Okay, so I don't know how it happened but this ended up being super dooper long – yay!
Enjoy :)
...
2010.
Blaine: 15, Kurt: 16.
…
"C'mon Squirt, it'll be fun!" Cooper nagged.
"I dunno, Coop..." I said hesitantly. Ever since everything that had happened with Sadie Hawkins, I haven't exactly been the same. I'm not saying that I'm not the same person anymore – I still refuse to eat my eggs sunny side up, I still think that Harry Potter is the best thing that ever was or ever will be, I still love Summer over any other time of the year including Christmas and my birthday – but I am different. I get so much more frustrated while playing the violin even though my teacher says I'm just as good now as I was before the attack, I don't like walking outside at night even if it's just to the letter box, I can't help but jump a little whenever I hear a door slam or a locker shut, I often find that the only way I can fall asleep at night is if I put my earphones in and listen to music, I feel like I'm in a constant state of sleep deprivation and the only time I haven't felt like this in the past year and a half was when I was at the lake.
But the most noticeable change is how I act around other people. I always thought of myself as a pretty outgoing guy, but ever since it happened I can't help but be nervous when I'm around other people; I don't do it intentionally, I mean, I'm still normal around Cooper and Mum and Dad and Kurt. And really, it was kind of to be expected. I hadn't gone back to school after the attack for the rest of the school year and I got so used to just being around my immediate family, and then when I did go back in September it was to a new school. And moving schools is hard enough as it is without being a nervous wreck. My first day was the hardest, obviously, but every day got a little bit better after that. I made friends who, thankfully, were in the majority of my classes and I even joined the glee club.
But that didn't stop me from being in a constant state of nervousness. At school it was manageable; at least I could sit there with my head down and just focus on what the teacher was saying. So Cooper wanting me to go to a party? Utterly terrifying.
"Okay, if you weren't going, what else would you be doing?"
"Probably just watching the fireworks from the pier like I do every other year," I shrugged.
"But that was because you didn't have your awesome older brother there these last couple of years to get you into parties," Cooper said with a nudge.
"You know how I am with people though..."
"I'll be there and I'm sure you wouldn't even have to bat an eyelash to get Kurt to come too. You two can sit by yourselves on the front porch for all I care, but just come! Mum worries that you don't get out enough, you know."
"Don't bring Mum into this," I lifted my head and glared at him. I knew Mum was worried, but that's what Mums do; they worry.
Cooper grinned, "So is that a yes?"
"Maybe. It's a maybe. I'll talk to Kurt about it," I sighed.
"Awesome, you're going to love it, little bro. Now get your private school ass ready otherwise I'll make you walk to school."
…
"So tell me again why Blaine and I have to come?" I heard Kurt say as I walked back into the room with two lemonades.
Passing one to Kurt as I moved to sit down on the couch next to him, I sighed, "Cooper, stop harassing him."
Cooper feigned shock, "I am not harassing him! I'm simply informing him of our upcoming fourth of July plans."
"Which I said I'd talk to him about. Now could you please go, you're bothering me," I said, shooing him away.
Surprisingly, he actually did leave, muttering something along the lines of I come down for the Summer and he doesn't even want to hang out with me on his way out.
"You know, I was actually looking forward to Cooper coming with us again this year. I don't know what I was thinking."
"So what's all this talk about a party?" Kurt said as he sipped his drink. "All I got from him was there's a party and you and Blaine need to come..."
"Coop got in touch with some of the people a little way up the lake that he was friends with when they were kids and they're throwing some big fourth of July party. Coop is insisting that we come and I said I'd talk to you about it but I guess some people just don't know how to be patient!" I said, intentionally raising my voice at the end, knowing that Cooper was most likely hanging just around the corner somewhere. I must have been correct because it was just moments later that we heard a grunt and the back door swing open and then closed.
Laughing quietly, Kurt said, "So why does he want us to come so much? Is it because he broke up with Eloise and he doesn't want to go alone?"
Eloise was Cooper's girlfriend of about a year until two months ago when he found out she was sleeping with other people – yes, as in multiple. Apparently she didn't realise that they were exclusive so she didn't think it was a problem. Coop was a bit cut up about it at first but he seems fine now.
