50

By: Aviantei

Act I: 50 Minutes/Abandonment

Scene XI: "You weren't making a racket, so I assumed something was wrong."

Seated in a library beanbag, Rhea took a deep breath through her nose as she contemplated everything that Axel had told her. Part of her was beyond excited, to learn more about Roxas. That innocent determination and good intent was just like him. Another part of her, one that never would go away, was jealous about how much he and Axel had shared. If it weren't for the logic inside of her providing reminders that it would be stupid to concoct such an elaborate lie, she would've been tempted to call the whole thing a fabrication.

Roxas fumbling to learn how to fight, making reckless moves with the car—they seemed so foreign from the competent fighter that had saved Rhea from dying in the castle, from the boy that doted on his beaten-up vehicle that was older than the two of them combined. The Roxas that Axel spoke about seemed more like Rhea with all her flaws when she first started castle diving herself. The idea of a wet behind the ears Roxas was cute.

Rhea's smile faltered as she realized just how much she missed Roxas. She'd told herself she wouldn't get attached so something like this couldn't happen again, but the familiar pain of loneliness left a searing gash in her chest. Rolling onto her stomach, Rhea smothered her face in the beanbag, even as the corner of the book she'd been pretending to read stabbed into her side. Since her body had been tempered by blows of the Heartless and Nobodies, it would take more than a book to be her undoing.

Still, part of her felt awful. Before the dull throb of a headache could start to form, the Fifty Minute Room's comfort algorithms sent the sweet scent of peppermint and rosemary through the air. Somewhat comforted, Rhea pulled her thoughts away from dangerous territory, but a dark pit remained in her stomach.

I wonder…if he hates me.

It wasn't a pleasant thought, but Rhea couldn't help but consider it. Unlike before, the cause of Roxas's abandonment was that they'd had an argument. Rhea didn't know how to put that together, and Roxas's general lack of anger made it even harder to put it together, and that was without already considering the memory-altering spell he was under. Trying to keep the tears from spilling out of her eyes, Rhea pressed herself tighter against the beanbag until her lungs protested for proper air. She emerged, finding the shadow of a person over her. Considering her state of mind, Rhea expected it to be Sir or Madam, one of their comforting pep talks at hand.

Instead, it was Zexion.

He'd changed clothes since she'd last saw him, though the fundamental look of button-up and his massive book tucked under arm hadn't changed. He observed Rhea with an expression that made her feel like their science classroom's butterfly observation back in Temperies, as if she was a specimen to be watched or some stupid complicated math problem to be solved. Though not with the same level if scrutiny, Rhea stared at him right back.

"Are you gonna tell me that smothering myself in a beanbag isn't conductive to your research?" she asked.

"On the contrary. You weren't making a racket, so I assumed something was wrong." Zexion didn't kneel to her level, and she couldn't quite call the face he was making concerned, but his stern expression did soften a bit. "I normally don't make such offers, but since I've reached a par in my research, do you want to talk about it?"

Rhea almost snorted at the idea—since when did Zexion care about her feelings?—but she realized, a bit belatedly, that it would help. Even so, she did raise an eyebrow. "Are you sure you wanna put up with this? It's kind of a sob story."

"I wouldn't have offered if I wasn't serious."

Well then, it was his funeral. "Might as well make yourself comfortable, then." Because who knows how long I can keep it together when thinking about this.

Zexion looked around for a convenient seat before he realized only bean bags were close by enough to use without creating a commotion. With a barely concealed sigh, he lowered himself into one, setting his book to the side yet keeping a hand on it, as if afraid it would run off on its own (which wasn't completely out of the question, seeing as it was a magic book). "I'll leave the floor to you, then."

Rhea nodded, though words seemed horribly stuck in her throat. "I'm just… Have you ever gone through thinking that you knew someone, then they turned out to be someone completely different? Like, they had all sorts of things going on without out—and yeah, that's normal, that's fine!—but they never told you anything, and when you found out you didn't know what to think because all you can feel is like a stupid jealous wreck?" It was a good thing no one else ever seemed to take advantage of the library besides Zexion, because Rhea could feel her voice going beyond usually acceptable levels. Even her conversation partner seemed to think she was going overboard, but he kept the comment contained to the quick grimace that came to his face.

"I can't say that I have." Well, must be nice to not have to worry about anything like that! "But I believe I can hypothesize what it might be like." Realizing that Zexion was trying, Rhea held back the harsh retort she was about to say. Zexion shifted a bit in his beanbag, his free hand gesturing through the air like a haphazard conductor. "Is this about someone back in your world?"

