A/N: This is the last chapter of My Old Desk is Picturesque. I have loved writing this and I am sad it is over but a little proud because this is the longest fic I have ever written. I like leaving things on a positive note, so a warning there is smut and slight resolution ahead. I want to thank everyone who took the time to review any part of this thing. Especially those who reviewed repeatedly, you are awesome and just yay for you in general.
Chapter Eleven: Oh, Sweetheart
Whatever you say I take it back
Whatever I say I didn't mean that
Whatever you say I take it back
Whatever I say I didn't mean that
"Hey House, I just wanted to see how things um… I just wanted to make sure… Okay, I am going to cut to the chase here. If you don't pick up, I am coming over there to make sure you aren't lying somewhere in a pile of your own vomit … Pick up, or call me…." The sound of Wilson's voice echoes throughout House's otherwise silent apartment.
Not wanting Wilson to come over at all, House makes a move from his position on his couch to pick up the receiver, "Hey Wilson."
"House, you're home." Wilson unnecessarily notes.
"Yep and I am vomit free. Your obligation as my best friend is over."
"You know I have to ask, what happened with Cuddy?" Wilson timidly questions.
"Your Cuddy radar was spot on. She broke things off." House confirms.
"But you sound so calm. You sound so sober." Wilson says more to himself than to House.
"Your faith in me is really astonishing. I do not drink because I am miserable. I drink because it's fun," House snarks.
"Well, if you want I could come over and bring some beer. We could watch the last season of the L word." Wilson offers.
"No, that isn't necessary."
"I know it's not necessary but I just feel like I helped create this mess…" Wilson starts his tone dripping with guilt.
"This mess was around long before you stuck your nose in…." House counters.
"House, I am coming over whether you want me to or not…"
"NO DON'T." House practically yells.
"You shouldn't be by yourself…" Wilson reasons.
"I won't be…" House responds cryptically.
"Oh God, please tell me you didn't call a hooker…" Wilson responds shaking his head on his side of the line.
"No Charisma was busy tonight…" House deadpans.
"Okay, good. I will be there in fifteen minutes tops. With some Stella, it will be good."
"I said don't come over." House reiterates. "I really can't be clearer than that."
"I said I was going to anyway." Wilson remains firm.
"Fine, I am expecting someone."
"So you did call a hooker!" Wilson admonishes.
"No, I didn't. Wilson, you are really starting to get on my last nerve here."
"Then who…"
"My other best friends, Jack Daniels and Jim Beam," House jokes wishing for once Wilson would leave well enough alone.
"If you don't give me a serious answer House you can expect to see my shining face shortly." Wilson threatens House hoping to provoke him into more of a response.
"Fine, it's Cuddy." House mumbles knowing that at this point he is going to have to get into it with his friend if he wants things to go as he thinks they will.
"Wait, you just told me she ended things." Wilson says the confusion in his tone clear.
"She did." House confirms still as vague as ever.
"But she is coming over to your place, I don't get it. It's not like you two were together long enough to do the famous exchanging of each others things in sad cardboard boxes."
"Wilson, I threw you your proverbial bone, now move on." House tone turns sterner.
House's aggravation is rising annoyed at Wilson's habit of wanting to know everything. Especially since it so often clashed with House's desire to reveal nothing.
"No, tell me what is going on, or I will be at your place." Wilson tries.
Wilson hopes his friend's obvious need to have him not come over will be enough motivation to get him to spill what is going on in his head.
"I won't let you in." House simply replies not taking the bait.
"Fine, I will stand outside your place. I am pretty sure whatever the real reason is you don't want me there, standing outside will have the same effect as me being inside."
"You're impossible and kind of a douche."
"That is rich coming from Mr. Impossible himself. House, just tell me what the hell is going on."
"Fine, I know Cuddy. I slapped her around with some raw truth bombs tonight. Her immediate reaction is always to take an offensive position. Now that our confrontation is over, she is alone and stewing over what I actually said. The woman has never stayed mad at me for any length of time. I have done some horrible and humiliating things to her. This time I have done nothing wrong." House finally explains.
"Agreed, you have done some awful things to Cuddy. I still do not get it. What are you saying exactly? Do you think she is going to change her mind about you two?" Wilson questions.
"I can pretty much guarantee it." House corroborates.
"House, I hate to be a bubble burster especially when this is the first time I have seen you show any kind of optimism in years, but she seemed pretty adamant when I spoke with her." Wilson speaks choosing his words carefully.
Wilson knows there is a chance House is right, but feels there is an equal chance he is wrong. He does not want his friend to fall doubly hard if things do not go as he believes they will.