"Yeah, I dunno. I hadn't actually thought of that, so maybe. But I think it's because he wants me to get out more, at least that's what he said. He's probably right. I mean, I haven't exactly been the most sociable person since the attack; people aren't missing out on too much, I guess..."
"Hey!" Kurt said, hitting me softly in the arm. "Don't speak about my best friend like that. You've been plenty sociable. You made heaps of friends at your new school – who wouldn't be your friends if they didn't want to be – and you joined the glee club. Speaking of which, I'm offended. You never told me you could sing well enough to be in a glee club?"
…
It had taken a lot of cleaning and a lot of duct tape and other various materials, but it was a success; we had finally finished repairing our old kayak. In the years since we had first got it, it had been through quite a lot; with multiple scratches and dints and even one hole as a result of hitting a particularly sharp rock. I guess you could say Kurt and I weren't the best kayakers, but we had improved a little. Stepping back and looking at our handy work, I brushed my hands off on my shorts. It was as good as new; well, almost.
"I have to say, this is definitely not as roomy as it used to be," Kurt said, shifting his legs as we pushed off with our oars.
"That's probably because you've grown a mile in the last year." I wasn't exaggerating. Okay, maybe a little, but I actually had to stand up on my tippy-toes to hug him hello this year.
"Aww, it's alright, B. Your time will come," Kurt replied with a chuckle. "Okay, lets get down to business. The party."
After a moment of silence, I said, "Do you want to go?"
"I don't care either way. If you want to go, I'll go. But if you don't, then we'll just have our own party with the two of us."
"I don't know..." I sighed, paddling left to correct ourselves a little.
"Okay, we're gonna make a list of pros and cons," Kurt piped up. "We'll start with the pros... go!"
Chewing on my lip as I thought, I finally said, "Umm, I'd get to hang out with Cooper, which I don't get to do that much anymore. I'd get to hang out with you, but I get to do that either way so that doesn't really count. There'll be music and dancing which is always fun. And I guess it would be good to get out and be more social."
"Hanging out with Cooper? Yes. Hanging out with me? Like you said, you get to either way, but let's count it anyway. Dancing? Dancing is always a yes. And being more social is definitely a yes. Okay, now the cons."
"Well, we won't get to have our annual sit-on-the-pier-and-watch-the-fireworks night complete with Cheetos and apple juice. Cooper probably won't hang out with us at all, which I guess doesn't bother me all that much; Cooper is so annoying when he's drunk. And...umm...the thought of being surrounded by a massive group of strangers kind of – it terrifies me..." I was glad that I was sitting at the front then, because that meant that Kurt couldn't see me as my eyes filled with tears.
I felt a hand reach out and squeeze my hand comfortingly as Kurt said quietly, "B...you don't have to be scared. I know what those assholes did to you was absolutely horrifying and disgusting, but you shouldn't let them rule your life. You should be able to go to a party and not be terrified of being around strangers. No one is going to hurt you, I won't let them."
"You promise?"
"Cross my heart and hope to die," Kurt said. "So, is that a yes?"
Smiling a teary smile, I replied, "Yes. Okay. We'll go to the party."
"It'll be so much fun, you'll see."
"Remind me to hug you when we get back to shore."
…
I was laying on my bed unsuccessfully trying to work on my English homework – damn high school, giving us homework on the holidays – when I heard my phone buzz with a new message from my bedside table. Putting my pen in between my pages and closing my book, I army-rolled across my bed; rolling a little too far and nearly rolling off my bed entirely. I smiled when I saw that it was a message from Kurt.
Can you come over? I'm having a crisis.
I figured that the crisis couldn't have been all that bad otherwise there would have been an 'asap' in there or he would have just called me, but any excuse not to do homework is a good excuse so I packed up my things and put shoes on.
"I'm going to Kurt's," I called into the kitchen, receiving a simple okay before I walked out the door.
I let myself into Kurt's as I always do, saying hi to Burt on the way through.
