around her. Casavir paled as he saw large bloodstains on the side of her face, but Calenna stopped him as he wanted to heal her. "Nasher's blood – I couldn't stop the arrow from scraping his face. He'll be okay as soon as Zhjaeve is through with him. ...I'd like to take a quick nap...", she said as she saw the earliest rays of the sun over the hills in the east already and sighed. "Casavir, follow me.", she added, and no one objected. They walked to her room, and as soon as the door was closed, Casavir turned to Calenna.
"Why didn't you take me? ...What burdens you, Calenna?", he asked as she sat down, looking tired though happy. She motioned for him to sit down.
"Casavir, I have to confess something to you. This will not be easy for me, so please forgive me if I hesitate a few times. ...Last night, I went to the church to pray for Callum and Shandra. I prayed for them to Sune, and I asked for some peace of mind for myself. Lately, my heart has been a jumbled bunch of emotions that seemed unwilling to settle, and I felt it weigh upon me. I asked Sune to give me emotional calmth, but she gave me insight. I had a dream last night... I dreamt of the attack. You were at my side, and you protected me gallantly. I could see the light of your aura like a star shining on the battlefield. But then it..." She swallowed as a lump seemed to have arisen in her throat. "It flickered and grew dark. I knew, in my dream, that you had to have fallen. As we retreated, I saw you – you had been raised by the King of Shadows in a h-horrible mockery... and you attacked me time and again, killing many – because I couldn't kill you. I saw you die by my hand, in my dream. I saw what could have been if it hadn't been for this damn shard. But there was no happiness, only sadness." Casavir looked at her, confused. He didn't know what she was trying to say, didn't know what the point to her dreams was.
"Calenna... they were just dreams...", he said softly, but she shook her head.
"Sune sent me the dreams. She warned me that I could lose you, and I do not want to lose you. But she showed me much more. I saw myself with others, Casavir, but there was no love. There was a union of the body, but never a union of the soul. ...You said it so often, and now I see it for the truth. Casavir..." Calenna lay her hands onto his, and the gesture suddenly made him look at her in a new light, and he saw what he hadn't seen that morning as she looked at him. He knew the way she looked at him all too well. "Casavir, Sune took away all emotions that misled me. And what remained was what you seek. What you want – no, what we both want."
"..." Casavir was at a loss for words, his heart swelling within him until it felt like it would burst. Calenna smiled at him softly, now entwining their fingers, relishing the way his eyes now shone as he looked at her.
"Casavir, I love you...", she whispered, rising to kiss him. Just then, she was interrupted by a knock on her door. With an angry sigh, she moved to the door to find Zhjaeve stand there, a gentle smile on her face.
"Lord Nasher wants us all in the war room.", she stated, sounding a little guilty. Calenna detached herself from Casavir and looked at the paladin.
"Let's go see what our lord wants. ...We'll find time later to speak... among other things...", she said as she took her blade again and walked in front of him to the war room.
A/N: What can I say? She's finally seen the light. Finally.
This update is brought to you by a very nervous Shade-Duelist, who is going to be monitored today - the supervisor that was supposed to come check on my teacher trainee lesson of Tuesday did not show up. But the lovely woman coming to monitor my lesson today will certainly be there. I hope everything goes as I hope it will...
Greetings, and until next week... with the next chapter... and hopefully with good grades...