"This isn't about optimism. This is about knowing your opponent." House corrects.
House is being honest with Wilson for once. His thought that Cuddy will show up at his place is not about optimism. He is basing his theory on the facts as he sees them. Cuddy might be dense but she is not stupid. Nine times out of ten, he manages eventually to get her to his way of thinking. He has always pointed out her true motivation for things and it always ends up wearing her down. Sure, now the thing in question was their relationship but the principles remained the same in House's eyes.
"Now Cuddy is your opponent?"
"Hasn't she always been? I set her straight on her real motivations. She will not be able to just leave it at that. Even if it's just to fight some more, there will be a round two." House clarifies.
"And what are those motivations exactly?" Wilson questions now intrigued.
"That she is commitment phobic and scared of getting her heart broken." House matter-of-factly states.
"Huh, that is actually pretty similar to what I told her." Wilson realizes.
"That is even better. It is one thing if I say it. It is another if sensible sensitive Wilson also agrees."
"What if she doesn't show up, House?" Wilson asks.
"Wilson, this conversation is over." House says quickly.
"House…" Wilson begins.
"Listen, if things don't go the way I think then tomorrow feel free to take me Cheetahs. We can get drunk and get some boobies in our faces. Whatever it takes to reassure you, buddy."
"Okay…" Wilson relents still not entirely convinced.
"Bye, Wilson." House says hanging up before Wilson has a chance to say anything else.
It is a little after midnight, when House hears a soft but persistent knock on his door. Instantly knowing he was right, he walks slowly to the door before opening it for his expected guest.
"I screwed up." Cuddy says as soon as she sees House's face.
It had not taken long after House had left her place for Cuddy to realize House was more right than wrong in their fight. She just could not let things end like that between them without at the very least trying to make amends. Therefore, before she really knew what she was doing she was making the short trip to his place. Cuddy realizes there is a very real possibility she might have lost her shot with him. Along this same vein, she knows if she has any chance of fixing things between them she needs to act quickly before he slams the door in her face.
"Excuse me," House replies.
"Can I come in? This isn't really a hallway conversation." Cuddy tries.
"Can't say I really want you to, plus do you know what time it is?" House answers.
There is no way House is going to make this easy on Cuddy. This was her mess and she was going to have to work hard to clean it up.
"Please House, I am sorry and we both know you weren't asleep." Cuddy counters.
"Good for you. I don't care."
"Oh for gods sake," Cuddy grumbles shoving her body in the small space provided and forcing House to either close the door literally on her, or let her in. House relents not willing to physically hurt her and opens the door wider letting her inside his place.
"I always thought coming in without an invitation was really more my style." House says closing the door behind them.
"What can I say I learn from the best," Cuddy jokes.
"Okay, so you have practically broken into my home. Which is ironic since when I last saw you, you were screaming at me to get out of yours."
"I came to apologize." Cuddy sincerely states.
"Okay, I heard you. You can leave now."
Cuddy knew when she came here this was not going to be easy. She has absolutely no intention of leaving before she says everything she needs to say.
"You were right about everything, about all of it, House. At least you knew how bad you were at all this. I have to give you credit for that. It took me too many years to truly realize the level of my incompetence when it comes to relationships. I should not have told you to leave. I should have been thinking more clearly than I was. Everything was hitting me all at once and I am sorry."
"And why is any of this my problem? I believe you made it pretty clear we are done." House asks slightly annoyed.
"I don't want to be. Damn it isn't it obvious that is why I am here forcing my way into your place." Cuddy impassionedly returns.
"It is not that obvious to me." House says with a careless shrug of his shoulders.
"You just want to make me say it. Fine, I am not interested in playing games tonight. I'd like to continue this thing we have started…" Cuddy acquiesces.
"What about our precious jobs?" House mockingly asks.
"No one has to know. We are both smart enough to keep this quiet." Cuddy echoes his earlier words.
"No one has to know because we aren't anything anymore. Remember, I am not worth the risk."
"So let me get this straight. You almost ruin things twice and I forgive you, but I have one freak out and it is game over?" Cuddy finally allows her anger to seep in at his cold attitude.
"I thought you had no interest in playing games, and I am not exactly known for my forgiving nature." House coolly states.
Cuddy had not expected this to be simple it was House after all. Still, she had her hopes deep down that he might be willing to move past it. She thought she could get him to see her side of things. At the very least, she had the notion he might back down for the prospect of more sex. It was becoming clear to Cuddy now that she is more emotionally invested than he is, which while it wasn't exactly unexpected it is still hurtful to her.