"Okay, what's the crisis?" I called out as I walked down the hallway and into Kurt's room, stopping once I reached the doorway.
Sitting in the middle of his bed, the rest of his room covered in clothes strewn across almost every surface, was Kurt. And the look on his face was nothing if not pained.
"Wow..." I whispered.
"I don't know what to wear tomorrow," Kurt sighed, looking around at all the mess before falling back onto his bed and shielding his eyes with his arms.
Honestly, I hadn't even thought about what I was going to wear. I'd probably just pick out a pair of shorts and one of my nicer shirts that weren't crumpled on the floor and hope that they matched. And maybe I'd add a bow tie.
"Umm, do you have any ideas?"
And that's how I spent the next hour picking out clothes from his wardrobe – and his floor – and holding each one up to gain his approval. Eventually he decided on an outfit he thought appropriate enough to show the rest of the world. And wow, when I'd helped him pick it out it was with the intention of making him look good, but I hadn't expected it to look that good.
"I don't know whether I'm cut out to be gay after all," I said as I collapsed on his bed.
I could see the shock and confusion hit him as soon as the words had left my mouth. "What do you mean?"
"Fashion is just so exhausting!"
It took me five minutes before I could get him to stop laughing.
…
"Are you sure you still want to do this?" Kurt asked as we walked to Cooper's friends house, keeping well behind Cooper who was walking with a beer in his hand and singing at the top of his lungs.
"Yeah, I'm sure," I said with a smile.
"Okay, but remember, if you start to feel uncomfortable just tell me and we can leave. I made sure that Dad got apple juice and Cheetos just in case."
"You are without a doubt the best best friend."
"Come on, you two. You're walking so slow that the party will be over before we even get there!" Cooper called from in front of us.
We started to hear the music before we could even see the house and the closer we got the more nervous I became. By the time we actually made it to the house, which honestly wasn't that far, my hands were visibly shaking. There were so many people. Surprisingly most of them seemed to be around mine and Kurt's age, maybe a little older, but there was a reasonably large group of people who looked to be Cooper's age so I'm assuming that they were his friends. The last time I'd been around so many people that wasn't a school assembly was Sadie Hawkins...
I was shocked out of my thoughts by someone squeezing my hand; Kurt.
"Remember. Just say Cheetos and we're out of here," he said before making his way through the crowd of people, pulling me along behind him.
And it was actually quite fun. I'd gotten myself so hyped up about coming and it seemed it was all for nothing. The music was actually semi-decent and Kurt and I spent most of the night dancing like idiots. We bumped into Cooper a couple of times and as we had predicted, he was very much drunk. He made sure to introduce us to all of his friends, but they were just as drunk as he was so there wasn't really much point. Cooper seemed pleased with himself though. Time went surprisingly fast. We chatted to a few people; some who I recognised from in town and others who I'd never met before. Kurt seemed to be enjoying himself; after all, he is very much a people person.
"Do you want another drink?" Kurt said closely to my ear.
I looked down and saw that my lemonade was empty, so nodded to him with a smile.
"Okay, stay right here," Kurt took my cup and wandered back through the crowd.
I did as he said and stayed where I was, bopping along awkwardly to the music. I was watching two particularly drunk people who were dancing without a care in the world, when someone bumped into me from behind, pushing me into a girl standing just in front of me.
"I-I'm sorry," I tried to say over the loud music but I don't think she heard me – either that or she did and chose not to accept my apology – because she glared at me before walking off, purposely shoving me with her shoulder as she passed.
It was like a cascade of events from then on that I couldn't keep up with. Her bumping me caused me to stumble back into another person and soon enough I was in the middle of a group of people who were all dancing too enthusiastically and were all too tall and all too close. I looked around for Kurt but I couldn't see him. My breathing became heavy as I tried to make my way out of the crowd, everything becoming too overwhelming all of a sudden. I tried to free my arm as someone grabbed onto my wrist but their grasp only tightened. I was just about to turn around and ask them to please let go of me when they stepped closer, their lips brushing against my ear as they said, "Blaine? You okay?" It was Kurt. It was only Kurt. "Cheetos?"