Rhea started a bit; Axel was the only person she'd ever talked about life outside the Fifty Minute Room, and that made sense since they were both from Temperies. "Yeah, it is." She hugged her knees close to her chest, feeling the unwanted tears ready to prick at her eyes once again. "He was someone that I thought was my best friend and then we…" She had been about to say We got into a fight, but that wasn't fully accurate, that didn't cover watching Roxas's face twist in frustration as he pushed her away and abandoned her on the side of the road. "He got upset with me. Tossed me out, like it didn't matter. That's why I came here. Because it hurt so much." She pressed her eyes into her knees, as if Zexion wouldn't be able to tell she was crying if she let the tears soak through the denim. "This is what always happens," she whispered. "I think I matter to someone, and then I don't, and then I lose it. That's why I said I wouldn't bother making connections anymore, but…"

But Roxas had saved her from her stupid suicidal attempt of running into the castle, with no way to defend herself. He'd offered to be her friend. She'd been stupid to believe that she would be okay, that she wouldn't get hurt again. Why had he been so warm if this was what he was going to do to her?

Zexion waited through her whimpers, probably thinking she was pathetic. Someone like him, who focused on his research and presumably had something to aim for, wouldn't have ever gotten hurt in the way she had. "Then this isn't the first time you've gone through something like this," he said, stating it like a fact—but, no, there was a faint touch of empathy in his voice, even if it was an accident. "You've been hurt before, so it feels even worse this time."

Head still in her knees, Rhea nodded, contemplating how much she wanted to say. She'd never even talked with Roxas about what had happened to her before, in the town with no name. Then again, he'd never told her about his adventures with Axel, either.

So this makes us even, doesn't it?

"The world I'm staying in now…is my second one." The fact that she was a world jumper didn't seem to surprise Zexion in the slightest; then again, she supposed everyone in the Fifty Minute Room had at least some exposure to the idea, given the nature of the place. "In my first world, I had some friends, but it turned out they were just treating me like a game." Like a toy to be picked up, enjoyed for a bit, then tossed aside, laughing all the way. "I was just a joke to them. They didn't mean any of what they'd said."

It had been a fake friendship.

A foolishly simple scenario.

And she'd fallen right for it.

"I didn't figure it out until they went ahead and spilled all my closest secrets to everyone in their stupid little gossip network." In a small community like the town with no name, that essentially meant everyone in their age group had found out, and she'd essentially become a huge joke. "And so, while it sounds pretty lame, I went ahead and ran away."

Zexion let out a hum that Rhea suspected was just a sign that he was still listening and not thinking about his research or whatever. "To your second world?"

"Yeah." In a roundabout way, at least. While it was cathartic to let out the parts she hadn't talked about before, Rhea wasn't quite so willing to burden Zexion with her stupid plan to disappear into the Castle and never come out. "I had some help, but now I live in this place called Temperies. There's hardly anything to do there, but it's better than staying somewhere where I constantly feel like an outcast."

"I can understand that sentiment at the very least." Rhea stared at him with wide eyes, and Zexion let out a sigh that didn't sound half as annoyed as he wanted it to be. "I don't know what sort of idea you have about me, but I'm not some robot that doesn't have any emotions."

Rhea looked away, feeling a rush of shame that she wasn't entirely sure she knew what it was for. "I wasn't thinking that at all," she muttered.

In her peripheral vision, Zexion's expression softened a bit. She did him the courtesy of pretending like she didn't notice, instead running her fingers along the seams of the beanbag, enjoying the faint bumps against her skin. "I don't suppose after revealing that much about yourself that you expect me to do the same?"

"Only if you want to." Feeling like she was fidgeting too much, Rhea sat on her hands. The flaking feeling of dried tears stayed stuck to her cheeks. "I wasn't intending on making you owe me or anything. Since you listened to me whine, actually, I should owe you instead." Now that he'd mentioned it, though, she was the faintest bit curious. Between the town with no name and the strange, almost detached population of Temperies, Rhea had almost forgotten that other people had lives and stories attached to them; hearing so many of them since entering the Fifty Minute Room reminded her that it was possible to connect to others that way.

And that by exposing yourself, you were making yourself vulnerable.

You could get hurt.

You're a coward, Rhea, she scolded herself.

Damn right.

"Well, should I ever be experiencing an emotional crisis like no other, I'll be sure to come to you." The sarcasm in his voice was so well controlled that Rhea almost didn't catch it. Looking satisfied by her reaction, Zexion brushed some hair away from his eyes. "I won't say that I don't have problems, but I'm well-adjusted enough that they're not worth talking about." Rhea got the feeling he was sparing her from juggling an extra burden, but the fact that he wasn't about to return her openness was the slightest bit grating. You've known each other for hardly any time at all. What did you expect? You're the weird one for spilling your guts to a practical stranger. "Unless you want to hear about my research complications."

Rhea put on a mock innocent expression. "Depends. Do you think I can actually understand any of it?"

"Yes, yes, very humorous." Zexion pulled his book to his lap, though he didn't thumb through the pages. Considering that he hadn't already bolted, maybe he was actually enjoying their conversation, as outlandish that that sounded. "Just because you wouldn't be able to comprehend the magic itself, I see no reason to believe that you're not intelligent enough to understand the theory."

"That sounded suspiciously like a compliment."