"Okay, well great. I get it. I guess coming here was a mistake. I will just be on my way then." Cuddy's eyes are slightly glassy as she speaks making his way towards his door.
Before Cuddy can turn the knob to the front door, House grabs her arm and turns her back around to face him.
"I guess if you promise to make it up to me with wild uninhibited sex, I am talking like a thousand times wilder than anything we have attempted so far, we can work something out." House says with a grin.
"Were you just screwing with me?" Cuddy questions suspiciously. She is clearly thrown at his quick behavior change.
"A little bit. I should have anticipated this happening anyway. I have known you a long time Cuddy. I know you better than you think." House replies.
"Actually, you usually make it scarily clear how well you know me." Cuddy concedes.
"Plus, I cannot argue with math. If the ratio is that I get two screw ups for every one of yours, the odds seem to be in my favor." House says with a shrug of his shoulders as if the whole thing was no big deal.
"God damn it, House. Of course, when I am being mature you think it is the proper time to mess with me. I was half way out the door you know..." Cuddy starts to get angry now that she knows House was playing his usual mind games.
"Yet, here you are." House sagely notes.
"Here I am." Cuddy agrees letting her anger fall to the wayside. She knows that she would have to be an idiot to start fighting with him now that she had just gotten what she wanted.
House takes Cuddy by the hand and leads her over to his couch. He sits down and she follows suit.
"Isn't this the part where we start making out?" House cheekily asks knocking his knee against hers.
"Not yet. Now that I know you forgive me there is something else." Cuddy declares. Her tone is far too serious for House's liking.
"I never said I forgave you, I said I should have seen it coming." House corrects.
"If you are willing to make out with me it sounds like forgiveness to me." Cuddy says with a slight smile.
"Just so you are aware, even when I hate you, I would still bang you. It's kind of a gender thing."
"House, come on be serious." Cuddy reprimands.
"I was being serious. Fine, you said not yet." House parrots. "Why not, exactly?"
"You were right about something else too. I am afraid of you… you know… breaking… my…" Cuddy trails off softly. She is suddenly terrified at the thought of finishing her own sentence.
"Heart," House offers.
"Yeah, that's the organ," Cuddy weakly tries to joke.
"I can't believe you just willingly admitted that to me. You usually have a better game face." House returns a little shocked at her unexpected openness.
"Yeah, I realized tonight my game face as you put it is what left me 40 and single. So this time I am trying honesty. I know trying it with you is leaving me wide open to all kinds of humiliation, but I am hoping…."
"You know what they say about honesty…Don't believe the hype." House cuts Cuddy off to give his little pearl of wisdom.
"I promise I won't ask you again... Five serious minutes tops…. Then feel free to unleash as many comments about my ass and breasts as you want, but I just need to know…" Cuddy trails off once again. She is hoping House knows where she is trying to go with this.
"Listen Cuddy, you know that I cannot make any promises. If that is what you are looking for coming here was probably a mistake. I cannot assure you somewhere down the line we will not implode. I certainly cannot tell you I will not screw up again. I will screw up a lot, it is kind of a given. From your little display today, I cannot say I think you will do much better. In addition, what I said the other night still holds. I will never be Mr. Feelings. I will never send you flowers, or write you love poems, or any other sentimental crap. The most I can tell you right now is I sincerely believe we are far too screwed up to ever make it work with normal functioning people. So in a way, we are each others best bets."
"So you are telling me I should take a bet on dysfunction? House, I am not asking for promises. After the last few days, I am definitely not naive enough to think this thing will not be bumpy. I already told you I do not need flowers and for the love of all that is pure please never attempt to write me a poem. I just want to make sure that the risks I am taking make sense. That I am not dangling on this precipice all alone… "
"What more do you want from me, Cuddy?"
"I don't know."
"I think you might have forgotten who you are dealing with here. You don't know but you expect me to know?"
"No…Yes… Maybe?" Cuddy feebly attempts to answer.
"Do you remember that thing you said to me in your office that night? About me being the only person… You know… That thing…?" House asks quietly.
Cuddy can instantly tell he is being serious for once. She knows exactly what House is referring to and is fascinated to see where he is going with his train of thought.
"That you are the only person I can manage to feel something for? If that is the thing in question, then yes I vividly remember." Cuddy confirms.
"Well, I understood your point." House mumbles into his own hand darting his eyes away from hers.
"Oh." Cuddy says in amazement.
Cuddy knows that what House just said is a close to a declaration of mutual feelings as she is ever going to get from the man. In his own House way, he is telling her he has real feelings for her too. That he has had them for quite sometime just as she has. Cuddy is so shocked that he even said that much she cannot really make further comment.