I couldn't answer back, too out of breath, but Kurt must have guessed as much because he began leading me away from the crowd and away from the music. Once we were outside and I felt like I could breathe again, I leant against a tree, resting the back of my head against it.
"I don't even know what happened," I said eventually.
"I'm sorry I left you," Kurt mumbled quietly.
I looked across at him and could see the guilt written across his face. "No. No no no, you don't have to be sorry. The people and the music, it all just got a little too much for me."
"C'mon, we still have enough time to get back to the pier before the fireworks start," Kurt said, wrapping an arm around my shoulder.
"Wait, what about Cooper?" I stopped suddenly.
"Oh, I bumped into him while I was getting our drinks. He's going to stay here the night, thank god, I was not looking forward to dragging him home in that state," Kurt said, nudging me in the direction of the pier.
We walked in silence as we made our way back to our houses, but I couldn't keep my mind from whirring. My skin felt like it was burning wherever it touched Kurt and I couldn't help but to think back to when we were dancing earlier; the way he laughed and shook his head whenever we danced particularly badly, how his lips had brushed my ear whenever he said anything to me, how stunning he had looked...
We must have walked slower than we'd thought because by the time we made it to the pier, it was only a few minutes before the fireworks were due to start. The lights were on at my house which surprised me, even though Burt came over every year they always seemed to crash and go to bed early, effectively missing the fireworks.
"We'll get the Cheetos and apple juice after the fireworks, I don't want to miss them," Kurt said happily as he sat down at the end of the pier, hanging his legs off the edge.
I sat down beside him, taking my shoes off even though the pier was too high for my feet to reach the water.
When the first fireworks went up, all in red, white and blue, I found myself for the first time in my life not watching them but instead watching Kurt. The second they started, Kurt's face broke into a grin as he looked on in awe; and the only word that came to my mind in that moment was beautiful.
"What?" Kurt said, turning to me with his smile still plastered firmly on his lips. I barely registered that I must have said that out loud because my mind was too preoccupied yelling and screaming and shouting at me what the hell do you think you're doing but even that I could hardly hear.
I don't know what I was thinking. I don't know what it was that pushed me over the edge but something certainly did because before I could even register what I was doing I was leaning in towards him. I caught a glimpse of a questioning look in Kurt's eyes before mine fell shut and then my lips were against his. I drowned out thoughts of stop and he's your best friend and you're going to ruin everything as I pressed closer, bringing a hand up to wrap around the back of his neck. It dawned on me then that Kurt was not moving and I was just about to pull back when Kurt relaxed against me and wrapped a hand tightly around my bicep. In that moment he was not Kurt my best friend but just Kurt and all I knew was that I just had to keep kissing him. His breath was heavy against mine as we pulled apart, keeping our heads close. We stayed there for a moment, neither of us moving and neither of us speaking, as I found myself having to catch my breath for the second time that night. And that's when it hit me; I'd just kissed my best friend, my best friend who isn't even gay!
"Oh my god," I gasped, pulling away as if I'd been electrocuted. I glanced into Kurt's eyes briefly and saw confusion and – was that hurt? - before I was on my feet, rambling. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, oh my god, I'm gonna go. I'm sorry, I just..." and then I was walking in the opposite direction from where I really wanted to be and back to my house, not even bothering to say hi to my parents as I practically ran past them and shut myself in my room.
…
For the first time I could ever remember, I was actually glad to be leaving the lake. I hadn't seen Kurt at all since yesterday, nor had I texted him which I know was wrong but I just couldn't. I gave him a quick hug before I got in our car to leave so as not to make our parents suspicious – though I'm sure they probably already were – and that was it.
I beat myself up about it the entire way home, thankful that Cooper was too hungover to ask me questions.
I'd screwed everything up; but why did it feel so right?
…
I'm really nervous about this chapter and I'm actually quite happy with how it turned out but not sure about how you guys will feel about it so please review and let me know what you thought so you can put my out of my misery :) also just a reminder that every single one of you is fabulous and amazing and I love you all to pieces!
Em xoxo