Zexion hummed in a faintly amused way. Rhea found it surprisingly comforting. "Take it as you will." She rolled her eyes, but a smile was starting to form on her lips, even with all the awful feelings she'd been combating only a few minutes before. "But, that being said, I'm also a world jumper. Part of that and the connections between worlds is part of my research—along with enhancing magic theory and abilities."

Rhea propped her head up, faintly interested; based on what Axel had told her, he was a world jumper, too, but he'd never gone ahead and outright said it. "What's your world like, anyways?" Was that some sort of violation of the social norms in the Fifty Minute Room? Zexion's expression somewhat suggested it. Whatever. He doesn't have to answer that if he doesn't want to.

"A place dedicated to research. For someone like you, there's not much noteworthy there. The lab is probably the only notable landmark." It annoyingly sounded a lot like Temperies and Rhea's own world without a name. Were there any places out in the universe that were actually complete, rather than a huge empty space dedicated to only one thing. "Then again, I don't have much reason to wander outside of the lab, either, so perhaps my view is a bit biased."

"Unless you're coming here to do more research," Rhea said with a flip of her hair. Isn't taking advantage of a space outside of time kind of cheating? Of course, I'm cheating on having a proper emotional catharsis, so maybe I'm not one to talk. "Zexion, don't be shocked, but I think you have a problem."

His calm expression didn't so much as waver. "I believe that puts us both in the same boat, now doesn't it."

Rhea chuckled, feeling even lighter than before. "I bet you were like that in your home world, too, always cooped up inside." It wasn't that hard to imagine a younger Zexion with smaller proportions (but the same serious expression on his face) sitting around inside, staring intently at a book at least twice the size of his head.

"Not quite," Zexion said, his voice somewhat quieter. Rhea wiped the goofy look off her face and stayed silent, not probing for more, but secretly hoping he would keep talking. "My home world…was a much bigger place. It was beautiful, too. There was plenty to explore there, though I will admit I wasn't as rambunctious as some of the others there."

"It sounds really nice." Her home world was always dark and felt like there was nowhere else to go, save for the Castle—and that had been a recent addition. Would she have been able to have proper friends, in a place where there was plenty to do and see, things that would entertain children beyond playing cruel games with each other. "Do you ever go back to visit, at least? No offense, but you look like you could use some sun."

Zexion's expression hardened, and Rhea wondered if she'd gone too far with her teasing. "It's not someplace I can go back to anymore," he said, and Rhea felt a terrible pang of sympathy. "You may not know much about what goes on beyond your Temperies, but there are some worlds that haven't survived. Radiant Guardian was one of those."

Rhea's mouth flapped uselessly while she tried to come up with the right thing to say. As eloquent as ever, the first syllable to form in her panic was "Shit." Zexion glanced to her, and Rhea flushed in embarrassment. "Shit, no, sorry, I was making stupid jokes and asking questions and you—" She sucked in a deep breath. She may not want to go back to the town with no name, but she could return, even if it had only been to explore the Castle that loomed over it in the distance. "I'm sorry," she repeated, unsure of what else would be appropriate.

"You have nothing to apologize for." Zexion thumbed the pages of his book, but he didn't open it to read. "You're not responsible for what happened to my home, nor did you force me to say anything I didn't choose to."

"Well, yeah, but—" The almost deadpan look on Zexion's face was enough for Rhea to stop herself short, and she ducked her chin into the hood of her jacket. "Thank you for sharing with me, then," she settled on. It felt better than not saying anything else, and it was a far more polite alternative to the hundreds of questions floating around in her head. What happened to his home world? Is that why he's studying magic, to do something to save it? How can I be sulking over some dumb fight if there are people out there who've lost their entire worlds?

Am I really that pathetic?

The whole purpose of this conversation was to improve your mood; not make you upset." Rhea raised an eyebrow. "You have that downcast expression on your face again. You make it rather obvious."

Rhea rubbed her cheeks, as if that would make it go away. But sadness was something that seemed to be a part of her for now, something that wouldn't disappear until it had run its full course through her system, like a bad case of the flu. "Don't take this personally, Zexion," she said, making sure her tone was joking despite the negative feelings constricting her chest, "but you aren't exactly the most comforting person I've ever met." She tried not to think of the person she would give that honor instead.

Despite her snark, Zexion still donned a faintly amused smile. "You wouldn't be the first person who's told me that," he said, "but sometimes we just need to deal with what we have to work with."

Yeah, Rhea thought, too embarrassed to say the words out loud, and, all things considered, this isn't so bad.

[Author's Notes]

I like writing Zexion a lot, even though I tend to worry I'm getting his character wrong. Then again, this is an AU, so I guess everything's fair game? Lately I've come to enjoy OCs interacting with various people and making friends, so that's mostly what this chapter is - aside from slipping in some more Rhea backstory and establishing Zexion as a presence for later events in the story.

What's this I actually wrote a chapter as an entire scene instead of having like twenty obnoxious line breaks involved? What madness is this?

Next scene is "I've never gotten the chance to see something like this before." Please look forward to it!

-Avi

[07.01.2019]