"If that wasn't enough, I would start looking for someone else on ." House warns.
"It's enough." Cuddy says beaming. "It is more than enough."
"Shouldn't you be the one reassuring me since it was you who last tried to break things off?" House asks placing his hand on her knee as he speaks.
"I thought that is what I have been doing this whole visit." Cuddy whispers as she feels his hand inch up her bare thigh.
"If you have it has been a pretty weak attempt. Personally, I always thought nothing puts a mind at ease like a reassuring blowjob." House says eagerly awaiting her reaction as he absently strokes up and down her leg, always stopping when he reaches the hem of her skirt.
Cuddy laughs off his comment not quite willing to give in to what he has started just yet. She lets her self enjoy his light petting but after a few beats of silence, she speaks again needing a tiny bit more assurance, "So you really think we can keep this a secret?"
"The only person either one of us would tell already knows. If Wilson tells anyone my castration of him with a butter knife will only be the beginning of his problems." House says distractedly his attention more on stroking her shapely legs.
"I have always said the punishment should fit the crime." Cuddy says satisfied enough with his answer. "House…"
"Yes, Cuddy?" House asks as hand makes his way inside her skirt.
"Thank you." Cuddy sincerely states. "You know that I am… That I feel…"
"I know. Listen, I can only take so much honesty in one night," House answers removing his hand from its position on her leg. "You wouldn't want this all to be for nothing because I make a break for it, and you are left alone looking at a House shaped hole in that wall."
"I think I am ready for the making out part now." Cuddy says instantly missing his hand and inching closer to him on the sofa.
"Thank god, all this talking and no action was really making me start to rethink my position. I could really use a couple handfuls of your airbags." House says as he grabs at the air as if they were her breasts.
"House, you are a pig." Cuddy admonishes but her tone is light.
"What? You said if I was serious for five minutes I could make all the breast and ass comments I wanted. That was mild. I am just getting started."
"Shut up." Cuddy quickly returns.
Cuddy grabs him by the collar of his shirt and pulls him in for a deep kiss. Their tongues tangle easily falling into a comfortable but passionate cadence. Cuddy's heart feels suddenly lighter at the feel of House's lips. Their physical connection is undeniable. She is practically giddy with the feeling that for once in her life she has managed to figure out what she needs while it is still within her grasp.
As House feels Cuddy start to fumble with the buttons of his shirt, he is surprised at the sudden uncharacteristically optimistic thought that runs though his brain. This thing between them might just have more than a snowballs chance in hell of working… House does not contemplate it further caught up in the feeling of Cuddy's lips leaving his own and making an enticing trail down his neck.
"So when you said wild and uninhibited were you talking about location?" Cuddy mumbles into his skin between her tiny licks and nibbles. Cuddy shoves his shirt off his body throwing it on the floor. She follows that move by pushing him back against the arm of the couch so they are lying down on top of each other with both of her legs nestled between his. She starts languidly kissing down his chest.
The witty retort that is about to fall from House's lips at her question turns into a moan as he feels Cuddy's mouth around his nipple gently biting at the flesh.
Cuddy makes a throaty little sexy noise something akin to a laugh at his primal reaction. She looks up at him and continues her train of thought, "This place has so many options. The shower, your piano, I have no problem doing it on your dining table..."
As she speaks, she lifts her body up a little bit making quick work of unbuttoning and unzipping his fly.
"You have a filthy mind." House grins, "I love it."
"Enjoy it." Cuddy breathes.
House is more than enjoying her taking the lead in their little escapade. He watches with keen interest as she sits up so she is kneeling between his legs. Cuddy grabs at the hem of her shirt slowly inch by inch raising it up to expose her stomach. While she does her little move, she is giving House a seductive smile.
"Are you stripping for me?" House asks simultaneously aroused and amused. He begins running his hands over the flesh of her stomach that is slowly being revealed to him.
"Maybe," Cuddy coyly answers licking her lips. "You like it?"
"I have no objections." House returns as her shirt goes up higher exposing the lower half of her lace-clad breasts.
"Good." Cuddy sexily responds.
Cuddy finally allows her shirt to go completely over her head. Letting House take in the soft lavender lace covering her chest before she teasingly places the garment over his face. House quickly grabs at her shirt not wanting to miss a minute of the show she is giving him. When the obstruction to his view is gone, he is a little disappointed to see that Cuddy is no longer on the couch with him. He looks up to see her standing above him.
"I liked it better when you were closer," House growls reaching out to pull her back to him.
