Chapter 11:
Every single muscle clenches in my body. Every single nerve freezes. Within a second my body stiffens completely for an eternity as my eyes lock with crystal blue orbs. I get lost in them like always... like I've never seen such an intense eyecolor. His eyes are an ocean filled with shock. Pure shock is visible in his eyes - above it is a dosis of fear. What is he afraid of?
Nobody moves in the room. Nobody dares to say something. Nobody breaths - or so it seems.
Time has stopped.
As always when I am with him.
My body turns to ice. My feelings shut off. I feel nothing, looking at him. I wonder if he feels the same. Probably not, since he's not as icy cold as me.
I can't take my eyes off of his. He has locked me in his ocean. An ocean which slowly gets filled with emotions, I can tell as I see the orbs changing color very slowly.
He is the first to move. I am still frozen, glued to the ground, made out of stone... unable to move. As he starts to walk down the free marble staircase, my eyes slowly get used to him as they travel down his body. He doesn't look like he has a hangover. He's wearing a plain white shirt with a v cut and dark grey pajamas. His dark blonde hair, the haircolor he shares with his twinbrother, is messy. His figure hasn't lost any of it's sexiness - he is still all toned up and gorgeous. The way his body moves hasn't changed either, I can tell as I watch him taking long glorious steps towards me.
He stops straight in front of me, his body only centimeters away from mine. Suddenly, I can feel my pounding heart in my chest - or is it his? Guess my body is slowly heating up from it's time in the artic.
We still say nothing. Instead, we just stare at each other, not believing what we see. Who we see. We get drunk in each other's eyes... in each other's presence.
For seconds... For minutes... For an eternity.
Everything around us disappears... his kitchen... his livingroom... his house... Lucas. Everything disappears for me but him. My universe stops turning. My inner balance is finally poised. Suddenly, everything makes sense again, although nothing should.
And while I am slowly getting the control of my body back, he opens his mouth to say something. But just like I would, he fails with words. He's too overwhelmed with the situation. Just like me.
So, we continue staring at each other, enjoying each other's silent company. As long as no words were exchanged, we can still enjoy this. This reunion.
We both wear our pokerfaces, afraid to give any sight of positve emotion away. We're broken. Now we're healed.
Yet, we're not happy.
"What are you doing here?" he asks me in a whisper.
I close my eyes for a second. God, his amazing voice! It's like balm for my broken half-soul. As I open my eyes again, I stare into his turqouise colored orbs. "I don't know." I answer in the same whisper, having really no clue why I stayed. An objective third person would call me nuts for staying at my ex-boyfriend's house for the night, who broke my heart, stole away my company and misused my trust.
But love isn't objective. Neither is it logical.
It's love.
It's what brought me here.
"I thought about running." I answer truthfully. That's all I've been thinking about since I took a step into this house. But I stayed. Something made me stay.
"Yet, you're still here." he says to me, in his voice is ringing a tiny dosis of joy. Now I know why I stayed.
"Yes." I say back, my voice as confidently as possible.
He says nothing back. He just stares at me. His crystal blue eyes start scanning my face. Slowly, as if he needed to memorize every single milimeter of it. Is he searching for something? If so, has he found it already?
I unwillingly frown. I have no idea what this man is up to. I never had an idea, I realize, looking back now. "How's your head?" I ask him, remembering why he got here last night. Why I got here. Why we are here now.
Now, it's his turn to frown, his muscles create a little V just above his nose, in the little gap between his eyebrows. Even frowning, he takes my breath away. "All fine. Is that why you're here?"
Because of your health? I shrugg. "I made you breakfast." I don't know why we're talking about food right now. It's stupid.
He looks over my shoulder, seeing the plate which is filled with eggs, berries and other food I can't remember right now. He's so close.
"It looks good." he says, showing me a very tiny smile.
I am not able to smile back, although my body melts at this smile. "You were pretty fucked up last night."
His chin-area tightens and I know that he's clenching his teeth. Did I say something wrong?
Suddenly I feel like I am walking on a mine field on which not a single one is visible. One step too far and I burst into a thousand little pieces. Painfull pieces.
"Was I?" he asks me back. "I don't remember feeling fucked up yesterday."
How do I know what you were feeling last night?! "You looked bad." I mumble. He did not look bad... He looked perfect. As always.
He raises an eyebrow, "Bad, you say?"
I nodd. I didn't want to use the word miserable. Although that would fit better surely. I would like to touch him. Touch his hand. Brush through his hair. Kiss his lips.
"So, you brought me home?" his question rips me out of my thoughts.
"I helped Lucas." I explain with a shrugg.
Somehow, this gesture doesn't mean enough for him. "Why did you stay overnight then?" he asks me the one question I kept asking myself for the whole night. He raised an eyebrow at me, as if he wanted to provoke me. As if the answer, no matter what it's going to be, would never be enough for him.
I frown at him, feeling my heated body starting to boil. Uncontrollably, feelings start coming to the surface, which I've buried months ago. "What the hell do you want from me, Troy, huh?!" I yell at him, suddenly exploding in front of him."I mean you... And I..." I shake my head, "You know what?! You're right. I should go!" I yell at him.
He remains silent. Does he want me to go?
"I stayed and I am here. So, what is your fucking problem?!" I ask him, now being really angry at him. "Could you fucking say something?! Why are you staring at me like I am some fucking dream, huh?!"
"Because maybe you are." he whispers back, so quietly that I nearly overhear him. But I don't. I'm pretty sure I didn't.
I frown at him. He thinks, he's dreaming? I take a step towards him, closing the gap he has builed between us. "I am here." I reasure him, in a soft voice. My anger has vanished, making place for pain. "I am here although you've hurt me the worst way possible. You broke my heart, you misused my trust, you tore me apart and you stole away everything I have worked for my whole life in a second. You didn't just made me walk through hell, no, you made me live in that hell. For days. For weeks. For months." I say into his eyes, feeling a tear building in my eyes. "And on top of that, you..." I shrugg as I feel the tear rolling down my cheek. "You let me go." Saying this out loud makes me realize, that I really did want that. I wanted him to follow me. I wanted him to make me want to stay. I wanted him to... To not let me go in the first place. But he didn't. He let me go.
His features stiffen as if he was made out of stone. He doesn't respond. He says nothing. He does nothing. He just stares at me.
Me, unraveled and all his. Even in the worst time.
After minutes, silence has coated us in an uncomfortable atmosphere, which is trying to choke us. I shake my head, knowing that there will not come another word out of his mouth. Fucking coward.
I shake my head once more before I turn on my heel and head towards the door. He doesn't want to talk? Fine by me. But then he should fucking leave me alone.
For good.
But not forever.
As I reach the front door, I turn around. "Happy 25th Birthday by the way." I say to him before I open the door and step out.
Out of his life. Out of our life. Out of our past. Our presence. Our future.
I walk out on the street and gladly spot the black Porsche Cayenne with Lucas in it. Did he wait here all the time?
I don't hesitate to open the door and climb in.
Lucas looks at me, his emerald colored orbs burning it's way under my skin. "And?"
"I ended it. For good." I say to him, "Would you please drive me home? You can pick up Miley on your way back to Troy's place - if you guys really will spend your birthday together this time."
Lucas frowns at me, "Is he mad?"
I shrugg, "How should I know? I would know if he talked to me. But he didn't. So, let's just say I have no idea how he is feeling - as always, I remark." I say coldly, as Lucas starts the car and drives off.
"So, it's over?" He asks me after a few minutes in silence.
I nodd, "This time for real. I want nothing to do with him. Now and ever."