Cuddy grabs him by the wrist stopping his attempt. "Come on, up."
"Where are you taking me?" House questions as he stands.
"You know what they say… Location, location, location." Cuddy purrs while pulling his pants down for him so he is clad only in his boxer shorts.
House steps out of his pants and follows behind Cuddy who is holding him firmly by the wrist. Intrigued does not even begin to describe what he is currently feeling. His smile widens when she leads him to his piano. Cuddy turns to face him with a smile matching his own.
"Sit." She commands pointing down at the bench in front of them.
"So bossy," House jokes still standing. He grabs her by the waist so they are flush against each other. His mouth goes to her neck nibbling on the flesh there.
"Believe me, I know taking orders isn't your thing but trust me when I say this will be worth it." Cuddy says slowly drawing back from him.
House does not verbally commit to trusting her but he does sit on the bench without further fanfare.
"Smart man, now where was I?" Cuddy coos stepping so she is directly in front of him.
Cuddy begins leisurely swaying her hips in a rhythm that quickly leaves House hypnotized and hard as a rock. She goes for the zipper of her skirt pulling it down maddeningly slow. Cuddy loves the feeling of having House's attention one hundred percent on her. She makes quite a show of removing the form fitting material from her skin dragging it slowly down her legs. Once the material hits the floor, she bends over to remove it from her feet giving House the view of a lifetime of her ass barely covered with a tiny wisp of lavender colored silk.
"You're pretty good at this. This isn't how you paid for med school is it?" House jokes but his voice comes out hoarse tinged with a lusty need to it.
Cuddy does not respond to his comment. Instead, she begins unhooking the clasps of her bra slowly inching the straps down before revealing her plentiful breasts to House. She takes the lavender material and throws it on top of the piano. House audibly groans at the sight of a topless Cuddy swaying in front of him.
Cuddy quickly drops to her knees placing her hands on House's legs for support. She drags his boxers down just far enough to free his erection. House looks down at Cuddy in awe of the woman kneeling before him.
"How does that saying go, ask and ye shall receive?" Cuddy says with a glint in her eyes, looking up into House's blue orbs.
"Fuck, Cuddy." House growls as she lowers her head and he feels the warmth of her lips around his length.
House's mind is incapable of saying anything else. He moans in delight as he watches Cuddy dark curly hair bob up and down on his lap. Cuddy expertly uses her mouth and hands on him. Alternating light licks and strokes with a more concentrated suction. She easily brings him to the point of no return. House being well versed on blowjob etiquette tugs lightly at her hair signaling his imminent release.
"Cuddy, I am…" is all House can manage to say.
She simply hums against his length taking him fully into her mouth as she plays him like a musical instrument. The vibrations are the last straw for House and his orgasm washes over him. After the moment has passed, Cuddy gets up from her position on the floor.
"Reassured enough?" Cuddy sexily asks licking her lips and staring at very satiated House.
"Hell yes." House happily answers looking at her with complete adoration.
He stands up and pulls Cuddy's body close to his wrapping his arms around her waist.
"I thought you might say that." Cuddy replies hooking her arms around his neck.
"I know you have never had the pleasure but my bedroom is just down the hall." House huskily says into her ear licking it as he speaks.
House fully plans to have her completely as soon as he is capable. Her performance while wholly satisfying just makes him want her more.
"Lead the way." Cuddy throatily responds.
"I have to say if this is what happens when you freak out I might have to come up with something else to get you going…" House states inching them towards his room still wrapped up in each other.
"Don't push your luck." Cuddy playfully warns.
"Cuddy, pushing my luck is kind of a pastime of mine."
"Oh don't I know it. Now come on." Cuddy says wiggling free from his embrace and taking him by the hand. "I know the expression is it's better to give than to receive. But if receiving from you is as good as I remember it, I think they might be mistaken."
"Oh I see what this was all about now, you were looking for reciprocation." House says making his way in tandem with her to his room.
"Maybe," Cuddy laughs, "You should be flattered."
"Flattered that you are being selfish?" House asks with a put upon tone but his grin gives him away. "Since we are using clichéd expressions, I guess a man's got do, what a man's got to do…"
"I am looking forward to what you got to do." Cuddy laughs as they step inside his room.
House pulls Cuddy towards him their lips seeking each others immediately. As they make there way inside Cuddy uses her foot to kick the bedroom door closed behind them. For the next few hours, they leave all their troubles at House's bedroom door just focusing on each other.
And they lived dysfunctionally ever after…
The End
Song Credit: Oh Sweetheart, the Shout Out Louds
I would love to hear your thoughts one last time. Thank you for reading.